HOME | DD

Description
The Books of Oyja II: Jash
Chapter 8 Decisions

Jash had left and I sat down, millions of thoughts running through my head. I wanted to think that my decision about not joining Jash was final, but that was a lie. I wanted to force things into my head, but I couldn’t. I wanted an answer and I finally realized that I had to answer it myself. Did I want to become a leader?

Everyone wants to lead. Everyone wants to have control. But not everyone has the talent to. Not everyone has the strength to lead. That was the main thing in a leader, strength. If a leader didn’t have strength, he would fall. It didn’t matter if he could control the group; it mattered that he have the strength to control the group. Controlling a group required a support system. Do I have the strength?

Of course I have the strength! Or was I lying to myself? I have the strength to command the air and all of the other elements. Even if my arm were chopped off, I would still be fighting. I had faced down many demons. But was this the right kind of strength?

All the strength I had was physical, none of a perfect mindset, the perfect spiritual mindset. I didn’t have the strength to stand up to Kuhn Tenju and tell him to go away. My weakness is my ability to change according to culture. That was a strength, too, it was a strength. I could blend in with any culture I chose to. But that meant that I could fall prey to demons. Are Tenju really demons?

They are as demons, as all other beings are as demons. There are some that will kill you without thought and others who will be friends until the end. I wished for Padawan Kiem again. She was an angel that overshadowed all demons, how I could use her strength now. What made her so wonderful?

It was her sense of control. She knew when to do things and how to use an event to her advantage. Kiem made sure she could see me often by having me be her teacher in the art of talking to Tas. Me being an it made me love her. Love?
I care deeply for her, yes, but I don’t LOVE her. I will die for her, but I don’t LOVE her. I will do anything to have her back. The peace of mind I had when she was around...but I shouldn’t think of that because it’s in the past. It’s over and nothing I do can make the past the present. What is love?

I hated the word because it implied so many things. Physical or mental? People can say they love another for the mind, but they may only love the other’s body. The physical factor is so tempting. I had touched Kiem’s shoulder once and she had looked at me. Instead of happiness I saw pity in her eyes. It was as though she saw something about me that I didn’t realize. What did she see?

Maybe she saw me abandoning my female side. Maybe she saw that I had changed. Pity makes me feel so low. I like people to care for me, but I don’t want them to whine all over me. I can take care of myself! I don’t need someone over my shoulders crying all the time. I need someone that can help me. What do I need?

I just answered that! I know what I need! I need someone who is good to talk to. I need someone who will listen to me. I need someone who can understand my weird actions and me. I need Kiem. But Kiem is a part of Jash now. Do I also love Jash?

I could see Kiem when I looked into Jash’s face. I could see her fire. Jash had touched my lekku! The most sensitive part of the Twi’lek body! I want to see Jash again; she has such a bright fire, a fire that could guide me. Do I need it?
I need some goal because now I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere. I had become a hermit, someone whose life had ended. I had wanted to build walls around myself and I realized that couldn’t be. Nothing could be that painful.

There is always someone out there, but sometimes not the right person. Jash is trying to push me, to make me destroy Master Tenju. Why should she want that?
Jash wants me to prove myself, to become what I’m suppose to be. Or what she wants me to be. Does it really matter? She wants me to be strong and be able to fight against my inner demons. What is Jash?

I called her a collection of minds, saying she was more than one person. But she was one person. Wasn’t she? She talked like she only had one mind. But I knew past minds were in her blood. But we all had past lives. My most recent past life was of Carrie Minaz, a girl that didn’t know which way to go. Did I know where to go?

Of course I do. I want to go to a place where I have control, where I can decide and no one else can move me. A very wishful notion, but a pleasing one nonetheless. I want to go somewhere where I can be myself and where there is peace everywhere. Was that possible to become a reality?

No, only a dream. You couldn’t go somewhere that things wouldn’t get to you. Life is where I am and where I will be. The choices I make will decide where I will go. Choices are another big thing in life. Deciding to take a right instead of a left. Where would I turn?

On a planet, roads are different, they will always lead you to where they promised. But in life, roads don’t work that way. You can find yourself light years away from where the map promised you to be. Life maps are something very hard to make because of all the complications. So which way would I go?
I tried to think, but Jash kept on coming to my mind. Whatever I decided, she would be there for me. It’s nice to have someone that you can count on. But she would kill me if it were for the greater good. Should I join Jash in fear?

Fear is something felt when you imagine the other to be greater than you. Going into uncertain situations would always create fear. Even if I decided not to join, I would be doing that in fear of losing the life I’m living now. Great life, so many hard decisions. Which way?

I needed Jash; I could feel that in my blood. I didn’t need her and fear that I would be crushed under her feet. No. We would power each other. We would support each other. Jash wouldn’t allow me to become diminished. I would join her.

I breathed a sigh of relief because I had just made one of my biggest decisions. I would be giving up my old life. I would be shedding it like I had done with Carrie Minaz. The last trappings of this life were about to go.

Author’s Note: I realize I’m taking a long time with Oyja Tenju’s decision but I want it to be more believable. A person who has dedicated his/her (or in this instance its) life won’t be easily turned. I hate how, in some stories, that characters will go over a major decision in no time. I wanted to get a little philosophical with this chapter, I hope you won’t get angry at such a ‘slow’ and ‘boring’ chapter.

Description
The Books of Oyja II: Jash
Chapter 8 Decisions

Jash had left and I sat down, millions of thoughts running through my head. I wanted to think that my decision about not joining Jash was final, but that was a lie. I wanted to force things into my head, but I couldn’t. I wanted an answer and I finally realized that I had to answer it myself. Did I want to become a leader?

Everyone wants to lead. Everyone wants to have control. But not everyone has the talent to. Not everyone has the strength to lead. That was the main thing in a leader, strength. If a leader didn’t have strength, he would fall. It didn’t matter if he could control the group; it mattered that he have the strength to control the group. Controlling a group required a support system. Do I have the strength?

Of course I have the strength! Or was I lying to myself? I have the strength to command the air and all of the other elements. Even if my arm were chopped off, I would still be fighting. I had faced down many demons. But was this the right kind of strength?

All the strength I had was physical, none of a perfect mindset, the perfect spiritual mindset. I didn’t have the strength to stand up to Kuhn Tenju and tell him to go away. My weakness is my ability to change according to culture. That was a strength, too, it was a strength. I could blend in with any culture I chose to. But that meant that I could fall prey to demons. Are Tenju really demons?

They are as demons, as all other beings are as demons. There are some that will kill you without thought and others who will be friends until the end. I wished for Padawan Kiem again. She was an angel that overshadowed all demons, how I could use her strength now. What made her so wonderful?

It was her sense of control. She knew when to do things and how to use an event to her advantage. Kiem made sure she could see me often by having me be her teacher in the art of talking to Tas. Me being an it made me love her. Love?
I care deeply for her, yes, but I don’t LOVE her. I will die for her, but I don’t LOVE her. I will do anything to have her back. The peace of mind I had when she was around...but I shouldn’t think of that because it’s in the past. It’s over and nothing I do can make the past the present. What is love?

I hated the word because it implied so many things. Physical or mental? People can say they love another for the mind, but they may only love the other’s body. The physical factor is so tempting. I had touched Kiem’s shoulder once and she had looked at me. Instead of happiness I saw pity in her eyes. It was as though she saw something about me that I didn’t realize. What did she see?

Maybe she saw me abandoning my female side. Maybe she saw that I had changed. Pity makes me feel so low. I like people to care for me, but I don’t want them to whine all over me. I can take care of myself! I don’t need someone over my shoulders crying all the time. I need someone that can help me. What do I need?

I just answered that! I know what I need! I need someone who is good to talk to. I need someone who will listen to me. I need someone who can understand my weird actions and me. I need Kiem. But Kiem is a part of Jash now. Do I also love Jash?

I could see Kiem when I looked into Jash’s face. I could see her fire. Jash had touched my lekku! The most sensitive part of the Twi’lek body! I want to see Jash again; she has such a bright fire, a fire that could guide me. Do I need it?
I need some goal because now I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere. I had become a hermit, someone whose life had ended. I had wanted to build walls around myself and I realized that couldn’t be. Nothing could be that painful.

There is always someone out there, but sometimes not the right person. Jash is trying to push me, to make me destroy Master Tenju. Why should she want that?
Jash wants me to prove myself, to become what I’m suppose to be. Or what she wants me to be. Does it really matter? She wants me to be strong and be able to fight against my inner demons. What is Jash?

I called her a collection of minds, saying she was more than one person. But she was one person. Wasn’t she? She talked like she only had one mind. But I knew past minds were in her blood. But we all had past lives. My most recent past life was of Carrie Minaz, a girl that didn’t know which way to go. Did I know where to go?

Of course I do. I want to go to a place where I have control, where I can decide and no one else can move me. A very wishful notion, but a pleasing one nonetheless. I want to go somewhere where I can be myself and where there is peace everywhere. Was that possible to become a reality?

No, only a dream. You couldn’t go somewhere that things wouldn’t get to you. Life is where I am and where I will be. The choices I make will decide where I will go. Choices are another big thing in life. Deciding to take a right instead of a left. Where would I turn?

On a planet, roads are different, they will always lead you to where they promised. But in life, roads don’t work that way. You can find yourself light years away from where the map promised you to be. Life maps are something very hard to make because of all the complications. So which way would I go?
I tried to think, but Jash kept on coming to my mind. Whatever I decided, she would be there for me. It’s nice to have someone that you can count on. But she would kill me if it were for the greater good. Should I join Jash in fear?

Fear is something felt when you imagine the other to be greater than you. Going into uncertain situations would always create fear. Even if I decided not to join, I would be doing that in fear of losing the life I’m living now. Great life, so many hard decisions. Which way?

I needed Jash; I could feel that in my blood. I didn’t need her and fear that I would be crushed under her feet. No. We would power each other. We would support each other. Jash wouldn’t allow me to become diminished. I would join her.

I breathed a sigh of relief because I had just made one of my biggest decisions. I would be giving up my old life. I would be shedding it like I had done with Carrie Minaz. The last trappings of this life were about to go.

Author’s Note: I realize I’m taking a long time with Oyja Tenju’s decision but I want it to be more believable. A person who has dedicated his/her (or in this instance its) life won’t be easily turned. I hate how, in some stories, that characters will go over a major decision in no time. I wanted to get a little philosophical with this chapter, I hope you won’t get angry at such a ‘slow’ and ‘boring’ chapter.