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Talk, talk is cheap.
Give me a word you can keep.

"Why me?"
I don't need to ask the question. Every pore, every fibre, every single part of my being knows the answer without needing to.
Because it's who I am. I don't hold back. I love with every inch. Feel completely. Care without censure. It's just the way things are. The way they've always been. This is why I used to isolate myself. Why I kept to just a handful of friends. Loving too freely took too much of a toll. Even now, I cannot stop the pain, the hurt, the betrayal of trust. But I no longer try. I love, or hate, with a deep intensity that is barely contained. A fragile strength. A thin veneer of confidence, of self-awareness, of knowledge, keeping the wave of emotion at bay. Cracks appearing when I open myself up and let another in, an exquisite pain that is worth every tear. It might be delicate, but it holds. Like a spider's web. Like a secret smile shared between confidants. I have others to support me now, others who know what lies beneath, or at least a glimpse. Others who understand it is all or nothing. That every time, in every way, it is me entirely that throws myself into the void. Even when it's foolish. Even when I know better. Even when I swear black and blue that it's going to be different. Maybe this is why it hurts so much, because I don't know how to be reserved, how to hold back. Or maybe I do, but it offers me nothing but mediocrity. Nothing but a lacklustre half-life. Shadows and hints at what might be, muted palettes, but never the full rainbow, never the stark and life-like perfection of colour, mad, intense, thought provoking colour. Love and hate strewn across a canvas littered with every other shade of emotion. Disgust. Delight. Elation. Despair. Apathy. Determination. I take it all, every sweet and sour moment. Every cut, every lash, every lie. But only to a point. I will not sacrifice my all for your nothing. I will lay it all out there, give myself to you, but only those truly worthy can hope to hold it. I cannot play both halves, I need someone to catch me when I fall.
I chose this pain. This life. It may not be perfect. Others may question my sanity, or the inherent lack thereof, but it is mine.
And I never wonder why me. I know. I always have.