HOME | DD

Description

i keep piling myself with work and tasks so that i dont have to think about all those things that bother me.

i know i can do it all, but it's having nothing to do after it and being left alone with how I feel is what scares me.

i dont want to think about much i should eat
i dont want to think "oh i can eat way less than that, that's nothing" when i hear a girl in my class say she didnt eat lunch like it's some sort of fucking game.
i dont want to think about how lonely i am
i dont want to think of how much of a loser i am
i dont want to think of how stupid i am
i dont want to think of how disgustingly hideous i feel when i look at myself
i dont want to make myself sick and cry on the bathroom floor because im stupid and dumb and i cant even understand anything being taught to me in class
i dont want to think about how much i want to lock myself away somewhere and be alone so i can't hear everyone fighting with each other
i don t want to think about all that time i wasted
i dont want to think about all nice memories i had with my friends and then cry because it's all gone.

when im doing school work it's better because im not thinking about these things
when i draw i dont have to focus on anything else but on what im making.

im trying to be hard on myself and be stern, like "no, you're not going to slack off, you're going to do this and that, and you're going to try. no more excuses"
but i feel like a failure
today in chemistry i couldn't even solve a simple percent error equation and i looked so dumb because im 'smart' i should know it, i should know these things. but when im listening nothing sticks

Description

i keep piling myself with work and tasks so that i dont have to think about all those things that bother me.

i know i can do it all, but it's having nothing to do after it and being left alone with how I feel is what scares me.

i dont want to think about much i should eat
i dont want to think "oh i can eat way less than that, that's nothing" when i hear a girl in my class say she didnt eat lunch like it's some sort of fucking game.
i dont want to think about how lonely i am
i dont want to think of how much of a loser i am
i dont want to think of how stupid i am
i dont want to think of how disgustingly hideous i feel when i look at myself
i dont want to make myself sick and cry on the bathroom floor because im stupid and dumb and i cant even understand anything being taught to me in class
i dont want to think about how much i want to lock myself away somewhere and be alone so i can't hear everyone fighting with each other
i don t want to think about all that time i wasted
i dont want to think about all nice memories i had with my friends and then cry because it's all gone.

when im doing school work it's better because im not thinking about these things
when i draw i dont have to focus on anything else but on what im making.

im trying to be hard on myself and be stern, like "no, you're not going to slack off, you're going to do this and that, and you're going to try. no more excuses"
but i feel like a failure
today in chemistry i couldn't even solve a simple percent error equation and i looked so dumb because im 'smart' i should know it, i should know these things. but when im listening nothing sticks