spittle [2002-08-07 00:23:04 +0000 UTC]

"Here, take this . . . it's for you . . . please be careful with it . . . please don't break it." Hmm. I wonder what you're giving her. A club, perhaps? Or a diamond? Surely not a spade? No . . . no I think it's something else. And I think it's awesome how you didn't name it, you left it up to the reader to figure out.

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spunj13 [2002-05-01 11:54:21 +0000 UTC]

very conversational....yet with no one responding...it's almost like you are talking to the reader....and that alone is enough to draw one in....definetly like the style of this...

.:spunj13:.

. todays poetic deviation .
. featured poem .
. asylumpublications .

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eklipzed [2002-04-30 01:49:48 +0000 UTC]

the interesting part of this poem is in its ominious undertones that are never explicitly described nor probably even noticed..

"Far from our humble home
But not noticing. "

at first glance one finds imagery of finding comfort in two souls entwined as one, but the textual layout grants us somethign quite different...

note how but not noticing is spread on a differnt line;

the question we're led to ask is "what aren't they noticing?" the ever present deconstruction of paradise? or the moment in which they sit, or more ominously, all that could have been

-----
-------
between your ears
theres a million rotating knives
chopping apart the words that enter
sending them out through your mouth

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summerdies [2002-04-29 04:05:38 +0000 UTC]

I like the abruptness laced throughout this poem it really sets up the long thoughtful lines, highlighting their flow. The images as always are vividly crafted with lush imaginative wording.

"Lying lucid on a long lost beachhead,
Together in somber solace,
Running in reflective rain drops,
Sharing drinks, drifting dangerously
Far from our humble home
But not noticing."

Very nice work.

-----
Dreaming as the summer dies

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kgcreative [2002-04-27 05:31:49 +0000 UTC]

Amazing read. You are easily one of my favorite poets here. Thank you for sharing this. (you made me smile.. and reminisce, and almost cry)
-----
Curiosity was framed.
Ignorance killed the cat.

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matrix7 [2002-04-27 03:26:35 +0000 UTC]

Wow.....when I saw you comment on my latest poem I felt the need to give you a reply just as a way of saying thanks, but this....this is so totally amazing. Definitely gets added to my faves list.....I .....I can't find the words to describe how it makes me feel. As I read along I could actually imagine my wife and I in these images you painted in my head. So totally amazing. You are getting added to my artist watch IMMEDIATELY!!

..."Along artificial arctic air,
Breaking barriers with bountiful beauty.
The horizon is hollering hugs and handshakes,
Setting soothingly and soon..."

I love the letter game you play in those lines. B, b, b, b. H, h, h, h. S, s, s... You are an amazing write my friend, i cant believe I hadn't seen that before now. You have just gained another fan, Bravo!

-----
::[Matrix7]:: Drum Bum :nods: YupYup
---------------------------------------- ------
[link] Final Breath (Poetry, Dark)
[link] Hollow Soul (Poetry, Dark)
[link] We All Play The Fool (Poetry, Emotional)

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-tank [2002-04-26 21:52:58 +0000 UTC]

i really like this style...like you actually talking to the person you wrote it for...the imagery in this is amazing...great work man
-tank

-=don't fear to imagine=-

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faithwalker [2002-04-26 11:00:49 +0000 UTC]

Great style and substace! You are a gifted poet! One of DA's best.......
-----

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delasally [2002-04-25 22:31:28 +0000 UTC]

I like it a lot. It's really pretty. And I love love how your writing is SO honest, it's so cool. (I know i wrote love twice)
-----



and god help you if you are an ugly girl
course too pretty is also your doom
cause everyone harbors a secret hatred
for the prettiest girl in the room

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corporatewhore [2002-04-25 21:29:42 +0000 UTC]

awww.. i ... wow.... that is a very sweet poem.. i can hear the whispering..

the emotion and imagery is beautiful.

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angelic-taint [2002-04-25 21:27:47 +0000 UTC]

And I totally know what you mean about being drained after writing a poem, btw. And I forgot to vote ;P

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angelic-taint [2002-04-25 21:25:58 +0000 UTC]

very nicely written! Age don't mean nothing ;P I'm 15 too and it's like at this age it's all a rush of emotion and writing it down seems easiest, but you do it wonderfully. I caught on halfway through that you were using alliterations, very nicely too.

+fav
+devwatch
+download

Enjoy the rest of the day, you've made mine ;P

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rebelchic [2002-04-25 20:20:51 +0000 UTC]

*sigh* beautiful words...

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1ofthe4 [2002-04-25 20:05:31 +0000 UTC]

sounds like a wonderful state of mind...lovely. castaway was right about your age not reflecting your writing ability...this is very well done
'Running in reflective rain drops'...i love this line.

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castaway [2002-04-25 18:41:50 +0000 UTC]

hehe...yes, nostalgic is about right. Very reflective...as though I was floating through a cloud that was composed of your thoughts. Your use of alliteration is beautiful, and really lets this poem roll off the tongue (or the mind)...but I usually whisper poetry to myself when I read it...so, the tongue. I love the total innocense portrayed in this poem, and the desire to simply love this girl for who and what she is, and not for anything that you think she should be. It's very beautiful.
Very nice...I like this a lot.

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philippe [2002-04-25 18:10:17 +0000 UTC]

Nice.......
almost made my heart melt hehe
very nostalgic
-----
AH! NIGHTMARES! AH!

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