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long story short. i was laying in bed yesterday waiting for a reply when roleplaying. i was tired as the night before i didnt sleep at all. and i was staring at the ceiling and thinking about my year....this includes breaking up with my girlfriend,the reason why, family deaths,and being fucked off by friends. my head started to hurt more and more as i stared to go into detail about what happened. i started to feel sick and light headed my breathing speeding up. and well...i noticed that im pathetic. i let people push me around. why?? i dont know. my friends have started to argue a shit ton and its driving me insane as because if i tell them who i think is wrong IM gonna be the one who gets shit for it. My opinion causes fights. Because im so split. One over-reacts at times. the other causes the fights and blames people. then the other does the same. then the attitude and smart ass comments from all of them and im just tired. why cant it be like it used to?? but no. everyone has become sensative as shit and im tired. i started to think more and more over it and eneded up passing out. it stressed me out....i dont know if i can continue the way my life is going. my irl friends tell me to stop talking to them but what do i do?? i come back to them. maybe they where right. im too pathetic and forgiving. Just like they told me last time. i need help. Im weak. I try my best not to vent to people as sometimes i seem like im asking for attention. so i just sit and stare. my home life inst helping. im going back to fucking school tomorrow and im gonna end up stressing again causing me to be more senstive, more sleepless nights, eating problem again and im gonna probably become more aggresive again. but who the fuck cares?? me being pissed it everyones entertainment at this point. does it matter that it causes me harm??? pfft fuck no. I listen to everyone vent and i feel like IM in the wrong for being sad because of their problems seem bigger than mine even tho thats not the case at times. im too scared to tell people about how i really feel and my mental problems. i get laughed at for them and iv learned not to tell anyone anything i see and anything i feel. im starting to trust people less. the people i know have started to devolp rediculous logics and im trying to figure out how and where did they come from. iv been given so much shit lately. half of the stuff being lies that are so stupid i should just laugh. but i end up blaming myself. do i get a apology?? half of the time no. but oh well. iv been over it so many times iv just taught myself to cry it out. Im just a toy at this point. make me depressed for the laughs and when they relise that im not depressed anymore they try to run back. and i promise to myself i will say no but i always say its fine even tho i dont trust them as much. why am i like this?? why cant i speak for myself?? why just why? i would say more. but probably no one is reading this. and everything at this point wouldnt make a change. so im stopping here. im sorry for this post.

Description
long story short. i was laying in bed yesterday waiting for a reply when roleplaying. i was tired as the night before i didnt sleep at all. and i was staring at the ceiling and thinking about my year....this includes breaking up with my girlfriend,the reason why, family deaths,and being fucked off by friends. my head started to hurt more and more as i stared to go into detail about what happened. i started to feel sick and light headed my breathing speeding up. and well...i noticed that im pathetic. i let people push me around. why?? i dont know. my friends have started to argue a shit ton and its driving me insane as because if i tell them who i think is wrong IM gonna be the one who gets shit for it. My opinion causes fights. Because im so split. One over-reacts at times. the other causes the fights and blames people. then the other does the same. then the attitude and smart ass comments from all of them and im just tired. why cant it be like it used to?? but no. everyone has become sensative as shit and im tired. i started to think more and more over it and eneded up passing out. it stressed me out....i dont know if i can continue the way my life is going. my irl friends tell me to stop talking to them but what do i do?? i come back to them. maybe they where right. im too pathetic and forgiving. Just like they told me last time. i need help. Im weak. I try my best not to vent to people as sometimes i seem like im asking for attention. so i just sit and stare. my home life inst helping. im going back to fucking school tomorrow and im gonna end up stressing again causing me to be more senstive, more sleepless nights, eating problem again and im gonna probably become more aggresive again. but who the fuck cares?? me being pissed it everyones entertainment at this point. does it matter that it causes me harm??? pfft fuck no. I listen to everyone vent and i feel like IM in the wrong for being sad because of their problems seem bigger than mine even tho thats not the case at times. im too scared to tell people about how i really feel and my mental problems. i get laughed at for them and iv learned not to tell anyone anything i see and anything i feel. im starting to trust people less. the people i know have started to devolp rediculous logics and im trying to figure out how and where did they come from. iv been given so much shit lately. half of the stuff being lies that are so stupid i should just laugh. but i end up blaming myself. do i get a apology?? half of the time no. but oh well. iv been over it so many times iv just taught myself to cry it out. Im just a toy at this point. make me depressed for the laughs and when they relise that im not depressed anymore they try to run back. and i promise to myself i will say no but i always say its fine even tho i dont trust them as much. why am i like this?? why cant i speak for myself?? why just why? i would say more. but probably no one is reading this. and everything at this point wouldnt make a change. so im stopping here. im sorry for this post.