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MODERN LOVE

“My name is DI Tim Sayler. In 2008 I was hit by a falling piano, and woke up ten minutes in the future. Am I mad, in a coma, or travelling through time? I don’t know. All I know is that I need to find a way home.”

PART TWO

Tim woke up in his own bed. His own bed, in his own bedroom, in his own flat. Everything was totally familiar, and yet somehow seemed wrong. For one thing, he knew that all the clocks were almost ten minutes ahead of what they ought to be.

“Arrgh!” screamed Tim. “Why am I here?! Why can’t I just go home?!”

Tim kicked the television in frustration. It clicked onto a news report.

“Hello, Tim.” said the news presenter.

“Hello?” said a shocked Tim.

“I expect you’re wanting to get back home?” queried the news presenter.

“Yes! Yes I am!” Tim responded eagerly. “How can I get home?”

“And what happened then?” asked the news presenter.

“What?” asked Tim. “That doesn’t make any sense. What are you talking about?”

“Well, all the best and good luck with the competition.” said the man in the television. “Ladies and gentlemen – Tim Vincent! And we’ll have more Dancing on Ice news tomorrow, when…”

Tim turned off the television in annoyance, and got ready for work.

-----

Sometime later, Tim arrived at the police station.

“Ah, look who decided to show up at long last!” proclaimed DCI Andy Cartwright. “Where the bloody hell have you been?”
“Never mind,” said Tim, making his way to his desk. “What’s so urgent anyway?”
“This fella,” said Cartwright, dropping a folder on the desk in front of Tim.

Tim opened the folder and looked at the profile of the man inside.

“Arthur Leigh, forty-seven years old. What about him?” asked Tim.
“The retard thinks he’s Jesus,” Cartwright stated matter-of-factly.

“You’re not supposed to say retard,” admonished PC Jean Hunt as she approached the two men. “Morning Tim!”
“He thinks he’s Jesus!” argued DCI Cartwright. “Seems pretty retarded to me.”
“Firstly, it’s ‘mentally-impaired’, not ‘retarded’, it’s a proper medical condition.” Jean pointed out. “And there’s no evidence to suggest th-”
“Thinks. He’s. Jesus.” cried an exasperated Andy Cartwright, flinging his arms in the air.

“Um, excuse me,” interjected Tim. “What does this have to do with us, exactly?”

“Leigh is holding some kind of meeting thing at St. Christopher’s this afternoon.” Andy told him.
“There’s posters and stuff everywhere,” added Jean.
“The trouble with one nutter who thinks he’s Jesus is that there’s always gonna be a load more nutters who believe him,” explained Andy. “And I want you to be one of ‘em.”
“Er, what?” asked Tim.
“You’re going undercover, get to this meeting, listen to what he says, find out if he’s planning any dodgy cult-type stuff, you know, all that malarky.”
“And what will you be doing while all this is happening, pray tell?” asked Tim.
“I’ll be around,” said Andy. “And keep up that ‘pray tell’ stuff, getting into character, I like it. Now bugger off.”

-----

Tim arrived at St. Christopher’s church to find a crushing throng of people all trying to get inside.

“How am I supposed to get inside?” he asked nobody in particular. He glanced up at the signpost he was leaning on. It read: ‘God will take you home’.

“It’s a sign!” said Tim. “I mean, other than in the obvious sense, of course. Maybe if I can get in here, this Arthur Leigh can help me get home!”

Tim fought his way through the crowd of people, and eventually managed to get to the inside of the door. The inside of the church was equally crowded, except for up at the front where a man stood ready to address the audience. Tim recognised him as Arthur Leigh, though here he was dressed in a long flowing gown. He began to speak.

“Greetings and goodwill to all those present today. You are fortunate enough to witness my return to this Earthly realm. For I am truly Jesus Christ, the Son of God.”

“What did he say?” Tim heard a man shouting outside the chuch.
“He says he’s the son of Zod!” another man shouted in response.
“I knew he was real!” shouted a third.

Tim returned his focus to Leigh,

“You are doubly fortunate, O true believers, in that having witnessed my return to the world of man, you shall now bear witness as I once again ascend to sit at my father’s side. Yea, verily, and you shall all be permitted to accompany me to the splendour of heaven.”

Tim had an uneasy feeling about where this was heading.

Leigh tore off his outer robe to reveal that he was wearing a large device that looked a lot like a bomb. Tim decided that yes, it probably was a bomb.

“BOMB!” shouted Tim. But those closest to the stage had already seen it, and in their panic were trying to flee the church, against the crowd of people who were still trying to force their way inside. There were shouting bodies everywhere, as Tim attempted to make his way against the tide of people towards Arthur Leigh. He struggled on, but it was no use, he surely wasn’t going to reach him in time. He looked up and saw Leigh reaching for a trigger mechanism…

Just then, a red Audi RS4 came crashing through the stained glass window behind Arthur Leigh, sending Leigh stumbling from his feet. As Leigh staggered back to his feet, DCI Andy Cartwright stepped from the car, strolled over to him, and punched Leigh in the face. Leigh lay still on the floor.

“Amen,” said Cartwright.

-----

Outside the church, the last of the people were just leaving. PC Jean Hunt walked over to where Tim was waiting to leave.

“Hey, Tim,” she said. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” Tim replied.
“I thought you were going to get blown up in there!” Jean told him, a look of concern on her face.
“Me too,” said Tim. “Maybe that’s what was supposed to happen?”
“You don’t mean that,” she told him. “You’ve just had a stresssful couple of days, is all. First the whole piano thing, and then this.”
Tim considered that no, that wasn’t all. He was stuck in the future, and couldn’t get home. But he decided against trying to explain this to Jean. Instead, he simply said “I suppose so.”
“So,” said Jean, “Do you want to go for a drink or something? You know, just to relax, take your mind of things?”
“Uh, sure,” agreed Tim, “Okay, a drink it is.”

With that, the two of them left the scene.