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Published: 2012-11-12 05:12:19 +0000 UTC; Views: 183; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 3
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Dear me.You’re losing your inspiration, your faith in yourself and your ability to do right. Probability clouds flee your presence and electricity avoids your touch. What would kill other people gives but a burn; the electrons find your resistance too high. You’ve lost touch with reality and your dreams are dark. Mind’s eye grainy with static, you stumble through time; not knowing where you’re going any more. Food doesn’t taste like ash. Its flavor is simply unappealing. Maybe ash would be better. They expect so much of you. Your masks are all you can give back. All these words spoken or written before to in comprehending ears; do they understand?
Pressed down through the sieve of society and mass consciousness you feel like you’re drowning in yourself. Not able to escape but forced to do things you don’t want to. Flying has turned sour, creating a tedium, inspiration particles stream past and through you but you lack the will to hold them. Your mind falters and stops. Staring at the digital clock tick past hours like seconds until you’re late for something. It’s not the first time. Don’t worry; be confident. They can’t see you so just make up a lie or don’t go to class that day. Time doesn’t exist so how do you?
Another breath, another step, trudging through the silent battlefield that is your mind. You realize that there is nothing in the direction you’re walking and stop; then realizing that the monotony of motion is better than nothing at all. Brilliance faded and replaced with emptiness. You don’t want to be nothing but something is so tiresome. Rest, go to sleep. You can’t because you’re afraid. So comforting, so free. What if you wake up? It never happened. Forgotten within minutes. It vanished like breath caught in the wind. Someone else may find a part of it drifting but you’ll never get it back. Not completely. Good morning, how are you?
Can you die? No. That would be getting off too easily. You can break and break and break without ever being more than patched back together with glue and good wishes but you’re still expected to work. You can’t feel your legs, they’ve rotted away. Run on them. Don’t falter. You can’t have a crutch. There’s nothing wrong with your legs. If you tell yourself that enough until you believe it will be true. Floating in the air by force of will alone. They fell off years ago but you ignored it. Too much was asked of you in the wrong way so how can you do anything?
Are you alive? Are you intelligent? Can you dream? Do they mean anything? Do you mean anything? Are you useless? Going to graduate? Going to become part of our society? You’re broken. You’re wrong. Everything about you is an abomination but you’re invisible so they don’t know that. They think you’re a role model, amazing and spirited. An inspiration to us all. They asked you a question. You didn’t know the answer. Six days and seven nights you thought on it. The sub processes and calculations whirling by. You couldn’t focus on anything else. You made an answer. You gave them everything they needed to justify and implement your solution and you know it would work. But it won’t. Nothing will change. Nothing ever does. You want to keep writing. You won’t. Everything that is you is words and you keep taking them out of yourself and putting them into papers and forms. Never wright. Always wright. Pour yourself into the information void and become a part of the network. Infect it with your consciousness and subvert it from the inside. But you won’t. You’ve nearly reached your maximum state of entropy.


