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TINY BERT

inspired by this fic: snkkink.dreamwidth.org/2124.ht… , wherein bert is conditioned since birth for mass murder, especially this line:

‘“Don’t stop,” his father says, sitting down on a chair and watching his only child slice himself with a hunting knife over and over and over again.’

which in my head mashed together with the fascinating headcanon (by, I think, transversely, or dragoplateau, or someone they reblogged from?) (edit: NEVERMIND, IT WAS JKIRSCHTEIN’S) that titan shifters’ titan forms take distinctive shapes as a result of any influences/trauma they experienced when first transforming. The interesting question being, of course, what would inspire a young bertholdt to turn into a terrifying colossus that, despite being almost inconceivably gigantic and one of the most powerful titans in the show, is also one of the most vulnerable natural-defense-wise — it is dangerously slow, and symbolically, it totally lacks skin (your average titan is fully skinned…does any other titan lack skin? how does the furred titan factor into this?? is skin just a red herring???WE JUST DON’ TK NOW). Its only defense is steam, which, if one conjectures, manages to be both a reference to emotional instability (sweating/nervousness/embarrassment) and worryingly intangible at the same time.

think of, say, 7 or 8 year old conditioned-since-birth bertholdt with cold scientist parents/surroundings biting his hand over and over in practice/in preparation for what he’s told is a greater purpose, what will finally make him loved, being naturally inclined towards being passive/a follower/emotionally dependent on others, desperate for praise and not necessarily knowing the significance of what he’s doing, blood running down his hand and the pain burning but it’s okay, he thinks, through the metallic taste in his mouth, because if he gets it right his parents will smile at him, people will say he did well, he just needs the right motivation.

what if (in this extremely conjectured context) his colossal titan was the result of such brainwashing combining with his personality and the need to be bigger than he is, big enough to make others proud, big enough to live up to expectations and finally be able to be accepted, to be welcomed, to come home

Description
TINY BERT

inspired by this fic: snkkink.dreamwidth.org/2124.ht… , wherein bert is conditioned since birth for mass murder, especially this line:

‘“Don’t stop,” his father says, sitting down on a chair and watching his only child slice himself with a hunting knife over and over and over again.’

which in my head mashed together with the fascinating headcanon (by, I think, transversely, or dragoplateau, or someone they reblogged from?) (edit: NEVERMIND, IT WAS JKIRSCHTEIN’S) that titan shifters’ titan forms take distinctive shapes as a result of any influences/trauma they experienced when first transforming. The interesting question being, of course, what would inspire a young bertholdt to turn into a terrifying colossus that, despite being almost inconceivably gigantic and one of the most powerful titans in the show, is also one of the most vulnerable natural-defense-wise — it is dangerously slow, and symbolically, it totally lacks skin (your average titan is fully skinned…does any other titan lack skin? how does the furred titan factor into this?? is skin just a red herring???WE JUST DON’ TK NOW). Its only defense is steam, which, if one conjectures, manages to be both a reference to emotional instability (sweating/nervousness/embarrassment) and worryingly intangible at the same time.

think of, say, 7 or 8 year old conditioned-since-birth bertholdt with cold scientist parents/surroundings biting his hand over and over in practice/in preparation for what he’s told is a greater purpose, what will finally make him loved, being naturally inclined towards being passive/a follower/emotionally dependent on others, desperate for praise and not necessarily knowing the significance of what he’s doing, blood running down his hand and the pain burning but it’s okay, he thinks, through the metallic taste in his mouth, because if he gets it right his parents will smile at him, people will say he did well, he just needs the right motivation.

what if (in this extremely conjectured context) his colossal titan was the result of such brainwashing combining with his personality and the need to be bigger than he is, big enough to make others proud, big enough to live up to expectations and finally be able to be accepted, to be welcomed, to come home