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Description
Some Books
        Twilight never knew why her parents wouldn't let her play tea party using the fine china. She thought they were overreacting. You break one dinner plate, and suddenly everypony is all over you like you killed a colt! She winced as she struggled to pick up the large porcelain tea kettle she had “borrowed” from the kitchen downstairs. Her horn shone like the sun itself, her magic rending itself to pick up the unfamiliar weight.
        “M-More tea?” she choked out, holding the kettle in front of her doll, Smarty-pants. The doll remained stoic. She took that as a yes. Slowly and carefully, she tilted the kettle until it began to pour hot water into the Smarty-pant's plastic cup. She also wasn't allowed to use real tea; not after that one time her mom's boss came over and she had decided to show him a magic trick she had learned that day. She decided to refill her own cup as well. Sure, hot water wasn't nearly as good as tea, but that was what her imagination was for! She dropped the kettle somewhat carelessly on the table, too tired to carry it anymore.
        What a fine party! Smarty-pants said without moving his mouth. Thank you so much for inviting me!
        Twilight giggled. “Oh, Smarty. You know this party wouldn't be anything without you!” She lifted up her tea cup. This was much easier. As she saw it, only a baby could mess up something as simple as lifting a cup—
        “What in the hay is this?!”
        The young unicorn, startled at the sudden sound, dropped her cup on the table, spilling its contents onto the floor. “Oh, darn!” she cried. She looked to her closed bedroom door. “What was that? It sounded like dad.” She hopped up from her seat. “I'll be right back, Smarty-pants. Sit tight.”
        Alright, Twilight!
        Once she was out of the room and in the hallway, Twilight tiphoofed down the hall, past her brother's locked door, under the various pictures and paintings that lined the walls, until she was at the top of the staircase that led to the first floor. She peered through the banister bars, down into the kitchen.
        Standing at the kitchen table were her parents, Nightlight and Twilight Velvet. The former was talking excitedly, his normally blue face turning somewhat red. Twilight raised an eyebrow. Her dad looked almost mad. He never got mad at her mom. Maybe her brother, but not her mom. In his blue magic, he carried a small, rectangular object—a book! Twilight smiled. She loved books. Was it for her? Why was he getting so mad about it? She looked at her mom. The white mare was rolling her eyes. She looked annoyed, rather than angry.
        Twilight craned her neck and moved her ears forward to hear their conversation.
        “...believe you would bring this, this... smut home!” her father exclaimed. “Do you have no shame?”
        Smut? Twilight thought, scanning her mental dictionary. Nope, not in there. Better remember to look it up.
        Her mother snorted. “It's not like I bought it! The girls at the office got it for me. Apparently everypony has been reading it nowadays. It's hip!”
        Nightlight looked offended. “If this is what people are reading nowadays, I have little hope for the future of our society. What if Shining, or, Celestia forbid, Twilight got a hold of this?” He walked backwards, out of Twilight's view. “I am not allowing this trash in our household!”
        “Oh, don't you dare throw that away!” Velvet said. “It was a present!”
        Twilight's ears flicked up and her heart began to race. She felt like her father was about to kill her. Faster than she had ever run before, Twilight ran into the kitchen and screamed “Stop!”
        Both parents whipped their heads to look at her. Velvet lifted a hoof off the floor. “Sweetie, what's wrong?”
        “It's you!” the filly declared, pointing at her father, who was already standing over the trash bin by the fridge. “How dare you disrespect a book that way! Bring it back now!”
        Both parents looked at one another in fear. Nightlight walked over, bent down to Twilight's eye level, and put a hoof on her shoulder. “Honey, how much did you hear?”
        “Enough to know that this is mom's book, and you shouldn't throw it away just because you don't like it!” She attempted to grab the book out of her father's telekinesis, only to feel herself repelled by the much more experienced force. “Let it go! All books deserve to be read!”
        Velvet chuckled. “That's my girl!”
        “Don't encourage this, Velvet!” Nightlight scolded. He put a hoof on his face and dragged it downwards, letting his facial features flap a bit. He looked at Twilight with tired eyes. “Honey, one day you're going to learn that there are exceptions to that rule, and this is one of th— Hey!”
        While he was talking, Velvet had grabbed the book with her teeth instead of her magic, catching Nightlight off-guard. “Too slow!” she said through the object.
        It was at this point that Twilight got her first good look at the spine; it read: Fifty Shades of Black. Twilight had never heard of this book before. She hadn't ever seen it at the library, either! What kind of book was this? Maybe after her mother read it, she could. That was, if her father didn't burn it first. She smiled proudly, knowing that she was instrumental in helping her mother get her book back.
        Velvet stepped out of the room and headed for the stairs. “Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to start this book!”
        Nightlight grimaced. “Do you want the tissues now or later?” he growled.
        “Now who's the one being trashy?” Velvet remarked, frowning. She sighed loudly before heading up. “Really!”
        “Dear Celestia...” Nightlight breathed, rubbing his temples.
        “Dad?”
        Nightlight looked down. “Yes, honey?”
        “Why don't you like that book?”
        He opened his mouth, but just as quickly closed it. “You'll... you'll understand when you're older.”
----------
One phenomena that Twilight had observed over her few years of life was that all things seemed to be louder at midnight. It was this phenomena that Twilight cursed as she tried to open the door to her room as silently as possible. It created a deafening crrreeeeak that roared through the house. Twilight winced and waited for the inevitable sound of lights being turned on, and ponies getting out of bed to see what all the noise was about. Yet, nothing came. She sighed in relief. Not even her military-minded brother had heard it, it seemed.
        That was good. Her plan involved stealth of the utmost sneakiness.
        Every step seemed to sound like a volcano erupting as she made her way down the hall to her parent's room. It was the last door on her left. Luckily, this one was already open, so all Twilight had to do was squeeze through the opening. She did so, letting only a few errant hairs touch the doorway.
        She was in. The filly scanned the room. The walls were lined with bookshelves, save for one large wooden armoir. In the middle of the room was a king-sized bed, in which her parents slept soundly. Nightlight was holding Velvet tight against him (Twilight resisted the urge to gag). The walls were a dark blue, making it even harder to see.
        Twilight frowned. There were so many books in the room, it would take ages to find Fifty Shades! She felt a small pang of despair in her heart. Now she would never read it! A whole book, ripped from her grasp! It made her nauseous just thinking about it...
        “No,” she whispered. She steadied herself. She would find this book, no matter what! She just had to think... Where would her mother keep a book like that? She had just started reading it, so...
        Twilight's eyes and grin widened all at once. She rushed over to her mother's side of the bed, where her nightstand stood. Standing on her hind hooves, she looked at the table. And there it was! Just sitting there! Twilight fell back onto her forehooves. “Yes!” she cheered.
        “Mmhmm...”
        The filly's blood ran cold. She forced herself to look at the figure lying above her. Velvet was stirring, beginning to sit up. Twilight gave a small squeak and glanced at the book. Maybe she could get it out before—
        “Tw... Twilight?”
        She nearly jumped. Looking up, she saw her mother staring at her wearily. The older unicorn had large bags under her eyes. Her wrinkles (which Twilight got in trouble for whenever she pointed them out) seemed more pronounced. Velvet licked her lips and blinked. “Sweetie, what are you doing in here? It's past midnight...”
        “Um.” Twilight shrank. She couldn't even look at her mother as she formulated a response. Why didn't I plan for this?! Stupid, stupid!
        Suddenly, Velvet's face sharpened. “Did you have a bad dream?”
        Twilight froze for a second. “Uh... Yeah! That's it!” She put on her most adorable face, which included, but was not limited to wide eyes, a puffed-out bottom lip, and a complimentary sniffle. “C-Can I sleep with you?”
        Velvet yawned. “Sure, sweetie. Hop in.”
        With a small wiggle of her rump, Twilight leaped up, right onto her mother's lap, prompting a sharp “Oof!” from Velvet. Twilight climbed under the covers, tight between her parents. Nightlight snored and turned over. Velvet gave her daughter a small smile before turning away and closing her eyes.
        Twilight returned the smile, but as soon as her mother turned, it fell into a scowl. What was she supposed to do now? She was trapped! Now she would never get the book! Sighing, she closed her eyes. I was doing fine until I yelled like an idiot!
        That was when it hit her. The only reason her mom had woken up was because she yelled! If she could just be silent...
        As smoothly as possible, Twilight wriggled out from under the covers, arching her back against the headboard. Once she was out, she leaped over her mother and onto the floor, where the carpet absorbed the sound of her landing. She grinned. It looked like she really did have sneakiness! Her horn lit up, and immediately the book became enveloped in the same purple glow.
        Of course, she was just borrowing the book. It was only stealing if you never brought it back, which she was going to do. Once she was done reading it! Twilight ran out of the room, down the hall, and back into her own bedroom, where she quickly made her way to her own bed and jumped in.
        Smarty-pants sat next to her pillow. Did you get it?
        “Yep!” Twilight chirped holding up the book. The cover was all black, save for the white text at the top stating the title, and the text at the bottom for the author. On it was a picture of a large, grey bowtie. “It was a piece of cake, Smarty!”
        Let's open it up!
        “Ye—“ Twilight started, but she quickly faded into a long and powerful yawn. Suddenly, even reading didn't seem as interesting as her pillow did. “Eh... Not right now. Wake me up early tomorrow, and we can read it then. Alright, Smarty?”
        Smarty-pants looked a bit sad. Okay, Twilight. I'll wake you.
        “You're sure you won't forget this time?”
        I promise.
        This was good enough for her. Yawning again, Twilight picked up the book and threw it under her bed. With that, she snuggled into her pillow, and quickly fell into a deep sleep.
----------
She stared down at New Page City from her space on top of the highest skyscraper in town. It was a tough job, protecting the entire town, but somepony had to do it. And that pony was her. By day, she was just the local librarian, Twilight Sparkle. But by night, she was Book Mare! Protector of literacy, and all things good! She was unstoppable!
        “Almost unstoppable,” an evil voice from behind cackled roughly.
        Book Mare spun around. Just a few feet behind her, laughing maniacally, was her nemesis: Stupid Colt! He was an all-blue unicorn, with rotting teeth and a wild, messy mane. Unlike her, he was dedicated to spreading idiocy and illiteracy throughout the city! He growled at her.
        “So,” Book Mare mused. “We meet again.”
        “Yes. And for the last time!” Suddenly, Stupid Colt charged toward her, intending to knock her off the edge of the building and down into the traffic below!
        Book Mare sprinted to meet him. Their horns clashed, sending sparks into the air. Book Mare grit her teeth. “I won't let you get away with this!”
        “Oh, but I will... Twiley!”
        “W-What?!” Book Mare gasped, giving a bit. “What did you just call me, Stupid Colt?!”
        “Twiley...”
        “How did you learn my secret identity, you scum?!”
        “Twiley! Wake up!”
----------
Twilight's eyes shot open. Staring at her, a confused expression on his face, was Shining Armor. He frowned. “Why'd you call me a stupid colt?”
        “H-Huh?” Twilight stammered, sitting up. “What happened? Where's Stupid Colt? Where am I?”
        “Uh... You're in your room. And if you call me that again, I'm telling mom.”
        Twilight blinked. Her mind began to shift from dream mode to awake mode. Suddenly, the events of the past night came rushing back to her. She grabbed her brother. “What time is it?!”
        Shining recoiled. “It's 8:00!”
        She let go of him and considered the response. “8:00... But that means there's only ten minutes before we're supposed to leave for school!”
        “Yeah. Mom says that if you don't wake up and get down to the kitchen in a minute, she's going to feed your pancakes to the dog next door.”
        Twilight gasped, and not just out of her hatred for that hellhound, Fido. She spun around to Smarty-pants, who was hanging off the side of the bed, in the crack between the mattress and the wall. She grabbed him by the throat and pulled him up.
        Urk! he choked out, dazed and confused. Twilight, what are you—
        “You didn't wake me up!” she screamed, shaking the doll. “You promised! Now we don't have any time to read the book!”
        “What book?”
        Twilight froze, suddenly remembering the room's other occupant. She spun back around to her brother, who had tilted his head and was regarding her strangely.
        “Uh... Fine!” Twilight laughed nervously. “It's just a, um, a... a d-dictionary!” she declared, throwing her hooves up. “I got a new dictionary, and I wanted to read some of it! Ha, ha!”
        Shining squinted at her, causing her to break out in a sweat. This examination continued for a few seconds before Shining backed off, shrugged, and began to walk away. “Better get ready fast, Twiley! I can hear the dog barking!”
        Twilight waited until he was out of the room before growling and climbing out of bed. She pulled the book out from under the bed and dusted it off. “Well, Smarty, looks like we're gonna have to wait until after school to read it. I hope dad doesn't clean my room and find it!”
        Smarty-pants fell over onto his face. Why don't you bring it to kindergarten? he asked, muffled.
        “Bring it to school? But I have to pay attention to the lesson if I'm ever going to get into a good college!”
        Just read it during lunch! It's not like anypony expects you to do anything then.
        Twilight beamed. “Good idea, Smarty! Let's do it!” She pulled out her backpack, which sat next to her bed, and stuffed the book inside. She couldn't wait until lunch!
----------
“...to raise the sun at dawn; the younger brought out the moon to begin the night. Thus, the two sisters maintained balance for their kingdom and their subjects, all the different types of ponies.” Miss Clip stopped reading for a moment to turn the book to face the class. Everypony, save one filly, clammered to see the illustration before it was put away.
        The one filly how abstained was none other than Twilight. She sat, head on her hooves, staring at the clock. It wasn't that she didn't like the story, but she had already heard it at least a dozen times. It was a favorite of her father's, who always claimed that he was a descendent of one of the Night Court's original members. Whenever she looked at it, the clock seemed to go the least bit slower. She cursed the concept of time.
        Before she even knew what was going on, the entire class erupted in applause. Evidently, Miss Clip had finished her reading. She stood up, the book encased in her silver magic, matching the color of her coat. She placed it down on her desk, glanced at the clock, then smiled at her students. “Well, fillies and colts, it looks like we have a bit of extra time before lunch!”
        Twilight's heart leaped. Early lunch?
        “...So, I was thinking that we could get a headstart on Show-and-Tell so we have more time after lunch!”
        Her heart came crashing back down, past where it had jumped from, to the darkest depths of her soul. With an icy chill, she realized: she had completely forgotten about Show-and-Tell. She didn't have anything to share! As the rest of the class reached into their bags and retrieved their various objects, she sat, mortified at the turn of events. Sandy had her seashell collection, Firework had his favorite soccer ball...
        “What's wrong, Twilight Nerdkle?”
        Twilight jumped at the rough voice. She spun around, only to see her classmate, Thunder Clap. The all-blue unicorn had a triumphant sneer on his face, like he had just won some long battle. There was a purple satchel on his desk, tied with a thick rope. He chuckled. “I thought you were the smartest unicorn in the world,” he said in a mocking tone. “Don't tell me you”—he paused for effect—“forgot?!”
        “I-I didn't forget!” Twilight insisted, almost shouting. She jabbed a hoof at her schoolbag, which was slumped against her desk. “It's right in my bag! I... I just have to get it. So b-be quiet!” Thunder's snickering fresh in her ears, she turned away and bent over to get her bag. She blinked away the tears that seemed to always come whenever she talked to him. She couldn't wait until she was old enough to go to Princess Celestia's School. Then she wouldn't ever have to see him again.
        She refocused on the task at hoof. There had to be something in her bag that she could use for Show-and-Tell. It wasn't like it had to be anything ground-breaking; Evergreen had a rock, for Celestia's sake! Just something that she could pass off as interesting, and get maybe a minute of explanation out of.
        Ruler? No. Pencil case? No. Backup ruler? ...Maybe.
        Thunder was still laughing, harder now. Twilight was getting frustrated. She was swishing her foreleg back-and-forth rapidly, pushing past her many papers and folders, until she hit something big and solid at the bottom of her bag. She blinked. Huh?
        The book!
        With a large grin, she pulled Fifty Shades out of her bag and dropped it on the desk with a thud. She shot Thunder the same triumphant sneer he had given her. “Told you I didn't forget!”
        The colt just growled and began to fiddle with his bag.
        Twilight put a hoof on the cover. It was perfect! Not only would she have a Show-and-Tell object, she would get some reading done early! Besides, books were always better when shared with others! Score one for Twilight Sparkle: Unicorn Extraordinaire!
        “Okay, class!” Miss Clip said, getting up from her desk and walking to the first row of desks. “Is everypony ready?” The foals all nodded. The silver mare lifted up a long clipboard which Twilight knew to be the class's “sharing chart.” It kept a record of who shared what and when, and was meant to be a way to regulate the class so nopony got more attention than any other. The teacher scanned it with a pen, making adjustments and marks as she went along. It wasn't long before she stopped near the bottom of the list, nodded, and looked back up at her students. “Okay! Our first presenter will be Twilight!”
        Twilight held back an excited giggle. She grabbed the book and hopped out of her seat. She walked to the front of the classroom in a sassy strut, her nose held high, and her tail swishing madly. She held the book close to her chest, as if it were a deep secret she needed to reveal with care. Miss Clip offered her a seat. She climbed into the small, plastic chair and scanned the classroom.
        Much to her dismay, nopony really seemed to be paying attention. Thunder was still playing with his bag. Sandy and Evergreen were arguing about who had the cooler object. Pastel and Sure Shot were staring out the window at the playground. Firework was just sleeping. They were going to miss out on her book!
        Evidently, Miss Clip noticed Twilight's wistful expression, because she cleared her throat and said “Now, class! What do we do when somepony is presenting?”
        Pierce, a white colt at the front of the class, shot his hoof up. “We listen!” Everypony around him groaned.
        Miss Clip nodded and gave a toothy smile. “Absolutely! Twilight deserves your full attention, everypony!” About half of those who hadn't been watching before turned to the young unicorn. Satisfied, Miss Clip put her hoof on Twilight's shoulder. “Now, Twilight, what do you have to share with us today?”
        Twilight nodded and took her cue. She held up Fifty Shades. “This is my brand-new book! I'm going to—“
        “A book? Bo-ring!”
        Twilight stopped mid-sentence and glared at Thunder Clap, who was giving a fake yawn, much to the amusement of his fellow students. Everypony began to laugh. Twilight hung her head, hiding behind her book. “Stupid colt...”
        Miss Clip scowled and stamped her hoof, causing Thunder to jump. “Thunder, that is not appropriate behavior! See me during lunch!” In the blink of an eye, she switched back to the happy caretaker from before. “Go ahead, Twilight. It looks like a very interesting book.”
        “Okay!” Twilight said, beginning to open the book. It was then that she froze. It occurred to her that she had never actually read it before now. What was she going to read? Just start from the beginning? No, that would put them all right back to sleep. Instead, she began to skim for the most complicated paragraph she could find. “Just finding my favorite part!” she said, eliciting a few groans.
        “Uhm... Oh, here!” Twilight stopped. She stared at the paragraph. About half of the words were complete unknowns to her, but luckily, they looked easy enough to pronounce. With a deep breath, she began to read.
        What Twilight read that day would remain in the minds of every student in the room for years to come, even if they didn't know it. Some would even have to go to therapy, just to stop the whip-filled night terrors that plagued them. Some would have some very in-depth questions to ask their parents when they went home. One colt finally understood the point of the tight black-leather suit he had found in his parents's dresser that one time. It seemed to dawn slowly on Miss Clip, who couldn't believe that her most advanced student was spouting words of this nature. She even gave Twilight the chance to read a second paragraph, convinced that the day-old sesame bagel she had had for breakfast was just acting against her.
        Twilight, now content that she had read enough to fill her Show-and-Tell quota, closed the book and waited, proud, for the smattering of applause that came with every presentation.
        Nothing came.
        Miss Clip searched for the right words. “W-Well, Twilight, that was, uhm... interesting.” There was a tense silence. “Twilight, when your parents come to pick you up, would you please tell them to see me?”
        Twilight jumped off the small chair and beamed at her teacher. “Of course, Miss Clip!” She walked off, happy as a filly could be. To think: Miss Clip had liked her reading so much, she was even going to tell her parents!
        When she got back to her seat, Thunder was staring at her, confused. Twilight smirked. “What?” she said. “Too complicated for you?”
        “Uh... Yeah, I guess.”
        “Hm!” She turned away and crossed her forelegs. “Looks like you'll just have to wait until you're older!”

Description
Some Books
        Twilight never knew why her parents wouldn't let her play tea party using the fine china. She thought they were overreacting. You break one dinner plate, and suddenly everypony is all over you like you killed a colt! She winced as she struggled to pick up the large porcelain tea kettle she had “borrowed” from the kitchen downstairs. Her horn shone like the sun itself, her magic rending itself to pick up the unfamiliar weight.
        “M-More tea?” she choked out, holding the kettle in front of her doll, Smarty-pants. The doll remained stoic. She took that as a yes. Slowly and carefully, she tilted the kettle until it began to pour hot water into the Smarty-pant's plastic cup. She also wasn't allowed to use real tea; not after that one time her mom's boss came over and she had decided to show him a magic trick she had learned that day. She decided to refill her own cup as well. Sure, hot water wasn't nearly as good as tea, but that was what her imagination was for! She dropped the kettle somewhat carelessly on the table, too tired to carry it anymore.
        What a fine party! Smarty-pants said without moving his mouth. Thank you so much for inviting me!
        Twilight giggled. “Oh, Smarty. You know this party wouldn't be anything without you!” She lifted up her tea cup. This was much easier. As she saw it, only a baby could mess up something as simple as lifting a cup—
        “What in the hay is this?!”
        The young unicorn, startled at the sudden sound, dropped her cup on the table, spilling its contents onto the floor. “Oh, darn!” she cried. She looked to her closed bedroom door. “What was that? It sounded like dad.” She hopped up from her seat. “I'll be right back, Smarty-pants. Sit tight.”
        Alright, Twilight!
        Once she was out of the room and in the hallway, Twilight tiphoofed down the hall, past her brother's locked door, under the various pictures and paintings that lined the walls, until she was at the top of the staircase that led to the first floor. She peered through the banister bars, down into the kitchen.
        Standing at the kitchen table were her parents, Nightlight and Twilight Velvet. The former was talking excitedly, his normally blue face turning somewhat red. Twilight raised an eyebrow. Her dad looked almost mad. He never got mad at her mom. Maybe her brother, but not her mom. In his blue magic, he carried a small, rectangular object—a book! Twilight smiled. She loved books. Was it for her? Why was he getting so mad about it? She looked at her mom. The white mare was rolling her eyes. She looked annoyed, rather than angry.
        Twilight craned her neck and moved her ears forward to hear their conversation.
        “...believe you would bring this, this... smut home!” her father exclaimed. “Do you have no shame?”
        Smut? Twilight thought, scanning her mental dictionary. Nope, not in there. Better remember to look it up.
        Her mother snorted. “It's not like I bought it! The girls at the office got it for me. Apparently everypony has been reading it nowadays. It's hip!”
        Nightlight looked offended. “If this is what people are reading nowadays, I have little hope for the future of our society. What if Shining, or, Celestia forbid, Twilight got a hold of this?” He walked backwards, out of Twilight's view. “I am not allowing this trash in our household!”
        “Oh, don't you dare throw that away!” Velvet said. “It was a present!”
        Twilight's ears flicked up and her heart began to race. She felt like her father was about to kill her. Faster than she had ever run before, Twilight ran into the kitchen and screamed “Stop!”
        Both parents whipped their heads to look at her. Velvet lifted a hoof off the floor. “Sweetie, what's wrong?”
        “It's you!” the filly declared, pointing at her father, who was already standing over the trash bin by the fridge. “How dare you disrespect a book that way! Bring it back now!”
        Both parents looked at one another in fear. Nightlight walked over, bent down to Twilight's eye level, and put a hoof on her shoulder. “Honey, how much did you hear?”
        “Enough to know that this is mom's book, and you shouldn't throw it away just because you don't like it!” She attempted to grab the book out of her father's telekinesis, only to feel herself repelled by the much more experienced force. “Let it go! All books deserve to be read!”
        Velvet chuckled. “That's my girl!”
        “Don't encourage this, Velvet!” Nightlight scolded. He put a hoof on his face and dragged it downwards, letting his facial features flap a bit. He looked at Twilight with tired eyes. “Honey, one day you're going to learn that there are exceptions to that rule, and this is one of th— Hey!”
        While he was talking, Velvet had grabbed the book with her teeth instead of her magic, catching Nightlight off-guard. “Too slow!” she said through the object.
        It was at this point that Twilight got her first good look at the spine; it read: Fifty Shades of Black. Twilight had never heard of this book before. She hadn't ever seen it at the library, either! What kind of book was this? Maybe after her mother read it, she could. That was, if her father didn't burn it first. She smiled proudly, knowing that she was instrumental in helping her mother get her book back.
        Velvet stepped out of the room and headed for the stairs. “Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to start this book!”
        Nightlight grimaced. “Do you want the tissues now or later?” he growled.
        “Now who's the one being trashy?” Velvet remarked, frowning. She sighed loudly before heading up. “Really!”
        “Dear Celestia...” Nightlight breathed, rubbing his temples.
        “Dad?”
        Nightlight looked down. “Yes, honey?”
        “Why don't you like that book?”
        He opened his mouth, but just as quickly closed it. “You'll... you'll understand when you're older.”
----------
One phenomena that Twilight had observed over her few years of life was that all things seemed to be louder at midnight. It was this phenomena that Twilight cursed as she tried to open the door to her room as silently as possible. It created a deafening crrreeeeak that roared through the house. Twilight winced and waited for the inevitable sound of lights being turned on, and ponies getting out of bed to see what all the noise was about. Yet, nothing came. She sighed in relief. Not even her military-minded brother had heard it, it seemed.
        That was good. Her plan involved stealth of the utmost sneakiness.
        Every step seemed to sound like a volcano erupting as she made her way down the hall to her parent's room. It was the last door on her left. Luckily, this one was already open, so all Twilight had to do was squeeze through the opening. She did so, letting only a few errant hairs touch the doorway.
        She was in. The filly scanned the room. The walls were lined with bookshelves, save for one large wooden armoir. In the middle of the room was a king-sized bed, in which her parents slept soundly. Nightlight was holding Velvet tight against him (Twilight resisted the urge to gag). The walls were a dark blue, making it even harder to see.
        Twilight frowned. There were so many books in the room, it would take ages to find Fifty Shades! She felt a small pang of despair in her heart. Now she would never read it! A whole book, ripped from her grasp! It made her nauseous just thinking about it...
        “No,” she whispered. She steadied herself. She would find this book, no matter what! She just had to think... Where would her mother keep a book like that? She had just started reading it, so...
        Twilight's eyes and grin widened all at once. She rushed over to her mother's side of the bed, where her nightstand stood. Standing on her hind hooves, she looked at the table. And there it was! Just sitting there! Twilight fell back onto her forehooves. “Yes!” she cheered.
        “Mmhmm...”
        The filly's blood ran cold. She forced herself to look at the figure lying above her. Velvet was stirring, beginning to sit up. Twilight gave a small squeak and glanced at the book. Maybe she could get it out before—
        “Tw... Twilight?”
        She nearly jumped. Looking up, she saw her mother staring at her wearily. The older unicorn had large bags under her eyes. Her wrinkles (which Twilight got in trouble for whenever she pointed them out) seemed more pronounced. Velvet licked her lips and blinked. “Sweetie, what are you doing in here? It's past midnight...”
        “Um.” Twilight shrank. She couldn't even look at her mother as she formulated a response. Why didn't I plan for this?! Stupid, stupid!
        Suddenly, Velvet's face sharpened. “Did you have a bad dream?”
        Twilight froze for a second. “Uh... Yeah! That's it!” She put on her most adorable face, which included, but was not limited to wide eyes, a puffed-out bottom lip, and a complimentary sniffle. “C-Can I sleep with you?”
        Velvet yawned. “Sure, sweetie. Hop in.”
        With a small wiggle of her rump, Twilight leaped up, right onto her mother's lap, prompting a sharp “Oof!” from Velvet. Twilight climbed under the covers, tight between her parents. Nightlight snored and turned over. Velvet gave her daughter a small smile before turning away and closing her eyes.
        Twilight returned the smile, but as soon as her mother turned, it fell into a scowl. What was she supposed to do now? She was trapped! Now she would never get the book! Sighing, she closed her eyes. I was doing fine until I yelled like an idiot!
        That was when it hit her. The only reason her mom had woken up was because she yelled! If she could just be silent...
        As smoothly as possible, Twilight wriggled out from under the covers, arching her back against the headboard. Once she was out, she leaped over her mother and onto the floor, where the carpet absorbed the sound of her landing. She grinned. It looked like she really did have sneakiness! Her horn lit up, and immediately the book became enveloped in the same purple glow.
        Of course, she was just borrowing the book. It was only stealing if you never brought it back, which she was going to do. Once she was done reading it! Twilight ran out of the room, down the hall, and back into her own bedroom, where she quickly made her way to her own bed and jumped in.
        Smarty-pants sat next to her pillow. Did you get it?
        “Yep!” Twilight chirped holding up the book. The cover was all black, save for the white text at the top stating the title, and the text at the bottom for the author. On it was a picture of a large, grey bowtie. “It was a piece of cake, Smarty!”
        Let's open it up!
        “Ye—“ Twilight started, but she quickly faded into a long and powerful yawn. Suddenly, even reading didn't seem as interesting as her pillow did. “Eh... Not right now. Wake me up early tomorrow, and we can read it then. Alright, Smarty?”
        Smarty-pants looked a bit sad. Okay, Twilight. I'll wake you.
        “You're sure you won't forget this time?”
        I promise.
        This was good enough for her. Yawning again, Twilight picked up the book and threw it under her bed. With that, she snuggled into her pillow, and quickly fell into a deep sleep.
----------
She stared down at New Page City from her space on top of the highest skyscraper in town. It was a tough job, protecting the entire town, but somepony had to do it. And that pony was her. By day, she was just the local librarian, Twilight Sparkle. But by night, she was Book Mare! Protector of literacy, and all things good! She was unstoppable!
        “Almost unstoppable,” an evil voice from behind cackled roughly.
        Book Mare spun around. Just a few feet behind her, laughing maniacally, was her nemesis: Stupid Colt! He was an all-blue unicorn, with rotting teeth and a wild, messy mane. Unlike her, he was dedicated to spreading idiocy and illiteracy throughout the city! He growled at her.
        “So,” Book Mare mused. “We meet again.”
        “Yes. And for the last time!” Suddenly, Stupid Colt charged toward her, intending to knock her off the edge of the building and down into the traffic below!
        Book Mare sprinted to meet him. Their horns clashed, sending sparks into the air. Book Mare grit her teeth. “I won't let you get away with this!”
        “Oh, but I will... Twiley!”
        “W-What?!” Book Mare gasped, giving a bit. “What did you just call me, Stupid Colt?!”
        “Twiley...”
        “How did you learn my secret identity, you scum?!”
        “Twiley! Wake up!”
----------
Twilight's eyes shot open. Staring at her, a confused expression on his face, was Shining Armor. He frowned. “Why'd you call me a stupid colt?”
        “H-Huh?” Twilight stammered, sitting up. “What happened? Where's Stupid Colt? Where am I?”
        “Uh... You're in your room. And if you call me that again, I'm telling mom.”
        Twilight blinked. Her mind began to shift from dream mode to awake mode. Suddenly, the events of the past night came rushing back to her. She grabbed her brother. “What time is it?!”
        Shining recoiled. “It's 8:00!”
        She let go of him and considered the response. “8:00... But that means there's only ten minutes before we're supposed to leave for school!”
        “Yeah. Mom says that if you don't wake up and get down to the kitchen in a minute, she's going to feed your pancakes to the dog next door.”
        Twilight gasped, and not just out of her hatred for that hellhound, Fido. She spun around to Smarty-pants, who was hanging off the side of the bed, in the crack between the mattress and the wall. She grabbed him by the throat and pulled him up.
        Urk! he choked out, dazed and confused. Twilight, what are you—
        “You didn't wake me up!” she screamed, shaking the doll. “You promised! Now we don't have any time to read the book!”
        “What book?”
        Twilight froze, suddenly remembering the room's other occupant. She spun back around to her brother, who had tilted his head and was regarding her strangely.
        “Uh... Fine!” Twilight laughed nervously. “It's just a, um, a... a d-dictionary!” she declared, throwing her hooves up. “I got a new dictionary, and I wanted to read some of it! Ha, ha!”
        Shining squinted at her, causing her to break out in a sweat. This examination continued for a few seconds before Shining backed off, shrugged, and began to walk away. “Better get ready fast, Twiley! I can hear the dog barking!”
        Twilight waited until he was out of the room before growling and climbing out of bed. She pulled the book out from under the bed and dusted it off. “Well, Smarty, looks like we're gonna have to wait until after school to read it. I hope dad doesn't clean my room and find it!”
        Smarty-pants fell over onto his face. Why don't you bring it to kindergarten? he asked, muffled.
        “Bring it to school? But I have to pay attention to the lesson if I'm ever going to get into a good college!”
        Just read it during lunch! It's not like anypony expects you to do anything then.
        Twilight beamed. “Good idea, Smarty! Let's do it!” She pulled out her backpack, which sat next to her bed, and stuffed the book inside. She couldn't wait until lunch!
----------
“...to raise the sun at dawn; the younger brought out the moon to begin the night. Thus, the two sisters maintained balance for their kingdom and their subjects, all the different types of ponies.” Miss Clip stopped reading for a moment to turn the book to face the class. Everypony, save one filly, clammered to see the illustration before it was put away.
        The one filly how abstained was none other than Twilight. She sat, head on her hooves, staring at the clock. It wasn't that she didn't like the story, but she had already heard it at least a dozen times. It was a favorite of her father's, who always claimed that he was a descendent of one of the Night Court's original members. Whenever she looked at it, the clock seemed to go the least bit slower. She cursed the concept of time.
        Before she even knew what was going on, the entire class erupted in applause. Evidently, Miss Clip had finished her reading. She stood up, the book encased in her silver magic, matching the color of her coat. She placed it down on her desk, glanced at the clock, then smiled at her students. “Well, fillies and colts, it looks like we have a bit of extra time before lunch!”
        Twilight's heart leaped. Early lunch?
        “...So, I was thinking that we could get a headstart on Show-and-Tell so we have more time after lunch!”
        Her heart came crashing back down, past where it had jumped from, to the darkest depths of her soul. With an icy chill, she realized: she had completely forgotten about Show-and-Tell. She didn't have anything to share! As the rest of the class reached into their bags and retrieved their various objects, she sat, mortified at the turn of events. Sandy had her seashell collection, Firework had his favorite soccer ball...
        “What's wrong, Twilight Nerdkle?”
        Twilight jumped at the rough voice. She spun around, only to see her classmate, Thunder Clap. The all-blue unicorn had a triumphant sneer on his face, like he had just won some long battle. There was a purple satchel on his desk, tied with a thick rope. He chuckled. “I thought you were the smartest unicorn in the world,” he said in a mocking tone. “Don't tell me you”—he paused for effect—“forgot?!”
        “I-I didn't forget!” Twilight insisted, almost shouting. She jabbed a hoof at her schoolbag, which was slumped against her desk. “It's right in my bag! I... I just have to get it. So b-be quiet!” Thunder's snickering fresh in her ears, she turned away and bent over to get her bag. She blinked away the tears that seemed to always come whenever she talked to him. She couldn't wait until she was old enough to go to Princess Celestia's School. Then she wouldn't ever have to see him again.
        She refocused on the task at hoof. There had to be something in her bag that she could use for Show-and-Tell. It wasn't like it had to be anything ground-breaking; Evergreen had a rock, for Celestia's sake! Just something that she could pass off as interesting, and get maybe a minute of explanation out of.
        Ruler? No. Pencil case? No. Backup ruler? ...Maybe.
        Thunder was still laughing, harder now. Twilight was getting frustrated. She was swishing her foreleg back-and-forth rapidly, pushing past her many papers and folders, until she hit something big and solid at the bottom of her bag. She blinked. Huh?
        The book!
        With a large grin, she pulled Fifty Shades out of her bag and dropped it on the desk with a thud. She shot Thunder the same triumphant sneer he had given her. “Told you I didn't forget!”
        The colt just growled and began to fiddle with his bag.
        Twilight put a hoof on the cover. It was perfect! Not only would she have a Show-and-Tell object, she would get some reading done early! Besides, books were always better when shared with others! Score one for Twilight Sparkle: Unicorn Extraordinaire!
        “Okay, class!” Miss Clip said, getting up from her desk and walking to the first row of desks. “Is everypony ready?” The foals all nodded. The silver mare lifted up a long clipboard which Twilight knew to be the class's “sharing chart.” It kept a record of who shared what and when, and was meant to be a way to regulate the class so nopony got more attention than any other. The teacher scanned it with a pen, making adjustments and marks as she went along. It wasn't long before she stopped near the bottom of the list, nodded, and looked back up at her students. “Okay! Our first presenter will be Twilight!”
        Twilight held back an excited giggle. She grabbed the book and hopped out of her seat. She walked to the front of the classroom in a sassy strut, her nose held high, and her tail swishing madly. She held the book close to her chest, as if it were a deep secret she needed to reveal with care. Miss Clip offered her a seat. She climbed into the small, plastic chair and scanned the classroom.
        Much to her dismay, nopony really seemed to be paying attention. Thunder was still playing with his bag. Sandy and Evergreen were arguing about who had the cooler object. Pastel and Sure Shot were staring out the window at the playground. Firework was just sleeping. They were going to miss out on her book!
        Evidently, Miss Clip noticed Twilight's wistful expression, because she cleared her throat and said “Now, class! What do we do when somepony is presenting?”
        Pierce, a white colt at the front of the class, shot his hoof up. “We listen!” Everypony around him groaned.
        Miss Clip nodded and gave a toothy smile. “Absolutely! Twilight deserves your full attention, everypony!” About half of those who hadn't been watching before turned to the young unicorn. Satisfied, Miss Clip put her hoof on Twilight's shoulder. “Now, Twilight, what do you have to share with us today?”
        Twilight nodded and took her cue. She held up Fifty Shades. “This is my brand-new book! I'm going to—“
        “A book? Bo-ring!”
        Twilight stopped mid-sentence and glared at Thunder Clap, who was giving a fake yawn, much to the amusement of his fellow students. Everypony began to laugh. Twilight hung her head, hiding behind her book. “Stupid colt...”
        Miss Clip scowled and stamped her hoof, causing Thunder to jump. “Thunder, that is not appropriate behavior! See me during lunch!” In the blink of an eye, she switched back to the happy caretaker from before. “Go ahead, Twilight. It looks like a very interesting book.”
        “Okay!” Twilight said, beginning to open the book. It was then that she froze. It occurred to her that she had never actually read it before now. What was she going to read? Just start from the beginning? No, that would put them all right back to sleep. Instead, she began to skim for the most complicated paragraph she could find. “Just finding my favorite part!” she said, eliciting a few groans.
        “Uhm... Oh, here!” Twilight stopped. She stared at the paragraph. About half of the words were complete unknowns to her, but luckily, they looked easy enough to pronounce. With a deep breath, she began to read.
        What Twilight read that day would remain in the minds of every student in the room for years to come, even if they didn't know it. Some would even have to go to therapy, just to stop the whip-filled night terrors that plagued them. Some would have some very in-depth questions to ask their parents when they went home. One colt finally understood the point of the tight black-leather suit he had found in his parents's dresser that one time. It seemed to dawn slowly on Miss Clip, who couldn't believe that her most advanced student was spouting words of this nature. She even gave Twilight the chance to read a second paragraph, convinced that the day-old sesame bagel she had had for breakfast was just acting against her.
        Twilight, now content that she had read enough to fill her Show-and-Tell quota, closed the book and waited, proud, for the smattering of applause that came with every presentation.
        Nothing came.
        Miss Clip searched for the right words. “W-Well, Twilight, that was, uhm... interesting.” There was a tense silence. “Twilight, when your parents come to pick you up, would you please tell them to see me?”
        Twilight jumped off the small chair and beamed at her teacher. “Of course, Miss Clip!” She walked off, happy as a filly could be. To think: Miss Clip had liked her reading so much, she was even going to tell her parents!
        When she got back to her seat, Thunder was staring at her, confused. Twilight smirked. “What?” she said. “Too complicated for you?”
        “Uh... Yeah, I guess.”
        “Hm!” She turned away and crossed her forelegs. “Looks like you'll just have to wait until you're older!”