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codespace — lending strength
Published: 2003-07-05 17:59:14 +0000 UTC; Views: 103; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 8
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Description
my heart aches,broken again.
my mind reels,
what happened?
she\'s going away,
leaving me to find my way in the dark.
my light is gone,
i can\'t see how to go on.
i fall to my knees,
and then to my face.
what\'s that?
a hand reaches out,
and offers me comfort.
another hand reaches out,
and lends me it\'s strength.
a third and a fourth,
support and protection.
pulled to my feet,
light filters back in.
i can see the way again,
and stagger onto the path.
my strength slowly returning,
stepping more surely onward.
and as always,
the hands of my benefactors follow.
always ready,
should i fall again.
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Comments: 3
i think it´s really good! the last time i wrote poetry was a few years back and i´m not exactly the most poetic person, but if I could change something it might be questions, the 3rd&11th line "what happened?" & "what´s that", I think I know what you´re trying to achieve by the questions and I like it, but (for my taste) they´re a bit short, as if something´s missing, or you could get a bit deeper or something. I like the way you put the photographic terms in! (mind reels/light filtered). Oh, and the "hand reaching out..." the repetition´s kinda, I don´t know. Anyway, I don´t really like criticizing coz I mean, it´s your poem and your feelings, but you did ask for help, and not everyone will agree with me anyway...
p.s.´i´m gonna put u on my
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Very nice.
a seductive voice whispers: *write more poetry . . . *
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
