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Description
Dragon Age: Inquisition Fanfiction
In Another World
Started 5/13/15
Catrinna Lavellan could faintly make out the drunked noises of celebration that she tried desperately to escape being carried up with the brisk wind, stirring her chocolate brown hair about her face. Stray pieces stuck to her damp cheeks, and no matter how many times she swatted at them, one always remained stuck.
Her slender fingers brushed against her left cheek roughly, managing to free herself from her tendrils of hair for a moment.
The moment was not one of victory, though. Her fingertips hesitated on her cheek, feeling the smooth skin directly under her eye. Where her vallaslin used to be before….
“Fenedhis!”
Her curse echoed out into the mountain air, swelling over the din of celebration for but a second before Bull’s belly laugh dominated the atmosphere. Even the damned voices in her head seemed to be cheering. Curse that Well, curse all these voices; Cole was right, damn him.
Lavellan pushed herself away from the balcony, away from the sounds of happiness, angrily wiping away tears to no avail. There was no stopping it.
She stumbled into her quarters, pulling the glass doors closed behind her. That helped muffle the sounds of her companions’ partying some.
It wasn’t fair. She tried so hard to fake a smile back downstairs. She struggled through talking with each and every one of her friends, but the most important person was nowhere to be found. She lingered for as long as necessary, but one sorrowful look from Cassandra sent her practically sprinting up into her quarters. She knew she meant well, but her pity was the last thing she needed. It hurt enough, his disappearance in itself.
Leliana had sworn that she’ll keep looking, but Lavellan knew it was fruitless. If he did not want to be found, he would not be found.
Hiccupping between sobs, she collapsed onto her bed, clutching her pillow to her chest. His final words to her rang in her head:
“No matter what comes, I want you to know that what we had was real.”
Real? Real? But he left anyway? It didn’t make sense.
But that wasn’t what had broken her heart, no. It was when he revealed the truth behind her vallaslin. A mark of slavery to the old gods rather than a sign of honor, respect. When he offered to remove it, to release her from such a burden of knowledge. When he called her beautiful after his spell had worked its magic. When he kissed her. When it felt like it was just the two of them in the entire world. When he pulled away and frowned at her, despite it all. When he called himself a distraction, promising to never take her away from her duties again.
When she told him that she loved him and saw that pained expression flash across his face.
“You have a rare and marvelous spirit. In another world…” His face had twisted with such anguish that she had never seen as he backed away from her. It reflected her own pain, perhaps even more.
“Why not this one?” She had begged, moving towards him to take his hands as tears prickled at the corners of her eyes.
He had only pulled away, his eyes crushed closed under his furrowed brow. She took note of how the scar above his eyebrow had crinkled, and she hated that she remembered that so clearly. How she yearned to smooth it out, even now as she recalled the memory.
“I…can’t. I’m sorry.” His voice had cracked, and she couldn’t help but take a little satisfaction in that.
And then he turned away from her, walked away and left her alone in that hollow in Crestwood. That, that was when her heart had broken.
“Rinna?”
Cole’s voice pulled her out of her reverie, causing her to gasp and practically throw her pillow across the room. She turned to see the young man floating at the top of her stairs, his giant hat hiding his expression from her.
“Cole,” She whispered, hastily trying to wipe her tears away.
She stopped in mid-movement, realizing that Cole would be able to know how she felt regardless of how she looked on the outside.
“Your pain,” He said, head bowed to watch his twiddling fingers. “I could no longer ignore it. It was too,” He titled his head to look back at her, “overwhelming. I want to help, Rinna.”
“I don’t think you can, Cole.” Lavellan murmured, his use of her nickname helping some. “Some things can’t be helped.”
“That’s what he said, too. ‘You cannot heal this, Cole. Please, let it go.’”
Lavellan froze; how could she not have realized that Cole could perhaps have more insight into his disappearance? She leaned forward, unconsciously reaching out to the manifested spirit.
“What else did he tell you, Cole?” She whispered in a low voice, as if trying not to frighten off a wild halla.
“He hurts, an old pain from before, when everything sang the same.” Cole’s words spilled out of him without any further prodding. “You’re real, and it means everyone could be real. It changes everything, but it can’t. They sleep, masked in a mirror, hiding, hurting, and to wake them…” He gasped, startling Lavellan enough to make her stand as the spirit clutched his chest.
“Where did it go?” Cole rasped, his pale blue eyes wide under his shaggy blonde hair.
“Cole-?” Lavellan murmured, regret flooding her veins as the spirit obviously struggled with the recollection.
“’I apologize, Cole. That is not a pain you can heal.’”
Lavellen felt her heart stop while Cole shook his head free of the memories, of his words. She sank slowly back onto her bed, her fingers that were reaching out to him now curling back in to rest on her chest. She still didn’t understand. If it hurt him as much as it did her, then why-?
“She is bare-faced, embarrassed, and she doesn’t know.” Her head snapped up as his strained words floated across the room; her hand flew to her unmarked cheek of its own accord. “She thinks it’s because of her.”
She suddenly wasn’t all that keen on hearing anything else.
“Stop,” Her voice was soft, but firm.
“Confusion, hurt, so much pain, I could make you forget-”
A sudden fire burst within her heart as Lavellan jumped to her feet. She pointed a threatening finger at the manifested spirit, a little spark of magic spitting forth as her emotions got the better of her.
“No!” She screamed, her voice ripping out of her throat violently. “Do not dare offer that again, understand?”
Her tone did not faze Cole in the slightest. His head listed to the side, innocence clear in every angle of his body. Lavellan’s anger was already gone before he could even think of a response. Her hand dropped to her side, and she was back on the bed as her energy left her.
“I can’t forget him, Cole.” Lavellan told him, her mouth refusing to form his name.
“You want to hurt?” His confusion was clear as he took a couple steps closer to her. “Just the pain. I can make you forget the pain. I can take it away. You’re hurting so much, Rinna.”
“No, Cole.” She was shaking her head before he was even done speaking. “I don’t want to forget any of him. None of the pain, none of the happiness, none of the joy, none of the confusion.”
Before Cole could say anything else, Lavellan heard a pair of footsteps clattering up her private stairway. She made an annoyed sound as a head bobbed up into view. Dark hair styled perfectly; that was enough to give it away.
“Not now, Dorian.” Lavellan sighed before the Tevinter had even made it to the landing.
“I heard a shout, Rinna dear,” The mage looked between the Inquisitor and the spirit questioningly. “I came to check on you, make sure you weren’t being murdered in your sleep.”
“I’m fine.” She said through clenched teeth, Cole’s revealing words stoking the fire of her rage.
“Quite.” Dorian huffed with doubt, giving Cole a scrutinizing look. “Do you mind, my good man? Or spirit, whatever you are now?”
“Dorian-” But Cole had vanished before Lavellan could finish her reprimand. “That was unnecessary.”
“Truly?” Dorian crossed his arms and leaned back against the bannister. “Is that why tears are leaking from your eyes? Are those tears of joy, hm?”
Lavellan turned away from him to stare balefully out the glass doors, watching the snow gently fall from the healed sky. She heard her friend sigh in frustration and push himself away from his resting place. She didn’t move when he sat down next to her on the bed. She didn’t move still when he reached into her lap and grasped her cold fingers.
“Sweetheart,” He murmured, his voice far kinder now, yet she still refused to look at him.
“He was trying to tell me about Solas,” Lavellan squeezed Dorian’s hand, his name like sandpaper on her tongue. “ About why he left, how he felt. Then he offered to make me forget. That’s why I shouted.”
For a long moment, Dorian said nothing. But, she could feel him tensing up beside her.
“Perhaps I am not the best person for you to talk about him with.” He finally said, brushing her tears away with his finger. “I know you’re hurting, dear-"
“Then be useful and get someone who can talk to me about it.” She ripped her hands free of his and stormed over to her doors. “Cole was doing just fine.”
“Was he now?” Dorian shot back from his place on the bed, not angry but clearly annoyed. “Ah, yes. He was doing so well that he drove you to tears-"
“Stop it!” Lavellan screamed, turning sharply as flames burst from her palms; Dorian didn’t so much as blink. “He was helping me understand, don’t you see? You know what Solas told me?” She began to sulk closer like a hunter stalking its prey, her eyes swimming in tears. “After the battle, after Corpheyus was dead and if we both survived, he promised me that he would explain everything. Everything! Do you know what he did instead?”
Dorian sighed again, glancing away as her pause dragged on. He knew she wanted him to speak, so…
“He left, darling-"
“Yes, yes, he up and vanished into thin air!” Lavellan screeched, tossing her hands around wildly. “And do you know what he said to me right before he left?”
This one threw Dorian for a loop. While he wasn’t there personally to take down Corpheyus for good, he heard plenty from Blackwall. But this?
“I didn’t realize-"
“’No matter what comes, I want you to know that what we had was real.’ The nerve! The absolute nerve of him to say something like and then to just, just leave-"
Lavellen’s legs gave out from beneath her, and she crumbled to the floor in a weeping lump. Dorian was at her side in seconds, putting his arms around her and cradling her against his chest. His accented voice shushed her softly, his staff-worn hand petting her hair.
"I love him, Dorian." She gasped, face wet as she pressed herself closer into him.
"I know, love." He murmured into her hair. "For what's it worth, I believe he loved you, as well."
"No," She said immediately, shaking her head vigorously. "Cole would've told me."
"You put a lot of faith in him." Dorian snorted.
"Have you come to mock me or comfort me?" She practically hissed, smashing her fist lightly against his chest.
She was so tired of being mad, though.
"Whichever you prefer, darling." He said softly, kissing the soft skin of her temple. "I would love it if you would cease with the tears, though. I'm afraid you are not a pretty crier."
Lavellan smacked his chest harder, though a smile threatened her lips. She muttered a couple elven curses under her breath before nuzzling deeper into his embrace.
"Would you rather I lie to you? Your nose gets all red, and now you sound congested. It's rather revolting, personally."
"Tevinter must miss you something awful." She joked, fingers toying with his robes as he laughed.
"I can only imagine, my friend." Dorian returned. "I suppose we'll find out soon enough, though."
He felt her go still in his arms, cursing himself as she pulled away to look at him with concern.
"So you are leaving?" Her voice was so small, her eyes so big.
"Not for some time, Rinna dear." He assured her, tucking her hair behind her pointed ears. "But we did talk about this a great deal-"
"I can't have you leave, too."
"Catrinna, don't be unreasonable." Dorian ran over her protests firmly; he would rather not deal with hysterical Lavellan. "We talked about this. I will stay with you and the Inquisition until I feel necessary. Or, until I feel unnecessary, I suppose."
She stared up at him for a second, tears no longer trailing down her cheeks but pooling in the corners of her dark eyes. Dorian met her gaze warily, trying to put all of his love for her into the look.
And he did love the little elf, as if she was the younger sister he never had. Her kind heart and gentle disposition was something he envied at times, but he also knew that a hot fire burned deep within her for her people: the Dalish and her fellow mages. Perhaps that was why she adored Solas so much; he could never understand her infatuation with him, but he knew better than to call her out on it.
Especially now.
“Catrinna-”
“Do you think he’ll come back?”
Dorian blinked, his mouth still open as his words left him. Thankfully, Lavellan was looking back outside, her cheek pressed into his robes, so she didn’t have to see the face he was making. Every bone in his body told him that Solas would in fact not return. Yes, he believed that the strange apostate loved the Inquisitor, but it was clear that Solas had other priorities set above her.
And who is he to tell her that?
Instead, he kissed the top of her head and spoke gently into her hair:
“One day, love. One day.”

Description
Dragon Age: Inquisition Fanfiction
In Another World
Started 5/13/15
Catrinna Lavellan could faintly make out the drunked noises of celebration that she tried desperately to escape being carried up with the brisk wind, stirring her chocolate brown hair about her face. Stray pieces stuck to her damp cheeks, and no matter how many times she swatted at them, one always remained stuck.
Her slender fingers brushed against her left cheek roughly, managing to free herself from her tendrils of hair for a moment.
The moment was not one of victory, though. Her fingertips hesitated on her cheek, feeling the smooth skin directly under her eye. Where her vallaslin used to be before….
“Fenedhis!”
Her curse echoed out into the mountain air, swelling over the din of celebration for but a second before Bull’s belly laugh dominated the atmosphere. Even the damned voices in her head seemed to be cheering. Curse that Well, curse all these voices; Cole was right, damn him.
Lavellan pushed herself away from the balcony, away from the sounds of happiness, angrily wiping away tears to no avail. There was no stopping it.
She stumbled into her quarters, pulling the glass doors closed behind her. That helped muffle the sounds of her companions’ partying some.
It wasn’t fair. She tried so hard to fake a smile back downstairs. She struggled through talking with each and every one of her friends, but the most important person was nowhere to be found. She lingered for as long as necessary, but one sorrowful look from Cassandra sent her practically sprinting up into her quarters. She knew she meant well, but her pity was the last thing she needed. It hurt enough, his disappearance in itself.
Leliana had sworn that she’ll keep looking, but Lavellan knew it was fruitless. If he did not want to be found, he would not be found.
Hiccupping between sobs, she collapsed onto her bed, clutching her pillow to her chest. His final words to her rang in her head:
“No matter what comes, I want you to know that what we had was real.”
Real? Real? But he left anyway? It didn’t make sense.
But that wasn’t what had broken her heart, no. It was when he revealed the truth behind her vallaslin. A mark of slavery to the old gods rather than a sign of honor, respect. When he offered to remove it, to release her from such a burden of knowledge. When he called her beautiful after his spell had worked its magic. When he kissed her. When it felt like it was just the two of them in the entire world. When he pulled away and frowned at her, despite it all. When he called himself a distraction, promising to never take her away from her duties again.
When she told him that she loved him and saw that pained expression flash across his face.
“You have a rare and marvelous spirit. In another world…” His face had twisted with such anguish that she had never seen as he backed away from her. It reflected her own pain, perhaps even more.
“Why not this one?” She had begged, moving towards him to take his hands as tears prickled at the corners of her eyes.
He had only pulled away, his eyes crushed closed under his furrowed brow. She took note of how the scar above his eyebrow had crinkled, and she hated that she remembered that so clearly. How she yearned to smooth it out, even now as she recalled the memory.
“I…can’t. I’m sorry.” His voice had cracked, and she couldn’t help but take a little satisfaction in that.
And then he turned away from her, walked away and left her alone in that hollow in Crestwood. That, that was when her heart had broken.
“Rinna?”
Cole’s voice pulled her out of her reverie, causing her to gasp and practically throw her pillow across the room. She turned to see the young man floating at the top of her stairs, his giant hat hiding his expression from her.
“Cole,” She whispered, hastily trying to wipe her tears away.
She stopped in mid-movement, realizing that Cole would be able to know how she felt regardless of how she looked on the outside.
“Your pain,” He said, head bowed to watch his twiddling fingers. “I could no longer ignore it. It was too,” He titled his head to look back at her, “overwhelming. I want to help, Rinna.”
“I don’t think you can, Cole.” Lavellan murmured, his use of her nickname helping some. “Some things can’t be helped.”
“That’s what he said, too. ‘You cannot heal this, Cole. Please, let it go.’”
Lavellan froze; how could she not have realized that Cole could perhaps have more insight into his disappearance? She leaned forward, unconsciously reaching out to the manifested spirit.
“What else did he tell you, Cole?” She whispered in a low voice, as if trying not to frighten off a wild halla.
“He hurts, an old pain from before, when everything sang the same.” Cole’s words spilled out of him without any further prodding. “You’re real, and it means everyone could be real. It changes everything, but it can’t. They sleep, masked in a mirror, hiding, hurting, and to wake them…” He gasped, startling Lavellan enough to make her stand as the spirit clutched his chest.
“Where did it go?” Cole rasped, his pale blue eyes wide under his shaggy blonde hair.
“Cole-?” Lavellan murmured, regret flooding her veins as the spirit obviously struggled with the recollection.
“’I apologize, Cole. That is not a pain you can heal.’”
Lavellen felt her heart stop while Cole shook his head free of the memories, of his words. She sank slowly back onto her bed, her fingers that were reaching out to him now curling back in to rest on her chest. She still didn’t understand. If it hurt him as much as it did her, then why-?
“She is bare-faced, embarrassed, and she doesn’t know.” Her head snapped up as his strained words floated across the room; her hand flew to her unmarked cheek of its own accord. “She thinks it’s because of her.”
She suddenly wasn’t all that keen on hearing anything else.
“Stop,” Her voice was soft, but firm.
“Confusion, hurt, so much pain, I could make you forget-”
A sudden fire burst within her heart as Lavellan jumped to her feet. She pointed a threatening finger at the manifested spirit, a little spark of magic spitting forth as her emotions got the better of her.
“No!” She screamed, her voice ripping out of her throat violently. “Do not dare offer that again, understand?”
Her tone did not faze Cole in the slightest. His head listed to the side, innocence clear in every angle of his body. Lavellan’s anger was already gone before he could even think of a response. Her hand dropped to her side, and she was back on the bed as her energy left her.
“I can’t forget him, Cole.” Lavellan told him, her mouth refusing to form his name.
“You want to hurt?” His confusion was clear as he took a couple steps closer to her. “Just the pain. I can make you forget the pain. I can take it away. You’re hurting so much, Rinna.”
“No, Cole.” She was shaking her head before he was even done speaking. “I don’t want to forget any of him. None of the pain, none of the happiness, none of the joy, none of the confusion.”
Before Cole could say anything else, Lavellan heard a pair of footsteps clattering up her private stairway. She made an annoyed sound as a head bobbed up into view. Dark hair styled perfectly; that was enough to give it away.
“Not now, Dorian.” Lavellan sighed before the Tevinter had even made it to the landing.
“I heard a shout, Rinna dear,” The mage looked between the Inquisitor and the spirit questioningly. “I came to check on you, make sure you weren’t being murdered in your sleep.”
“I’m fine.” She said through clenched teeth, Cole’s revealing words stoking the fire of her rage.
“Quite.” Dorian huffed with doubt, giving Cole a scrutinizing look. “Do you mind, my good man? Or spirit, whatever you are now?”
“Dorian-” But Cole had vanished before Lavellan could finish her reprimand. “That was unnecessary.”
“Truly?” Dorian crossed his arms and leaned back against the bannister. “Is that why tears are leaking from your eyes? Are those tears of joy, hm?”
Lavellan turned away from him to stare balefully out the glass doors, watching the snow gently fall from the healed sky. She heard her friend sigh in frustration and push himself away from his resting place. She didn’t move when he sat down next to her on the bed. She didn’t move still when he reached into her lap and grasped her cold fingers.
“Sweetheart,” He murmured, his voice far kinder now, yet she still refused to look at him.
“He was trying to tell me about Solas,” Lavellan squeezed Dorian’s hand, his name like sandpaper on her tongue. “ About why he left, how he felt. Then he offered to make me forget. That’s why I shouted.”
For a long moment, Dorian said nothing. But, she could feel him tensing up beside her.
“Perhaps I am not the best person for you to talk about him with.” He finally said, brushing her tears away with his finger. “I know you’re hurting, dear-"
“Then be useful and get someone who can talk to me about it.” She ripped her hands free of his and stormed over to her doors. “Cole was doing just fine.”
“Was he now?” Dorian shot back from his place on the bed, not angry but clearly annoyed. “Ah, yes. He was doing so well that he drove you to tears-"
“Stop it!” Lavellan screamed, turning sharply as flames burst from her palms; Dorian didn’t so much as blink. “He was helping me understand, don’t you see? You know what Solas told me?” She began to sulk closer like a hunter stalking its prey, her eyes swimming in tears. “After the battle, after Corpheyus was dead and if we both survived, he promised me that he would explain everything. Everything! Do you know what he did instead?”
Dorian sighed again, glancing away as her pause dragged on. He knew she wanted him to speak, so…
“He left, darling-"
“Yes, yes, he up and vanished into thin air!” Lavellan screeched, tossing her hands around wildly. “And do you know what he said to me right before he left?”
This one threw Dorian for a loop. While he wasn’t there personally to take down Corpheyus for good, he heard plenty from Blackwall. But this?
“I didn’t realize-"
“’No matter what comes, I want you to know that what we had was real.’ The nerve! The absolute nerve of him to say something like and then to just, just leave-"
Lavellen’s legs gave out from beneath her, and she crumbled to the floor in a weeping lump. Dorian was at her side in seconds, putting his arms around her and cradling her against his chest. His accented voice shushed her softly, his staff-worn hand petting her hair.
"I love him, Dorian." She gasped, face wet as she pressed herself closer into him.
"I know, love." He murmured into her hair. "For what's it worth, I believe he loved you, as well."
"No," She said immediately, shaking her head vigorously. "Cole would've told me."
"You put a lot of faith in him." Dorian snorted.
"Have you come to mock me or comfort me?" She practically hissed, smashing her fist lightly against his chest.
She was so tired of being mad, though.
"Whichever you prefer, darling." He said softly, kissing the soft skin of her temple. "I would love it if you would cease with the tears, though. I'm afraid you are not a pretty crier."
Lavellan smacked his chest harder, though a smile threatened her lips. She muttered a couple elven curses under her breath before nuzzling deeper into his embrace.
"Would you rather I lie to you? Your nose gets all red, and now you sound congested. It's rather revolting, personally."
"Tevinter must miss you something awful." She joked, fingers toying with his robes as he laughed.
"I can only imagine, my friend." Dorian returned. "I suppose we'll find out soon enough, though."
He felt her go still in his arms, cursing himself as she pulled away to look at him with concern.
"So you are leaving?" Her voice was so small, her eyes so big.
"Not for some time, Rinna dear." He assured her, tucking her hair behind her pointed ears. "But we did talk about this a great deal-"
"I can't have you leave, too."
"Catrinna, don't be unreasonable." Dorian ran over her protests firmly; he would rather not deal with hysterical Lavellan. "We talked about this. I will stay with you and the Inquisition until I feel necessary. Or, until I feel unnecessary, I suppose."
She stared up at him for a second, tears no longer trailing down her cheeks but pooling in the corners of her dark eyes. Dorian met her gaze warily, trying to put all of his love for her into the look.
And he did love the little elf, as if she was the younger sister he never had. Her kind heart and gentle disposition was something he envied at times, but he also knew that a hot fire burned deep within her for her people: the Dalish and her fellow mages. Perhaps that was why she adored Solas so much; he could never understand her infatuation with him, but he knew better than to call her out on it.
Especially now.
“Catrinna-”
“Do you think he’ll come back?”
Dorian blinked, his mouth still open as his words left him. Thankfully, Lavellan was looking back outside, her cheek pressed into his robes, so she didn’t have to see the face he was making. Every bone in his body told him that Solas would in fact not return. Yes, he believed that the strange apostate loved the Inquisitor, but it was clear that Solas had other priorities set above her.
And who is he to tell her that?
Instead, he kissed the top of her head and spoke gently into her hair:
“One day, love. One day.”