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"Where am I?"

...?

"What is this place?"

'Ungh, my... head.'

"Gah... Unh. Hello? Is anyone here?"

.....?
"White walls, white ceiling... No...They're... padded.... walls and floors..."
'You've got to be kidding me.'

'Am I in an insane asylum?'
______________________________________________________________

A large monitor appears seemingly from the middle of the floor

"...? Where is that humming noise coming from?"

The large monitor stops moving and turns itself on.

"Welcome..."

Surprised, I turned around to face the monitor.

'Nothing was on it except darkness.'

An odd silence permeated the air for what seemed like an extradordinarily long time.

=Uhm, hello? Who are you?

Suddenly a silhouette of a man appeared in the screen.

"I am nobody important. Instead who are you?"

=If you are nobody then I do not need to reveal anything to you.

"If this is how it is going to continue, then we are not going to progress, and you will not be able to leave this place."

'With an exasperated sigh I managed to mumble my name.'

=Etsuya Togai. My name is Etsuya Togai. I'm 16. I'm in the first year of Minato Ward, Takamatsu Junior High.

"Well then Mr. Etsuya, I have a question for you."

=...What is it?

"Does the world matter?"
= W-what?

"Does the world matter?"
=I-I don't understand your question.
"Let me rephrase then."

"Does everything that has happened to you have a purpose?"
= Of course they have a purpose!

"What is their purpose?"
= To shape you into who you are now.

"Then does the world matter?"
= I really don't understand that question.

"You say that everything that has happened to you so far in your life is to help shape you into who you are now."
= Yes?

"Are you happy that way?"
= I have no way to change the past. I have to cope with it.

"So, you are not happy?"
= I did not say that.
"But you felt that way."
= ...

"Do you think the world matters?"
= I don't understand! Why do you keep saying that?
"It is something that you need to figure out."
= Why?
"Because it is something you need to notice."

= You keep asking me if the world matters, but what aspect of my life does the world affect?
"You are finally participating."
=Huh?

"Instead of saying that you do not understand, you are finally thinking if the world matters."
= But I still don't understand, I need more... something!

"You will not go any further in life if people keep giving you the answers."

"You must figure this out for yourself."

_______________________________________________________________

= So you are talking about the world, as in the people?
"I cannot answer for you. It is something that should feel right to you."
= What is the point of these questions?
"To help shape you into who you will become."
= ... so aggravating...

= So then, "Do the people matter?" replacing "World" with "People"?

'Of course they do!'

'But why does that feel, off?
It is relevant but, doesn't connect with me at the same time.
What does that mean?'

'...What he says is right, something doesn't feel right with what I am thinking and feeling.'
"I'll give you a hint. Think of your past, what happened to you in the past?"
= My past, huh?

'I can't really think of anything from the past really.'
'Only bits and pieces from it.
What was it like?
What was I like?'

Searching this far back in my mind only succeeded in making my head hurt.

'I really don't care about the past anyways.'

But it is odd. How is it that am I not able to remember anything clear from my childhood?
Even if it is from long ago, I should still have some fond memories of my past that I would easily remember.

'This is unnerving...'

Composing myself, I hid the shock I had received upon my sudden realization of my memory loss.

= Do you think that my past has anything to do with my current situation?
"Does it feel odd that you do not recall anything from your past?"
=How did you-
"If you cannot recall your past then how can you do anything about your future?"
=What does my memory loss have to do with my future? How did you know?
"The past gives you foresight. What you should have done the next time the same situation arises."
"So without your past, you are doomed to repeat the same mistakes, unless by some extreme coincidence, you change your mind."
"Think hard, get past the fog that hides your old memories."
=Tch. What are you, a therapist? Are you trying to get something from me? Where am I? Where are you holding me?

"I am not doing anything to keep you here. Merely assisting and observing you."
=There are no doors here, no lights, how is it that I can even see anything in here?
"Should you really be worrying about that now?"
= I suppose not. But you didn't answer my question. How did you know about my memory loss?
"I cannot tell you anything. I do not want to tell you anything because you will not believe me."
=Try me.
"Not until the time is right."
=This is trying my patience.
"And you are not trying at all anymore."
=...! What did you just say? YOU... ARE NOT, TRYING ANYMORE?

Those words envoked a kind of rage that was just as surprising to me as it was to the silhouetted person on the screen.
When those words were spoken, something snapped in my head. Something deep in the recesses of my mind struggled to escape. The sensation that was unusual and not all too pleasant, spread from my head throughout my entire body, effectively chilling it. Something deep in my mind, buried underneath my subconcious, turned and rolled trying to escape the folds in my mind that were trapping it. I couldn't move my body as whatever was in my head was ravaging my mind.

'Am I having a seizure?'

But I wasn't falling to the floor. Instead I was standing straight up, trembling but balanced. As the sensation continued, a dark image started leaking into my mind:

A little kid was bent over crying in a dark corner. The wind was howling outside and trees surrounding the house were swirling around, their branches continuously hitting the windows and walls of the large house. The kid was small, so he couldn't have been older than 5 years old. From the darkness you could see a faint outline of... something. A cloud that was blocking the light from the moon finally passed by. The low silver light was enough to reveal what the outlines were. They were of two dead adults. They both had a bullet hole in each of their heads and the dried blood told that the crime was over an hour ago. The position of the bodies suggested that they were lined up and threatened at gunpoint before shot. When the light passed over the bodies the kid gasped again and fresh new tears flowed from his eyes. In a small voice he said "I'm sorry." and, "I didn't mean it." As the moon's light hit the boy's face the only thing clear to me was the boy's startlingly pale blue eyes.

As the boy with pale blue eyes continued crying, I hardly noticed that I, myself, was screaming. Whether out in terror, or from the, now, horrible sensation running throughout my body. As I regained my composure I noticed I was sweating heavily. My shirt was drenched and beads of sweat rolled down my cheek and off of my chin. That's when I also realized that I too, was crying. At this sudden outburst, all I felt was confusion and emptiness. I couldn't figure out why I started to cry, only stare blankly at the small water drops on my palm. My mind wouldn't work, or rather it worked, but at a speed incomprehensible to me and the thoughts were jumbled against each other. I couldn't process all the information that was currently overflowing my brain. So i just stood there, letting the tears flow for an unknown reason. I cried and let out a savage scream that I didn't know I was capable of making. This entire event, felt like it was me, watching myself in third-person. Watching an empty husk let out an emotion that it was incapable of making. Yes that's it, I was being wrenched from my body and an unknown spirit, upon taking it, forced me out and claimed it as its own. This spirit that had clearly lost its sanity was now in control of my own body, while I floated out in space.

Confusion was always with me. But with this new, complete emptiness, something filled the void. Rage. This spirit had claimed my own body as its own. Forced me out of my own shell and took the shelter for itself. I would have none of it.

I rushed my own body and tackled the spirit out. As I positioned my arm for a jab at his face, I stopped suddenly and recoiled as if bit by a snake. I got off of him to get a good look at his face, but the more I saw, the more I wanted to look away. For the spirit's face was my own.

With that I awoke noisily in my bed, in my room. In my own home. Safe.

Chilled from the haunting dream I just experienced, I huddled back under the covers, shutting my eyes hoping to fall back asleep without going back to that nightmare. But sleep seemed to escape me at every turn.

I stayed under the covers hoping to get some warmth back, but it didn't really help. So I clenched my teeth and threw off my covers and walked out to the hallway. The hallway of the large house seemed unnaturally empty and the moon's light only made the hallway seem creepier than it actually was. I walked towards the kitchen to grab a glass of water then go do something else, but on my way to the kitchen, something caught my eye. I walked towards it and blew off the accumulated dust with my breath and brushed the remainder off with my hand. As I opened the small cabinet, the contents made my heart stir. In it were the pictures of a middle aged man and woman along with a M1911 laid just in front of the pictures.

My parents, and the weapon used by that man to kill them.

As my mind raced back to that time, the criminal had just stepped in front of me, his foot just next to mine. He looked at me with dark black eyes, and laid the gun down by my feet. He then turned and walked away after saying, "Find me, when you want to kill me."

I lit incense and placed the burning tip in a small clay bowl. I then bowed my head until it touched the floor and prayed. At the end of my prayers I added, "Hello Mother, Father. Sorry that I have not talked to you in such a long while. I-... I felt that I couldn't face you guys again after what I had done. After how much I had hurt you both. I-I'm sorry Mother, Father! If only I hadn't wished for your deaths! If only I hadn't wished for it so badly! If only I thought about it more! If only I hadn't acted like such a spoiled brat! If only...! If only..." My speech was interrupted with a large lump in my throat and tears streaming down my face.

After a long time passed, I calmed down and finally said, "I will avenge you Mother, Father. I will find that man, and I will kill him. I swear it."

As the moon's light floated past Etsuya's face, the glass pane reflected pale blue eyes that were filled with hatred.

I grabbed the M1911 I had studied for more than 11 years with. I checked the weapon, pulled out the magazine, checked the barrel and perfectly executed a quick reload. I grabbed my jacket and completely forgot the fact i had come to the kitchen for a glass of water. I headed out the front door, to begin my journey for vengeance.

"Wait for me, you murderer, so I can quickly end this journey and soothe my aching heart."