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withoutane
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"Samuel J Cook"
# Statistics
Favourites: 0; Deviations: 47; Watchers: 8
Watching: 3; Pageviews: 3387; Comments Made: 157; Friends: 3
# Comments
Comments: 60
Hey, saw traces of you around here yesterday. Are you returning or are you just getting my hopes up?
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Thanks for the comments, will try to explain in a while. 's Been ages since I've heard or seen of you.
How's things going? And yeah I'll drop by to check your works soonly.
Groovz
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first, i wanted to apologize for kind of going off there, i guess your comment topped the sundae and nicked me to the point of just taking that damn poem down. nevertheless, i do value criticism and agree with the fact that theres so much of this selfish crap flooding deviantart, and all of this crap represents a personal release of expression that is officially labelled as art. and a good chunk of it usually is, and a healthy portion is crap just as well. but the point is improvement. the criticism i received from you and unrecognisable probably helped me more than any on that piece, mainly because it shoved the faults into my face rather than sugarcoating the bitter truth. so thank you once again!
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hahaha! though, I've yet to read your work (soon, I promise), I'm sure you probably put about the same amount of care into its creation as I put into mine or anyone else puts into theirs. I've been known to border on asshole myself but, we're all hypocrites so don't even worry about that. 
I wondered if I might have that problem with my screenshots someday. it happens, I suppose...
you're right though, I don't think there's a whole lot about American capitalism in RYMOWS. I generally try to observe the form rather than get into messy specifics of anything remotely political.
I'm certain those are quite heavy habits to drop. I'm very pleased to know that my poetry is not a completely useless distraction but, of course, some would say neither is morphine. 
in all seriousness, though, you're very welcome to whatever I can offer and I wish you luck at staying 'clean' because I'm sure you'll be infinitely happier as a result.
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Changing pace a bit:
I would get carried away,
many worms would turn.
Thanks for your advice... I'll might let some slack from fivesevenfive, but the restraint of that scheme is usually plenty enough for my pointlessness.
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well, you made more sense this time. my only rebuttal to the points you made is:
regarding "Raped Your Mouth Out With Soap," I am quite confident that those perspectives/concepts were in the poem and were clear in the poem, if you read carefully enough. my intention was so subtle, however, that I had to make it explicit in the poem's description, for you know as well as I that hardly every member of deviantart is sharp like you and me (the ones able to grasp the numerous conceptual implications of a work of art). therefore, the purpose of my explicit description was to provide courtesy for my less intellectual readers. (sometimes you need to give someone a shove before he or she can jump for his or her self.) also, if you noticed, my courtesy was not a free throw-away--instead of just telling them the answers, I solicited responses by asking my readers to apply. it may be "like" a disclaimer to do so but, if you are thorough enough, you realize that it simply is not a disclaimer. I hardly prefaced my poem with "it's not really that good" or "I'm still working on it," nor will I ever. I totally agree with you that poetry by definition should stand alone as words and readers' interpretations but, I remind you that very few among us actually consistently live up to that standard. it is often necessary to lend a hand.
bottom line, your helping me to examine my motives is very generous and I thank you for spending so much time reading, rereading, and commenting. I only hope that I offer a similar assistance to you.
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you come with an interesting perspective so I will express my interest...
first, regarding my piece "Kiss Off," to answer your question: yes, for people who question the use of telling in a poem's description because they cannot pull it off/do not yet understand how to do so/etc., it is ridiculous, and reasonably so. I suggest, as a solution to this trivial discrepancy of perspective, paying attention to specific situations more than complete obedience to general principles like "show don't tell" for a change. also, you are correct, I did go too far with the one-word lines but, once again, you are not paying close enough attention to purpose. utility is the name of the game.
secondly, regarding my piece "Raped Your Mouth Out With Soap": to put your mind at ease, the truth is that both my poetry and I am smart. nonetheless, with comments prefaced by such beside-the-point speculation, I suppose you really have restored the liveliness to my readers' feedback. further, considering the irrelevant premise of the comment you left on this piece, I'm not even going to bother rebutting the fallacious mess with which you conclude the same comment.
if you'll please excuse my eye for an eye...
you have a bad attitude and you ramble off subject but I love you. thank you for commenting and keep it coming!
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thanks for your comment on my poem, as if i didnt realize it was grammatically crap and hence the poem is crap itself, i have no will to do anything to it, i dont care for it, i hate the poem itself. its too bad its one of the most popular ones i have, hence it shows to have a girl on the cover of a poem and a catchy screenshot equals more views, but really, thanks for the criticism, if you scroll a bit further up youll find 3 more harsher ones, especially one from your buddy unrecognisable. and once again, that poem was meant for no one but myself, i dont care if you dont get it, your not supposed to, THATS WHY ITS SO CONFUSING. ever vent through words? even if you havent, please, just let it go and accept that others do, even if they are not damn poets. if you even bothered to look at any of my other work, i do usually use commas and proper punctuation, although i do not care for either or, hence my style of writing, which is supposed to sound like random babbling, seeing as thats the way i talk and type half the time. so thank you once again, so sorry you did not enjoy my writing.
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Thanks for your comment. I appreciate the feedback - it's a rare thing with words instead of pictures around here.
"Smelled scavengers out the woodwork" - it's when the scavengers come crawling out of the woodwork (to turn a phrase appropriatly) - they're 'smelled' out, as in to say they're tracking a scent. It's a bit of a leap, but I liked how it sounded too much to have it any other way.
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Kept five seven five,
syllables gurgle out like
drained eustachian tubes.
There are other ways to write haiku? I thought that was it...
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A good writer's hate,
described as warm and fuzzy,
is very welcome.
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thanks for the kind words, and your right it is one arrow.
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Have you ever had a dream, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?
What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire deviant life, that there's something wrong with the story. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad.
You take the blue pill, the story ends. Your browser closes and you believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland. And, I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.
I offer only the truth, nothing more.
Take: The Red Pill
Take: The Blue Pill
spyed, nobody has ever done this before.
I know. That's why it's going to work.
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Well is this the ending of your hibernation????????
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Link of Da NIGHT! From yer pal', Jesusbite.
Take your random lovings or fuckings or snoogins and then go read. Its good, I swear. One of my favorite poets.
You, reflections and shadows are the only proof of my myth
i am nothing buit a story being told
the spook who sat by the sign up sheet
spitting whole hearted words
into half listening ears my time ran out
i ran out the door behind her
trying to catch my second chance
to make the right first impression
and that's when i ran into an angel with blood on her wings
she told me she had flown to close to the truth
and was never quite able to reach her dreams either
i apologized
and i wiped the blood off of her wings
and now we talk on tuesdays
but our talking turned sour and now we argue late nights
this seems to be the best time to hide true emotion
see we've tried to just talk
but we've shot the breeze so much
we've left the atmosphere filled with all this dead air
and inspiration is no longer airbourne
see our words used to have wings
but now they just fall flat
like emotion read off paper
but i'm illiterate to all her emotions
so i read her lips imagining her words to be as happy as we once were
and i wish i didn't have to be so wrong
and i wish i had my butterflies back
and i tell her
' you know sometimes, i know you cry cause you have nothing else better to do
and praying won't convince you.
and i wish i could be there for you and for me too
cause in my dreams your tears are enough to get me home
but in the real world my tears are exactly what keeps me from getting there
and feeling sorry for myself has become second nature to me
like loving a king for his crown or laughing at jokes at my expense
but i want to be more than your HA,HA,HA!
i want to be your messiah
i do
and with these hands i want to baptize a single mothers tear drops
turning them into rain drops
forcing her to grow new smiles each day and i will
but i'm told my days in this existence are numbered
but i grew up in this existence coloring by the numbers
so each day is as bright as i can make it
see i've been here for an eternity
and i plan to be here for another
so what significance to past lives play
if we can't appreciate the ones we're living in
come talk to me
you are everything i've dreamt you to be
but am i what you've dreamt me to be
see sometimes i know enough to cry
but tears in relapse never seem to make much sense
so i don't do it
and please no more plaguraized reasons
cause all your excuses are starting to sound the same
and believe me i wouldn't have such a hard time believing myself
if i wasn't always repeating myself
and i tried
i tried say things just once
but it's not the intent of your word
but how your word is taken
i am the first word God spoke
and the last word the poet wrote
i am love and though attempts have been made to destroy me
i live on
by shihan
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Link o' da Night! Yes! It returns! Full-force, as well. Maybe. Check back tomorrow.
Random lovings or fuckings or snugglings (pick one) from your pal' Jesusbite.
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Once upon a time, the world was . Not everyone noticed all at once, but then
after
filled the streets looking for any
they could find. The music had died, the
was
and even
had a
painted on his back.
Sweet words no longer fell from the mouths of others, as everyone subsisted through . No one
in the stands in support, and smiling at strangers provoked
rather than
.
No wonder Sister Elphaba slowly descended from to
to
to
to
to just another
.
Some said, "Have a and ride it out until
."
Some said, " and put on a
."
Some said, "I don't care what you do with it. Here's a and a
and a
to administer as needed."
Finally, though, the harmonic convergence of and
and
and
and
(and
) and the very essence of
brought about
just
one
small
.
Of course, anyone at knows that one
leads to another
and after that, well, ANARCHY!!! The
may happen (I'm still
) but a
will surely follow, and later perhaps an
and vitamins and
and
and :super: on the horizon.
Things are for so many people lately that I wanted to pass on my little
epiphany and hope it builds as it is
about the community.
Let us rather than
.
Let us rather than
(unless it's Fairyinboots
).
Let us rather than
.
One good deserves another.
(With thanks to the nice people out there. I'm just a touch better today, and hopefully just a tad more tomorrow.)
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what does ntj stand for?
Neighborhood Texture Jam
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Don't sweat my reaction to your comments, sweetie. As long as you provide a rationale behind them, I think they're perfectly appropriate. Without rationale, of course, they're heckling.
Go look at my response to your comment on "Lemming Love". Nothing major, but was tired and sick and just posted it there. Hang in there.
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Thanks a lot for your insights. I know the abundance of brackets does not make for 'pleasant reading,' so I recently converted it into poem form. It helped. You were right...
As for the "I Thought It Nothing" poem, hmm I guess I didn't necessarily want the 'everyman' feel. Yes, I exaggerated his problems, but those are what made this man so weak that he feels tortured by the sounds of leaves, and physically collapses when he thinks of kisses. Thanks though. It's always interesting to see what bothered certain people.
Latre!
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You missed the point of that September poem, sparky. Its supposed to be that cliche, happless writing, until the end. Narrator goes for another girl, therefore, the writing doesnt matter.
Tricky.
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I hear youre a good poet.
I come to watch you!
And pee on your fence.
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I'm sick, and therefore not submitting. However, today I'm sending out a big hug to all the deviants whose personalities as well as art have given me a warm, fuzzy feeling. They are:
:iconwithoutane:
Hugs, hugs, hugs.
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hey you, thanks so much for reading my poems and putting me on that sneaky devwatch. thank you, thank you!
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I just noticed that I had a new watcher when I logged on today. Thanks alot. I'm always up for reading people's things, so I'm going to check out some of your poetry.
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jiggy means sexy, or getting sex, or to have sex with, all depends on the context
no, i dont think im sexy
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Thanks, I was shocked to see real criticism, though I will say this, I don't follow strict rules of writing poetry, I just write it. I invite you to read my other stuff, those two you read are my last efforts at ending a really bad writers block, I was aware of all the mispellings in Mourning Edition, and tried the edit feature which wasn't working. I didn't want to loose all the comments so I left it as it was.
Again thank you, not many people give true criticism. Don't let that stop you, keep being honest. Oh and welcome to dA.
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living in australia is like living anywhere, its just normal except to the tourists
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i meant to say i appreciated your comments. god knows i have too many people kissing my ass
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its about time i got some shitty comments off someone. i was getting paranoid for a second
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Thanks for your comments on my poem, all are appreciated . You're an extremely talented writer and that's the kind of source everyone needs for criticism!
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Thanks for the critiques on my pieces, I will take your suggestion into consideration and redraft "What if God is Dead" probably sometime this weekend, and I'll resubmit it. Although I am not aiming for an apocalyptic or cataclysmic event for that particular piece.
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Hey, I'm making a collage of avatars for the writers on DA. If you would like to be included, ditch the default avatar, make a cool one (or have someone else make it), and drop by my page so I can grab it. Thanks!
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You sir are no gentleman.
You want to get some good solid editing practice and you leave a comment like "I hate it" on someones piece.
Good job.
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Ah, Boulder. I spent Spring Break there in '87 and had a time so good I can't possibly describe it in a public place. Magical!
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ehh
I should have taken some time to analyze my last msg for grammatical errors before posting it
bah.. too late now
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Thank you for your comment and your honesty. It is kindly appreciated.
The original ending of 'how many winters' did take place in the real world as you suggested. The girl who this was written about died more than a year back, but I couldnβt be screwed adding the extra 3 lines about that because it made the poem all the more clichΓ©d.
Also thank you for taking the time to even glance at Thiefβs Army, however I would strongly argue that despite the first appearance it isn't based on the game. The inspiration mainly came from a few fantasy novels I've read, and I avoided using any story elements or settings from the game, so that the only actual similarity is the use of "people who steal money for living" for protagonists
As for my nickname? I've been using that for years before the game was even conceptualized. I was called my a 'colour thief' by a friend who mused that "I stole the warmth from the room with my presence". The game artwork proved a convenient place to get the avatar from
Once again thank you for your honesty.
Stay well
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I can't put "Love Deviant" or my wife might get suspicious.
I appreciate your comments about "I Could Sleepwalk" [link] and you did hit on the one aspect of it that made me nervous. I don't think it's a cardinal rule that the first line should be gripping, but I think it is a highly-recommended notion. So I was torn between opening with something compelling, or opening with the zombie-like stupor that I eventually chose. I wanted to set a tone and underscore the malaise of the Memphis August, with Spring too far removed and Autumn not close enough at hand. The dog-days, indeed.
Almost lost you, though, so maybe I should reconsider my choice.
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Thanks for the new interesting comments and the devwatch!
Oh, and about "i hate it" works for me, i guess.
-PL-
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Those were two of the most interesting comments I've ever gotten. Thank you very much for getting the ideas I put into the poem... your comment there made me very happy.
Interesting, or maybe not, is that the rain image was actually the first one I came up with, not the split-family aspect of it. It seemed to me that the downward rolling shape of the poem called for precipitation of some kind.
Personally, I'm much more fascinated by your "i hate it." I'd love to know why, if you do. But if not, no worries. Thanks for paying me a visit.
-PL-
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Sister Elphaba was . Then, in the wee hours of the morning, Sister Elphaba had an epiphany. Why make herself crazy when so many others could benefit from her talent? Why indeed!
So she grabbed her and went to her
. Telling the voices in her head
, she floated from page to page, passing the tidings of madness and love along. She gave Chesterfield a healthy
, because that's what he likes. She paused at Pantopicon's to issue a healthy
, because that's what Pantopicon likes.
(She said , and wished they had the same page, at a location near her, but that's another bedtime story.)
She sat on Jesusbite's until he sorted through her head. Armed with a mental
, and satisfied her madness was contagious when he began to
at the
, she ambled over to see others.
MyBitch received a and
for going off the commas nearly cold-turkey.
Vampyrbrat received many for refusing to let Sister Elphaba actually completely update her DeviantWatch.
Distracted, Elphie went to all those who offered her a cookie for providing answers, but no one was awake. Her went into more coffee.
Elphie paused to at LinusP1975 and
, turning pink and praying comments would go unnoticed...
and then, she came home to roost at Fairy in Boots, where she
and
and
and
and
and
until finally
on his picture. Then,
, she grabbed her
and went to sleep. Done at last.
But not without a for Withoutane.
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Yeah I do get a lot of stupid comments...
Thanks for your constructive one though
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hey man, thanks for the comments, and moreso thanks for taking the time to read some of my stuff. risking the sounds of clichΓ©, they really were appreciated. About sleep, it was nice to see how different people interpret that poem differently. when i was writing it, i used sleep as a euphimism for death.
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Hello, sweetie!
Yes, as a matter of fact quite a few amateurs who start out with no support learn from books. Then, they either expand to learning other ways or they don't. One very, very good reader I know began with books. She's great at reading for herself, and reads for her closest friends.
Thanks for the comments!
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I'm glad you enjoyed "On Yogurt". I find it hard to find people who consider humor writing as a form of art. Your stuff kicks!
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