mageintheshadows In reply to Onimora [2007-07-16 16:46:56 +0000 UTC]

[link] NaNoWriMo is basically this thing in November where you try to write a 50,000+ word novel in thirty days, and it's pretty much a completely nuts up-chuck of all the creativity you can muster. 13,000 people out of the 79,000 that participated last year completed it. I wasn't a part of either category; I had forgotten about it last year, but I will be this year.

Heh, yeah, it's my real age. Nobody thinks I'm fourteen anyway, so it doesn't matter to me at all. Apparently, I don't look fourteen and I don't act fourteen.... The only problem it gives me is that I never know what grade people are in 'cause I'm one of those freaks who skipped a grade. Well, and that everyone else in my grade gets their driver's licencse next year, and I don't get my permit for another eight months.

Aside from my whining about my (as yet nonexistant) driver's license, I don't mind. It's only been about four months since my own exploration of the realms of depression, so I can kinda understand. Mine was undiagnosed, since I just thought there was something weird wrong with me, had no idea of who-what-when-where-why-how it was, and therefore didn't tell anyone and the people who noticed my symptoms didn't think they were that serious. I didn't realize that it was depression until after I had pushed myself out of it, when I was doing a project for school. Specifically, it was "Depression with Melancholic Features".

My mom's a librarian, so she's getting the DSM-IV for me, which will probably be decently interesting.

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Onimora In reply to mageintheshadows [2007-07-17 09:10:51 +0000 UTC]

Nice, nice. So my suggestion was, as I figured, useless. Hehe. And about your age, I believe it. Just wanted confirmation to kill my curiosity. When I was 11 I was diagnosed with depression, diagnosed myself as cured when just before I was 14. And as for looking your age, as far as gas station clerks know I've been eighteen for four years now! And I'm nineteen!? What the hell? Nah, facial hair gives a young man the upper hand when it comes to cigarette purchasing. Hehe. Need to quit by September 1st, tho, as it's too costly.

I'm trying something odd and new now, a story where the characters aren't psychotic, suicidal, homicidal, or just plain fucked up. I don't know how long I'll hold to it with the story, tho. I don't know why I don't just start writing up my novel I wish to publish, as I totally have as much as someone like me can have in their head. Most of it it'll just sorta come together while I write it, ya know? I think my reason is that my style is usually mass dialogue. This idea has very little. I think I fear that, as I'm used to just writing SHORT stories with that as my focal point. Not sure if I'm just afraid it'll come out wrong, or if I just don't have enough experience or what. I just wanna find my ticket out of the fucking rat race, skip college, and escape to a world where I do what I love and get paid to do it.

That's everyone's dream, isn't it? Besides winning the lottery. And moving to Japan. lol.

Not much else to say. My heads filled with useless, annoying old thoughts. Almost depressing. I almost think I miss high school, which I fought to the bitter end to get the hell out of. Here I am, wishing I'd actually finished lol. And wishing I had a freaking license. THANKS! I know, it's pathetic. 19 and no license. Meh. Whatever. Time to go write pointlessly, deprive myself of sleep, then hate tomorrow.

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mageintheshadows In reply to Onimora [2007-07-17 14:19:58 +0000 UTC]

I think the most amusing thing by far that's happened to me in regards to not looking my age was probably my brother's teacher thinking I was his older sister. He graduated this past year, making him four years older than me (depending on what time of year it is; my birthday's five months before his), and, when my mom introduced me as "....Sam's sister; she's a freshman", she asked what university I attended. I think a big part of it is that I'm quiet ("I'm not bouncing off the walls, so I must be older"?).

Said brother also doesn't have his license, though. His girlfriend drives him everywhere. I used to joke that I was going to get mine before him 'cause he was taking so long to get his permit, but I'm beginning to think I actually might.

I write primarily drama/romance - typical girl thing, I know - so my character dynamic is usually "one character is sad/angry/cynical and the other character takes care of that", to break it down completely and ignore the "details" (ie., the way they actually interact and whatnot). Anyway, with your novel, I guess you never know 'til you try. You can always have, like, twelve drafts of it. (I'm exaggerating. ) If you're worried about it coming out wrong, just think about what you want to do with it, and the things that you think make a good book. The majority of what I know about writing, I learned just by reading an insane amount and seeing what I liked. It's kind of a trial-and-error process, I guess, considering how much crap I've written over the years. (God, that makes me sound old. )

Oh, but of course everyone wants to move to Japan! Well, except for me. I want to move back to Texas.

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Onimora In reply to mageintheshadows [2007-07-18 05:33:49 +0000 UTC]

I enjoy reading, but I feel like I'm fucking myself when I do. Afterwards my thought process is adapted to that author's and not my own, so it's like "what the fuck did I just do to myself and why!?" Sadly, that (along with the incredibly boring part of the book I'm on: the science and symbolism behind labyrinths) is the reason I stopped reading House of Leaves. When I read it, I wanna put it down and yawn as badly as I want to beat the book against my head to absorb it into my mind as quickly as possible. It's so good, and it's only gonna get better, but I end up sounding like Johnny Truant in my thoughts when writing something afterward and it just fucks me up.

Sorry for being so repetitious there. lol. I do believe that every story I've written and posted online has been a romance story, with the exception Jake's story. Haha. If you can't find love yourself you might as well make it up, right? Though, my nameless novel to be written is no exception to the romance writing, it's got a fun twist. And of course, I'm hoping that the rise in gay and lesbian activism in recent years will help sales. Because it's a lesbian romance story. Not sure how that'll turn out, haha.

Wow, I just figured out why I seem to think you're so cool. It's the fuckin' raspberry flavoring. I love raspberries and raspberry flavored crap. lol. Anyways, enough tangents. (Just read your sig randomly.)

To be honest, I only recently started writing stories frequently. It's more fun than useless poetry that no one cares for. I've always wanted to a writer of some sort, I think I finally just woke up and realized my roses were far to dead to smell. That pissed me off. And made me realize that I'd better figure something out quick to save my ass. Five years is a long time, you know that? Yet, a year is nothing. Time makes no sense to me. When I was 14 I start smoking cigs, drinking, and smoking pot. Now I don't drink, rarely smoke pot, and want to quit smoking. And what happened in between is just an irritating blur of bullshit. I'm ranting. Time to stop. Sorry. lol.

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mageintheshadows In reply to Onimora [2007-07-19 00:47:19 +0000 UTC]

Heh. I just tend to absorb everything I read. It actually reminds me of a conversation my brother and I were having a while back - do you think primarily in words, or images and ideas? I am honestly the only person I've ever met who thinks mostly in words, and your comment about thought process just reminded me of that.

Yeah, I'd have to agree with that, 'cause people tend to write about what they don't have and want, or to deal with an issue they've got, me included. If you read my earliest stuff, in my scraps, it's very angsty and was on its way to becoming a very dramatic romance. At the time, I was very lonely and socially awkward, so that's what got written. Anyway, it would probably sell regardless of the good quality, sheerly because anything like that would be considered controversial, and controversy sells, though I'm not entirely sure why.

Raspberries are my absolute favorite, hence the sig. ^^ I don't see how anyone could dislike them - especially when they make such good pies.

I've never really considered time in that manner, but I guess you're right. Weird. I've also wanted to be a writer since just about forever, and it's one of the things I really enjoy. One thing I noticed when I began to come out of my lovely six months of depression was that I hadn't been writing very much, and I pretty much ended up thinking, 'Why haven't I been writing? Why am I not doing anything I enjoy? When did it stop mattering?' It was, in a weird way, a relief to know it wasn't my fault. Anyway, I really don't mind the ranting. I certainly do enough of it myself. You actually reminded me of something that a lot of people pity me for, of all things: I don't have much of a choice in regards to drinking/smoking, 'cause I'm really allergic to alcohol, and, considering my family history and that I had asthma when I was little(r?), if I tried smoking anything at all, it'd probably kill me very quickly. I've never understood why someone would pity me because I'll never have a hangover and I'll never wake up in the morning and not know where I am or what I've done because I was just that trashed.

See? I can rant, too.

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Onimora In reply to mageintheshadows [2007-07-19 09:34:09 +0000 UTC]

Hehe. I'm slightly drunk right now. That's the best way to do it if you could and wanted to. Not the the point where you end up with over 600 dollars in fines for something you can't remember. Fuck that night. Fuck me for thinking I was invincible and liquor was only going to make me happier. Tho, it's sad how mind altering substances DO make a person SO MUCH FUCKING HAPPIER, tho only while they're on them. When you're off your only bored and uneasy. Well, in my case at least. Tonight, I said "Fuck my really, really long drinking ban. I'm mature enough to control myself, damnit!" I want to say not quite enough, judging from my stomach, but otherwise I'd say I hit right on the money.

As for absorbing things...that's how manga works for me. I absorb the characters, the emotion, the pain, the love, the scenario, the disbelief. In writing...I only fuck myself like I said.

Oh, I hope controversy sells when I publish that bad girl. If you haven't noticed from that and other random comments...I favour females sooo, sooo much. Even if I act as though they're nothing more than sexual stimulants most the time I promise you if I had a girlfriend atm she'd be the center of my attention and the one with the fucking pants on. If I were to ever write a story in which a woman gives birth she'd plan to give it up for adoption, then bawl her ass off after the child was born and end up keeping it. Of course, it'd be a tale of hardship, misery, and pain, but fuck...that's life. No matter who you are I believe you will at some point in time believe that that's all life really is. Misery, hardship, and pain...and drunk best friends rolling over onto your knees in their sleep. Stupid bastard. Then again, I act so gay towards him(and vice-versa) that it's quite comical.

I hit on all guys that know me well enough to do so. It's funny. It's fun. The reaction of a male being hit on by another male is either comical or just plain gay. Keep in mind I've been drinking, so this comment will probably be one hell of a big, open, ramble session. And usually I'm quite closed off, at least in my heart I feel so. No one would ever openly admit planning the murder of their entire family soberly...or in their right mind, I should say. Just 'cuz you're sober at the time doesn't mean your in your right mind. I often assume their planning to kill me, though, so what the fuck. At that time I was going to kill myself and wanted to leave behind no immediate family to suffer. Nicotine poisoning. I doubt it would have worked, but I was going to try. You're probably like "Why is this fucking asshole telling me this shit?" And my reply is...

'Cuz maybe it'll help you write a fucked up story of pain, anguish, and misery. Because that's the kind of story NO ONE in America will admit they want. ('Cept me. And that drunk bastard at the foot of my bed.) Happy endings only happen in Hollywood Basements, right? Fuck that. A happy ending is only something that's created FOR the general populace as it's what they're used to, what they want. But it's fucking UNREALISTIC. I hate that. How Hollywood movies always have a happy fucking ending. It's bullshit! Circles! I am speaking in circles! But I'm slightly drunk and very irritated that I don't have any comments on my latest story, except one from before I wrote part two(I use myspace as my primary post shit place.)from some chick I barely know that seems to like my writing because I make everything work perfectly to my design in her opinion. That's really all she told me in her comments was "You make the words work perfectly how you want them."

How does she know how I want them? ESP? Crazy chick, I do say!

Anyways...I'll stop now. But I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really like fucking rambling about myself. lol

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Onimora In reply to Onimora [2007-07-19 10:17:01 +0000 UTC]

I love Jack off Jill and Scarling.!!! And uhh, sorry if that was weird. What the fuck? 40 minutes and I feel sober enough to jump through a ring of fire and sing the macerena, however you do spell it. Yup, I rock.

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mageintheshadows In reply to Onimora [2007-07-20 01:52:21 +0000 UTC]

Circles, yes. Rambling, also yes. Amusing, also yes. It actually all makes sense, circles or no circles.

No! Nononononono! Sorry. Completely irrelevant. This song makes me cry. *waits approximately 3 minutes and wipes eyes* It's because the video has a part about an elderly man missing his wife, and I've been close to my grandparents all my life (something about running across the Gulf of Mexico to get away from your abusive father who had threatened to kidnap both you and your older brother and living with them for about another six years and then living next door to them for another six years tends to do that to you), so, when anything bad happens to a fairly helpless elderly person, I tend to either feel completely horrible for them or start crying.

I think I've already been through the "thinking everything is crap" stage, though. About a year ago, I was pretty much miserable all the time, very cynical; I was convinced the entire world was crap. It's kind of ironic that I went from being so cynical to being so idealistic, but, meh.

Sad endings fascinate me, because they are, in a way, very unconventional, and they tend to be a lot more interesting than happy endings, but I'm also determined to write a happy ending, as I care too much about my characters not to, but I think I probably won't give everyone a happy ending. Not all the main characters, I mean. Like most people, I really am a sucker for the whole "fluffy-happy-ending" thing, but I try to make all my characters human, and therefore having a realistic ending would probably be good. I mean, I do like a good happy ending, but what about the casualties? (And I don't mean the whole Scooby Doo-style super-villain who says "those rotten kids!" and gets thrown in jail.) I mean, not everyone can be happy all at once, but it shouldn't just be the Rotten, Evil Super-Villain who gets all the crap. Actually, in a decent story that's not a fantasy story of any kind, there doesn't need to be a Rotten, Evil Super-Villain at all, but that's beside the point. For example, if a guy has a girlfriend that he loves, but there's another girl that he loves and has loved longer, and if the guy gets back together with Girl A (the second girl, 'cause she was there first), then Girl B (the first girl, 'cause she was there second) is going to get hurt. Girl B's not bad, but she's going to be a casualty of Girl A and the Guy's happy ending.

All right, my rant is over. I have a tendency to rant about the things I'm passionate about, and writing is one of those things (obviously). My general point is that most things are crap, so why not make the best of them?

And I really need to find something (healthy) to eat. Just because my brother made me a tortilla slathered in peanut butter, strawberry jam, and chocolate sauce does not mean that I should actually make one myself. They're about 1200 calories each. I'm skinny. I have a decent figure. I'd like to keep it that way. Blueberries might work, though.

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Onimora In reply to mageintheshadows [2007-07-20 09:10:48 +0000 UTC]

Haha. I love having a male metabolism. No cares, no worries, nothin'. Until I end up on a scale for the first time in 6 months and go "OH MY FUCKING GOD!? SEVEN FUCKING POUNDS!!?!? NO!! NO!! NOT FAIR---Ah, fuck it." and walk away. Yeah, it stayed at that seven pound mark. I've checked out of paranoia. I'm normal alright. lol

The nice thing about being bipolar is that I can be cynical as hell one day, then go back to being an idealistic romantic the next. lol

UNRELATED: OH MY FUCKING GOD! THAT LITTLE SHIT! I let my brother use my PS2 and I find a bunch of random limbs and parts of my Gundam model I've been screwing with paint on are PAINTED without my consent, not in colors I want, and WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!!?!?!?

Okay, sorry. I really don't have much to say, I think. Hellraiser: Hellseeker was a kick ass movie. And I'm excited for Saturday. I get to hang out with Katie, piss her boyfriend off by hanging out with her alone and probably force feed her more of my writings, as she's one of the few people that likes them and admits it.

As for writing in general...I feel sooo out of it right now. Work has drained the life, love, and lust out of me. I feel nothing. I know how the story I'm working on continues, tho it's sooo close to it's ending I think. I'll probably finish it tomorrow just so I can give it to Katie and be like "Haha, It's complete!"

Yeah, don't ever fall in love with your friend's girlfriend. It sucks. lmao.

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mageintheshadows In reply to Onimora [2007-07-23 22:43:36 +0000 UTC]

Ack, sorry. I'm appallingly late in replying to this. First there were "life issues" (*rolls eyes* actually, just some of the most half-witted crap ever, and half of it was just other people's junk spilling into my life and me saying, "Sure, I'll fix everything for you" like the compassionate idiot I am), and then there was HP7 (which actually didn't take that long), and then there were more "life issues" (including some irony this time around. I can't decide if I'd like to go beat my head against a wall or break down into hysterical laughter. My emotional state hasn't been the greatest lately.).

I hate guys' metabolisms; I really do. I have a guy friend who gains and loses ten pounds a week with no issues whatsoever since he does JROTC, and is still a complete beanpole; another guy friend who decided he was fat when he could no longer clearly see all of his ribs (okay, so I can see mine up to a certain point too, but that's not the point.) and starved himself for a week until he could; and, when I was taken on a family vacation and forced to hike at least six miles per day, my brother lost twelve pounds and needed a new belt when we got home, and I gained four pounds - even though I was barely eating because I was, for no apparent reason, not hungry.

Heh. The other guy I know who's bipolar refuses to admit it, and he goes from being suicidal, angsty, and wanting to murder his ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend (it really doesn't help that he has a big crush on me and one of his other female friends, and we're both close friends of his ex. And the idiot honestly thought he could tell my best friend he liked me, and promptly tell another of my close friends, be entirely obvious about it, and expect me to have no idea. Hmph.) to (very rarely) being exercise-high, extremely amusing, and absolutely brilliant. When he gets pissed off at me, he just threatens to commit suicide. Lovely. Of course, I also tend to tell him to get over himself because he knows things aren't that bad at that point, and it also tends to work, which is good.

....Is it just me, or was that very disconnected-sounding?

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Onimora In reply to mageintheshadows [2007-07-25 09:10:16 +0000 UTC]

Arghhhhhhh! Ahhhh. I fucking hate, hate, hate, hate Depakote! Seriously, this shits fucking my mind worse than being bipolar is, except it's keeping me from having fits of mania, so I refuse to stop taking it. I'm having all sorts of seriously fucked up side effect. Like the LESS COMMON SIDE EFFECTS and RARE SIDE EFFECTS which is proba---no, fuck that, IS totally bad. It's killing my brain. I wouldn't be surprised if I ended up with hepatotoxic poisoning and became another one of the few fatalities caused by the damned shit. Ok, I doubt my liver is really being effected, it's all mental bullshit. BUT IT'S CRAZY. Seeing colored spots, dizziness, horrid headaches, fatigue, drowsiness, fuck...I've been having lots of memory lapses, horrible concentration problems. I feel completely detached all the time.

It depends on the person. Someone people simply get over things when told straight up to fucking calm down and shut up. People like me feel like killing someone just because they told them something they don't want to see in themselves or the world just to prove that they're right, the person that told them off is wrong and now their life sucks 'cuz they don't have one.

'least, that's how I felt when that psychiatrist and high and mighty social worker at the mental hospital told me, "You're a selfish, spoiled, self-centered little fuck that needs to change his pathetic perspective on life or you'll just be a worthless piece of trash forever." Yeah, they sugar coated it a bit so they wouldn't sound like complete pricks, but that's basically what they said. They also said, "If you're gonna kill yourself no one is stopping you. You just can't let anyone know you're going to do it, or someone will stop you." WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF SHIT IS THAT!? Mental Hospital my ass.

Anywho, I'm gonna go apply for a new job so I have a higher income when I move out at the end of next month. Toodles.

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mageintheshadows In reply to Onimora [2007-07-27 15:54:52 +0000 UTC]

Ouch. But don't worry too much about the colored spots - they generally just mean you're getting very, very close to fainting. And if they start to, y'know, swallow your vision or anything (ie., blind you) sit down very, very quickly or you'll fall. Or at least that's the way it is for me; I get a literal box of purple around everything I see that closes in to the point of near blindness when I get a migraine. On the upside, it's a very pretty color, sort of a dark plum with just a little bit of lavender (but only if you darken the lavender a lot).

....Hepatotoxic poisoning?

Heh, John just has this thing about being submissive, I think. He's very passive-aggressive. Somehow, I really don't think that technique would work too well on most people, let alone most people who are bipolar. It doesn't work too well on me, either.

Nice. That's.... kind of oxymoronic (to my surprise, that's an actual word). Reminds me a little bit of Freud, except I have much bigger disagreements with him. I have these wonderful rants about how much of a pervert he was.

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Onimora In reply to mageintheshadows [2007-07-29 11:13:05 +0000 UTC]

Hepatotoxic poisoning is basically liver poisoning. I guess it's very rare, but it tends to occur within 60 days of taking the medication. It's stupid.

Migraines are SUCKAGE. Mine aren't that bad, no spots, puking, or dizziness. Just unbe-fucking-lievable pain. Arg.

As for Freud, he was just a pedophile. Simple and plain. Also, I've noticed a random cliche that I hate and refuse to use in my writing ever again. Such as, "That was close, too close." I hate it. And I've decided I don't care if it's a considered a novella or a novel that I write first, as anythings a start.

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mageintheshadows In reply to Onimora [2007-07-31 03:51:44 +0000 UTC]

Life lesson of the day: break-ups suck. Why must guys be so pissy when you've been as gentle as possible with their feelings? The "relationship" (if you can call something that lasted less than three weeks a relationship) wasn't right for me, but I have this internal mechanism-type-thingy that keeps me from hurting other people as much as possible. My friends told me to just be mean about it. I knew how to do that, but I couldn't. So they said to be nice about. I could do that, but I didn't know how. My mom gave me an easy out, which, after a large amount of thought because I felt so darn guilty about hurting him at all in the first place, I did actually take to cause him less pain (how would you feel if someone told you that you were trying to suck what you needed from them emotionally without realizing that your attempts to repay them for it were absolutely nothing that they needed, that you were emotionally incapable of properly supporting their understandably immense emotional needs, consider their huge amount of emotional baggage and that their hobby is supporting other people's emotional needs, and, oh, by the way, kissing you was like kissing cardboard? So I took the easy out. It's less painful than telling him that I'm breaking up for him for things about his personality and past he can't control, because that would just tear him to shreds.).

So now he's pissed at me, but rather less pissed at me than he would've been had I actually told him all that. It took me a week just to get over the guilt of wanting to break up with someone who liked me that much in the first place to actually do it.

And then, after I actually manage to do it, he gives me a reason to - first, he tells me to lie to my mother (on principle, any guy who tells a girl to do that is going out the window); and then he gives me this speech about how he thought I was "different".

I think the worst part is that I've now lost all respect for him. He could have at least've had the decency to tell me how pissed he was without calling me "weak" and whatnot.

Sorry. Ranting. I'm incredibly pissed at him, and there's absolutely no way I can even pretend to respect him at this point. Well, not that I would in the first place - I don't hide how I feel about someone. I'll be polite, and I'll show courtesy, and whatnot, because that's just who I am, but I'm not going to pretend to respect someone, and, right about now, the whole "lashing out in pain/anger" thing, much as I understand, isn't sitting too well.

Okay, I think I'm done now.

I'm pretty lucky, though, because, horrible and incapactitating as my migraines are, I don't get them very often (maybe once every two-and-a-half months), and, when I do get them, I have powerful meds that make it so I only have a bad headache by around two in the afternoon, and make them disappear entirely (with the exception of my chronic headache. I have allergies. I don't notice it any more, except that it goes away when there's a horrible storm out. Weird time to not have a headache, neh?) by nightfall. It's lovely.

I disagree with so many of Freud's ideas. Not only was he convinced that everything had to do with sex, he was just plain wrong about some things, in my opinion.

With the cliche, I figure, if it's going to be that close, just let it happen. Besides, it's corny-sounding. My ideas are extremely intensely focused, and therefore they take forever and a day to express, but I try to keep the cliches out. *thinks for a moment* Interesting idea for NaNoWriMo, since I'm still wavering between a romance inspired by a random guy I saw working in a coffeeshop on vacation and something insane and fairly satirical that no self-respecting writer would ever let see the light of day: create an alternate universe where anyone who uses cliches directly gets hit by a skillet.

Okay, so it's violent. But I have a bad habit of talking about hitting things with skillets when I'm in a bad mood, and it's not like I'd actually hit anyone with a skillet, especially not my muse..... *innocent face* (No, I wouldn't. I just feel the need to imply the opposite at the moment, especially since my muse, who ended up being a very large part of me somehow - probably because talking sense into myself doesn't work near as well as pretending someone else is - can be very antagonistic. Besides, as he's not real, he can throw priceless porcelain vases at brick walls for me.)

I'm not making too much sense right now, am I? My apologies. For some reason, though, the vases are always white with intricate blue patterns.

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Onimora In reply to mageintheshadows [2007-07-31 12:38:09 +0000 UTC]

Eh, I don't mind. But did something cross your mind as you were ranting? You were ranting about a guy to a guy. Usually doesn't make much sense, as guys are all, in essence, guys. And being one with little actual experience with romance - I live through other people, observing like a fucking sniper waiting for the perfect time to pull the trigger on Kim Jong Il or some fucker - I'm really not one to have any sort of experience with such break ups. All mine have been short, sweet, and somehow my fault. Though, the most recent was only my fault in the fact that I was with a high school girl. Other than that, she was basically a delusional fucking moron. She "loved me so much she wanted to give me her virginity" and then she randomly calls saying "Yeah, it can't work. Can we just be friends?" To be honest, I was just hoping for the illegal sex and nothing else, so I probably ended up better off in the end. But, now I do go out of my way to avoid her as she's very annoying, opinionated, and has a really bad case of "high school girl" syndrome. You know, gossipy, self-centered, annoying, and as I said be for: opinionated.

Anyways, now that I've payed you back for your rant (Payback's supposed to be a bitch. I must have fucked that up. Owell.) I guess I can get on with the rest of the comment.

I get migraines like, oh I dunno, once a year. My grandfather and uncle used to get them REALLY bad quite frequently. Lucky I didn't inherit them. (Kickin' iTunes on and listening to Lucy by Anna Tsuchiya, I'm really obsessive about NANA, owell.)

As for NaNoWriMo I'm fucked. Both my ideas are based on previously written stories, which the rules says are a no-no. So, I'll fling out some bullshit and make it go crazy and see if I magically WIN. As for a muse...My muses are Sailor Uranus, Sailor Neptune (Obviously, Sailor Moon characters. Lesbians.) and t.A.T.u. Why? 'Cuz, they make me think about lesbian romance, of course. My inspiration is usually a twisted idea spawned off an invalid interpretation of a song, writing, anime, or random piece of literature I suppose. Or, of course, through my own demented longing for some form of significant other, thus creating a random love story with an ideal chick for a personality I don't have, but still imagine myself capable of holding a relationship with. (Onto t.A.T.u. now, as I mentioned them earlier. They're making a movie. Crazy, eh?)

Wow, I sound like a demented lonely bastard. But that's not really true at all. Just single with an infinite imagination, that usually repeats itself in an infinite loop before I move on to something greater. Of course, I do have a girl in mind as you've probably figured. Only shitty thing is...she's my friend's girlfriend as I've randomly stated. Of course, I think I'm growing on her more than I should/in a way I shouldn't. So, once I've got my license I may be able to win. I'm optimistic, for once.

Oh god, random thought. Unwanted rant. This is the real payback. I guess. But, I was at work and this chick I work with (Sixteen year old with really bad "high school girl syndrome") randomly fucking' asks me "Do you have sex?" which turns into "Are you a virgin?". Of course, at first I replied "I have no one to have sex with right now." Then, to the second she said something random when I dodged the questions, like "You've had sex with girls before, right?" So I'm all like "Who said it was a girl? Could have been a goat." Which, she flipped out again, yelled at me for dodging the question, etc. Then, I said "Well, never said it wasn't with guys, did I?" Then her response was fucking ridiculous. Oh, and don't worry, I'm completely straight. "Oh my god, you're not gay, I know that. But if you were, like, I seriously wouldn't talk to you anymore!" It was like what the fuck? You like me as a person for who I am, but if I was gay, you wouldn't? That makes NO sense. Oh, and a black man walked in today, too. A different chick ran in back saying, "Oh my god, there's a black guy coming in, I'm hiding back here!" She thinks the world wants to rape her. And she's a fuckin' biggot. No one is gonna pull her over the counter and rape her. Moron. Then some dude was like "We're gonna get fuckin' robbed one of these days." I bitched him out, he went on about how someone broke into his Dad's house in the city(I live in a shitty town outside the so called "city" of Green Bay) and he was black. "How do you know? Did you see him." I asked. "No, but who else would do it, he had to be black." WOW. I mean, yeah, I make really fucking ridiculous racist jokes and comments around my friends 'cuz they think it's funny. But to seriously be that much of a fucking prejudice fuckwad is just pathetic. Rant over.

Tho, I guess I am prejudice as hell myself. I assume most high school kids are immature, obnoxious fucking brats with no sense of morality or respect. I also assume all rednecks are cocky, racist, arrogant fucks. Oh wait, those are FACTS! Atleast, in this little hole. Haha.

Yeah, sorry for the 50 billion word essay here. Heh, cya.

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mageintheshadows In reply to Onimora [2007-08-05 04:11:46 +0000 UTC]

Oh, do I ever feel guilty. Sorry about not getting back to you sooner. I accidentally turned myself nocturnal (I stayed up waaaaaay too late, and then slept all day, and then repeated the process.) and therefore wasn't allowed on the one working computer in my house, 'cause it would wake up my poor, sleep-deprived mom.

ANYway, my idiocy aside (who accidentally goes nocturnal?!), yeah, I did know I was ranting about a guy to a guy. While hearing about how guys are chickens who think with things below the waist (the exact body part varies) and that OMG what a rat!!!!! from numerous different girls is rather comforting, guys tend to actually know what was going on in another guy's head.

Wow. I hate people like that. There was this girl in my French class last year who didn't know what "ample" meant. If it hadn't been so pitiful, it would've been hilarious.

...Goat? I would think that'd be rather more uncomfortable than anything. I probably would've suggested a monkey, if pressured.

Anyway, most high school kids are little idiots who are so full of themselves that they can't be bothered with anyone else, but a lot of us are actually decent human beings. The ones that annoy me the most, though, are the ones who are only decent sometimes, and then, the rest of the time, are entirely stupid. Well, either them, or the ones who pretend to be decent human beings.

...No. No. ....Aw, crap. I've got Cher stuck in my head again.

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Onimora In reply to mageintheshadows [2007-08-05 07:09:43 +0000 UTC]

I'm always nocturnal. Just the ways things happened. Working second shift, dropping out, summer vacations waiting 'till parents got off work to go play video games waaay later than you'd think you'd play them. Ah, "childhood". Of course, I've almost always had a computer in my room. Since I was...in fifth grade? Wow. Long time. If my computer couldn't be in my room, I'd borrow a spare from a friend. Haha.

It's funny how I work. There's the people that think I'm just an obnoxious happy go lucky bastard. The people that think I'm smart, deep, etc. And the people that see both sides. And the people that know I'm bipolar and go "Okay, uhh, just don't flip out again. Oh fuck, he's shaking. He's gonna flip. Everyone, leave him the hell alone." lol

I got the idea from some kid I used to know on AIM that was threatening suicide, giving me his whole sob story. "I'm so fucking pathetic I fucked a goat on our farm once." I asked the gender, he drew a blank, and I won. He then "kill himself" and appeared less than a week later on aim. I was, to be honest, rather freaked out.

Why Cher? And, do you believe in life after love? 'Cuz, she really doesn't think it's strong enough or something like that.

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mageintheshadows In reply to Onimora [2007-08-05 18:01:21 +0000 UTC]

I actually do have a computer in my room - three of them, in fact. My brother built me one for my birthday, lovely Microsoft-certified guy that he is, and then it broke. Like, it shut down for no apparent reason and wouldn't turn back on. First, he said he needed some parts. Then, he said he had no idea what was wrong with it because it had been so long since he'd worked on it. (My birthday was in mid-March. It hasn't worked since April. Needless to say, I'm rather annoyed.) And, now, he says he's found the parts, but I just have to find the Windows CD that magically disappeared from this computer desk yesterday. And he's also using my room as a storage closet for three of his spare computers.

Fuuuuuuuun.

Cher? Flicking through the radio stations. I don't like the song that's on; I change the channel to one of three other stations I like, and sometimes I hear Cher, and whenever I hear Cher, I end up with "Do you believe in love after love? 'Cause something inside me says 'I really don't think you're strong enough, no!'" stuck in my head.

I swear, how can anyone hit those notes? They're so freakin' high! I'm a pretty good singer, or at least everyone tells me I am, but I'm an alto. I can get most of the notes, since I've got a really nice range, but she goes from singing low alto-to-mid-tenor range to these incredibly high bits, and it sounds almost like it switched from a guy singing to Prince. (Prince does not count as a guy. I'm sorry, but....)

I guess I'd have to say I do believe in "life after love", because that implies that you've already moved on. Oh, sure, there's now a large empty space in your heart, but you're not in love any more, and therefore not in pain, even if you are empty. I'd also have to say it probably sucks to feel that empty.

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Onimora In reply to mageintheshadows [2007-08-06 07:13:29 +0000 UTC]

If it wouldn't start, like turn on at all, it's obviously the power supply. But, I dunno if that's what you meant. If it is, your Hard Drive would be perfectly fine and you wouldn't need your Windows CD. But, whatever. I dunno if that's your problem, I haven't seen this dead computer.

I'm a terrible singer. I think. But, I love to sing anywaaaaays!

As for being empty, just remember what Billy says!
"Emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness
And cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me"

No clue how that helps. Unless your a megalomaniac looking for another reason to proclaim yourself God.

I just finished "Alex"! I'm happy, but more-so relieved. Not like he's truly finished, but as much as I can do with my limited tools. And poor colors to pick from. *Notices an unpainted area he forgot and quickly grabs a marker and paints it.* Yup. He's complete! Paint...dry...faster....plz!!! errr 1hand typing sux. anyways, now i plan to draw "Alex" (Gundam RX78-NT-1) but first...needs to dry so I can set it down and sleep. stupid model. :'(

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mageintheshadows In reply to Onimora [2007-08-09 01:14:25 +0000 UTC]

I'm not entirely sure what's wrong with it. It's been just so many months since I've even touched it. Anyway, I think what happened was that it just shut down once and then it would turn on, but.... I don't know how to say it. It wouldn't start up, I guess. I mean, the computer was on, but it wasn't doing anything - just sitting there with a screen slightly less black than the one that signifies 'off'.

God, I'm exhausted. School doesn't start until the twentieth, but swim season has, considering that practice started Monday. We're gonna be slammed next week, 'cause we're currently sharing my high school's pool with the public, but this is the last week they get to use it. Fun. I am actually excited about school starting (sophomore!), and swim season, and getting to see everyone again, and chorus (it's insane. Pure chaos, and hysterical.), though.

I will not fall asleep at the computer. I will not fall asleep at the computer. I will not fall asleep at the compu- *snore*

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Onimora In reply to mageintheshadows [2007-08-09 15:02:17 +0000 UTC]

Eh, sounds like a problem too complicated for me to care about. Haha. Owell.

I move out on Sept. 1st. I'm excited for that! The only club or sport I was a part of in High School was the Go-Home club. I loved it.

Yeah, I need to sleep too...like RIGHT NOW. Or...many, many hours ago. Either one.

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mageintheshadows In reply to Onimora [2007-08-12 03:24:54 +0000 UTC]

It's too bad my brother doesn't turn eighteen until tomorrow, 'cause my mom's going to kill him when she gets home. Well, providing that she realizes he went to the Hess station just across the street and bought a case of Monster, and gave me one. It's not that I get hyper really easily or anything (in fact, most types of caffeine don't even effect me at all, and I've never been sugar - or any other kind of - high in my life), but my brother did a number of things during high school that my mom really didn't approve of (correcting teachers to the point where they asked him if they were correct when they weren't sure, selling energy drinks out of his locker, walking down the hall during school hours carrying a pizza box from Domino's and eating a slice, just saying "I'm going to my locker" and walking out of class, sleeping through all three of his computer classes because he knew more than the teachers, things of that nature), and she really doesn't want me following in his footsteps. I know for a fact she doesn't know about half the stuff he pulled (none of it actually illegal or against the rules. Well, it might've been against the rules after he did it, but that's why I don't go to his high school), but he still managed to graduate valedictorian, to everyone's shock. He's intelligent, but a slacker.

He also went out to the kitchen to get me a glass of ice for my Monster (I'd never had one before. It was amusing, especially when my jaw started feeling fuzzy.), gave me an old lanyard of his, walked around with me in WalMart while I looked for things on the grocery list, gave me a locker shelf, and talked me into hanging the Monster tab on a black string in my room and eventually adding more just to see how long it takes for my mom to notice. On top of that, he says that if he can't get my computer fixed by the time we leave for church tomorrow, he'll set up one of his for me and take the password off (it used to be somebody's server).

He's being freakishly nice to me. It's probably because he's moving to Tampa tomorrow. That's probably why you're having to read this huge blurb about him, too, 'cause, even though he annoys me, I'm gonna miss him so much and that's hitting really hard right now. I mean, we've got a lot of issues (ie., stuff stemming from having an emotionally and physically abusive father and having to move halfway across the country so he couldn't kidnap him and me), but we're really close, in a way. As a team, we function really well because we're a lot alike, even if we're a lot different, too.

In any case, I think the funniest two things that have happened today are probably him wafting a can of Monster under my nose because he didn't understand how I could possibly finish it as quickly as I did when it was my first time drinking it (apparently, most people don't finish their first can, but after five or six will follow the scent. I ddn't.) and watching my mom realize that she'll have two beginning drivers in the family within an eight month period (he got his permit maybe two weeks ago, and I'm fifteen in March).

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee! SUGAR! Hehe. I literally skipped to my grandparents' house today, 'cause they live next door to me and all. I think the neighbours' dog might've had an aneurysm (Oh, what a loss. The thing nearly killed a duckling!). ....CAFFEINE!

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Onimora In reply to mageintheshadows [2007-08-13 05:38:58 +0000 UTC]

Haha. Hahaha. Personally, I think monster tastes HORRID. I love Amp, tho. Slammed a BIG RIG when I got to work 'cuz I was running on 2.5 hours of sleep (and I was 30 minutes late to boot). I'm just special like that. No one cared. No one ever really cares. I get too much slack. Far too much. I've forgotten what it's like to be in the smallest crisis, probably. No, definitely. Speaking of which...
I've realized that every day I feel I'm slipping further and further away, that my condition worsens. I'm not. I just don't know how to deal with me. Yeah. I'm in one of those awkward moods. MY CASH WAS 57 BUCKS SHORT TONIGHT!!! Amongst other, small, yet somehow more troubling things.

Try Amp. It's tastier. I swear it. And Sobe Adrenaline Rush as well as NOS taste like citrus/grapefruit. And Full Throttle Fury is peach flavoured. And Kwik Trip/Kwik Star's BUZZED just sucks. Red Bull, too. Yeah, I've got my own pallet, whatever. I AM RIGHTEST RIGHT PERSON EVER. Since...I just said that. Ending now. Okies. Toodles~!

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mageintheshadows In reply to Onimora [2007-08-20 00:42:28 +0000 UTC]

YES! I fixed my computer! (Well, this computer. It's the communal one in my house.) I did it all by myself, so I'm immensely proud. Okay, so my brother helped me over the phone, but I still did all the work. We couldn't find the stuff in his pigsty (he calls it his room. Mine's a mess, too, but I don't have computer stuff everywhere.), so it took us about a week.

And my computer? Linux. It runs on freakin' Linux. Hate Linux. My brother was originally just going to give me a disc of it in case anything went wrong while he was upstate at college (yay for idiot-proof operating systems), but then it wouldn't start, so we ended up using the disc. That turned out to be the wrong disc, so he had to download a new version on his laptop, which, unbeknowst to him, was in German. I can log in to stuff (really only DA and my email), but I can't answer messages. It's weird....

Hate Linux.

He didn't say anything about Amp, but I know I like any of the SoBe drinks, and he left me a list of other stuff - Monster Khaos and Assault, Rockstar Juiced Guava, and Full Throttle Fury. I guess if two different people reccomend Fury, then it's gotta be good. He also told me to stay away from regular Full Throttle because it tastes like battery acid. (Of course, I wanted to know why he knew what battery acid tastes like, and he gave me shifty eyes. Apparently, though, it burns all the way down.)

Number Ten on the List of Quotes From Performance Reviews: "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

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Onimora In reply to mageintheshadows [2007-08-20 07:01:18 +0000 UTC]

One, what the fuck is IB?

Two, I need sleep. Running 27 hours without it hurts. So does being sick. Probably from my horrible sleep deprivation during the week and 12 hour sleep binges on the weekends. Oi. What great lengths I've gone to to savor every moment of life between work days. No wonder my mental state is out of whack. No, more like fucked by a 10 ton gorilla named Edwardo Van Kusto the Giant, as if we couldn't tell from looking at him that he's a god damned giant! Who the hell is Edwardo Van Kusto??? Where do I come up with this sleep deprived---oh, that's where. Hehe.

I like the pretending to take notes thing.

Danielewski threw me through a window into a world called "Outside"
I thought for a few days that anything I did was ultimately awesome.
Because it was fucked up and different.
But I recovered. Regained my footholds on my horrible story writing techniques. Or maybe it's better. I hate excessive details about the setting. I have an imagination, helllloooooo!?

Okies. I'll stop. I'm so random.
But I can never stop.
Never Knows Best.
Now I wanna watch FLCL.
And I can't remember what I wanted to listen to.
Regardless, I'll sleep like a lion cub loaded up on elephant tranquilizers.
And I can NOT wait.
But I will. As that's me.

Sharing lockers would be HORRIBLE.
Not that I ever used mine...hehehe...(My back hurt like hell every day from carrying around EVERY book I had. Go figure...no wonder I stopped bringing my books to school. By the time I dropped out my locker had become a hideout for some girl's empty water bottle collection. I took the lock for PHY ED. Owell.)

Ok.
Seriously.
The only one who can stop me is me.
So I'll stop me.
;D

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mageintheshadows In reply to Onimora [2007-08-23 01:26:17 +0000 UTC]

IB is International Baccalaureate. It's a really hard program for advanced students, basically. My state has really low standards, so I love it, because the classes are actually challenging.

lol. I have to stop by my locker three or four times a day to keep from carrying too much crap around with me. Another thing about IB is that we get more packets, workbooks, and textbooks. For example, a regular or even an AP class might just have to bring the workbook to class, but we have to bring the textbooks, the workbook, a binder, a folder, a composition book, and three different packets. The first week of my freshman year, I didn't have a locker, so I had to carry a pile of stuff from my hips to my chin to every class. Random people would come up to me in the hall and ask if I wanted to use their locker until I could get one, and it happened to a bunch of other IB students, too.

I have to get up at five AM every morning, go to swim practice after school at two-thirty (we get fourty-five minutes to relax, go grab something from home, eat a snack, change into our suits, etc.), do dry land/ab exercises and then hop into the pool for an exhaustive practice because, even if we're just competing for who'll be the primary swimmers for the events we swim (I swim the hundred free, meaning four laps of regular swim in English. Last year, I was on the four hundred free relay, which means each person swims a one hundred, and my coach made me swim the two hundred at Conference, a big end-of-season meet for our county to see who moves on to the higher level end-of-season meets.), soon we're going to be competing to either steal those spots, keep them, beat somebody we hate, or just plain improve our times, get home at almost six, work on my internet math course for a while, check my email, shower, eat, and then do a good two hours of homework already. I'm happy if I get to sleep by ten/ten-thirty.

The point is, I understand tired. I may have a busy schedule, but I've never been crazy enough to go that long without sleep, and it's really not the same thing at all. The worst I've done is staying up insanely late to finish work or staying up most/all of the night at sleep-overs. I've not had to pull an all-nighter yet.

I get strange when I'm sleep-deprived - more child-like. I'm very in touch with my inner child, and, since I do the whole "wearing-my-heart-on-my-sleeve-thing" to a large extent - people always know what mood I'm in when I'm around; I can't really help it, though, ironically, I'm pretty shy - it usually comes out the most when I'm fascinated or really insanely tired. ^^

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Onimora In reply to mageintheshadows [2007-08-24 05:23:50 +0000 UTC]

Being shy is not fun. Not fun at all. No. Miss out on too much. Too many things. Too many people I could have dated, too many people I could have become friends with and possible be good friends with now, instead of a forgotten aquantance. Fuck spelling. Work sucks. I suck for never giving myself solid ME time anymore, and something else I can't think of sucks. Bad things come in threes, so I depending on how you look at it that's three.

I don't think Wisconsin is smart enough to have this IB stuff, that, or they hide it from all the norms and even AP kids and try to keep it something the stupid people that live here will never have to know of and feels stupider because of. Time up. Cya.

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mageintheshadows In reply to Onimora [2007-08-26 14:36:03 +0000 UTC]

Heh. I really don't mind being shy. I'm outspoken sometimes, 'cause there are things I'm really passionate about (sorry. I have to brag - I was the only sophomore in my legal studies class to ask questions, answer questions, or express opinions Friday. I'm so proud of myself.), but I can be really quiet, too. It keeps me out of trouble, and I've met some interesting people that way. When you're quiet, the person next to you doesn't expect you to have a sense of humor or make sarcastic comments.

It's a great way to meet people, actually.

Apparently, the program is only taught in 2075 schools worldwide, while there were over a million AP students last year. It's not quite as widespread, y'know? Also, the IB program is more intense - there are GPA requirements, and you don't get to choose which classes you'll take at IB level, and there are two "weeding out" years (ninth and tenth grades. If you make it to junior year, then you'll be able to do it.). Last year, my IB class had 109 students. This year, there are eighty. I can't help but wonder how many we'll lose by next year.

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Onimora In reply to mageintheshadows [2007-09-29 02:25:40 +0000 UTC]

IB sounds crazy. Far from my bag of tea.

Being quiet doesn't really help meeting people for me...
'Cuz when I'm quiet people think I'm weird.
When I talk, they think I'm crazy.
Lose/lose situation!

Yeah, I moved out of home. Had no internet for a month. Just got it, but I'm away from home on a laptop and I can't stand typing on it. o.O

I'll be back soon...

And yes, I'm already pulling my hair from fear of NaNoWriMo. I keep getting ideas. And then using them before hand. lol

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mageintheshadows In reply to Onimora [2007-10-01 00:49:47 +0000 UTC]

Heh. They know I'm eccentric no matter what - maybe it's because I have a bad habit of taking notes/making calculations in the air when I'm doing rapid thinking; or that habit of talking to myself; or because I strike up fast-paced conversations with my teachers that no one else gets. Or maybe it's just because I'm now not only the "Human Dictionary" but also the "Rubik's Cube Girl" (I taught myself how to rapidly solve mine and started carrying it around), and I get introduced to people as these things.

I changed my plans for NaNoWriMo - AGAIN. I've now had five or six different highly detailed ideas, three of which I've written down. My new one is set in one of those "yay! Mages and power and titles and money and thieves and hot princes and insane kings and rebellions!" universes, and I'm still not sure if I want to write something like that. On one hand, I love writing fantasy, even of that kind (it's not actually as corny and trite as I made it out to be. It's several times better than that, and with more angst. I actually rather prefer the "put the love interests together and then rip them apart" style, but that's irrelevant, since it probably won't be what I write. And I have no plot. I have no plot, and I just realized it. Lovely.), and it's been forever since I have, but, on the other hand, I'll probably hate it at least once a week.

'Course, that'd happen with anything I wrote, but....

Heh. Can't stand typing on laptops. The whole 'flat key' thing annoys me. Ah, well....

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Onimora In reply to mageintheshadows [2007-10-01 05:36:16 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, flat keys are like UGH.

Eccentric people are fun. Or just crazy people with waaay too much energy that give low-energy slightly anti-social people more attention than they think they deserve and actually get them to participate in more conversation than they usually would, but hey, I'm just awesome. Yup.

"No previously written prose." - That rule kills me. I've been obsessing over re-doing old ideas lately. Ugh. Must follow rules. As for my two latest stories, one I'm still working on so it's still a "MySpace Exclusive", one needs severe rewriting and the other is coming together rather quickly, but it seems like I have a lot of room to expand still. 3 days and I had 4800 words. The other story was 3 weeks for 5600 words. A simpler idea and topic. I've been using a lot of different types of writing styles I suppose. A story in the form of letters and journals. A first-person perspective from two different characters points of view, a little bit of retelling here and there to fill in blanks or whatever, but it's neat.

Fantasy is something that just seems distant to me. A mix of fantasy and modern time works, I guess, tho Alexandria sort of turned out like CRAP. My fault, not the concept's I suppose. *Shrug*

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mageintheshadows In reply to Onimora [2007-10-08 01:33:54 +0000 UTC]

Heh. Most of what I write is set in modern times, no magic allowed, but I'm really a fantasy writer at heart. It's kind of weird, 'cause it's been a long time since I've really written a fantasy.

That's cool. I once read a book told entirely through conversations written on scraps of paper, etc. The concept was that the guy decided that, since he screwed up every time he opened his mouth, he just wasn't going to talk until he got some things figured out, and the way he spoke to people was by writing it down, so you'd get bits of his chem notes, or only half a conversation, and it was really interesting.

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mageintheshadows In reply to mageintheshadows [2007-08-20 00:44:21 +0000 UTC]

Oh, don't I feel intelligent. Half of my message was in WordPad because I was pretending to be taking notes.

I hate that feeling - you know you're slipping, but it's like there's nothing you can do. Last December, I just kept waiting for winter break, and I knew that whatever was wrong was getting worse, and I was trying to fix it, but I didn't know how. That was when my depression was the worst. I hit rock bottom about midway through, and kind of flat-lined 'til break. It's weird how clearly I remember going up and down (the definitive end was my birthday. I was almost done with it by then, reconnecting with my neglected friends, but my clearest memory of my birthday is that I didn't suffer from any of the symptoms of depression on that day, and none of them afterwards.), but how blurred together the days are. It's probably 'cause I wasn't really doing anything of any importance except pretending that I was alive.

To say it sucked would be the biggest understatement I could make.

School starts tomorrow for me. I'm actually pretty excited. I get to take World History, Chemistry, French II, and Music II (Chorus). I'm looking forward to English (what a shock, coming from someone who always gets A's in English), and (very surprisingly. I'm not bad at it, I have to apply myself to get good grades, rather than making amusing, sarcastic comments, reapplying lip gloss, asking questions that the teacher can't answer or actually has to think about to answer, and always knowing the answers.) Geometry. The teacher's really awesome, and she's engaging. Most of my math teachers have just taught, and, if I don't find it interesting, it's harder for me to stay focused.

The one thing that's really bad is that, this year, not only do freshmen have to share lockers, but sophomores have to, too. Hmph. Everything else is gonna be good, except that I've got no idea what I'll have third period. They stuck me back in Algebra I for the third time (we took it in eighth grade and then again last year, even if we were supposed to get high school credit), so I talked to my guidance counselor, and she said, "Whoops. We made a big mistake there. We'll change it right away." She's great. So now I have some random class third period. I know they can't rearrange my schedule 'cause of Chorus (my teacher requested fifth period) and French (only one class for both the IB juniors and the IB sophomores. We don't have seniors in IB yet.).

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mageintheshadows In reply to mageintheshadows [2007-07-31 03:52:55 +0000 UTC]

Ahh, sorry. Far longer than that should have been, and you probably really didn't want to listen to me rant about my first break-up.

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mageintheshadows In reply to Onimora [2007-07-13 01:01:48 +0000 UTC]

From what I've found so far (no thanks to 'googling.com', it's fascinating. Apparently, the reason I've never heard of it when I've heard of everything similar to it (with the exception of Cycloponomia, which is a much rarer disorder where the person who has it - what's the word for someone who has a condition? I can't remember for anything. - is under the mistaken impression that they have only one eye.) is that it's underdiagnosed. It's fairly common, as psychological disorders go, being more prevalent than the majority of atypical depression disorders.

Besides, you're not wasting my time at all. I have nothing better to do than watch Law & Order anyway. I'm enough of an idealist to love learning new things, as well.

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mageintheshadows In reply to mageintheshadows [2007-07-13 01:03:42 +0000 UTC]

....Why is there a smiley there? That was supposed to be a parenthesis (the weird singular form of parentheses).

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Onimora In reply to ??? [2007-07-12 09:10:54 +0000 UTC]

I loved your rambling analysis, personally. And yes, indeed I did mean bawling. I was half-awake and bored out of my mind, simply improving a story out of boredom. I'm completely with you on the Wannabe Novelist title, but I actually have something planned out that I hope will work to take away the "Wanna be" part. Now, if I could just write when I was fully-awake and use the correct words in the correct places I'd have a start.

Your random commenting is so eternally appreciated, you have no idea what it truly means to me.

One of these days I shall read some of your works, as you seem to be an interesting person indeed. I'll correct my little mistake there, thanks for pointing out. I hate the fact that I'm too scared to reread my works. I just can't stomach the thought. They always seem totally inconsistent and ridiculous after writing, but I'm rambling myself.

Hehe. Whatever. You'll hear from me again, soon. Pleasure to make your acquaintance.

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mageintheshadows In reply to Onimora [2007-07-13 00:22:47 +0000 UTC]

Heh, the earlier things I posted on here (now living in my scraps) were mostly written when I was completely exhausted, 'cause I have a really bad habit of kinda splicing my days and nights (get up at five AM, take a nap, get up again, come home from practice, stay up far later than I should, go to bed at about midnight, start over), which means I have a really large sleep deficit.

I'm also hoping to get rid of the Wannabe in front of novelist, for my part. It probably won't be happening for a while yet, but I'm not exactly old, either. I want to do National Novel Writing Month this year, but 50,000 words of no-holds-barred, random creativity isn't exactly something I'll be sending in to a publisher.

And I just typed 'googling.com' into the address bar. I'm just brilliant....

I'll be looking forward to hearing from you again.

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Kuruccha In reply to ??? [2007-07-08 08:27:07 +0000 UTC]

Hi there ! Thank you very much for the on my Chad drawing !

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mageintheshadows In reply to Kuruccha [2007-07-08 17:16:23 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome! He's my absolute favorite, and it was a really good drawing of him.

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Kuruccha In reply to mageintheshadows [2007-07-08 19:35:30 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much *_*!!!

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XapatheticXpeaceX In reply to ??? [2007-07-07 14:59:48 +0000 UTC]

thnx for the fav on th song...

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Gear2nd In reply to ??? [2007-07-03 04:11:19 +0000 UTC]

hey, for some reson...I feel close to you. When I read your journal I knew how you felt and became empathetic. Its not your fault so dont feel bad. Just do whatever you can for this guy. I also like what you have written here. You write from your heart. Your poetry speaks volumes upon volumes. I knew there were people like me out here on the DA that wrote with the passion of their soul. I like what you have and I like who you are. So I'm gonna watch you and see what you do. Dont let me down

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mageintheshadows In reply to Gear2nd [2007-07-03 13:23:15 +0000 UTC]

Oh, thanks!

*sigh* Part of me is worried, guilty, and sad, but the other part recognizes this as a guilt trip and wants to kick him.

I'll try not to let you down. XD I have some new stuff to put up, anyway.

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Yobwo In reply to ??? [2007-07-01 17:12:19 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the :fav:

Good luck with your stories. I'm a "wannabe novelist" myself ^^

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mageintheshadows In reply to Yobwo [2007-07-02 16:48:59 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome, and thanks to you, too!

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dramaticfairywriter In reply to ??? [2007-06-30 12:24:03 +0000 UTC]

thanks 4 the fave! yay!

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