HOME | DD

Description
The red and white lights flashing brightly fly down the street, anxious to get to their present destination to tend to someone in need. They are out of sight almost as quickly as they appeared, but not before a thousand memories I usually keep locked away come rushing back to me. I close my eyes and watch as they played out before me once again.
My surroundings are quickly transformed to the familiar setting of the neighborhood I grew up in. I can see it perfectly the four houses of Ukiah Avenue are all lined up perfectly in a row, over looking a chain link fence holding inside it a vast nothingness of sand and Joshua tree's. I'm 6  years old and walking home from my bus stop, only to find an ambulance parked in my front yard. I continue to walk home at the same slow pace as if nothing were wrong, as I walk through the lawn up to my front steps I can see them pulling a gurney out to the ambulance. I know exactly what I'll find on there before I even look, sure enough strapped to the Gurney was my mother. Her eyes were closed and fastened around her neck was a brace. I remember the strong urge I felt to throw myself over my mother and cry and cry. I wanted to shake her to make sure her eyes would reopen, so I could feel the relieving reassurance that she was still alive. Instead I forced my eyes forward and walked straight into the house. I walked up to my room, closed my door and in presence of my own company cried silently to myself.
My surroundings start to change once again bringing me now to my Uncles former house. I'm alone, sitting in front of the grandfather clock. One arm wraps around my legs which are pulled up really close to my body, while my other arm extends up to the glass of the clock and slowly traces the intricate pattern that decorates it. I watch the metal bar inside rocking back and forth back and forth and listen to the  sound it makes…tick tock….tick tock. I can feel the bitter loneliness grab at my heart and  feel the familiar moisture the tears bring as they escape from my eyes. Quietly I begin to sing to myself, trying in some way to bring myself some comfort. Suddenly I feel a gentle tap on my shoulders and turn to see my little brother looking down at me with tears in his own eyes. Quickly, I wipe away the tears and pull myself together, trying to hide my weakness from him. I smile as I pull him into my arms and continue to sing until he falls asleep. I watch curiously as he sleeps soundly, and feel envy at his ability to simply escape this world and live in one of his own. But that feeling quickly fades as I look at his precious face and remember exactly why I have to be so strong.
I finally open my eyes and  feel as if I walked straight out of my memory and into the moment I'm in right now, as I reach up to wipe away tears. I reflect a bit more on the past trials I've experienced in my life and almost feel as if it's a dream. Life has brought me so far, but not without a hefty price in return. I close my eyes once more and try to picture the face of my mother, and feel a hint of sadness as I fail to remember. The only thing I can picture is her eyes, the brilliant blue eyes that failed to see me while they were able to.  None the less, I miss those eyes. Always so gentle and beautiful, at least that's how I remember them.  I smile softly to myself though, as I remember that life goes on. The longer I live this life, the further away it brings me from what I survived in the past. So I get up, turn around and walk away from the pain that belongs behind me. It's time for a new start, and with that I hope comes happiness.