HOME | DD

Description
The sun slowly crept above the tops of the distant mountains on this cool, crisp morning.  Droplets of dew shimmered on the blades of grass, turning the field into one big shiny-dew-drippy thing.  Little squirrels chattered as they scampered through the trees lining the dirt road, and various birds were awakening to sing their personal songs of joy.

    It is on this fine morning that we discover our hero sleeping in the one mud-puddle for miles, cuddled up with his eye-missing, over-alls wearing teddy cat, Spiffy Biff.  Apparently, someone had told him that a "mysterious creature" prowls the land at night, gobbling up anybody or anything in sight, and the only way to protect yourself is to sit in a mud puddle.  As he awoke, he popped his brand-spankin’-cool helmet off of his head, and sighed as he thought to himself "What a beautiful day...  The sun's shining, the air is crisp and clear, the birds are singing, the squirrels are squirreling..."

    Suddenly, he dropped his head back and let loose a thunderous "SHUT UUUUUPPP!!!!!"

    The birds instantly stopped chirping, and the squirrels stopped their "squirreling."  Silence then ensued, but was soon interrupted.

    Commander Carpool raised himself from his muddy bed that doubled as a defense wall, and bellowed multiple off-key LA LA LA's.  By this time, the birds decided that they would go and sing their wondrous songs somewhere a little less competitive, and the squirrels went about their squirreling inside the tree trunks.

    As he walked out of his defense-puddle, he looked down and noticed that, to his surprise, his clothes were muddy.  "Dang," he said, "ladies definitely don't dig guys with muddy clothes."  He then proceeded to wipe his shirt off, but another shocking revelation came to him.

    Mud stains can't be wiped off.

    He then fell to his knees and cried to the heavens "NOOOOOO!!!!!"  Tears soaked his cheeks as he lowered his head to look back at his clothes.  His favorite "I'm 2 cool fur school" shirt was incurably ruined, and his favorite pair of rocket-ship pants weren't looking too good, either.  His mind raced for any idea of how he could rescue his most favorite (and only) set of clothes.

    "Well Spiffy Biff," sobbed the commander, "I guess we've gotta’ find us some new duds..."  He then ripped off his shirt and pants with great gusto (don't worry, he had a spare pair of pants that he still doesn't know is there under his rocket-ship pair) and threw them into the mud pit.  "If I can't attract any ladies with 'em," said Commander Carpool, "I don't want any 'mysterious creatures' with mud-stain remover to steal the hot ones with 'em."  With one final tear, sob, and mood swing, Commander Carpool popped on his helmet and went strolling down the road as happy as a little girl in a field of flowers(right before she figures out the flowers are really little-girl-eating monsters).

    "Ah..." breathed the commander, "it sure is nice to run around in the nude sometimes."  Even though he still didn't know that he's wearing a pair of unstained pants, the squirrels who hurled acorns to speed his exit didn't feel like breaking his spirit.

    As he skipped down the road, Commander Carpool came upon a path that led to a trail that led to a cozy-looking house.  "Hmm..." thought the commander to him, "a house... in the middle of nowhere... with nice decorations of human skulls and bones.... must be a pizza place!!  Man, I’m starving!"  He sped off down the path, tore across the trail, and burst through the front door of the house.

    "Howdy boyos!  I'ma thinkin’ I want some pizza 'round here!"

    The evil scientist, his twisted crony, and their victim who was attached to a torture rack, and all of the other captives held in cages all turned their gazes to look at him.  Dumfounded were their expressions, and the first one to reply was an old man with two lazy-eyes, a wrangled walking-stick, and a giant mole resting between his eyes screamed out "No shirt, no shoes, NO SERVICE!!!"  All of the other prisoners, including the one attached to the rack, all nodded their heads in agreement.

     Pure sadness blasted onto the commander's face, and even the helmet of happiness and safety from bugs and small rocks couldn't defeat the sadness.  His head drooped, and he slowly crept out as he stared at the floor.  He then moped down the trail, ambled across the path, and pouted as he continued his journey down the road.
When he was gone, one of the prisoners looked around, and something occurred to him.  "Hey!" he shouted, "We don't have shirts, either..."

     "Awws..." and "Dangs..." were muttered from the lips of the other prisoners as the evil scientist and his twisted crony released them from their cages and kicked them out of the house, all except for the crazy old man, that is.  When the crony released him, he suddenly noticed that the old man was in fact wearing a shirt.  However, before either of the two residents of the house could do anything, the old man screamed "Make mine two-stepped!" and threw a torch into the innocently-placed vat of "Insta’ 'Splosion," and they were all three sent skyrocketing into the air.
Back to the commander, now.

    After a long while of moping, Commander Carpool arrived at a town, and he was halted by a town-bulletin that he had walked straight into.  He slowly looked up, and a spark of hope gleaned in his eyes as he read a sign that stated "Awesome Clothes of Anti-Stainy-Things Now Available!"

    "I must get some!" said Commander Carpool.  "Running around nude gets old after little children scream and old ladies faint when you walk by."

          To be continued.