HOME | DD

Description
*The scene is a room with a kid sitting in front of someone behind "The camera". The voice of the person behind "The camera" is Bob Saget. You know, like in how I met your mother.*

Voice: Son, did I ever tell you how I met your uncle Sean?
Kid: I don't think so.
Voice: Well, it was way back in the year 2007. *FLASHBACK TIEMZ*
Voice/Narrator: See it was way back before we had that whole cyberstream bullshit. Or flying cars. We had a few hover crafts though. Man I loved hover crafts. ANYWAY. I had just burned down our city's christmas tree trying to fight off devil beasts. See while fighting them, I blasted the christmas tree, and well... Christmas trees are very flammable... So I was stuck doing community service on christmas Eve. Snow shoveling no less! I figured it wouldn't be a very good christmas for me. But yeah, the whole town's christmas was ruined because of me. This wasn't like the grinch who stole christmas where all the whos were singing their crazy song even after the grinch stole all their stuff. No. You take away the town's christmas tree and it's like the spirit is gone. So... They were pretty pissed off. They purposely piled snow EVERYWHERE on the roads and stuff and made me shovel all the roads in the city. While doing that I saw a guy down the street. He looked miserable. "What's wrong chum?" I asked.
Chum: Oh... Christmas has been ruined. Well. Not just by you. It looks like my relatives can't come in for christmas and I was looking forward to seeing them.
Derek: I can help you chum! What's your name?
Sean: Sean. And I know you're Derek. *They shake hands*
Derek: Alright. So where were they?
Sean: At the north pole visiting with santa claus. A demon army invaded the north pole while they were there.
Derek: That sounds highly implausible but awesome all the same. We shall take my HOVERCRAFT to the north pole and save Santa and your family from the demons!
Sean: Sounds awesome!
Derek: And maybe steal one of santa's trees to give to the town. He doesn't need ALL those trees.
Sean: True. We'll grab it and run after we save them from the demons.
Derek: Yay stealing!

Narrator/older Derek/Voice of bob saget: So Sean and I went to the north pole on our hover craft. Along the way we fought a giant squid that was rising to the surface briefly. See, giant squids aren't really all that fond of hover crafts.

Younger Derek: AAAAHH!
Sean: Shit. Well. You said you had blasters and stuff right? USE EM.
Younger Derek: Didn't you say you had a bat or something?
Sean: Yeah. But it wouldn't be much use in a squid fight. It'd probably knock the bat away or eat it and I'd lose it forever. Then I wouldn't be able to help you fight the demons and save my family.
Derek: Hmmm... You have a point. Okay. *Derek sets his blaster to the highest setting* HERE WE GO!
Sean: Damn, man. That is very bright!
Derek: Totally. GOODBYE SQUID MONSTER THING!
Squid: Goodbye Derek, goodbye Sean. And goodbye world! *The squid is bathed in a fiery light and disintegrated.*
Sean: Man. That was fucking awesome.
Derek: It totally was. Alright. We're almost to the north pole. Let's go!

Older Derek/Bob saget/Narrator: And so we went to the north pole. The penguin people were already trying to fight a war against the Demons, and losing, but when Sean and I entered the picture, the war was turned around in their favor. We helped the penguinish fight the demon warriors outside of santa's shop. Unfortunately, the loyal frosty the snowman was converted into a horrifying snowy ice monster. Our fight with him was brief however.

Sean: Not frosty! *Cries* I don't want to kill frosty!
Derek: We have no choice. Christmas depends on it! *Derek takes out a flamethrower and roasts the jolly snowman.* The deed is done.
Sean: NOOOOOOOO!
Derek: Come on, santa's workshop is just up ahead!

Older Derek/Narrator/Bob Saget: We made our way into the factory with the penguin's help. It was infested with demon spawn. We managed to fight our way into the heart of the factory, when a thick smog filled the room.

Sean: Oh Derek with your light so bright, won't you guide my slaying tonight?
Derek: Yeah, sure thing buddy!
*Derek lights the way for Sean to slay some demon. They get to the edge of the room where Mephisto is waiting for them.*
Derek: MEPHISTO! I should've known it was you!
Mephisto: Hahahahaha! Yes, it was me. I was so sick of christmas and all it's "Good will and cheeriness." Blech. I couldn't stand it. Oh, yeah. And it's the birthday of the christian messiah. We are demons after all. Why NOT cause ruckus on a holy day? Am I right? Yes. Yes I am right.
Sean: You won't get away with this!
Mephisto: I killed several hundred elves, mutated frosty into a demon, and killed all the reindeer. I'm pretty sure I got away with it.
Sean: *Shakes fist* Grrr! He's right!
Derek: That jerk. Let's take out our massive anger on him.

Narrator/old Derek/Bob Saget: And so we beat up Mephisto and gave him wedgies and purple nurples and indian burns and charlie horses, and he eventually just gave up and went back to hell with all his demons. Sean's family was being held in the same room with santa claus and Mrs. Claus. Oh, and the remaining elves too. We freed them and Sean built some kickass mechanical reindeer for Santa to use to deliver presents in record time. As thanks, Santa gave each of us a piece of peppermint. We saved his ass AND CHRISTMAS and he gives us a piece of peppermint each? Jackass. Angered, I punched santa right in the face and we grabbed a christmas tree and our modified Hovercraft and got the hell out of there. For bringing a new tree back and pretty much saving christmas I was freed from punishment. Sean got to spend christmas with his family and I got to spend christmas not working. It was the best christmas ever. But ever since that day, santa has always brought the two of us coal for assaulting him. Even though he started it with his god damn peppermint pieces. And that's the story. What do you think son?

Kid: Well... Dad. Uncle Sean told me that you two met on a smash bros. message board yelling at eachother.
Older Derek: Well... That also happened at some point, but saving christmas happened first. Say, did I ever tell you how I met your mother?
CBS Agent: *Bursts in* FREEZE SCUMBAG! THAT IS CLASS 1 COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT. YOU'RE UNDER ARREST. YOU AND YOUR SON!
Older Derek: BEST CHRISTMAS EVAH!