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b1gfan — Overcome
Published: 2008-10-17 04:42:01 +0000 UTC; Views: 2285; Favourites: 44; Downloads: 45
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Description Overcome


It is a moment without metaphor,
without the elegance of ambiguity.
What happens does not signify anything,
does not borrow the body of what it is
to create the soul of what it is;

it does not lend itself out to betoken
other things. These are seconds
without such generosity.

It is not a moment of young onions
grown tender for the harvest, or persimmons
frosted over by the sugars of age. There are
no solemn rail cars rusting into poignancy.

There is only a young black man
who is only a young black man
bullied by the sting of insult and indignity
too great, his proud mouth burnt by wrath
as he careens down the sidewalk
toward bedlam.

There is only a loose-tongued white man
who is only a loose-tongued white man,
older and leaning heavily on a cane as he turns,
a bag of something in his free hand, fretfully
silent now as he looks into the face
his epithets have spoken to life –

one ugliness begets another.
Cups of coffee leave the parking lot
behind me, where presumably all this began
in ways I don’t know, and my breath catches,

because there is also me,
green light in my eyes,
already turning left toward home
when I see the first hand flash out
and I reach for my phone –

there is also me, trying to tell the operator
about two men grown bitter as the dirty tang
of onions, aging under the sugars of spite,
each rusting on the rails of what's begun.
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Comments: 110

b1gfan In reply to ??? [2014-10-04 04:36:13 +0000 UTC]

You're too kind. Thank you.

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Fluxicity [2010-12-09 21:20:59 +0000 UTC]

The propragation between subject and interpretor leaves a solemn, bittering taste when conveyed in cold, methodical tones much as a commentator would wield. While there is a certain beguiling aspect to the approach, it lends itself very well to the eyes of people who weren't present at the time. And also, even though there is no mentioned similie of metaphor your piece certainly makes up for it in amiable amounts Loved every nail-biting second

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b1gfan In reply to Fluxicity [2010-12-10 04:15:35 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much my friend I appreciate that you took the time to read and comment so generously.

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Fluxicity In reply to b1gfan [2010-12-20 10:31:10 +0000 UTC]

You're very welcome, t'was my pleasure

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cwedmart [2010-12-09 17:15:08 +0000 UTC]

Excellent writing with a powerful inspiration - and congratulations on your well deserved dld.

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b1gfan In reply to cwedmart [2010-12-10 04:16:18 +0000 UTC]

Thank you my friend. I appreciate the time you gave to reading and commenting on the piece. You rock!

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doorfromheaven [2010-12-09 15:19:13 +0000 UTC]

Oh wow....

That was some very powerful imagery. How scary. My reflex is never the phone -- I always end up yelling. Must be all my training around horses -- just have to appear bigger and in charge. I cannot stand violence....

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b1gfan In reply to doorfromheaven [2010-12-10 04:17:23 +0000 UTC]

I hear ya' Thanks so much for reading and offering the very generous comment

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doorfromheaven In reply to b1gfan [2010-12-10 16:04:00 +0000 UTC]

Welcome! It's what I am trying to do... now. ^^ be a more active reader.

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DailyLitDeviations [2010-12-09 11:25:46 +0000 UTC]

Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) and has been selected as our Pick of the Day. It is featured in a news article here: [link] and on our main page.

Keep writing and keep creating.

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b1gfan In reply to DailyLitDeviations [2010-12-10 04:16:34 +0000 UTC]

Why thank you! I am humbled.

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fllnthblnk [2009-07-13 06:33:39 +0000 UTC]

I was thinking about this poem today, but I couldn't remember the title. I had to sift through my favorites to find it. Had to read it again!

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b1gfan In reply to fllnthblnk [2009-07-13 18:41:46 +0000 UTC]

Wow - thinking of this one? That's wonderful of you to say William. Thank you

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CoralthePope [2009-01-13 05:39:33 +0000 UTC]

Grand imagery. Really liked this one. Struck me just where it wanted to.
You are getting a lot of praise for this one, do you like it as much as your readers do?

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b1gfan In reply to CoralthePope [2009-01-13 06:44:21 +0000 UTC]

I suppose I do like it That's a tough question to answer - Like a lot of people, I tend to see my work in terms of its limits and to judge it rather harshly. There are frankly days I can hardly read my own work without getting really frustrated with it. Then again, if I truly disliked a poem, if I fundamentally though it was not offering anything worth checking out, I wouldn't post it because it seems unfair to encourage people to read material in a setting like dA if one has absolutely no confidence in their own piece. I guess I'd say, on balance, I like it. I really appreciate that you might, and that you took the time to offer such a thought provoking question.

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CoralthePope In reply to b1gfan [2009-01-13 23:24:26 +0000 UTC]

Any time, sir.

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galengargirl90 [2008-11-25 18:04:01 +0000 UTC]

i like the ending,love.

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b1gfan In reply to galengargirl90 [2008-11-25 18:09:42 +0000 UTC]

Thank you - I'm glad you like it! And the is so sweet!

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galengargirl90 In reply to b1gfan [2008-11-25 18:15:00 +0000 UTC]

your welc,love.

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captive-serenity [2008-10-28 05:10:17 +0000 UTC]

You never cease to amaze me....it's true.
I love the way you write...
sometimes what we see...
is all we can see...
a looming darkness...
still seeking meaning
in a humanity
we may have never had.



Hmmm...
now my mind is just wandering....-skips off-

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b1gfan In reply to captive-serenity [2008-10-28 06:06:56 +0000 UTC]

Thank you Cassandra; thank you very much

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Oceanbird [2008-10-26 02:20:54 +0000 UTC]

Your metaphor is unique. Onions? Persimmons? Perfect!

Your imagery stunning. "proud mouth burnt by wrath", "Cups of coffee leave the parking lot"

Sad, thoughtful, dynamic.

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b1gfan In reply to Oceanbird [2008-10-26 02:58:32 +0000 UTC]

Thanks Danielle - I appreciate the time and the thoughtfulness in your response. Thank you for that and the

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mare-wrath [2008-10-24 16:48:44 +0000 UTC]

written beautifully

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b1gfan In reply to mare-wrath [2008-10-25 04:41:20 +0000 UTC]

Thank you much my kind friend

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angeleyes2480 [2008-10-23 23:56:45 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful! Just beautiful! You most certainly took my breath away with your powerful words! Wonderful work, Dave!

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b1gfan In reply to angeleyes2480 [2008-10-24 04:26:21 +0000 UTC]

Thank you Angela and once again I really appreciate the

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angeleyes2480 In reply to b1gfan [2008-10-24 04:42:58 +0000 UTC]

My pleasure, as always!

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ColonelFitz [2008-10-21 03:59:42 +0000 UTC]

Great job! I have to admit the turn this took was quite unexpected, great job!

The repetitiveness gives the whole a piece a sort of resigned weariness.

I have to admit I've never heard the word "betoken" before...

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b1gfan In reply to ColonelFitz [2008-10-21 05:39:59 +0000 UTC]

Thank you Joan and for the too - sweet

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ColonelFitz In reply to b1gfan [2008-10-21 05:43:10 +0000 UTC]

As always, Dave!

May I ask what exactly happened?

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b1gfan In reply to ColonelFitz [2008-10-24 04:41:09 +0000 UTC]

I was leaving the parking lot of Peets Coffee near my place when I saw and obviously angry young black man walking briskly after an older white man, yelling something like "Say that to me again. Call me that one more time..." The white man scooted away but quick and the young black man, clearly very upset, was dissuaded from pursuing it by a third guy who intercepted him just outside Peets.

I figured it was settled, so I packed up to go home. As I was exiting the lot I saw the white guy on the corner, waiting to cross the street. Just as I turned left on my green light, I saw the black man come briskly down the sidewalk towards the white man, clearly upset again, yelling (though I couldn't make out exactly what he was saying this time - it seemed very similar though). The white guy said nothing, clearly scared... As his temper built, the black gentleman struck him once, then again, both with open-handed slaps across the face.

I pulled over to call 911. After 4 minutes on the phone with the emergency operator no one had yet arrived. By then the two guys had parted and were walking in separate directions. It was all over but the crying....

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inspiredimperfection In reply to b1gfan [2008-11-06 09:03:50 +0000 UTC]

oh i wish you would put that in the artist's comments! it adds a 3rd dimension to the poem, which is quite dynamic as others have mentioned, you really get a sense of trying to "watch" the perspective shift over the images.

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b1gfan In reply to inspiredimperfection [2008-11-06 18:49:43 +0000 UTC]

I have added it just as you say power to the people; be the change you want to see in the world!

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inspiredimperfection In reply to b1gfan [2008-11-08 21:04:51 +0000 UTC]

i totally love that attitude

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b1gfan In reply to inspiredimperfection [2008-11-08 21:09:27 +0000 UTC]

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y0urstalker [2008-10-21 02:05:54 +0000 UTC]

well perhaps I'm only knowledgable when I choose to be then.

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b1gfan In reply to y0urstalker [2008-10-21 05:39:42 +0000 UTC]

I think you must choose it often Thank you for the

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NJKay [2008-10-19 16:05:12 +0000 UTC]

Yes it is. You really got the feeling across well, I love how you ended the piece.

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b1gfan In reply to NJKay [2008-10-19 20:58:33 +0000 UTC]

thank you Kay I wanted to get back to those metaphors at the end for symmetry and the aesthetic progress of the poem So I appreciate your reading of it

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NJKay In reply to b1gfan [2008-10-20 23:30:05 +0000 UTC]

Haha. You did a good job at achieving that. You're welcome.

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b1gfan In reply to NJKay [2008-10-21 05:36:40 +0000 UTC]

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AlasMyGreensleeves [2008-10-19 03:15:58 +0000 UTC]

This sounds really good, but you used so many big words I think my mind just froze over lol

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b1gfan In reply to AlasMyGreensleeves [2008-10-19 03:47:37 +0000 UTC]

Well, I tried to use only the words that say what I mean

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AlasMyGreensleeves In reply to b1gfan [2008-10-19 21:50:09 +0000 UTC]

I know exactly what you mean.

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jadisofeternity [2008-10-19 02:23:34 +0000 UTC]

wow. scary stuff, well expressed

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b1gfan In reply to jadisofeternity [2008-10-19 03:49:40 +0000 UTC]

Thank you Ruth

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cynicalxpoet [2008-10-18 18:46:19 +0000 UTC]

This is fantastic!

What happens does not signify anything,
does not borrow the body of what it is
to create the soul of what it is
---
I love that.

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b1gfan In reply to cynicalxpoet [2008-10-18 20:08:13 +0000 UTC]

Thank you Sebastian - and for the as well

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Blueskye27 [2008-10-18 17:28:11 +0000 UTC]

Are you all right, Dave?

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