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My name, though not who I am is known by many as someone who is fierce or wise. Though to many I am a fierce fire and I am a wise owl. But, when left alone in the dark, left to the chaos of my mind: that is not the person I see. I’m a closet, I stash everything in that little space. Every broken, depressing feeling. Every genius thought. Everything gets put to the back of my mind, that is my closet. I swallow every negative, dark feeling. All because I believe that these thoughts and feelings aren’t anyone else’s burden to try and figure out how to lighten.
Through my name, people think “You should be more upbeat, excited about everything..” well I can be. But, what others don’t realize is they’re falling for my act. They believe without a doubt the cover I put on everyday to hide my feelings. Because, as every book, folktale, poem says: The eyes are the windows to your soul. They betray you. They show others the feelings that you’ve fought so hard to conquer. And all you’re left with is what you originally started with, a mess.
Maybe one day I can learn to overcome this feeling of disapproval of what I feel towards my name. To be more accepting. To live up to the fierce, wise person that people believe instead of being the reclusive, quiet, outsider that I am. And when that day comes, I hope that I can accept my name, Lauren.