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DEAREST AUNT RECLUSE

[Scene 1]

[Eden and Emily are sitting in the car in front of Amador high school. Eden looks at the still rural school, not enjoying the appearance of the school she will have to attend for a year. Emily turns to her daughter.]

Emily: …Your first class should be in the band room. Just tell the teacher that your bassoon hasn’t arrived with the rest of your luggage. Aunt Erin will pick you up here after school… [Notices the skeptic look her daughter is giving her] don’t give me that look, Eden.

Eden: What look? The ‘you’re just ditching me to go live in a beach house for a year’ or the ‘you’re ditching me with an aunt I didn’t even know I had’?

Eden (as narrator): This is me. I think it’s obvious I’m not the friendliest of people. But other than that, I’m just your typical teenager starting at a new school. Why am I here? Let’s ask my mother…. [Shows Emily] that is the creature who spawned me. Hard to believe I know. [Shows some mystery man silhouette] my father is a lawyer, and a good one at that. His dad just died and he left my parents a beach house in Crete. The problem is that in order to claim it, they have to take up residency for a year. So while my parents are off schmoozing on the beach, I get left behind so I don’t fall behind at school. But whoever will poor Eden stay with? Her father is an only child and her mother’s only sister is in the marines [Previous 2 sentences is sarcastic] Or so I thought……..

Emily: [gets out of car] Let’s go. I’ll walk you to your first class.

Eden: [mutters] Why? You’re just going to dump me anyways.

[As the two wander through the high school, Eden can’t help but feel the eyes of the other students on her, the OUTSIDER]

Eden (as narrator): You know what I said about being a typical teenager starting at a new school? Scratch that.

          ____________________________________________________

[Scene 2]
[Band room]

Emily: [walks into band room and looks around] Wow! It’s the same as when I left!

Eden: You mean old and outdated? [Emily glares at Eden]

Emily: [mutters] You are just like Erin… [Normal speech] Come on; let’s talk to your teacher. [The two walk to the desk in the back of the room. Meanwhile, students begin to filter in, almost none of them noticing Eden. Three do two identical girls and a boy, much taller than the girls]

Paige: She doesn’t look…

Ashe: …like she’s from around here.

Issac: [sarcastically] What was your first clue?

[Emily is busy talking with Mr. Tootle, who is still teaching, Eden is busying herself by looking at the pictures of the bands past. She stares at the 08-09 picture, her mother embodied as a freckled freshmen French hornist. Another figure catches her eyes. The drum major, dressed in all white and armed with a blue corded military]

Issac: [appears by side] Fantastic year that was, 08-09. [Eden is startled] Yeah, mom says that the drum major [taps picture] was the first to get the band serious about marching. Now people come from all over the tri-county area to see our shows.

Eden: …..And you are?

Issac: [extends hand] Izzy [Eden shakes hand] and you’re Eden.

[Eden looks confused, Izzy points to the white board behind her, which says ‘INTRODUCE YOURSELF TO Eden!]

[Bell rings]

Izzy: Guess we better get seated. What instrument do you play?

Eden: Bassoon

Izzy: Cool, you’ll be sitting by Ashe. [Points to blonde girl w/ clarinet]

[Time lapse to the end of class, the bell hasn’t rung yet, so the students are talking amongst themselves]

Ashe: So you were living in Maine?

Eden: Yeah. My old school was a lot bigger than this, so this is a new thing for me.

Izzy: So where did you guys move to?

Eden: Well, actually I’m staying with my aunt.

Paige: Oh really?

Ashe: Who’s your aunt?

Eden: I think my mom said her name was Erin. Erin Lehman.

Izzy: OLD LADY LEHMAN IS YOU AUNT?!?!?!?!?!

[The room goes silent; the idle chatter stops instantly]

Eden: What?

Izzy: You never heard the stories of Old Lady Lehman? [Eden shakes her head] they say The old maid lives alone and she never leaves her house. The only people who know what she looks like are the millions of cats that she lives with. In her basement are thousands of spell books and a caldron with which she creates her poisons.

Paige and Ashe: Mom says those stories are crap.

Izzy: She only said that as to not scare Sean. [To Eden] the last boy who walked in front of her house wound up in the hospital.

Paige: That was you…

Ashe: ….because you were skateboarding…

Paige: …and you tripped on the curb….

Ashe: ….and had to get….

Paige and Ashe: ….13 stitches.

Eden: …do you practice that twin thing?

Paige and Ashe: What freaky twin thing?

[Bell rings]

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Scene 3
[Eden walks into the weight room, slightly confused if she’s in the right place. The whole class is gathered around a bench, chanting and cheering for a girl bench pressing]

Class: 28…29…30! [The girl puts the bar back in its place and her arms go limp]

Hunkins: Way to go Claire, 180 pounds. That’s a new max for you. [Sees Eden] Ah, you must be the new girl.

Eden: [slightly disturbed at Hunkins] Um…yes?

Hunkins: Well, either way, you don’t have to worry about doing anything today since you don’t have a uniform. You can just hang out until class is over.

[Eden sits on a bench, of course slightly awkward about being new. But soon enough, Claire approaches her, standing in front of her until Eden is forced to look up at her.]

Eden: [looks up, slightly irked] Can I help you?

Claire: You the witch’s niece?

Eden: Um…I guess. But how…? [Confused]

Claire: [puts hand up] don’t freak about it. Good new travels fast here, we’ve got nothing better to do.

Eden: Good news?

Claire: [sits next to] isn’t everyday you hear that there is living kin of the witch.

Eden: Kin? I didn’t know people still used that word.

Claire: It seemed appropriate. But [leans in] what’s she like?

Eden: Who?

Claire: You know who! The witch! They say every cat in Amador County is a spy of hers and that she never leaves her castle.

Eden: Castle? [Skeptical]

Claire: [nods] of course. You’ve seen it haven’t you?

Eden: nope, sorry. Never seen it or her. In fact, until a few days ago, I didn’t even know I had an aunt.

Claire: Well that takes the fun out of it.

Eden: Well excuuuuse me if I’m not entertaining.

Claire: [smirks] I’m Claire. [Offers hand] Claire Van Nordan.

Eden: [brief flashback to Izzy offering his hand] uh… [Takes hand] I’m Eden. Eden- [is cut off be someone dropping a free weight on their partners toe]

Hunkins: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF PAYING ATTENTION!?!

[Eden and Claire both laugh. Once they realize they both have the same twisted sense of humor, the two share a look like ‘this could be the start of a twisted friendship’]

[Time-lapse, the girls are in the locker room. Eden waiting for Claire to get dressed]

Claire: So whatcha got next?

Eden: Uh… [Fumbles with schedule] I’m still getting used to this format, so…

Claire: [offers hand, still half dressed] let me see.

[Eden hands her the schedule]

Claire: Oh no. you got ceramics with Eddie.

Eden: Eddie? He some sort of bully or hoodlum?

Claire: Hoodlum; you don’t hear that word everyday, but no. he’s my brother. [Finishes getting dressed]

Eden: Oh, is he… [Gestures to red hair]

Claire: nah, he’s blonde.

Eden: But- [bell rings]

Claire: [rushes out] Don’t worry, you’ll have protection. The teacher will be on your side. [Disappears to her next class]

Eden: O…k…

         ____________________________________________

Scene 4
[Eden somehow found her way to the art lair before class started. While she looks around the dusty classroom, a student is putting away his paints to get ready for ceramics. Upon noticing Eden, he follows her around the room.]

Eden: [sees badly down sculpture] ick, looks like something mom’s dog puked.

Eddie: [suddenly in Eden’s face] excuse me miss, I’m going to have to see you’re passport, because you are way too pretty to be from around here.

Eden: [blinks, then notices his blonde hair and thinks of Claire] you must be Eddie.

Eddie: [more to himself then anything] cute girl who knows who I am. It’s a good day…

Eden: [not pleased by comment] yeah, I had last period with your sister Claire.

Eddie: [Tamaki ‘arrow’d’ moment] good feeling gone. Damn; and the day seemed so promising…

Jessica: [comes out of ‘artroombackroom’ and smack Eddie upside the head] don’t swear in my class Edmund.

Eden: [snarky laugh] Edmund?

Eddie: [to jess] mom…don’t call me that.

Eden: Mom? [it is now that Eden sees the resemblance between Claire and Jessica]

Jessica: Yep, and you must be Eden.

Eden: Why does everyone know who I am?

Jessica: Because I’ve been expecting you.

Eden: [creepy radar goes off]

Jessica: [shows roll sheet with Eden’s name on it] see?

Eden: Oh…ok then.

[bell rings]

Eddie: Ooh Ooh, sit by me! sit by me! –Grabs Eden and drags her to the pottery wheels-

[as the class progresses, Eddie and Eden are talking back and forth. Eden at first cold, but eventually she warms up to Eddie. Eddie’s clay easily becomes a master piece, but Eden’s slowly struggles to life]

Eddie: I don’t get it. So your mom…and the witch…sisters?

Eden: Yep. My mom said my auntsolder then her, but I don’t know how much though.

Eddie: You must get your good looks from your dad. [puts his work out to dry]

Eden: [rests her…thing next to eddies] I actually look like my mom more.

Eddie: [washes his hands] no kidding? This I have to see to believe. [Eden washes her hands]

Eden: no really, I’ll show you [they go over to Eden’s stuff and she shows him a family picture. Eden’s dad is hidden by a glare]

Eddie: Wow…so your aunt’s a witch and your mom’s a nymph…does that make you an angel?

Eden: [rolls eyes] where do you get these bad pick up lines?

Eddie: Hey! That’s not nice!

Eden: Well you should know, Edmund, I’m not nice.

[bell rings]

Eddie: [grabs Eden around the waist] Just for that little comment, you are going to have to sit with me and my friends.

Eden: Oh no, whatever shall I do? [laughs as Eddie drags her out of the Art Room]

[the class is soon empty, leaving Jessica to her sketching, she watches as Eden and Eddie walk up the stairs, muttering to herself]

Jessica: You better prepare yourself Erin, she is defiantly your niece.

         _______________________________________________

Scene 5
[under a large oak tree]

[Eddie and Eden walk up to find Izzy, Paige and Ashe already sitting and eating lunch]

Eddie: Wazup Iz? [the two ‘man hug’] How was Foods?

Izzy: Meh, it was class. My mom’s cooking is so much better then the crap we make in there.

Eddie: don’t I know it. [to the twins] hello ladies, have you met the lovely Eden?

Izzy, Paige and Ashe: yes, we have 1st period with her.

Eddie: Damn! Why do I have to be the last to meet her?

[Claire appears and kicks Eddie over]

Claire: Because you don’t show up to school until 3rd period and even then you hide out in the Art room with mom for Advanced Art. [steals Eddie’s place next to Eden]

Eddie: hey! You’re just jealous because I don’t have to be at the school at O’dark  thirty!

Eden: [starts laughing. Soon everyone is looking at her] Sorry. It’s just that it’s only my first day and I’ve already made [does a quick headcount] 5 more friends than at my old school.

Paige: You didn’t have…

Ashe: …any friends?

Eden: [shakes head] Nah. My mom sent me to this really preppy private school. They made us wear uniforms and everything.

Eddie and Izzy: School…uniforms… [both imagine Eden in a schoolgirl outfit]

Paige and Ashe: Stop perving over Eden. Pedos.

Claire: [rolls eyes] Whatever. Go on Eden.

Eden: Well, I guess you could call that school a hell for girls like me or Claire…or girls with brains in general. [group laughs] I never really made friends because I really didn’t  “fit in” [uses air quotes] Most of them were just a bunch of snobs. I remember once this girl asked me how many calories were in a 100 calorie pack. [rolls eyes] Little twig was obsessing over her weight because she went up a pant size. But anyways, besides the people, the school was pretty neat. Everything was all hi-tech, like the SMART desks and boards in every room and the fingerprint lockers. When mom told me I was going to go to a ‘stone age’ school, no offence guys, I was….pissed. But after spending time here…I guess I could like living here.

Izzy: Bravo Eden, that was a lovely speech. So not to change the topic, but is your mom going to take you to the witch’s house?

Eden: [shakes head] Aunt Erin is picking me up.

[all 5 spit check]

Paige: Your aunt is…

Ashe: …picking you up?

Claire: The witch is leaving her house…

[the group quiets]

All: whoa…

Ashe: the witch…

Claire: …is leaving…

Eddie: …her house.

Eden: Um, guys…you are really starting to scare me.

Izzy: Don’t worry Eden! I won’t let the witch hurt you [hugs protectively]

Eden: [shoves off] I think I’ll take my chances.

      _________________________________________

Scene 6
[study hall]

[Eden is alone in her study hall. She is sitting in the back of the room, ignoring the stares she is getting from the other students, just drawing]

Eden: [in thoughts] So my first day of school was defiantly exciting. Mom said I would like my aunt Erin but…[flashback to everyone’s reaction to finding out who Eden’s aunt is] was that a joke or was my mother insinuating that I’m a witch?

[While Eden is thinking, an image appears on her paper. At first, it looks like her mother, but as her thoughts wander, the image slowly becomes more edgy]

Eden: [thoughts] So I’m going to live with an aunt I’ve never met, and now everyone is telling me that my aunt is a witch who has a million cat demons in her house. My only friends consist of a spastic leech, two clones, a scary tomboy and her Romeo knockoff of a brother. And it’s only been the first day of school…if I live through this, I should write a book.

[bell rings]

          _________________________________________

Scene 7
[outside ‘hallways’]

PA: Will Eden [warbled] please come to the office.

Eden: [at her locker] well that makes sense.

Twins: [appear on either side of Eden] What does?

Eden: that I would get called to the office.

Ashe: Well your aunt most likely wants to pick you up there.

[the twins walk with Eden to the office]

Eden: What the-?!

[the trio are greeted with the sight of Izzy, Claire and Eddie in Greaser gear. Claire even has her hair in cornrows.]

Eden: What are you guys doing?

Izzy: As if we were going to let you face the witch on your own.

Eddie: it was my idea!

Izzy: Was not!

Eddie: Was too!

[the girls have already gone inside, Claire snickering as she leaves them]

           ___________________________________________________

Scene 8
[office]

[the posse walk into the office laughing and having a good time, but they stop to see a distraught woman having a heated conversation on her cell phone]

???: YOU KNOW WHAT EMILY?!?!? WHATEVER!! GO AHEAD, DUMP YOUR KID ON ME WHILE YOU GO ON VACATION, SEE IF I CARE!!! [slams cell phone on the ground, causing it to shatter]

[the posse watches as the woman slams her fist into the wall in anger, which causes a clock to come loose and fall on her head. The woman groans in agony as she slides down the wall, eventually sitting on the floor, hanging her head]

Paige: Are you…

Ashe: …alright old lady?

???: [head snaps up] Don’t call me ‘old lady’!!!

Twins: [cower] We’re sorry!!!

Claire: geez, what crawled up your ass and died?

???: I don’t believe it’s any of your business.

Eden: Well it sure is our business if you are going to keep destroying our school –picks up clock-

???: [deep breath] Relax, I won’t go Hiroshima on the school. I’m just a little irked at my sister.

Izzy: If that’s irked, I don’t want to see mad.

???: [glares at Izzy] anyways, this morning my sister calls me saying that she has to leave suddenly because of some bogus family crisis and she decided to have her daughter, whom I have not seen since her birth, stay with me. But my darling little sister didn’t inform me until THIS MORNING!!

Eden: Calm down, we heard you the first time.

???:[stands] Yeah, well, like I said, I’m irked. My sister really can be inconsiderate sometimes.

Eden: Yeah, well my mom isn’t much better.  She just left me here to live with the witch while she goes and lives on Crete for a year.

???: Crete…?

Eden: Yeah, Crete. You see my dad’s-

???: -Father passed away, leaving your family a beach house in Crete.

Eden: [slightly spooked] Yeah, but the only way we get to keep the house is if-

???: -your family takes up residency for a year.

Eden: [completely scared shitless] Yes…

???: One more thing.

Eden: What, are you going to guess my social security number?

???: Is your mother’s name Emily?

[dead silence. The posse just stare at Eden, wondering what her answer will be]

Eden: What are you? Psychic?

???: Not quite…[awkwardly extends hand] I’m your Aunt Erin.

Eden: Huh? You wha~?