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Sometimes people need time too, that's something that's hard even for me to understand. I am no longer in a relationship right now and I took it badly at first because a lot of what happened was influenced by people outside of the relationship. I wish I protected him better, but maybe I can do that going forward now. Maybe one day things can be different, but for now he needs his best friend back. I love him, he loves me, but seeing how hard he's trying I realized pushing him away would be wrong even if he hurt me, it wasn't even his fault he did. I need him too, I don't want to lose him ever and I'll wait for him, but even if we don't ever get back together I still want to stay. Things have been very confusing and this isn't the only thing going on in my life right now so there is just a lot stacked up. Something I've learned is that sometimes stepping in is necessary even if you don't like being intrusive. I've always prided myself on not being jealous, restrictive, or judging but I learned sometimes you need to step in to protect people even if it feels controlling. Maybe nothing would have changed, maybe it would have, it doesn't matter now because it's over. I still hope one day in the future things can be different, but I never want him to feel he needs to be in a relationship when he's not ready so I think I just have to leave it at that for now. Sorry for the rant, just a lot on my mind. I am afraid to move on because I know we had something good, but I also understand you never know when things will be better, I should know that better than anyone tbh. I want to find love but I also don't want to leave what I have, so I think I'll give it time and just see what happens. I guess that's all we can do. For now my priority is just trying to be a good friend because no matter what I really care about him and I just want him to be happy, I know I can't do that myself, but I can at least take some of the burden off of him. I honestly don't mind it because letting him do everything alone would hurt everyone so much more. Being there for someone can sometimes be hard, but this isn't for me. This is something I want to do and I hope he knows that, I hope he knows that I do it because I love him and it isn't hard to do because I love him.

Description
Sometimes people need time too, that's something that's hard even for me to understand. I am no longer in a relationship right now and I took it badly at first because a lot of what happened was influenced by people outside of the relationship. I wish I protected him better, but maybe I can do that going forward now. Maybe one day things can be different, but for now he needs his best friend back. I love him, he loves me, but seeing how hard he's trying I realized pushing him away would be wrong even if he hurt me, it wasn't even his fault he did. I need him too, I don't want to lose him ever and I'll wait for him, but even if we don't ever get back together I still want to stay. Things have been very confusing and this isn't the only thing going on in my life right now so there is just a lot stacked up. Something I've learned is that sometimes stepping in is necessary even if you don't like being intrusive. I've always prided myself on not being jealous, restrictive, or judging but I learned sometimes you need to step in to protect people even if it feels controlling. Maybe nothing would have changed, maybe it would have, it doesn't matter now because it's over. I still hope one day in the future things can be different, but I never want him to feel he needs to be in a relationship when he's not ready so I think I just have to leave it at that for now. Sorry for the rant, just a lot on my mind. I am afraid to move on because I know we had something good, but I also understand you never know when things will be better, I should know that better than anyone tbh. I want to find love but I also don't want to leave what I have, so I think I'll give it time and just see what happens. I guess that's all we can do. For now my priority is just trying to be a good friend because no matter what I really care about him and I just want him to be happy, I know I can't do that myself, but I can at least take some of the burden off of him. I honestly don't mind it because letting him do everything alone would hurt everyone so much more. Being there for someone can sometimes be hard, but this isn't for me. This is something I want to do and I hope he knows that, I hope he knows that I do it because I love him and it isn't hard to do because I love him.