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Published: 2016-03-17 21:35:06 +0000 UTC; Views: 11550; Favourites: 61; Downloads: 0
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"Look at me- no, look at me, (Name)."
The normal, solemn tone that you were so used to hearing had been changed to one that, if you could describe it visually, sounded like the texture the softest of fleece felt beneath someone's fingers. It had been an eternity since you had heard such a tone, but the small blessing your ears had of partaking in this timbre of speech proved that his affection for you still lingered. As much as you hated to admit it, you believed that your relationship was crumbling apart; you always blamed yourself.
You had tried everything to please your partner: be it with intimacy, small tokens of appreciation, even dropping everything to be there whenever he called your name. But, it seemed as though nothing ever worked. Nothing ever calmed the raging sea that was his need to constantly be around you; to be within your vicinity. Talking certainly never did it; he didn't want to hear anything about the subject. Normally, you would allow him to partake in your body to try and rebuild your relationship; the one thing you were taught never to do.
The feeling of his cold fingers gripping your chin brought you out of your thoughts, your dampened, (color) eyes managing to bring his alluring, violet orbs into focus. You knew that he still cared about you, but it was very hard to bring yourself to believe it.
"(Name), you need to tell me what's going on."
His soft tone was becoming laced with concern, something that you very seldom heard. His speech was normally one of three things: lust-filled, heightened with animocity, or the normal, solemn tone that you heard far too often. Anything varying from those three tones, well, was a blessing to your ears. You ran the back of your hand along your eyes, but it didn't help much with the sparkling rivers continuously flowing down your crimson cheeks.
"I-I can't..."
"And why not?"
You stopped, your heart clenching within the confines of your chest. How on earth could you possibly tell him what was going on inside your head? You truly didn't want to get yelled at once more; it would only make your state of mind far worse than what it currently was. But, you knew that if you continued to let these gloomy thoughts invade your mind and heart, your actions could soon follow. So, in one last attempt to reach the genuine, caring soul that you had fallen in love with, you released every pent up thought you had kept captive within the confines of your heart.
"I don't think you understand, Kars. You never do!"
The sudden increase of volume from your lips took the violet-haired man aback; he certainly wasn't used to hearing such things from you. His eyes closed several times, trying to wrap his head around what was going on.
"You always yell at me, and tell me what you hate about me! And then, afterwards, you tell me that you love me and you only want the best for me!"
You looked down, trying to get a hold of your emotions so you could speak properly; your tears made it hard to form words, but you forced yourself to press onwards with your onslaught of truths.
"Kars, if that was true, if you truly did love me, you would accept me for who I am! I wouldn't have to change who I am to better suit you if you truly did appreciate me and love me like you so claim!"
You wrapped your arms around yourself, trying to inch away from him as best you could. You had never spoken out against him before, seeing as how you despised engaging in large fights with anyone; especially him.
"Y-you always used to tell me how much you loved me... how much you wanted to spend every day of your life with me. Then, ever since I went off to college, you changed. You yell at me about every tiny thing, a-and nothing I do is good enough. T-the only thing that ever seems to satisfy you is sex... and that's not how a relationship is supposed to work..."
You pulled your knees against your chest, burying your head into your arms. You didn't want to look at him right now; you had a feeling that he was going to explode, should you continue, but you felt the need to press onward with your feelings.
"You never show me genuine affection like you used to. Y-you don't even give me hugs like you used to. Honestly, I feel like if I were to die tomorrow, you wouldn't even care. And then, whenever I try to tell you about how you make me feel whenever you get upset, you never listen! You never care! You just walk away like I don't exist anymore!"
You finally made the choice to turn your attention to him, your eyes swollen and red from how much you had cried; the tears had finally stopped flowing, but only because you had cried to the point you could literally cry no more. Your cheeks were brilliantly crimson, your hair matted and disheveled from your previous position.
"K-Kars... I can't take any more of this... I don't know why you changed, but you've become so abusive towards me. All I do is try to show how much I love you, but that obviously isn't enough for you. You won't talk to me about anything, and I don't know what to do..."
You saw the look of utter confusion spread across his face; it was obvious that he was trying to comprehend all of your words. When it finally sunk in, an exasperated sigh left his slightly-parted lips, and his violet eyes focused themselves upon your reddened face.
"Look, I know I've been quite the asshole lately. Well, longer than 'lately' perse. But, there's something that I have refused to speak about for a very long time. It took place whenever you graduated; three days afterwards, to be exact."
He leaned his head back against the wall, his eyes staring at the dark ceiling above the both of them.
"I've been in a very dark place for quite some time now. As you know, I lost my father whenever I was very young. However, my mother has always been around for me whenever I needed her. You met her after graduation; the little old woman with greying hair, remember? I recently found out something that, honestly, screwed a lot of things up inside of me.”
He stopped, and you saw his chest rise as he sucked in a much larger puff of air than usual; an indication that he was trying to maintain himself for the upcoming sentence he would soon speak.
“I found out that she has pancreatic cancer.”
You felt your heart stop within your chest; his mother had cancer? And, to make it worse, the worst kind? If only you had known sooner, you felt as though you could have done something more for him.
“I know that I’ve been acting really rude to you lately… but it’s been very, very hard to come to grasp the idea that I’m losing my mother. That’s no excuse to take my anger and depression out on you, I know. And I wish that I could make it up to you. I know that I’ve caused you a lot of pain, and a lot of it will probably never heal, but I want you to know that I-“
He stopped whenever he felt arms wrap around his body, and a slight weight being pressed against the middle of his chest. He looked down, seeing you resting your head right over his heart; your fingers played with a few strands of his long, violet hair. This act, this one simple act, was the thing that broke him.
You felt something occasionally land upon your (color) hair, and you knew that he was finally letting out all the tears he held inside of him for ever so long. You had never once seen him cry, but now, that was different. You didn’t say anything to him; you let the silence drone on as you simply gave him the affection that you knew he needed.
After what seemed like hours, Kars broke the deafening silence that had settled itself over the room.
“(Name), I want you to know that I still do, and always will, love you. You’ve stuck beside me for this long, so please, stay by my side for a while longer?”
Those words, the words you hadn’t heard for a very long time, made your heart flutter within your chest. How could you possibly say no to him? After all, you had promised to love him through his best and his worst; he was only human. You looked up at him, your (color) eyes sparkling with the love you still held within your heart for him.
“I want you to stay beside me forever, Kars. Why else would I have stayed for this long? There’s no hell on earth that could possibly tear me apart from you.”
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Comments: 3
Lilly-x-Feli [2016-09-28 15:06:17 +0000 UTC]
Damn cancer is a bitch, I have lost a few family members do to cancer.
👍: 1 ⏩: 0
Krizzie95 [2016-03-21 16:38:39 +0000 UTC]
I know how it is to be in the dark spot (been there for to long)
👍: 1 ⏩: 0