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Published: 2008-10-12 04:43:29 +0000 UTC; Views: 1093; Favourites: 31; Downloads: 4
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Description
EpiphanyAwake now and leaning
into my own
shadow,
a dim moment passing,
another beginning
slow and slowly unfinished
as I lean a bit
more
toward the hallway, imagining
the doors,
creating sounds – a faucet
dripping,
thermostat chatter – waiting
all the rest
of night
for no noise to return
as proof of
something,
wondering what it’d be worth
to reach
for my glasses, until
I’m settled
upon
by a glimpse of something –
a grandmother’s
shawl
ghost-like on a limb and then
pitching
in the surf,
skysung fingers pushing
at an open widow
though she is already gone –
then a child in a stand of ash,
waiting, rocks
around him
wet with pain,
explaining
the color of ebb tide –
a kiss that no one will
say they saw,
and the most surprising part –
that suddenly
this would turn my thoughts to fish
bones. They’re
symbolic.
They swim without flesh.
Already they are
the color of tomorrow.
And here we are sharing an epiphany,
you and I,
both knowing.
Related content
Comments: 112
RyanXCole In reply to ??? [2008-10-13 12:59:44 +0000 UTC]
Love it. The part about fishbones was my favorite.
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b1gfan In reply to RyanXCole [2008-10-13 16:36:45 +0000 UTC]
Thank you, and for the as well
I appreciate that.
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pseudometry In reply to ??? [2008-10-13 07:30:52 +0000 UTC]
This is a great piece, I really love the final two lines too (not to diminish the rest, of course). It's a great, calm, simple and effective finish (rather like an epiphany). And I like the uncontrived honesty of them, and they resonate with me also.
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b1gfan In reply to pseudometry [2008-10-13 07:37:05 +0000 UTC]
thank you Jaime I hoped the form and the content would come together for most readers in a way that would settle and support the epiphany idea. And I was hoping to do that in a way that wouldn't tell them what they had to think or take from the imagery of the piece; I wanted to allow each reader there own space to participate in the poem (though not in a cagey cop-out-on-my-part sort of way by simply leaving the poem with an unfinished "make of it what you will/it's all up to you" kind of feel) - I appreciate the feedback as always
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pseudometry In reply to b1gfan [2008-10-13 07:39:04 +0000 UTC]
I think it does, and it does very nicely.
I quite like those little guys.
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honest-hArt In reply to ??? [2008-10-13 03:58:57 +0000 UTC]
This really reminds me of the Ellen Hopkins books. Cool setup
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b1gfan In reply to honest-hArt [2008-10-13 06:02:31 +0000 UTC]
I'm not sure who that is so I'll have to look her up - thank you though, I'm sure that's very complimentary
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captive-serenity In reply to ??? [2008-10-13 01:36:31 +0000 UTC]
Wow, that's some powerful imagery you have going on there.
The thing with the fish...swimming with no skin...Wow.
Being the colors of tomorrow...
We're defenseless against time, aren't we?
We have the strength of our structure...
But even our mind can't grasp what awaits us...
at least that is what I took from it...
I could be completely wrong...
but that was my epiphany...
Well written, as always.
You are a joy to read.
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b1gfan In reply to captive-serenity [2008-10-13 03:05:58 +0000 UTC]
Thanks for the very active reading Cassandra - and for the as well
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captive-serenity In reply to b1gfan [2008-10-13 05:41:25 +0000 UTC]
Welcome! I usually do read very deeply into things, but I just normally don't reply..
because I don't want to feel dumb...
and have you raise a brow and go "uhm...no, not even close, you're kinda...no." haha
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b1gfan In reply to captive-serenity [2008-10-13 06:06:18 +0000 UTC]
hehehe...well I promise I would not say such a thing I enjoy your responses to be sure!
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Amynnah49 In reply to ??? [2008-10-12 23:46:59 +0000 UTC]
i like it the way it is.
yyyeeepp
you never cease to amaze me, dave.
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b1gfan In reply to Amynnah49 [2008-10-12 23:49:35 +0000 UTC]
Thank you Becky. You make me smile
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b1gfan In reply to Amynnah49 [2008-10-14 02:59:40 +0000 UTC]
*sigh* ah yes - a smile - my work is done
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Julia237 [2008-10-12 23:32:59 +0000 UTC]
This is amazingly beautiful. First piece of yours I've read but I can tell you're a good writer.
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b1gfan In reply to Julia237 [2008-10-12 23:41:13 +0000 UTC]
Thank you Julia - that's very kind
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Ceruleanfirefly [2008-10-12 23:27:21 +0000 UTC]
This is wonderful! ^_^ I can almost picture two people reading this. Or even the same voice, coming from two directions. It's mystifying...
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Ceruleanfirefly In reply to b1gfan [2008-10-13 00:45:24 +0000 UTC]
I've been bitten! O_O XD
Am I a Vampire now, or what? ^_^
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Ceruleanfirefly In reply to b1gfan [2008-10-13 19:32:28 +0000 UTC]
Awwww....A Zombie? Drat. I like Vampires. I like fangs. XD
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b1gfan In reply to Ceruleanfirefly [2008-10-13 21:42:38 +0000 UTC]
Hehehehe - well you're so generous with the s I must say yes to your vampire desires
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Ceruleanfirefly In reply to b1gfan [2008-10-13 22:38:42 +0000 UTC]
Generous? Hm...I'm not sure about that. I only those that I feel deserve them the most. ^_^
Vampires fascinate me...
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b1gfan In reply to Ceruleanfirefly [2008-10-13 22:55:17 +0000 UTC]
they are very interesting characters to be sure
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pen-and-ink-45301 [2008-10-12 22:03:48 +0000 UTC]
I do like the effect of spacing and line break-up, but in places it gets a little jerky. if that was the intention, then that's great. but if you're leaning more towards flow, then I'd say re-examine your breaks.
favorite line: "Already they are the color of tomorrow."
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b1gfan In reply to pen-and-ink-45301 [2008-10-13 00:17:10 +0000 UTC]
Well, by design my hope was that the poem would break up so that images would emerge only little by little - not totally discordant in total but, well, like things in the dark only slowly coming into view and never all at once the structure would then support/recreate the experience of an epiphany in that way
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pen-and-ink-45301 In reply to b1gfan [2008-10-13 00:29:53 +0000 UTC]
ok - it's your poem, anyway. maybe I have smoother epiphanies than you do. (haha. I'm kidding.) it does have a sense of things emerging little by little.
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b1gfan In reply to underworldriver [2008-10-12 22:20:29 +0000 UTC]
I burn with the joy you feel for it Lauren the pyroglomp tells me so
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underworldriver In reply to b1gfan [2008-10-12 22:40:58 +0000 UTC]
hahaha, yup you couldn't be anymore correct my friend. So how have you been lately? do you IM by chance?
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b1gfan In reply to WhenIRIP [2008-10-12 18:15:31 +0000 UTC]
You are too kind Amanda - thank you
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leebeeloves [2008-10-12 14:26:57 +0000 UTC]
this is really great. awesome imagery & the last line is especially fantastic!
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b1gfan In reply to leebeeloves [2008-10-12 18:12:57 +0000 UTC]
You are fantastic the last line is probably just good
Thank you for the wonderful comment Lisa.
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YouInventedMe In reply to ??? [2008-10-12 12:14:01 +0000 UTC]
always a pleasure to read you, dave
xo!
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Blueskye27 In reply to ??? [2008-10-12 05:13:25 +0000 UTC]
Both knowing... oh, Dave, it's so, so good. I love it.
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b1gfan In reply to Blueskye27 [2008-10-12 05:16:22 +0000 UTC]
you dear dear friend you thank you
and a
too
you are the sweetest!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Blueskye27 In reply to b1gfan [2008-10-12 05:17:54 +0000 UTC]
I just completely love it. It has a clean, honest feel to it that I can't really express. Kinda like you, I guess.
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