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Chapter 4 – Pitch.

   After a long hot shower, I went back to Red's room to get ready for supper. Caroline was coming back home tonight from the hospital. When Red punched her, she had broken her nose and hit some nerve or something.

   I wonder if they'll let me stay the night here…

   I imagined lying next to Red in the dark, staring up at the ceiling.

   I smiled a little and pulled a couple bobby pins out of my hoodie pocket, pinning my hair back.

   What are you thinking Brooke? I know you like her, but how much do you like her? You don't think…

   My thoughts faded away and I stared at myself in the mirror, scanning over my features.

   I don't think I look like a lesbian…

   I combed my hair back and re-pinned it a different way, thinking to myself. Red had given me a pair of her tripp pants, the black ones. They suited me although they were baggy. It looked good with my black tank top. I turned to the side and glanced over my figure.

   What do lesbians look like? They can't ALL look like Red does…

   I remembered Sherrie, my aunt. She was a lesbian. She looked just like anyone else did. So did her wife, Barb. I wondered to myself as I put on my eyeliner carefully.

   Sherrie and Barb are just like me… no one knows they're together…I know only because dad told me, and we had a talk about it. Dad didn't mind it…I never understood it till I was 14. I could be lesbian…

   Pitch seemed to gaze up at me in agreement, a strange lifelike glimmer in her eyes.

   I stared down at her, picking her up off the shelf and examining her closely. I ran my thumb over the stone fur that surrounded her neck, petting her.

   Pitch shone up at me, her eyes coming to life.

   Hello Brooke…

   I squinted at her, running my thumb over her nose. She seemed to smile up at me. I mumbled to myself, "Hi…"

   My eyes widened and I set her back on the window ledge quickly, turning back to the mirror and spotting Red's mom standing in the doorway, smiling in at me, "Hi Brooke"

   I pulled down the bottom of my tank top, smoothing out the wrinkles, fiddling with my hair a little, "Hi Mrs. R."

  "Please, just call me mom"

   I froze, I hadn't called anyone mom since I was 5.

   "Brooke?"

   I snapped out of my daze and looked up at her, "Sure!...mom…". The word felt strange on my tongue, foreign.

   She smiled, "Jazz is in the shower."

   I nodded, "I know."

   "You want to talk?"

   Do I want to talk? I've wanted someone to talk to for the past 12 years…

   I shrugged and stepped wearily out of the room with her. She brought me to the living room and sat me down on the couch.

   "So, Brooke, tell me about yourself"

   I stared at the floor, I could feel her watching me. Casually I brushed a strand of hair behind my ear.

   She's staring right into me, she knows everything…

   "Tell me about your parents" she continued, that sweet, unaware smile still on her lips.

   She had a nice smile.

   My face reddened, "Um… well… I don't have a Dad… and my Mom…"

   I trailed off, feeling myself choke up, she had left me for a life of drugs when I was just a little kid. "I don't really have a mother either..."

   Jasmines mom nodded sympathetically, "You want to talk about what happened? With your dad I mean…"

   I shrugged, keeping my eyes to the purple and black pattern on the carpet. "I uh… he died… When he went to fight in the war…"

   "He was a soldier?"

   I nodded, "When mom left us he got really depressed… she didn't want me anymore… she said I was a bother to her… She went to live with some other guy… Dad sent me to stay with Grandma when I was 10, then he fell in love with a woman, Jean. One of his high school sweethearts."

   "She's your stepmother?"

   I nodded again, "Dad left to go fight in the war, he was filing divorce papers with Jean, but I lived with her, and Caroline when he left."

   I saw her lips tighten, "Jazz told me about Caroline…"

   My face reddened, "I'm sorry…"

   She sighed and nodded, "It's alright honey, continue your story."

   I took a breath, starting to tear up, "Then we got this letter… a yellow letter…" I reached into the pocket of my hoodie and pulled out a battered yellow piece of paper.

   She reached for it and read it, her face looking grave. She glanced up at me and nodded, passing me the paper back. I folded it and replaced it in my pocket again.

   "So I was alone… I lived with Jean and Caroline, I still do…"

   Mrs. R. nodded, shifting in her seat, "Jazz told me what Caroline had said to you… about going back home."

   I froze again, my eyes snapping up to her face.

   She smiled a little, "You can stay here… If you want to… if you don't feel safe…"

   My face reddened, I felt dizzy.

   "Are you okay Brooke?" she asked, her voice seemed far away.

   I was so scared of Caroline, I knew she would try to hurt me, I knew she was telling me the truth when she said she would kill me if I came home.

   "Brooke… let me get you some water, just stay still…"

   Mrs. R. got up and left, coming back in a matter of seconds. I felt her hand on my shoulder and she pushed a cool glass of water into my hands.

   I grasped it for a while, confused, my head spinning.

   "Drink" she said softly.

   I took a small sip from the cup and things started to come back into focus.

   Red came around the corner, her hair damp, "Brooke are you alright?" She asked, looking concerned.

   I nodded a little, taking a breath, and another sip.

   "Brooke is staying the night here tonight." Red's mom said, "I'll call Jean and tell her."

   As Mrs. R. called Jean, Red sat down beside me, "Did my mom talk to you about her?..." she asked, sliding an arm around my back.

   I nodded a little, "And my Dad…"

   Red nodded grimly, "Well… we're gonna have supper soon okay? You look pale, you need some sustenance..."