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Description

FFVII
Losing Control

Genre: Action/ Adventure/ Emotive themes
Setting: 3 years after DoC
Rating: M
Status: WIP
OCs: 25%
Disclaimer: All related Final Fantasy VII names and characters are copyrighted © by Square Enix. However, this story and the OCs are ALL mine. Thank you.

LOSING CONTROL

Sinking into the mire of the past, Cloud remembered…
Pain forgotten…

An empty puppet.
Mine to control.
All your memories, everything you love
I will destroy.

Cloud skidded Fenrir to a halt outside Seventh Heaven. Overcome by the voice overriding his thoughts, he nearly careened through the front door. As the bike creaked beneath him, he clutched his burning arm, bearing with the pain until it passed. He should have ridden on and not stopped, but it was too late. They would have heard him.

He gripped his arm, willing the pain to subside. It wasn’t the stigma on his flesh that was the real issue, although the consequences were deadly, it was the stigma in his mind. The mental strain was depleting his strength. The confused haze he lived in was overtaking his reasoning. Above it all – the commanding voice was eroding his identity. If he ever had one at all. It was sending him mad, he was sure of it.

After some time wrestling with the pain, he opened the garage and parked Fenrir.

The debilitating fever hit him again. It was turning out to be a bad day. He should have stayed somewhere. At least it was late and quiet inside, meaning the bar was shut and they should be in bed. He was coming home less often, but even staying at inns was difficult now, and expensive. Twice now he suffered violent rages, taking it out on inanimate objects. He was losing control of his senses. What if he took it out on people? What if it was Tifa?

Yeah, he shouldn’t have stopped… he should have camped on the road, or stayed at the church again.

Exhausted, he was driving himself relentlessly into only Gaia knew what. He just wanted to escape the pain, and the voice. He was losing the will to fight against it. It was right, and he was doomed to a life of misery. He just couldn’t keep dragging them through all of this. Tifa and the kids deserved so much better than the wretchedness he was now living with, and with the pitiful person he had become.

He would rest for a few hours and start off at daybreak. That way he wouldn’t need to talk to anyone.

All the lights were off inside. It meant Tifa wasn’t expecting him. He walked through the dark bar to the kitchen. He stood at the sink, filling a glass with water, to try and cool the heat emanating from his body. The fever sent tremors through his chest, like a fire boiling up from his gut. Why was today so bad?

I will take everything from you. You will have nothing.

“Sorry, I didn’t expect you back.” Tifa’s voice was soft in the darkness.

He remained with his back to her. The last thing he needed was to be confronted with Tifa. Not like this. “It’s a late day…”

“I…” Tifa sighed. “You know… I know you told me you have problems, but…” she paused and it seemed hard for her to speak, “we still miss having you around—”

Empty, you have nothing to give
Devoid of life
Incapable of feelings

“I’ve been busy lately.” His arm throbbed and sparks of pain shot into his head. Damn. Of all times. Clenching the sink with one hand, he endured the pain.

“You don’t answer my calls.” With resolve she pushed on, “What’s happening? It’s something more serious than… the past?”

You will destroy them all

“I can’t…” Cloud’s face contorted with terrible pain, and he gripped the glass in his hand, trying not to crack it. “It’s something… I have to work out.”

You cannot love
You have no feelings

“On your own…?” Her voice was a mournful whisper, “If you would talk to me… like we used to… or so I thought we did…” her voice trailed away into a soft sigh. “You don’t see the kids. I mean you look right through them. I know they aren’t really yours or mine, but they care about you.” She finished with a mumble he could barely hear, “they aren’t even “ours” anymore…”

You cannot save them

The grief in her voice propelled him into more remorse, and chipped at the mask he was hiding behind. He clenched the metal rim of the sink hard, forcing it in, and muttered, more to himself, “You’re better off without…” With abrupt rage, his fingers wrapped around the glass. He sensed something malevolent trying to burst out of him, something wrathful and destructive, inciting him to turn and throw the glass. Resisting with all his strength, he restrained his rage. “There’s nothing you can do.”

You will destroy everything.
You are an empty puppet.
Like every other time.

She whispered with a sob, “Really? Why…?”

His face clenched in a painful grimace and he hung his head in shame. “Don’t worry about it.” His voice rose in uncharacteristic anger, and he growled in warning, “Just go back to bed.”

Her breath shuddered and she turned to leave. After a hesitant moment, she spoke, and a tremor was in her voice, “I’m still going to care… even if you don’t.” She turned and ran upstairs.

His irrational rage matched the pain in his body. He shattered the glass in his fist and removed his hand from the dent on the sink. His mind was a wreck with conflicting emotions. He could make sense of nothing. His actions were frightening, and beyond his control. What had he done to Tifa? And almost done? He wanted to hurt her. Destroy her. And by his withdrawing from her, that’s exactly what he was doing. But in turn, her sadness was destroying him. Like an agonizing loop that had no answer.

The anger dissipated, but her sadness left him bereft, and empty. The voice was correct, he was unable to love. The guilt was overwhelming. He was getting to the end of himself, and the only end he could see was devastating.

He was so tired of fighting.

~ 7 ~

The distressing memory faded away, and was replaced with a cavern of darkness with the same fear assaulting his senses. Fear of being consumed by Jenova and lost forever.

In the cavern made black by the plague, Shelke, Cait and Deneh dropped to the ground, swallowed up by bony, black and grey monsters spurting up from the darkness. Denzel was the last to fall, and like the others he was swamped by the polluted life-stream.

Cloud unsheathed his swords and locked them together. The Jenova creatures would pay.

You are an empty shell

“No!”

You will do as I say

“I will kill you.”

The monsters fought hard against him with blades and magic, but they weren’t able to land a hit on him. Fire exploded around him, and ice chilled his skin. Magic assaulted his body, but he resisted and continued driving into them. One black twisted figure, with an ugly pointed nose and chin, stood back. This was the one speaking into his thoughts. He pushed in towards the Jenova monster.

I will control you in the end

His attacks erupted from his rage. His strikes were unfocused and haphazard, making his hits swing wide. He didn’t care, his blade still connected with flesh. The creatures let loose cries of pain and roars of offense. The fighting was intense, and his enemy seemed to be circling around him. Too afraid to get closer. Yet they were always keeping him from the lead monster that was polluting his thoughts.

“I will destroy everything of yours.”

Come to me

“Never.”

“Cloud!”

Denzel’s voice, calling from a distance, made Cloud pause in mid swing. “Denzel…?” He could see only the walls of toxic mire and the monsters in it.

You will be mine

Cloud headed towards the voice, to silence it forever. The monsters attempted to block his path.

“Stop!” Denzel’s voice was a faint sound. “They aren’t the enemy.”

Baffled, Cloud creased his brow and searched the chamber for Denzel. He yelled at the monster, “I want them back.”

Give me all control

“Don’t give in. It’s not you.” Denzel’s voice grew stronger.

Cloud shoved through the creatures and ran at the one speaking. He lifted his sword and struck.

The monster stumbled back, a smug grin on its evil, pointed black face. Come. Give me control.

“Cloud, you’ve got to trust me.” Denzel’s voice was close now, but it was strained and breathless, “Stop fighting.”

Stop running...

“Tifa?”

“Yeah, remember — ,” Denzel cried, “Tifa…”

Tifa... A vision of her, smiling and comforting him superseded all the gloom and anger.
It’s okay. You can stop running.

The haze of black disappeared. Inches away from landing a deathblow, his sword hovered over Denzel’s chest as he lay sprawled on the ground with a slash across his chest. Denzel’s eyes watched him with foreboding, but he lay still awaiting his fate.

Abruptly Cloud’s eyes were opened to the scene and he saw everything clearly… he threw his sword down. With a roar of pain, he collapsed to the ground and gripped his chest. HIs heart was twisting and writhing inside him. Ready to break apart. Then it stopped altogether.

And everything faded into white.

Description

FFVII
Losing Control

Genre: Action/ Adventure/ Emotive themes
Setting: 3 years after DoC
Rating: M
Status: WIP
OCs: 25%
Disclaimer: All related Final Fantasy VII names and characters are copyrighted © by Square Enix. However, this story and the OCs are ALL mine. Thank you.

LOSING CONTROL

Sinking into the mire of the past, Cloud remembered…
Pain forgotten…

An empty puppet.
Mine to control.
All your memories, everything you love
I will destroy.

Cloud skidded Fenrir to a halt outside Seventh Heaven. Overcome by the voice overriding his thoughts, he nearly careened through the front door. As the bike creaked beneath him, he clutched his burning arm, bearing with the pain until it passed. He should have ridden on and not stopped, but it was too late. They would have heard him.

He gripped his arm, willing the pain to subside. It wasn’t the stigma on his flesh that was the real issue, although the consequences were deadly, it was the stigma in his mind. The mental strain was depleting his strength. The confused haze he lived in was overtaking his reasoning. Above it all – the commanding voice was eroding his identity. If he ever had one at all. It was sending him mad, he was sure of it.

After some time wrestling with the pain, he opened the garage and parked Fenrir.

The debilitating fever hit him again. It was turning out to be a bad day. He should have stayed somewhere. At least it was late and quiet inside, meaning the bar was shut and they should be in bed. He was coming home less often, but even staying at inns was difficult now, and expensive. Twice now he suffered violent rages, taking it out on inanimate objects. He was losing control of his senses. What if he took it out on people? What if it was Tifa?

Yeah, he shouldn’t have stopped… he should have camped on the road, or stayed at the church again.

Exhausted, he was driving himself relentlessly into only Gaia knew what. He just wanted to escape the pain, and the voice. He was losing the will to fight against it. It was right, and he was doomed to a life of misery. He just couldn’t keep dragging them through all of this. Tifa and the kids deserved so much better than the wretchedness he was now living with, and with the pitiful person he had become.

He would rest for a few hours and start off at daybreak. That way he wouldn’t need to talk to anyone.

All the lights were off inside. It meant Tifa wasn’t expecting him. He walked through the dark bar to the kitchen. He stood at the sink, filling a glass with water, to try and cool the heat emanating from his body. The fever sent tremors through his chest, like a fire boiling up from his gut. Why was today so bad?

I will take everything from you. You will have nothing.

“Sorry, I didn’t expect you back.” Tifa’s voice was soft in the darkness.

He remained with his back to her. The last thing he needed was to be confronted with Tifa. Not like this. “It’s a late day…”

“I…” Tifa sighed. “You know… I know you told me you have problems, but…” she paused and it seemed hard for her to speak, “we still miss having you around—”

Empty, you have nothing to give
Devoid of life
Incapable of feelings

“I’ve been busy lately.” His arm throbbed and sparks of pain shot into his head. Damn. Of all times. Clenching the sink with one hand, he endured the pain.

“You don’t answer my calls.” With resolve she pushed on, “What’s happening? It’s something more serious than… the past?”

You will destroy them all

“I can’t…” Cloud’s face contorted with terrible pain, and he gripped the glass in his hand, trying not to crack it. “It’s something… I have to work out.”

You cannot love
You have no feelings

“On your own…?” Her voice was a mournful whisper, “If you would talk to me… like we used to… or so I thought we did…” her voice trailed away into a soft sigh. “You don’t see the kids. I mean you look right through them. I know they aren’t really yours or mine, but they care about you.” She finished with a mumble he could barely hear, “they aren’t even “ours” anymore…”

You cannot save them

The grief in her voice propelled him into more remorse, and chipped at the mask he was hiding behind. He clenched the metal rim of the sink hard, forcing it in, and muttered, more to himself, “You’re better off without…” With abrupt rage, his fingers wrapped around the glass. He sensed something malevolent trying to burst out of him, something wrathful and destructive, inciting him to turn and throw the glass. Resisting with all his strength, he restrained his rage. “There’s nothing you can do.”

You will destroy everything.
You are an empty puppet.
Like every other time.

She whispered with a sob, “Really? Why…?”

His face clenched in a painful grimace and he hung his head in shame. “Don’t worry about it.” His voice rose in uncharacteristic anger, and he growled in warning, “Just go back to bed.”

Her breath shuddered and she turned to leave. After a hesitant moment, she spoke, and a tremor was in her voice, “I’m still going to care… even if you don’t.” She turned and ran upstairs.

His irrational rage matched the pain in his body. He shattered the glass in his fist and removed his hand from the dent on the sink. His mind was a wreck with conflicting emotions. He could make sense of nothing. His actions were frightening, and beyond his control. What had he done to Tifa? And almost done? He wanted to hurt her. Destroy her. And by his withdrawing from her, that’s exactly what he was doing. But in turn, her sadness was destroying him. Like an agonizing loop that had no answer.

The anger dissipated, but her sadness left him bereft, and empty. The voice was correct, he was unable to love. The guilt was overwhelming. He was getting to the end of himself, and the only end he could see was devastating.

He was so tired of fighting.

~ 7 ~

The distressing memory faded away, and was replaced with a cavern of darkness with the same fear assaulting his senses. Fear of being consumed by Jenova and lost forever.

In the cavern made black by the plague, Shelke, Cait and Deneh dropped to the ground, swallowed up by bony, black and grey monsters spurting up from the darkness. Denzel was the last to fall, and like the others he was swamped by the polluted life-stream.

Cloud unsheathed his swords and locked them together. The Jenova creatures would pay.

You are an empty shell

“No!”

You will do as I say

“I will kill you.”

The monsters fought hard against him with blades and magic, but they weren’t able to land a hit on him. Fire exploded around him, and ice chilled his skin. Magic assaulted his body, but he resisted and continued driving into them. One black twisted figure, with an ugly pointed nose and chin, stood back. This was the one speaking into his thoughts. He pushed in towards the Jenova monster.

I will control you in the end

His attacks erupted from his rage. His strikes were unfocused and haphazard, making his hits swing wide. He didn’t care, his blade still connected with flesh. The creatures let loose cries of pain and roars of offense. The fighting was intense, and his enemy seemed to be circling around him. Too afraid to get closer. Yet they were always keeping him from the lead monster that was polluting his thoughts.

“I will destroy everything of yours.”

Come to me

“Never.”

“Cloud!”

Denzel’s voice, calling from a distance, made Cloud pause in mid swing. “Denzel…?” He could see only the walls of toxic mire and the monsters in it.

You will be mine

Cloud headed towards the voice, to silence it forever. The monsters attempted to block his path.

“Stop!” Denzel’s voice was a faint sound. “They aren’t the enemy.”

Baffled, Cloud creased his brow and searched the chamber for Denzel. He yelled at the monster, “I want them back.”

Give me all control

“Don’t give in. It’s not you.” Denzel’s voice grew stronger.

Cloud shoved through the creatures and ran at the one speaking. He lifted his sword and struck.

The monster stumbled back, a smug grin on its evil, pointed black face. Come. Give me control.

“Cloud, you’ve got to trust me.” Denzel’s voice was close now, but it was strained and breathless, “Stop fighting.”

Stop running...

“Tifa?”

“Yeah, remember — ,” Denzel cried, “Tifa…”

Tifa... A vision of her, smiling and comforting him superseded all the gloom and anger.
It’s okay. You can stop running.

The haze of black disappeared. Inches away from landing a deathblow, his sword hovered over Denzel’s chest as he lay sprawled on the ground with a slash across his chest. Denzel’s eyes watched him with foreboding, but he lay still awaiting his fate.

Abruptly Cloud’s eyes were opened to the scene and he saw everything clearly… he threw his sword down. With a roar of pain, he collapsed to the ground and gripped his chest. HIs heart was twisting and writhing inside him. Ready to break apart. Then it stopped altogether.

And everything faded into white.