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Art by bioticbooty

The light shown over Shepard, passing through her eyelids and woke her from the still darkness. She tried to move her hands over her eyes to block it. They were too heavy to move into place. She groaned and gave into the light as she opened her eyes. The familiar metal ceiling of the Normandy's med-bay loomed over her.
God, how many times has she woken up on a metal slab like this in her life? There were too many times to count. She thought she should be used to it, waking up like this.
After Elysium, Eden Prime, The Lazarus Station, and so long ago at home. She winced and finally lifted her hand and placed it on her left eyebrow. She thought back to the first time she woken up after blacking out.
She was in her cramped room with her baby half-sister Charlotte. It was less cramped now that she got her own bed with her older half-brother Alex gone. He'd been accepted to Citadel University on a full scholarship, out of their shithole apartment and family.
She just wanted to talk to her brother, to be closer to him; their age gap and different fathers didn't help that though. At the time, she was still hopeful about her relationship with him, but she would always have to be the one to initiate contact.
Shepard slipped out of her bed and tiptoed past Charlotte. It was late on Earth but on the Citadel her brother should have just been going to lunch. He was always rather busy with school, but she kept track of his schedule to know the best time to get to him. She was giddy to read about all the new things he was learning and to share what she had done. She wanted to tell him all about the things she got to learn too, how she had found a new trail to explore near the pier, or how Charlotte was finding new ways to annoy her. But she never got that far.
Quietly, Shepard opened the door to the master bedroom and was careful not to let much light in from the hall. Her mother and stepfather both looked asleep in bed, they almost looked peaceful.
All she needed to do was get in and get out with the omni-tool, she had done it a couple times before and she was getting good at being sneaky. Well about as sneaky as a seven-year-old could be. She dug through her mother's dresser and got the omni-tool. She was halfway out of the room before she saw him. Her stepfather, his angered red-faced looming over her.
"What the hell do you think you are doing you brat?" He spat as he ripped the omni-tool from her small hands.
Shepard stumbled, her voice felt too weak to talk. The angered red of his face was the only thing she could concentrate on. She had never seen an adult so angry before in her life and never at her. His voice was so loud and booming; her mother must have been up by then. But she was probably high and didn't care, as her husband grew angrier and more violent towards her child.
"Are you just a little fucking thief is that it?" He yelled as he shook the old omni-tool, almost throwing it to the ground.
He must have had some nerve then, the hypocrite had stolen everything he could that wasn't nailed down at the naval clinic. Usually, it was small things like old data-pads and first aid supplies. He messed up when tried to get to the heavy drugs without proper clearance. They had a lot of medical supplies and drugs stolen from the base; it was a surprise he hadn't gotten dishonorably discharged sooner.
What was his motivation for his anger at her? Shepard tried not to dwell on those thoughts, but they bugged her. He probably wanted her out the way to have his new family. Alex had just moved out; he just needed her out of the way. Then it would just be her mother and Charlotte, his actual daughter; he always likes to remind Shepard of that through his violent and mostly drunk words and actions.
She remembered feeling so helpless and small then as he went on and on with yelling and shaking the omni-tool at her face as she began to cry. She had decided to run away, to get away from noise, the shaking, and the red.
She didn't make it any further than the door. His large hand yanked her by the back of her hair. To stop her, he forcefully smashed her face against the sharp metal corner of the entrance. The pain came throbbing from her forehead; blood poured into her left eye. She remembered crying and screaming and thinking things were getting too light and harder to concentrate on. The red enveloped her sight until the darkness took over.
Of the first of many times, she woke up strapped to a little medical slab. Only her right eye could see, her left was professionally bandaged with disinfectant, medi-gel, and all.
With morbid curiosity she peeled back the bandages to look at the damage once free from restraints; the medi-gel was still setting in. A large deep gash ran through her eyebrow; she guessed she was lucky it wasn't her eye. The whole left side was swollen, and her iris was a bright mint green amongst the red blood of the burst vessel. She bit into the left side of her cheek; it was too numb to feel anything. She lowered and adjusted the bandages, angry with her mother, at her stepfather, but mostly herself for getting caught and hurt.
Her mother blamed her for it; she shouldn't have tried to take the omni-tool and she shouldn't have tried to run away. With fury, she yanked the scissors out of the medicine cabinet and began to work on the long waves of her brown hair until she couldn't cut anymore. Her mother was so angry for ruining her "pretty" hair. She got the shit beat out of her for that too. But she didn't care; she had finally felt like she was in control.
Shepard began to rub at the now absent scar, almost glad for that Cerberus rebuild if it meant getting rid of all the old scars of beatings and shitty gang tattoos. Or were those things ever there in the first place? Were those memories of childhood fake or a constructed from another, real Shepard? Did it matter? She had a mission to accomplish. Those kinds of thoughts could wait.
She brought herself up against the bright lights and heavy feelings of her muscles while groaning in the process. The tubing and compression cuffs around her arms and legs resisted her movement. Tireless little machines began to beep causing Dr. Chakwas to turn in her chair to the noise.
"Ah, good Commander you're up, how are you feeling?" Chakwas said as she got up to look Shepard over.
"Like shit." She grumbled while pulling her sweaty hair that clung to her shoulders and neck. She cringed, she wasn't use to any hair past her ears yet, but the length and style had grown on her. She smiled at her stupid joke.
"That's the muscle damage, try not to move to much. You took in a large exposure to the drug on Illium."
Shepard averted her eyes at the statement, looking down at the medical gown she wore. She cursed under her breath; medical gowns were never a good sign.
"How long have I been out?"
"About 20 hours," Chakwas said.
Shepard sucked in a breath and grimaced "Well that's better than two years." She smirked up at Chakwas and continued with her questions trying to assess the situation.
"How is Lawson covering as my XO? Seeing how last time I woke up on a slab with her in charge her station was on fire and under attack."
Chakwas playfully rolled her eyes as she fiddled with Shepard's IV. "She is doing perfectly as always Commander. Jacob and her debriefed Samara earlier." Chakwas paused then continued with her thoughts. "It will be interesting having another asari back on the Normandy."
Shepard frowned at the reminder that she hadn't debriefed Samara herself. She didn't even remember getting back to the station to free her from custody. Embarrassment began to seep in at the thought of blacking out.
Way to make a great first impression as Commander to the thousand-year-old super warrior Shepard.
The red lock of the A.I core caught Shepard's gaze as she began to zone out from Chakwas musings. She missed the little talks on archeology with Liara back on the SR-1. Of course, she was hurt when Liara didn't join her, but she understood. The constant rejection had to be understood; she had been gone for two years. She couldn't just expect them to all drop what they were doing and join her.
First it was Tali on Freedom's Progress, then Kaidan on Horizon, and now Liara on Illium. They were scheduled to head to Haestrom so hopefully Tali would be ready to join. Then Tuchanka, she could only guess what Wrex would say. Probably no, like they all did.
Except for Garrus. He had with her basically since she woken up or come back to life or whatever Cerberus did to her. She was worried in the beginning that he'd leave, seeing her with Cerberus. She knew she could not have made it this far without him.
Chakwas continued to look over Shepard by scanning her implants and checking her over for any missed broken bones or bruises. It had become a common and well-practiced routine every time she had gotten injured in the field. But it had never gotten so bad where she was passed out for a day. Well other then Eden Prime, but back then that was the first time she has been under Chakwas care.
"So what is our current status?" Shepard asked as she picked at a loose thread of her medical gown. Cursing herself, she didn't even remember getting out of her armor.
"Miranda has given the crew an extended shore leave on Ilium until your recovery."
Shepard winced again, biting on the sides of her cheeks.
"I'm going to guess the crew has taken notice then?"
"Well you did pass out in the elevator up from the cargo bay, so yes I'd say they've taken notice," Chakwas said with a smile, almost like she was mocking Shepard.
Shepard groaned, her teeth clenched together almost gnawing a hole into her cheek.
Goddamnit.
Chakwas continued as Shepard tried to bait more information out of her.
"Garrus and Jack were quite subtle about getting you in here to not alarm the crew though." Shepard's eyebrows shot up; she didn't remember much after the fight. How were they? Why was that not the first thing she asked about?
"How are they? Jack was hit too, why isn't she here? Is she okay?" Shepard's concern grew as questions poured out of her. Her eyes searched around the room even though she knew Jack wasn't there.
"While Jack was hit with the Minagen as well, she didn't take in as much of an exposure to it as you. Although Jack had a theory that you were just being a 'lightweight' as she phrased it." Shepard breathed a sigh of relief and continued with her questions.
"Of course she did, and Garrus?" The last thing she remembered of him was his hand catching her shoulder as she almost fell over at Wasea's desk.
"He avoided it, although he has been here to check on you quite often."
Shepard tried to contain her smile to herself; Chakwas probably picked up on it. She felt like a dumb teenager getting giggly that he'd be concerned. Of course he would, they were still friends even with the arrangement that they had made.
Arrangement.
Arrangement sounded wrong, it wasn't that, but it didn't sound a whole lot better then blowing off steam either. She felt like a dumb teenager for allowing them to call it that.
They agreed on trying to not to disrupt the crew, although Jack had quickly taken notice. They were that obvious weren't they? Shepard huffed a laugh at the thought.
"I'll go let them know I'm up." Shepard threw her legs over the bed and stopped. The cuffs restrained her from moving much further. The dizziness, the aching, and whirling black dots were coming back. She gripped her thighs to keep herself up.
"Oh no you don't Commander, I need you here getting your rest, something that has finally caught up to you I might add." Chakwas paused adjusting a few things on the machines next to Shepard's bed and continued with her lecture. "Your scars still have not healed and I see you enough times stalking the Normandy's halls to know you're not getting regular sleep."
"I don't think my problem is a lack of rest, doctor. It might be, you know, a crazed asari chucking toxic drugs at me." Shepard said, avoiding her concern.
"You are suffering from severe tissue and muscle damage, and you shouldn't have been in the toxic clouds as long as you had as Jack had described." Chakwas rested her hands on Shepard's shoulder to keep her from falling over and continued.
"Commander, you are very lucky you just passed out. You would be dead if it weren't for the upgrades from Cerberus. I need you to take this seriously." The playful batter from her voice was gone. Shepard may have been the commander of the ship, but in the med-bay, Doctor Karin Chakwas ruled.
Chakwas towered over her; it felt like she could see through Shepard and any excuses or pleading to get back to the normal command of her ship again. Shepard knew her problem with Red Sand was not in her medical file; she kicked it before joining the Alliance and the support groups offered were supposedly anonymous. But still the way Chakwas looked at her, it seemed like she knew exactly why she stayed in those clouds of Minagen far much longer than she needed to.
Shepard ducked her face away from the doctor's glare. "Fine, but I am not using a bedpan," she said sarcastically.
Chakwas narrowed her eyes at Shepard. "You're lucky I haven't put a catheter in you yet." At least she was back to the joking, Shepard hoped.
"Speaking of which…" Shepard paused and looked around the med-bay.
"Bathroom? Please, no bedpan or catheter. I can only handle so much humiliation in one day."
"The med-bay has blinders; you'll be away from the crews view Commander."
"Yeah, but still no bathroom, whoever designed this wasn't thinking straight."
"How do you think I feel? Anyway, I don't want you being completely mobile so you'll just have to make due."
"Oh come on, it's not like I broke anything. I'll 'make due' as you put and push work through the pain." Shepard continued to grimace and protest. With some time, she showed Chakwas that she could safely walk herself to the crew restroom.
While still on the bed, Shepard slowly changed into a pair of sweatpants and a loose shirt so her ass wouldn't be hanging out for all the crew to see during her march to the restroom. Her body still ached and protested on its own for the movement, but she just had to get away from Chakwas.
As she walked, Shepard rolled with her IV stand that helped her stay upright. It felt like needles stabbing her feet with each step.
Even with reassurance that she could walk, Chakwas hovered near her until she made it towards the door. "15 minutes Commander or I'll send someone after you," Chakwas said while wagging her index finger at her.
"Yeah, yeah," she waved the doctor off with her free hand as she headed to the crew's restroom. Every room on the crew deck was now filled. Hopefully, she could use it as a place to get privacy and think this whole disaster through.

Description
body div#devskin0 hr { }

Art by bioticbooty

The light shown over Shepard, passing through her eyelids and woke her from the still darkness. She tried to move her hands over her eyes to block it. They were too heavy to move into place. She groaned and gave into the light as she opened her eyes. The familiar metal ceiling of the Normandy's med-bay loomed over her.
God, how many times has she woken up on a metal slab like this in her life? There were too many times to count. She thought she should be used to it, waking up like this.
After Elysium, Eden Prime, The Lazarus Station, and so long ago at home. She winced and finally lifted her hand and placed it on her left eyebrow. She thought back to the first time she woken up after blacking out.
She was in her cramped room with her baby half-sister Charlotte. It was less cramped now that she got her own bed with her older half-brother Alex gone. He'd been accepted to Citadel University on a full scholarship, out of their shithole apartment and family.
She just wanted to talk to her brother, to be closer to him; their age gap and different fathers didn't help that though. At the time, she was still hopeful about her relationship with him, but she would always have to be the one to initiate contact.
Shepard slipped out of her bed and tiptoed past Charlotte. It was late on Earth but on the Citadel her brother should have just been going to lunch. He was always rather busy with school, but she kept track of his schedule to know the best time to get to him. She was giddy to read about all the new things he was learning and to share what she had done. She wanted to tell him all about the things she got to learn too, how she had found a new trail to explore near the pier, or how Charlotte was finding new ways to annoy her. But she never got that far.
Quietly, Shepard opened the door to the master bedroom and was careful not to let much light in from the hall. Her mother and stepfather both looked asleep in bed, they almost looked peaceful.
All she needed to do was get in and get out with the omni-tool, she had done it a couple times before and she was getting good at being sneaky. Well about as sneaky as a seven-year-old could be. She dug through her mother's dresser and got the omni-tool. She was halfway out of the room before she saw him. Her stepfather, his angered red-faced looming over her.
"What the hell do you think you are doing you brat?" He spat as he ripped the omni-tool from her small hands.
Shepard stumbled, her voice felt too weak to talk. The angered red of his face was the only thing she could concentrate on. She had never seen an adult so angry before in her life and never at her. His voice was so loud and booming; her mother must have been up by then. But she was probably high and didn't care, as her husband grew angrier and more violent towards her child.
"Are you just a little fucking thief is that it?" He yelled as he shook the old omni-tool, almost throwing it to the ground.
He must have had some nerve then, the hypocrite had stolen everything he could that wasn't nailed down at the naval clinic. Usually, it was small things like old data-pads and first aid supplies. He messed up when tried to get to the heavy drugs without proper clearance. They had a lot of medical supplies and drugs stolen from the base; it was a surprise he hadn't gotten dishonorably discharged sooner.
What was his motivation for his anger at her? Shepard tried not to dwell on those thoughts, but they bugged her. He probably wanted her out the way to have his new family. Alex had just moved out; he just needed her out of the way. Then it would just be her mother and Charlotte, his actual daughter; he always likes to remind Shepard of that through his violent and mostly drunk words and actions.
She remembered feeling so helpless and small then as he went on and on with yelling and shaking the omni-tool at her face as she began to cry. She had decided to run away, to get away from noise, the shaking, and the red.
She didn't make it any further than the door. His large hand yanked her by the back of her hair. To stop her, he forcefully smashed her face against the sharp metal corner of the entrance. The pain came throbbing from her forehead; blood poured into her left eye. She remembered crying and screaming and thinking things were getting too light and harder to concentrate on. The red enveloped her sight until the darkness took over.
Of the first of many times, she woke up strapped to a little medical slab. Only her right eye could see, her left was professionally bandaged with disinfectant, medi-gel, and all.
With morbid curiosity she peeled back the bandages to look at the damage once free from restraints; the medi-gel was still setting in. A large deep gash ran through her eyebrow; she guessed she was lucky it wasn't her eye. The whole left side was swollen, and her iris was a bright mint green amongst the red blood of the burst vessel. She bit into the left side of her cheek; it was too numb to feel anything. She lowered and adjusted the bandages, angry with her mother, at her stepfather, but mostly herself for getting caught and hurt.
Her mother blamed her for it; she shouldn't have tried to take the omni-tool and she shouldn't have tried to run away. With fury, she yanked the scissors out of the medicine cabinet and began to work on the long waves of her brown hair until she couldn't cut anymore. Her mother was so angry for ruining her "pretty" hair. She got the shit beat out of her for that too. But she didn't care; she had finally felt like she was in control.
Shepard began to rub at the now absent scar, almost glad for that Cerberus rebuild if it meant getting rid of all the old scars of beatings and shitty gang tattoos. Or were those things ever there in the first place? Were those memories of childhood fake or a constructed from another, real Shepard? Did it matter? She had a mission to accomplish. Those kinds of thoughts could wait.
She brought herself up against the bright lights and heavy feelings of her muscles while groaning in the process. The tubing and compression cuffs around her arms and legs resisted her movement. Tireless little machines began to beep causing Dr. Chakwas to turn in her chair to the noise.
"Ah, good Commander you're up, how are you feeling?" Chakwas said as she got up to look Shepard over.
"Like shit." She grumbled while pulling her sweaty hair that clung to her shoulders and neck. She cringed, she wasn't use to any hair past her ears yet, but the length and style had grown on her. She smiled at her stupid joke.
"That's the muscle damage, try not to move to much. You took in a large exposure to the drug on Illium."
Shepard averted her eyes at the statement, looking down at the medical gown she wore. She cursed under her breath; medical gowns were never a good sign.
"How long have I been out?"
"About 20 hours," Chakwas said.
Shepard sucked in a breath and grimaced "Well that's better than two years." She smirked up at Chakwas and continued with her questions trying to assess the situation.
"How is Lawson covering as my XO? Seeing how last time I woke up on a slab with her in charge her station was on fire and under attack."
Chakwas playfully rolled her eyes as she fiddled with Shepard's IV. "She is doing perfectly as always Commander. Jacob and her debriefed Samara earlier." Chakwas paused then continued with her thoughts. "It will be interesting having another asari back on the Normandy."
Shepard frowned at the reminder that she hadn't debriefed Samara herself. She didn't even remember getting back to the station to free her from custody. Embarrassment began to seep in at the thought of blacking out.
Way to make a great first impression as Commander to the thousand-year-old super warrior Shepard.
The red lock of the A.I core caught Shepard's gaze as she began to zone out from Chakwas musings. She missed the little talks on archeology with Liara back on the SR-1. Of course, she was hurt when Liara didn't join her, but she understood. The constant rejection had to be understood; she had been gone for two years. She couldn't just expect them to all drop what they were doing and join her.
First it was Tali on Freedom's Progress, then Kaidan on Horizon, and now Liara on Illium. They were scheduled to head to Haestrom so hopefully Tali would be ready to join. Then Tuchanka, she could only guess what Wrex would say. Probably no, like they all did.
Except for Garrus. He had with her basically since she woken up or come back to life or whatever Cerberus did to her. She was worried in the beginning that he'd leave, seeing her with Cerberus. She knew she could not have made it this far without him.
Chakwas continued to look over Shepard by scanning her implants and checking her over for any missed broken bones or bruises. It had become a common and well-practiced routine every time she had gotten injured in the field. But it had never gotten so bad where she was passed out for a day. Well other then Eden Prime, but back then that was the first time she has been under Chakwas care.
"So what is our current status?" Shepard asked as she picked at a loose thread of her medical gown. Cursing herself, she didn't even remember getting out of her armor.
"Miranda has given the crew an extended shore leave on Ilium until your recovery."
Shepard winced again, biting on the sides of her cheeks.
"I'm going to guess the crew has taken notice then?"
"Well you did pass out in the elevator up from the cargo bay, so yes I'd say they've taken notice," Chakwas said with a smile, almost like she was mocking Shepard.
Shepard groaned, her teeth clenched together almost gnawing a hole into her cheek.
Goddamnit.
Chakwas continued as Shepard tried to bait more information out of her.
"Garrus and Jack were quite subtle about getting you in here to not alarm the crew though." Shepard's eyebrows shot up; she didn't remember much after the fight. How were they? Why was that not the first thing she asked about?
"How are they? Jack was hit too, why isn't she here? Is she okay?" Shepard's concern grew as questions poured out of her. Her eyes searched around the room even though she knew Jack wasn't there.
"While Jack was hit with the Minagen as well, she didn't take in as much of an exposure to it as you. Although Jack had a theory that you were just being a 'lightweight' as she phrased it." Shepard breathed a sigh of relief and continued with her questions.
"Of course she did, and Garrus?" The last thing she remembered of him was his hand catching her shoulder as she almost fell over at Wasea's desk.
"He avoided it, although he has been here to check on you quite often."
Shepard tried to contain her smile to herself; Chakwas probably picked up on it. She felt like a dumb teenager getting giggly that he'd be concerned. Of course he would, they were still friends even with the arrangement that they had made.
Arrangement.
Arrangement sounded wrong, it wasn't that, but it didn't sound a whole lot better then blowing off steam either. She felt like a dumb teenager for allowing them to call it that.
They agreed on trying to not to disrupt the crew, although Jack had quickly taken notice. They were that obvious weren't they? Shepard huffed a laugh at the thought.
"I'll go let them know I'm up." Shepard threw her legs over the bed and stopped. The cuffs restrained her from moving much further. The dizziness, the aching, and whirling black dots were coming back. She gripped her thighs to keep herself up.
"Oh no you don't Commander, I need you here getting your rest, something that has finally caught up to you I might add." Chakwas paused adjusting a few things on the machines next to Shepard's bed and continued with her lecture. "Your scars still have not healed and I see you enough times stalking the Normandy's halls to know you're not getting regular sleep."
"I don't think my problem is a lack of rest, doctor. It might be, you know, a crazed asari chucking toxic drugs at me." Shepard said, avoiding her concern.
"You are suffering from severe tissue and muscle damage, and you shouldn't have been in the toxic clouds as long as you had as Jack had described." Chakwas rested her hands on Shepard's shoulder to keep her from falling over and continued.
"Commander, you are very lucky you just passed out. You would be dead if it weren't for the upgrades from Cerberus. I need you to take this seriously." The playful batter from her voice was gone. Shepard may have been the commander of the ship, but in the med-bay, Doctor Karin Chakwas ruled.
Chakwas towered over her; it felt like she could see through Shepard and any excuses or pleading to get back to the normal command of her ship again. Shepard knew her problem with Red Sand was not in her medical file; she kicked it before joining the Alliance and the support groups offered were supposedly anonymous. But still the way Chakwas looked at her, it seemed like she knew exactly why she stayed in those clouds of Minagen far much longer than she needed to.
Shepard ducked her face away from the doctor's glare. "Fine, but I am not using a bedpan," she said sarcastically.
Chakwas narrowed her eyes at Shepard. "You're lucky I haven't put a catheter in you yet." At least she was back to the joking, Shepard hoped.
"Speaking of which…" Shepard paused and looked around the med-bay.
"Bathroom? Please, no bedpan or catheter. I can only handle so much humiliation in one day."
"The med-bay has blinders; you'll be away from the crews view Commander."
"Yeah, but still no bathroom, whoever designed this wasn't thinking straight."
"How do you think I feel? Anyway, I don't want you being completely mobile so you'll just have to make due."
"Oh come on, it's not like I broke anything. I'll 'make due' as you put and push work through the pain." Shepard continued to grimace and protest. With some time, she showed Chakwas that she could safely walk herself to the crew restroom.
While still on the bed, Shepard slowly changed into a pair of sweatpants and a loose shirt so her ass wouldn't be hanging out for all the crew to see during her march to the restroom. Her body still ached and protested on its own for the movement, but she just had to get away from Chakwas.
As she walked, Shepard rolled with her IV stand that helped her stay upright. It felt like needles stabbing her feet with each step.
Even with reassurance that she could walk, Chakwas hovered near her until she made it towards the door. "15 minutes Commander or I'll send someone after you," Chakwas said while wagging her index finger at her.
"Yeah, yeah," she waved the doctor off with her free hand as she headed to the crew's restroom. Every room on the crew deck was now filled. Hopefully, she could use it as a place to get privacy and think this whole disaster through.