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Description
Without Tomorrow

What if tomorrow never comes? Would you be prepared to face the unknown? Millions of people have ventured past the life they know into the untold future without any preparation. Tomorrow: the comforter, the security blanket that protects us as we sleep and guards us against the fears of today. I don’t fear the absence of tomorrow as much as I used to. There was a time when I would be terrified of the mere thought of a lack of tomorrow.

Several years ago, I was about 12 or so, my family and I were out in California visiting my Aunt, who is also my mother’s twin sister. (No, there’s no special inference to be made from that, just a little aside I thought I’d share with you all.) She lives in the mountains of Sacramento. It’s very lonely, cold and dark up there. She is miles from the nearest city and the closest neighbor is quite a hike up a treacherous path. We used to spend our summers in Los Angeles and Sacramento, making the eight hour drive between the two cities regularly. Time seemed to stand still when we were vacationing in the mountains. The days passed slowly and they were always filled with excitement. We could do whatever we pleased at our leisure, there was always tomorrow.

I recall one night at my Aunt’s house in particular: there had been an electrical storm moments before and I was sitting in the basement watching television, looking for updates on any power outages in the surrounding areas. I remember being slightly frightened at the thought of being alone in this big house by myself, so I decided to turn on all the lights that I could find. I was quite the coward when I was younger. Why? I don’t really know. I guess I just depended on my parents to fight my battles when I was a kid. How quickly that changes, huh? Regardless of that fact, the lights were now on throughout the house and I took comfort knowing that I was in the middle of a huge beacon of light in the middle of the woods.

As I traversed the tremendous house, I stopped to look at various photographs of family members, both those living and deceased. I happened across an old, tattered scroll-like wall hanging. Obviously looking back, it had been manufactured to look old and worn; however, at the time I was young and ignorant enough to believe it to be real. On this scroll was written the most odd request. I don’t remember it verbatim, but I do recall the main focus of it. The scroll spoke of the inhabitants of the house, it told who was living there and that they were ‘god fearing people’. Ah, there it is, wonderful religion. At this age I was still being brainwashed and injected with this deceitful biblical garbage so I took it to heart as I continued reading the scroll. It said that whoever is reading this should learn about god and that the reader should follow certain scripture in the bible.

How would someone reading this scroll know about the bible? Well, the manufacturers of the scroll had thought of that, they had the scripture located on the side of this large document. I scanned the scripture and recalled it as I read. It spoke of acknowledging god and the end of times and believing in him and all the other fanfare. I continued reading and the scroll then spelled out the ominous portent of its existence: tomorrow may not come. This wall hanging was a sign to those who came in the wake of the end of the world. My young mind reeled at the thought of not having a tomorrow. How could it be possible to not continue? What would happen to all of us? I left the room with the scroll just as I heard a car pulling up to the driveway.

I don’t want anyone to have the impression that I detest my upbringing. My current lack of reverence and disdain for all things religious is not an attack on my parents or the way I was raised. Quite the opposite is true, in fact, I am incredibly thankful to have been brought up in a loving, nurturing household that instilled morals, etiquette and the desire for knowledge in me from a very young age. I was always encouraged to try my best and to fulfill my dreams. My desires and plans were always guided by a firm and loving hand, even when those plans were outlandish. (That is a story in and of itself for another time.)

That night I lay down in the living room curled up in my sleeping bag trying not to think about the end of the world. I have a tremendous imagination, which at times can be a heavy burden to bear, but one that I’m learning to keep in control. Sometimes I can get carried away with certain thoughts and tend to make myself sick or worrisome because of this hideous, uncontrollable imagination. As I lay there I had visions of the end of the world. Things that I believed would happen to people - to me, to my family, my friends; the ones I loved and people I had never met. Do you think that’s crazy? Does it seem odd or strange? Well, I can tell you at the time I was terrified. I had the ‘fear of god’ instilled in me since I was a child. I was taught to obey the word of god and that the end of time would come eventually and judgment day would be upon us soon! How could I not reflect on the meaning of that scroll? I dreamed terrible dreams, things I don’t fully remember anymore, but I am certain that they were horrid: images of demons and angels battling in the skies, vying for control of the earth; for mortal souls. The outcome was predetermined, the victory of the angels assured.

However, I was uncertain as to which side of the battle my soul would be on. I questioned my faith and for the first time, I was afraid of death. I was terrified that I was not going to be on the winning side. I remember waking up screaming, crying and sweating and not knowing why. I was always told that our futures are written and that god knows what will happen to us before we even do it. What kind of short-sighted people invented this religion? How can there be the concept of ‘free will’ only to contradict it with predestined futures? At that point in time it was too early for me to begin to question these things. I’m glad that I can reflect on this experience though, and ask these questions now.

Take a moment, think about it. What if tomorrow never came? It’s an amazing concept to imagine. I get lost in the vastness of space, imagining what it would be like to not be; to not exist any longer. I think it is a tremendous feat to be able to think about the essence of nothing. It instills fear, awe and wonder simultaneously. Howard Phillip Lovecraft, an author from the early 1920’s said “The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear. And the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.” I didn’t know this at the time, but it holds true to my early experiences with the unknown. I was terrified of not having tomorrow to look forward to even though I did not know if it was beneficial or not. I couldn’t see past the fear, to come to a rational conclusion.

Today I realize that I cannot control the future, nor can it control me. There are an infinite number of choices I can make on a daily basis that can create a new path for me into the unknown, into tomorrow. When I was a child I was told that we should always have faith. I was told that religion is rooted in faith; one must believe in things not seen because that is the only way to achieve the ultimate goal. However, faith was not able to quell my fears and abate my anxiety. I arrived at this point through logic and reason not by faith which is an unrestricted, dangerous tool; one that should never be relied upon because it is not rooted in reality. In order to face tomorrow, I have relied on hope. Hope is belief in something based on fact and precedence. It is rational and grounded. One can have hope that tomorrow will come because it has arrived so many times before. With hope, you can continue with life and know that there is some type of order and structure that is rooted in reality; in logic and reason.

Description
Without Tomorrow

What if tomorrow never comes? Would you be prepared to face the unknown? Millions of people have ventured past the life they know into the untold future without any preparation. Tomorrow: the comforter, the security blanket that protects us as we sleep and guards us against the fears of today. I don’t fear the absence of tomorrow as much as I used to. There was a time when I would be terrified of the mere thought of a lack of tomorrow.

Several years ago, I was about 12 or so, my family and I were out in California visiting my Aunt, who is also my mother’s twin sister. (No, there’s no special inference to be made from that, just a little aside I thought I’d share with you all.) She lives in the mountains of Sacramento. It’s very lonely, cold and dark up there. She is miles from the nearest city and the closest neighbor is quite a hike up a treacherous path. We used to spend our summers in Los Angeles and Sacramento, making the eight hour drive between the two cities regularly. Time seemed to stand still when we were vacationing in the mountains. The days passed slowly and they were always filled with excitement. We could do whatever we pleased at our leisure, there was always tomorrow.

I recall one night at my Aunt’s house in particular: there had been an electrical storm moments before and I was sitting in the basement watching television, looking for updates on any power outages in the surrounding areas. I remember being slightly frightened at the thought of being alone in this big house by myself, so I decided to turn on all the lights that I could find. I was quite the coward when I was younger. Why? I don’t really know. I guess I just depended on my parents to fight my battles when I was a kid. How quickly that changes, huh? Regardless of that fact, the lights were now on throughout the house and I took comfort knowing that I was in the middle of a huge beacon of light in the middle of the woods.

As I traversed the tremendous house, I stopped to look at various photographs of family members, both those living and deceased. I happened across an old, tattered scroll-like wall hanging. Obviously looking back, it had been manufactured to look old and worn; however, at the time I was young and ignorant enough to believe it to be real. On this scroll was written the most odd request. I don’t remember it verbatim, but I do recall the main focus of it. The scroll spoke of the inhabitants of the house, it told who was living there and that they were ‘god fearing people’. Ah, there it is, wonderful religion. At this age I was still being brainwashed and injected with this deceitful biblical garbage so I took it to heart as I continued reading the scroll. It said that whoever is reading this should learn about god and that the reader should follow certain scripture in the bible.

How would someone reading this scroll know about the bible? Well, the manufacturers of the scroll had thought of that, they had the scripture located on the side of this large document. I scanned the scripture and recalled it as I read. It spoke of acknowledging god and the end of times and believing in him and all the other fanfare. I continued reading and the scroll then spelled out the ominous portent of its existence: tomorrow may not come. This wall hanging was a sign to those who came in the wake of the end of the world. My young mind reeled at the thought of not having a tomorrow. How could it be possible to not continue? What would happen to all of us? I left the room with the scroll just as I heard a car pulling up to the driveway.

I don’t want anyone to have the impression that I detest my upbringing. My current lack of reverence and disdain for all things religious is not an attack on my parents or the way I was raised. Quite the opposite is true, in fact, I am incredibly thankful to have been brought up in a loving, nurturing household that instilled morals, etiquette and the desire for knowledge in me from a very young age. I was always encouraged to try my best and to fulfill my dreams. My desires and plans were always guided by a firm and loving hand, even when those plans were outlandish. (That is a story in and of itself for another time.)

That night I lay down in the living room curled up in my sleeping bag trying not to think about the end of the world. I have a tremendous imagination, which at times can be a heavy burden to bear, but one that I’m learning to keep in control. Sometimes I can get carried away with certain thoughts and tend to make myself sick or worrisome because of this hideous, uncontrollable imagination. As I lay there I had visions of the end of the world. Things that I believed would happen to people - to me, to my family, my friends; the ones I loved and people I had never met. Do you think that’s crazy? Does it seem odd or strange? Well, I can tell you at the time I was terrified. I had the ‘fear of god’ instilled in me since I was a child. I was taught to obey the word of god and that the end of time would come eventually and judgment day would be upon us soon! How could I not reflect on the meaning of that scroll? I dreamed terrible dreams, things I don’t fully remember anymore, but I am certain that they were horrid: images of demons and angels battling in the skies, vying for control of the earth; for mortal souls. The outcome was predetermined, the victory of the angels assured.

However, I was uncertain as to which side of the battle my soul would be on. I questioned my faith and for the first time, I was afraid of death. I was terrified that I was not going to be on the winning side. I remember waking up screaming, crying and sweating and not knowing why. I was always told that our futures are written and that god knows what will happen to us before we even do it. What kind of short-sighted people invented this religion? How can there be the concept of ‘free will’ only to contradict it with predestined futures? At that point in time it was too early for me to begin to question these things. I’m glad that I can reflect on this experience though, and ask these questions now.

Take a moment, think about it. What if tomorrow never came? It’s an amazing concept to imagine. I get lost in the vastness of space, imagining what it would be like to not be; to not exist any longer. I think it is a tremendous feat to be able to think about the essence of nothing. It instills fear, awe and wonder simultaneously. Howard Phillip Lovecraft, an author from the early 1920’s said “The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear. And the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.” I didn’t know this at the time, but it holds true to my early experiences with the unknown. I was terrified of not having tomorrow to look forward to even though I did not know if it was beneficial or not. I couldn’t see past the fear, to come to a rational conclusion.

Today I realize that I cannot control the future, nor can it control me. There are an infinite number of choices I can make on a daily basis that can create a new path for me into the unknown, into tomorrow. When I was a child I was told that we should always have faith. I was told that religion is rooted in faith; one must believe in things not seen because that is the only way to achieve the ultimate goal. However, faith was not able to quell my fears and abate my anxiety. I arrived at this point through logic and reason not by faith which is an unrestricted, dangerous tool; one that should never be relied upon because it is not rooted in reality. In order to face tomorrow, I have relied on hope. Hope is belief in something based on fact and precedence. It is rational and grounded. One can have hope that tomorrow will come because it has arrived so many times before. With hope, you can continue with life and know that there is some type of order and structure that is rooted in reality; in logic and reason.