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awesomesauce — your gaze eluded
Published: 2004-10-15 21:52:48 +0000 UTC; Views: 157; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 6
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Description
the color in your eyessank to the bottom
looking straight down
your heart seems heavy
unnoticed, it's bent from heavy crown
bang head on lead table
hope fixes the problem
its done it before
this time you went too hard
youre eyes never leave
your feet, where you walk
you dont even notice
this tightrope of glass
look up at me now
ill help you through
reach for my hand
ill jump to save you
im already falling
ready to catch you midair
atleast well go together
the fall of eden
adam's seed despair
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Comments: 4
Overall I like it but
the fall of eden
adam's seed despair
The last two lines don't fit, throughout the poem I have an image of a glass skyscraper with a thin rooftop and then it totally changes. Mabey you could work with those last two... for me... for old times sake...
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
i really like this... i think my fav line is
youre eyes never leave
your feet, where you walk
you dont even notice
this tightrope of glass
its just such great imagery... beautiful pictuer u paint
great job
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
rhyme scheme caught me off guard, but overall, i like it.
(arrg finally you submitted something!!)
p.s. i go to take my license test next thursday....
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
