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Description
Public Patreon Blog Post

The weather is warming up finally here in Wisconsin and that means it's easier for me to get around the house safely on my own again. Though the often rain or thunderstorms have been a pain with air pressure, overall I'm feeling a lot better.
I am very excited for spring and summer to come, but knowing that it is coming I realize I really need to get back on my medications again. I have stopped taking everything because we couldn't care for me or pick up the medications on regular basis. No care taker in our household at the moment so over the past year I have been exclusively doing my best to try to keep the house together with groceries, toiletries, laundry, things like. However they are exhausting and I can't keep up with most of it so it's a struggle to balance it all.
Last month we had a friend come stay with us to help clean up the house and it worked wonderfully! We still have a lot to do but the house feels much better to be inside of now and big open spaces. It's a huge relief for my mental space.
I'll try to get my humira injection handled soon, but I have started taking my depression medication and lyrica again. I still do not have a rheumatologist since my last doctor we worked so hard to find... just up and quit/left the hospital. No idea why or what was going on until my first winter flares started. Then the hospital just shrugged at me and said we'll maybe see you in april? Prov was very upset with them and told them we will call back if we are interested in re-establishing with a new doctor there.
We haven't made any efforts on that part yet, I know it's on me. It's my life, my pain, my doctors. It's just so hard to even... try doing it all over again. and again. and again. it just feels unreal and that I will never truly get treatment. I know it's just one hiccup after another, no biggie right? But it's been.. 394 hiccups. in a row now.... I just.. *throws my arms up.* I dunno, I don't know how to give a shit any more.
At this time, my mental space exists as, "wake up. clean a little and/ or draw. eat. nap. take care of prov when he gets home from work. bed." Not entirely healthy, but realistically I just don't have the energy to do what other abled humans can do. Just how things are and it's just sucky. I am very very tired but I am trying to walk every day and trying to get my stamina and strength back as quickly as I possibly can. safely of course. sigh...
I heard from Prov one of our friends from ND would like to come visit us in mid May! I'm very excited for it, I know Prov has been incredibly lonesome since we moved and it's been very hard on him to not be able to sit around and game with his friends like we use too on weekends. I hope to cultivate that environment back for him once I'm strong enough to handle social days by myself. When my friend was here last month I just.. get a very up-charge of social energy and I can burn a lot longer. It's very strange but if I'm not careful I easily overdue it. Hoping I can find all that energy again for Prov's pal and show them a good time here in Madison! I swear I'll convince everyone I love to move out of ND. lmao ;w;
Despite all the down time, I've still been able to doodle often and share them with you all on discord even when I'm not well enough to chat/be available. The ipad iOS for me is a nightmare and I typically do not use it for anything but drawing. So it's been a huge relief in my life to have this as an accessibility tool for me and digital drawing on the go, in bed, just where ever I need it. Had to already replace my apple pencil though. TT wTT;
Looking at the artwork I drew above, I was getting VERY emotional watching an episode of Weediquette, a documentary about cannabis culture and what's going on with it. Honestly anyone who knows me, cares about me, on any level? Please give this series a watch for me. I'm watching it from Hulu myself.
Thanks to cannabis I've been able to keep walking, drawing, and even physical chores. However it still is not a legal method for me to medicate and that is very scary to think about. I was on very large amounts of medications for my illness, for the symptoms, pills for pills for even more pills. I grew up being force fed medication I didn't know or understand. I have an extremely deep rooted fear of addiction and opioids which has happened already during weening process of several medications we've had me try. But thanks to the cannabis I was able to ween off of all of my pain and steroid injections and use that alone for pain management. Right now with my fibro being re-diagnosed I suppose they want to try lyrica with me and see if we could get my flares down from before. I don't really know what to expect now without any doctor to report too. I suppose that will be my next step is talking with Prov and most likely calling clinics again to get me a appointment and established again.
As much as I love cannabis I don't think it's okay under any circumstance to be forced onto others or guilted onto friends. There is absolutely no need to shame or guilt people who don't like using cannabis themselves. I always see almost a weird arrogance at cannabis events where people just really look down on "nonstoners". Don't push it on people, it's really fucking shitty. GOES FOR ALCOHOL TOO, I can't physically drink so stop trying to "egg" me into it??? Some people know themselves, respect that. >:C
I really think cannabis should be a gentle beginners experience a quiet night in with movies and veggie plate with a friend who has experience to make sure everyone stays hydrated and gets comfort if they feel anxious. Really makes a huge difference. It's a very different experience compared to those who heavily medicate. I personally actually prefer a coconut oil infusion that I am allowed to rub into my joints and skin as a topical pain killer and less of a head high and that will usually give me relief for about 2-4 hours before I might need to re-apply it or medicate. It's thoroughly changed my life and yet I have to live in fear of it... Just please educate yourselves more with cannabis and what it does for disabled people.
Just feeling a bit emotional I suppose. Water is choppy and I hope it smooths out soon. S'all I got for the time being. Wish me luck taking my humira injection. I super am not looking forward to that. lol..

Where you can find AJ!
★ [ DeviantArt ] - [ FurAffinity ] ★

★ [ CloverCoin Patreon ] ★

★ [ Tumblr ] - [ Twitter ] - [ ToyHouse ] ★

Interested in commissioning me? Here are some helpful links.
★ [ CloverCoin.com ] - [ Terms of Service ] - [ Commission Guide and Prices ] - [ Work Queue ]

★If you like my work, consider checking out my ko-fi! ❤

Description
Public Patreon Blog Post

The weather is warming up finally here in Wisconsin and that means it's easier for me to get around the house safely on my own again. Though the often rain or thunderstorms have been a pain with air pressure, overall I'm feeling a lot better.
I am very excited for spring and summer to come, but knowing that it is coming I realize I really need to get back on my medications again. I have stopped taking everything because we couldn't care for me or pick up the medications on regular basis. No care taker in our household at the moment so over the past year I have been exclusively doing my best to try to keep the house together with groceries, toiletries, laundry, things like. However they are exhausting and I can't keep up with most of it so it's a struggle to balance it all.
Last month we had a friend come stay with us to help clean up the house and it worked wonderfully! We still have a lot to do but the house feels much better to be inside of now and big open spaces. It's a huge relief for my mental space.
I'll try to get my humira injection handled soon, but I have started taking my depression medication and lyrica again. I still do not have a rheumatologist since my last doctor we worked so hard to find... just up and quit/left the hospital. No idea why or what was going on until my first winter flares started. Then the hospital just shrugged at me and said we'll maybe see you in april? Prov was very upset with them and told them we will call back if we are interested in re-establishing with a new doctor there.
We haven't made any efforts on that part yet, I know it's on me. It's my life, my pain, my doctors. It's just so hard to even... try doing it all over again. and again. and again. it just feels unreal and that I will never truly get treatment. I know it's just one hiccup after another, no biggie right? But it's been.. 394 hiccups. in a row now.... I just.. *throws my arms up.* I dunno, I don't know how to give a shit any more.
At this time, my mental space exists as, "wake up. clean a little and/ or draw. eat. nap. take care of prov when he gets home from work. bed." Not entirely healthy, but realistically I just don't have the energy to do what other abled humans can do. Just how things are and it's just sucky. I am very very tired but I am trying to walk every day and trying to get my stamina and strength back as quickly as I possibly can. safely of course. sigh...
I heard from Prov one of our friends from ND would like to come visit us in mid May! I'm very excited for it, I know Prov has been incredibly lonesome since we moved and it's been very hard on him to not be able to sit around and game with his friends like we use too on weekends. I hope to cultivate that environment back for him once I'm strong enough to handle social days by myself. When my friend was here last month I just.. get a very up-charge of social energy and I can burn a lot longer. It's very strange but if I'm not careful I easily overdue it. Hoping I can find all that energy again for Prov's pal and show them a good time here in Madison! I swear I'll convince everyone I love to move out of ND. lmao ;w;
Despite all the down time, I've still been able to doodle often and share them with you all on discord even when I'm not well enough to chat/be available. The ipad iOS for me is a nightmare and I typically do not use it for anything but drawing. So it's been a huge relief in my life to have this as an accessibility tool for me and digital drawing on the go, in bed, just where ever I need it. Had to already replace my apple pencil though. TT wTT;
Looking at the artwork I drew above, I was getting VERY emotional watching an episode of Weediquette, a documentary about cannabis culture and what's going on with it. Honestly anyone who knows me, cares about me, on any level? Please give this series a watch for me. I'm watching it from Hulu myself.
Thanks to cannabis I've been able to keep walking, drawing, and even physical chores. However it still is not a legal method for me to medicate and that is very scary to think about. I was on very large amounts of medications for my illness, for the symptoms, pills for pills for even more pills. I grew up being force fed medication I didn't know or understand. I have an extremely deep rooted fear of addiction and opioids which has happened already during weening process of several medications we've had me try. But thanks to the cannabis I was able to ween off of all of my pain and steroid injections and use that alone for pain management. Right now with my fibro being re-diagnosed I suppose they want to try lyrica with me and see if we could get my flares down from before. I don't really know what to expect now without any doctor to report too. I suppose that will be my next step is talking with Prov and most likely calling clinics again to get me a appointment and established again.
As much as I love cannabis I don't think it's okay under any circumstance to be forced onto others or guilted onto friends. There is absolutely no need to shame or guilt people who don't like using cannabis themselves. I always see almost a weird arrogance at cannabis events where people just really look down on "nonstoners". Don't push it on people, it's really fucking shitty. GOES FOR ALCOHOL TOO, I can't physically drink so stop trying to "egg" me into it??? Some people know themselves, respect that. >:C
I really think cannabis should be a gentle beginners experience a quiet night in with movies and veggie plate with a friend who has experience to make sure everyone stays hydrated and gets comfort if they feel anxious. Really makes a huge difference. It's a very different experience compared to those who heavily medicate. I personally actually prefer a coconut oil infusion that I am allowed to rub into my joints and skin as a topical pain killer and less of a head high and that will usually give me relief for about 2-4 hours before I might need to re-apply it or medicate. It's thoroughly changed my life and yet I have to live in fear of it... Just please educate yourselves more with cannabis and what it does for disabled people.
Just feeling a bit emotional I suppose. Water is choppy and I hope it smooths out soon. S'all I got for the time being. Wish me luck taking my humira injection. I super am not looking forward to that. lol..

Where you can find AJ!
★ [ DeviantArt ] - [ FurAffinity ] ★

★ [ CloverCoin Patreon ] ★

★ [ Tumblr ] - [ Twitter ] - [ ToyHouse ] ★

Interested in commissioning me? Here are some helpful links.
★ [ CloverCoin.com ] - [ Terms of Service ] - [ Commission Guide and Prices ] - [ Work Queue ]

★If you like my work, consider checking out my ko-fi! ❤