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emptyechoes — Turkish Royal
Published: 2004-06-11 05:18:58 +0000 UTC; Views: 149; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 15
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Description
you are an unfinished sentencethe smoke from our cigarettes
lingering in the air
entwining and diverging
and forming new beings
a cancerous genesis
just for us to watch
but you lack the punctuation
the punctuality
the timing always a little off
the feelings always a little mixed
god had the right idea
making the universe out of dirt
because these creatures
made out of smoke
cannot be held
or captured
neither can you
light another one baby
and we'll keep them while we can
youth's stagnant air
perpetuating
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Comments: 2
Very nicely phrased, and the imagery and allusions are well-placed. The one thing that bothers the poet in me (!) is the use of "and" in the fifth line of the first stanza. Without that opening word, the flow seems less jilted and rolls off the tongue more readily when read aloud.
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