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Published: 2011-11-10 08:55:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 521; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 0
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Description
At 11 minutes past 11 on the 11th of September the final stitches of a new life were pulled tight. I wasn't the brightest hat, or the most colourful, or even the softest, but the stitching was strong, and there were no other hats like me.A year after my birth, my brother was born four months premature and almost died. Not too long after that, my parents separated. But through all this my seams held firm, I took everything in my stride and was strong for my family, until I started school.
Throughout primary school I never knew friendship and was a prime target for bullies, my hat wasn't like all the rest. Every day I was hurt, crushed, ripped and torn. My stitching frayed and I started falling apart. I began to slowly slip into the darkness of depression.
I didn't want my family seeing how much my stitching had frayed, so I made my first badge, a mask to hide behind. It was pinned into place, and punctured through my soft fabric skin so that I could keep my pain hidden from those I cared about. If it wasn't sitting right, I'd move it and create yet another puncture mark that would never heal.
As the years went by, I hid more and more of my true self from others until the hat itself became a mask, hiding the real person underneath.
By the end of grade seven I was so torn, so thread bare, that there was only one string holding me together. I was getting closer and closer to cutting that string and ending it all.
This was until I met Her, the girl who saved my life. She saw through my badges and saw how tattered I was. She brought a needle and thread and helped sew me back together. Even though my life was still a fabrication, at least now I was a whole one.
Even though She stopped me from cutting my own strings I was still depressed, 'til I saw the musical 'Wicked' the back-story of the Wicked Witch of the West; Elphaba. I found that she was a hat exactly like me, and her story reinforced my new stitches with green thread.
With the help from Her and Wicked, I was becoming the hat I once was. Maybe it was now time to remove some of the badges? I decided to show Her what was under some of the badges because she was the first person to care so much about me, and as our relationship became closer, I opened up even more to her. Eventually she had seen every inch of the material that made up my soul. I trusted her with the most delicate part of me; I never knew she'd be so reckless with it.
Though some might think it gross or strange, I loved her with all my heart. But one night, she left me and even my thick layer of badges couldn't hide how much she'd hurt me. I was broken and shattered, all of the stitching she had repaired fell apart and once again I nearly gave up on life. The only thing that held me together was a thin green thread.
It was two days before exam block and one week before my 18th birthday, I didn't want people to worry about me so I added more badges, and fixed my seams up enough so that I would appear fine and get through my exams. But if you look under my mask of badges you'll see the gaping holes of rips and tears, and the stitching that's there is loose and badly sewn, but if anyone asks I'll laugh it off, say I'm fine, and hide behind my badges once again.
However this is only one aspect of my years in high school, there have also been good times with something I'd hadn't had before 'Friends'. For example; exactly one week after my heartbreak was my 18th birthday. I was covering my tears, hoping that the people who cared for me wouldn't see. I wore a mask in case I cried, and everything was black. But that night I had more fun than I ever thought possible. I had started as a shadow, and left as a gipsy.
In future years I hope to finish the stories I'm currently writing and get them published. Job wise I just want something that pays enough for a small studio apartment, food, power for my laptop so I can write, and maybe some canvases and paints.
Who knows how long my makeshift seams will last. They may not even last to the end of the year. Who knows if I'll ever be rid of my badges, or the pain that keeps them there. One day, maybe.
Thank you for listening.
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Comments: 72
yaoifanforever66 [2012-06-16 05:44:10 +0000 UTC]
Oh my, this is so beautifully written! It's so sad and meaningful, and I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that I makes me glad that you didn't cut the last string, and that you held on when all seemed lost :') I am tearing up right now over the sheer brilliance of this, and I'm so glad that I had the pleasure of reading this
Thank you for being here today to write this wonderful piece of literature.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
AliceTreeroot In reply to yaoifanforever66 [2012-06-16 10:56:24 +0000 UTC]
Thank you very much, Not many people know that I was so close because I seem so carefree. I didn't know so many people would like this, it was just for school, although when I said I loved Her they didn't seem to like me much ah well,stuff them
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
yaoifanforever66 In reply to AliceTreeroot [2012-06-16 20:37:33 +0000 UTC]
You're very welcome I just wish that more people in the world today had more appreciation for amazing people like you and amazing works of art like this.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
AliceTreeroot In reply to yaoifanforever66 [2012-06-17 02:22:46 +0000 UTC]
Thankyou very much, I don't think I've had that many complements in a row before
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
yaoifanforever66 In reply to AliceTreeroot [2012-06-17 06:23:55 +0000 UTC]
Haha, you're welcome, and you deserve complements
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
AliceTreeroot In reply to yaoifanforever66 [2012-06-17 10:12:31 +0000 UTC]
I don't think so, but thank you again
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
yaoifanforever66 In reply to AliceTreeroot [2012-06-17 23:01:15 +0000 UTC]
You're welcome ^.^
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
IdrewAcow [2012-01-05 09:24:21 +0000 UTC]
I am...inexplicably moved by this. I can't put it to words, but I'm sure this text will remain with me for a long time, if not forever. It also gives me a whole new view of how I thought you might be like. Now I see you as a strong person, capable of living past sorrow that can't be matched.
Don't give up hope.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
AliceTreeroot In reply to IdrewAcow [2012-01-05 11:19:32 +0000 UTC]
What doesn't kill me will only make me stronger
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
IdrewAcow In reply to AliceTreeroot [2012-01-05 12:17:12 +0000 UTC]
You are very right.
Good luck, with everything~! <3
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AliceTreeroot In reply to IdrewAcow [2012-01-05 12:33:20 +0000 UTC]
Thankyou
And good luck to you with all your stories
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
StarSpinner678 [2011-11-21 20:35:48 +0000 UTC]
You amaze me every day with your strength, sometimes, i wonder how you do it, always seem so happy on the outside.. *hugs*
Your an amazing person, and friend. You'll pull though, i believe in you.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
AliceTreeroot In reply to StarSpinner678 [2011-11-21 22:20:58 +0000 UTC]
It's amazing what a shell of masks can do
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Gabriel-Clerens [2011-11-13 03:56:31 +0000 UTC]
Alice...... I'm always here for you if you need me. I know You've been hurt... but i think it's time to let go. It hurts me to see that, while you two have made up, you still hurt. I know how hard it is - god do I ever, but trust me, once you let go, it's like being slingshotted back into cloudy-happy-land, and you can begin the search for the silver lining.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
AliceTreeroot In reply to Gabriel-Clerens [2011-11-13 08:27:51 +0000 UTC]
Well sometimes I feel like i've forgoten her and gotten over it then I see three little words and I breake again. I truly want to forget, I don't want to hurt every time I look at my bed or my diary. I just want to forget.....
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Gabriel-Clerens In reply to AliceTreeroot [2011-11-14 01:41:08 +0000 UTC]
I know, try... I don't know... making up with her? as in, hang like we used to? uhmm... how about watching a movie? Sing! it helps me A LOT!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
AliceTreeroot In reply to Gabriel-Clerens [2011-11-14 02:23:23 +0000 UTC]
well, I've apologised for everthing I've said, and she's forgiven me, I just don't feel like being around her, it makes me fell bad.
I do sing, if singing in your head counts, I just don't feel like singing aloud.
recently I don't feel like doing anything.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Gabriel-Clerens In reply to AliceTreeroot [2011-11-14 02:33:06 +0000 UTC]
Sing out loud. it helps trust me
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
AliceTreeroot In reply to Gabriel-Clerens [2011-11-14 02:37:59 +0000 UTC]
probably not the best thing to do during class...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Gabriel-Clerens In reply to AliceTreeroot [2011-11-14 02:41:15 +0000 UTC]
why not? I singing now! badahbadum dah! yadddahdahdahdahdaah! baddumyah... yaddahdum badah!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
AliceTreeroot In reply to Gabriel-Clerens [2011-11-14 02:43:53 +0000 UTC]
you're crazy, but I think you already knew that
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Gabriel-Clerens In reply to AliceTreeroot [2011-11-14 02:49:25 +0000 UTC]
When the world is full of care
And every headline screams despair
When all is rape, starvation, war, and life is vile
Then there's a certain thing I do
Which I shall pass along to you
That's always guaranteed to make me smile...
I go...
LOO-OO-OONY!
As a light-bulb battered bug
Simply
LOO-OO-OONY!
Sometimes foam and chew the rug
Mister, life is swell
In a padded cell
It'll chase those blues away...
You can trade your gloom
For a rubber room
And injections twice a day.
Just go
LOO-OO-OONY!
Like an acid casuality
Or a
M00-00-NIE!
Or a preacher on T.V.
When the human race
Wears an anxious face
When the bomb hangs overhead
When your kid turns blue
It won't worry you
You can just smile and nod your head.
When you're
LOO-OO-OONY!
Then you just don't give a fig...
Man's so
PU-UU-UNY!
And the Universe so big
If you hurt inside
Get certified
And if life should treat you bad
Don't get
EE-EE-EVEN
Get MAD!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
AliceTreeroot In reply to Gabriel-Clerens [2011-11-14 02:56:45 +0000 UTC]
.......ok.....what are you on? hade Anna given you a french kiss or something?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Gabriel-Clerens In reply to AliceTreeroot [2011-11-14 02:58:14 +0000 UTC]
...no. I... God. I'll Note ya on it, ur the second one 2 ask. NO MORE!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
AliceTreeroot In reply to Gabriel-Clerens [2011-11-14 03:09:38 +0000 UTC]
it makes sence to me
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AliceTreeroot In reply to Gabriel-Clerens [2012-01-05 16:01:15 +0000 UTC]
You told me to sing, so I sung. At a new years eave party I sung so much I couldn't talk the next day. Happy?
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AliceTreeroot In reply to Gabriel-Clerens [2012-01-06 02:12:49 +0000 UTC]
I don't know if that's good for my vocal cords
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Gabriel-Clerens In reply to AliceTreeroot [2012-01-06 02:15:41 +0000 UTC]
then....sing more?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
AliceTreeroot In reply to Gabriel-Clerens [2012-01-06 02:33:11 +0000 UTC]
Andy if I try to sing while my vocal cords are repairing it could do some serious damage, like: not being able to sing again EVER
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Gabriel-Clerens In reply to AliceTreeroot [2012-01-06 02:34:23 +0000 UTC]
hmm.... how did you hurt your voice singing?? I recite the Phantom of the opera at the best I can twice a day...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
AliceTreeroot In reply to Gabriel-Clerens [2012-01-06 03:03:33 +0000 UTC]
Singing at the top of your lungs into a microphone all night might just do it
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Gabriel-Clerens In reply to AliceTreeroot [2012-01-06 03:05:08 +0000 UTC]
but I sing at the top of my lungs all the time! I even almost fainted the other day!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
AliceTreeroot In reply to Gabriel-Clerens [2012-01-06 03:17:47 +0000 UTC]
There are some of us that don't have your awesome skills with music and girls
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Gabriel-Clerens In reply to AliceTreeroot [2012-01-06 03:18:28 +0000 UTC]
;D well yes, tis true not EVERYONE is as awesome as me...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
AliceTreeroot In reply to Gabriel-Clerens [2012-01-18 02:43:26 +0000 UTC]
THAT would be imposable
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Flutter1994 [2011-11-10 23:37:05 +0000 UTC]
I really like how well this is written~
The metaphors are so perfect. This is not an oral, this is a piece of art!
You managed to capture the right mood, and you are quite strong for being able to discuss such things in such a genre. If only my oral was as good as this. :c
I'm sorry I can't give the same reaction as everyone else OTL
I can't show sympathy, but if I could, I would T^T
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
AliceTreeroot In reply to Flutter1994 [2011-11-11 00:37:29 +0000 UTC]
thank you
I wish I had this responce on my stories
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
killerqueen40 [2011-11-10 10:41:28 +0000 UTC]
I can't hug you from here, so
You give me goosebumps and make me wanna cry again, woman! But I love this speech. You've got such a great writing style, and you picked the perfect metaphor for yourself. A+ for Elphie-fan!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
AliceTreeroot In reply to killerqueen40 [2011-11-10 10:46:11 +0000 UTC]
Hehehe Elph-STOP THAT (not realy but I do need to rant at you for making me do something so girly)
DON"T CRY!!!! YOU MAKE ME CRY!!!
Oh, and thank you BTW
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