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Description
'Dear Agony' by Breaking Benjamin www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbPuTw…

Dear Agony or Dear God?

We often feel like staying down because the disappointment and discouragement from a high fall hurts worst.
The broken expectations, and just falling from a high feels fatal...

But ever thought to yourself if the fall can feel so devastating, imagine how fulfilling and joyful it feels to conquer a mountain and get from such a low to a high.

It's how you look at it.

Ren struggles strongly though he has overcome so much his darkness still haunts him, and though he likes to grow and see his weaknesses as something to find strength in and goodness...sometimes it is too much for him.
The levels of trauma he went through, and dark energy he is constantly absorbing as a night elf can overcome him.
His physical illness hurts too, and he is in total agony.

He has learnt so much with his creative mind and Todumism. He can help most humans deeply from what he has gone through, and learnt, but some parts within himself are so much deeper and more destructive than even the worst human emotion, that he hasn't learnt yet how to deal with those.

He is on his own for the most part in dealing with it, even Kareena can't help him fully.

Sometimes all he can do is pray and feel guilt about his past. With a religion so unclear and 'learn as you go' he ends up in alot of ruts. He is praying to a God he is learning about, but sometimes not sure...he doesn't know if he is praying to God or the agony, for it to go away.

When he is this low his day dreams and visualization aren't enough; he sometimes can't even move.
He wishes for Sunday to come, the day night elves finally rest. Better yet, he wishes to manage sleep in that very moment. Just empty and no longer fighting or in control...to be unconscious or close to it. The level of sorrow, pain and darkness can be literally in an elf's case, soul killing.

Ren reaches highs so high and lows so lows--for fae emotions are much richer than human beings; especially one prone to darker emotion, and has to go through so much willing and unwilling trials--the risk can be devastating.
When those moments come he doesn't know what to do, think or feel come, it is hell and death on earth as one.

His heart is crushing under a weight so tangible and torturous, and his muscles frozen with fear and illness.

He just prays earnestly, holding on by a thread of faint hold...so faint his body and mind are faint and dwindling.

No wonder he is a pheonix spirit because when he is down it is death, but when he manages to rise, he is so strengthened and wiser he is reborn every time. From hell to heaven.

Description
'Dear Agony' by Breaking Benjamin www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbPuTw…

Dear Agony or Dear God?

We often feel like staying down because the disappointment and discouragement from a high fall hurts worst.
The broken expectations, and just falling from a high feels fatal...

But ever thought to yourself if the fall can feel so devastating, imagine how fulfilling and joyful it feels to conquer a mountain and get from such a low to a high.

It's how you look at it.

Ren struggles strongly though he has overcome so much his darkness still haunts him, and though he likes to grow and see his weaknesses as something to find strength in and goodness...sometimes it is too much for him.
The levels of trauma he went through, and dark energy he is constantly absorbing as a night elf can overcome him.
His physical illness hurts too, and he is in total agony.

He has learnt so much with his creative mind and Todumism. He can help most humans deeply from what he has gone through, and learnt, but some parts within himself are so much deeper and more destructive than even the worst human emotion, that he hasn't learnt yet how to deal with those.

He is on his own for the most part in dealing with it, even Kareena can't help him fully.

Sometimes all he can do is pray and feel guilt about his past. With a religion so unclear and 'learn as you go' he ends up in alot of ruts. He is praying to a God he is learning about, but sometimes not sure...he doesn't know if he is praying to God or the agony, for it to go away.

When he is this low his day dreams and visualization aren't enough; he sometimes can't even move.
He wishes for Sunday to come, the day night elves finally rest. Better yet, he wishes to manage sleep in that very moment. Just empty and no longer fighting or in control...to be unconscious or close to it. The level of sorrow, pain and darkness can be literally in an elf's case, soul killing.

Ren reaches highs so high and lows so lows--for fae emotions are much richer than human beings; especially one prone to darker emotion, and has to go through so much willing and unwilling trials--the risk can be devastating.
When those moments come he doesn't know what to do, think or feel come, it is hell and death on earth as one.

His heart is crushing under a weight so tangible and torturous, and his muscles frozen with fear and illness.

He just prays earnestly, holding on by a thread of faint hold...so faint his body and mind are faint and dwindling.

No wonder he is a pheonix spirit because when he is down it is death, but when he manages to rise, he is so strengthened and wiser he is reborn every time. From hell to heaven.