HOME | DD

Description
With so many zones and so many layers, one may be overwhelmed by the sheer amount of spirals, stories and subdermal inscriptions. How can one keep up with so much? Well never fear, for your friends, -THE NEWS- , are here to help! Their dedicated reporters will charge past all the fluff and ceremony that other companies may bog your headlines down with and make up stuff that is way better to read! Their writers are skilled in all forms of mutterings and fluctuations, so you can be sure you will get fleshed out, quite inflated, news that is in whatever organ you speak with! A fan of funnies and political dramas? Their cartoonists are the best around, sure to hit the presses with obvious jokes and blatant political commentary that anyone can understand and enjoy! And don't worry about dull black and white, because -THE NEWS- makes it their number one priority to have their paper popping with color and tones! They even color the pictures! And speaking of pictures, their photographers have an eye for perfection and will wow you with their fantastic shots of completely irrelevant material! So don't be a desiccated gel form and pick up your grand copy of -THE NEWS- at any stand you can find!

" -THE NEWS- always giving you -THE NEWS- !"

Employees:

- Mucks Pulst - The owner of -THE NEWS -, Mr. Pulst is the one who makes the big decisions. He decides what stories should be run and what goes out on his fine newspapers. And he only wants the best of the best. When not looking over printing and business practices, he is out in the field reporting and interviewing, making sure that his stories are the best around. His questions are often out of nowhere and clearly loaded to paint the responder in a way that sells stories. He often adds things in his columns that never happened, or writes himself into scenarios that he wasn't in at the time. Regardless of what really happened, Mr. Pulst knows how to write a story that sounds interesting and digs up some fresh scandals. His headline titles usually have adjectives in front of every word to make it catchier, even if the title makes zero sense. The typewriter on his shoulder is used to write up his stories, which gets sent through his body for editing and cleaning, so that it pops out of his lower mouth, hot off the presses! He is capable of recording any sound and imitating it to perfection. This is often used to remix an interviewees words so that they say something far more interesting.

He is a chain smoker, always puffing on a big cigar no matter where he is at. He keeps a stash of them on his person at all times, and never seems to run out. He will acknowledge the fact that some places say "No Smoking" or people may complain about it, but he continues puffing away without skipping a beat. To him, smoking big cigars is the sign of a successful business man. He talks a mile a minute and loves to throw in exaggerations to make everything he says sound better.

- Razzo Kliks - The official photographer of -THE NEWS- , Razzo is always at Mr. Pulst's side when he is out reporting. Using his telescopic eye, he snaps pictures at lightening speed, using his other eye to release a flash of light if needed. All pictures are stored in his brain, which is capable of getting full. When his brain is overloaded, he yanks it out from his skull and swaps it out with an empty brain that he carries in a canister. Since pictures go through his mind, he is capable of imaging things and embedding them into photo. With a couple of mental tweaks and changes, he can turn an innocent picture into a condemning photo of scandal and crime. Skittish and constantly twitching, he is always running around constantly snapping pictures, often being quite obnoxious about it. His behavior has gotten him into trouble many times.

- Poleris Moorder - Poleris is responsible for processing the pictures that Razzo takes. He acquires the brains from the cameraman and sucks them into his shadowy form. After a few minutes of twisting and writhing, his clawed hands will pull out dripping photos that will be used in the paper. Poleris does not talk much, and mainly slithers about in the shadows. His eyes constantly glow a harsh red, and certain zoners may find it disorienting or nauseating to be around.

- Guy Blatants - Guy is the political cartoonist, who is draws up all the satirical strips that really hit the message home. His cartoons lack subtlety and are rather obvious, with many of the characters warped out of proportion and having their name slapped on their foreheads. The message is always blatant, and though he thinks he is clever, it usually can be figured out by a five year old. His form is constantly shifting and changing, with his facial features expanding and deflating with each passing moment. He often shapes himself into other politicians and cracks some kind of the joke that really isn't a joke but just an obvious statement on the person's political record and more of indicator of his own political views, which is quite annoying since he does it all the time at the water cooler and we get it Guy, we totally get it, you have told us that joke about healthcare like twenty times, we know you think it is ruining the economy or what not but you don't have to keep telling us that for the love of God come up with something original for once in your life and don't even try telling that one about foreign policy!

- Sketchy Ceyemik- Sketchy is the regular cartoonist of -THE NEWS- and draws up all the strips that will be printed in the newspaper. He is also the only cartoonist, so he draws up multiple strips of different comics under different pen names. His jokes differ from strip to strip, with some being potty humor, to some being so complicated and subtle that it doesn't appear there is really a joke. Things get really confusing on the funny pages when he mixes the characters from his strips together, often having characters "invade" other strips, and bringing their personalities with it. The mashed together comic will still try to tell two separate jokes, but one will have a set-up with no punchline and the other will have a one-liner with zero context. His many tentacles secrete different colored fluids, causing him to leave a rainbow trail of liquid wherever he slithers. He is technically mute, as his mouth moves but no sounds come out, but this creates a word bubble to appear that people will have to read. The word bubble will hang above his head until he creates another one, which causes him to walk around with a phrase hanging around him with zero context if stays silent for long enough. He is a cheery person who loves telling jokes and always remains upbeat. Unfortunately he uses jokes from his comic strips, which may contain physical violence that he will try to replicate in the real world with horrid results.

-----------------------------------------
This started out when I saw a newspaper machine and thought it could be some kind of reporting robot thing. But as I went along, it evolved into an Awful Hospital knock off about some kind of company that oversees all the news of the zones and layers, writing ridiculous stories and nonsensical articles.

And I now have a loathing for Muck Pulst, because while I made him, I was envisioning what he would sound like and happened to create a phrase that he would constantly use. As said above, smoking cigars is the symbol of success, wealth and fame to him, and so whenever he would talk about succeeding at something or doing something with a possible lucrative end result, he would say "and smokin' big CI-GARS!" And it is stuck in my head, I can't get it out. Out of nowhere that damn voice pops in my head and can't help myself. It may sound like some stupid phrase and by all means it is, but I can't get it out of my head. Oh God make it stop.

Description
With so many zones and so many layers, one may be overwhelmed by the sheer amount of spirals, stories and subdermal inscriptions. How can one keep up with so much? Well never fear, for your friends, -THE NEWS- , are here to help! Their dedicated reporters will charge past all the fluff and ceremony that other companies may bog your headlines down with and make up stuff that is way better to read! Their writers are skilled in all forms of mutterings and fluctuations, so you can be sure you will get fleshed out, quite inflated, news that is in whatever organ you speak with! A fan of funnies and political dramas? Their cartoonists are the best around, sure to hit the presses with obvious jokes and blatant political commentary that anyone can understand and enjoy! And don't worry about dull black and white, because -THE NEWS- makes it their number one priority to have their paper popping with color and tones! They even color the pictures! And speaking of pictures, their photographers have an eye for perfection and will wow you with their fantastic shots of completely irrelevant material! So don't be a desiccated gel form and pick up your grand copy of -THE NEWS- at any stand you can find!

" -THE NEWS- always giving you -THE NEWS- !"

Employees:

- Mucks Pulst - The owner of -THE NEWS -, Mr. Pulst is the one who makes the big decisions. He decides what stories should be run and what goes out on his fine newspapers. And he only wants the best of the best. When not looking over printing and business practices, he is out in the field reporting and interviewing, making sure that his stories are the best around. His questions are often out of nowhere and clearly loaded to paint the responder in a way that sells stories. He often adds things in his columns that never happened, or writes himself into scenarios that he wasn't in at the time. Regardless of what really happened, Mr. Pulst knows how to write a story that sounds interesting and digs up some fresh scandals. His headline titles usually have adjectives in front of every word to make it catchier, even if the title makes zero sense. The typewriter on his shoulder is used to write up his stories, which gets sent through his body for editing and cleaning, so that it pops out of his lower mouth, hot off the presses! He is capable of recording any sound and imitating it to perfection. This is often used to remix an interviewees words so that they say something far more interesting.

He is a chain smoker, always puffing on a big cigar no matter where he is at. He keeps a stash of them on his person at all times, and never seems to run out. He will acknowledge the fact that some places say "No Smoking" or people may complain about it, but he continues puffing away without skipping a beat. To him, smoking big cigars is the sign of a successful business man. He talks a mile a minute and loves to throw in exaggerations to make everything he says sound better.

- Razzo Kliks - The official photographer of -THE NEWS- , Razzo is always at Mr. Pulst's side when he is out reporting. Using his telescopic eye, he snaps pictures at lightening speed, using his other eye to release a flash of light if needed. All pictures are stored in his brain, which is capable of getting full. When his brain is overloaded, he yanks it out from his skull and swaps it out with an empty brain that he carries in a canister. Since pictures go through his mind, he is capable of imaging things and embedding them into photo. With a couple of mental tweaks and changes, he can turn an innocent picture into a condemning photo of scandal and crime. Skittish and constantly twitching, he is always running around constantly snapping pictures, often being quite obnoxious about it. His behavior has gotten him into trouble many times.

- Poleris Moorder - Poleris is responsible for processing the pictures that Razzo takes. He acquires the brains from the cameraman and sucks them into his shadowy form. After a few minutes of twisting and writhing, his clawed hands will pull out dripping photos that will be used in the paper. Poleris does not talk much, and mainly slithers about in the shadows. His eyes constantly glow a harsh red, and certain zoners may find it disorienting or nauseating to be around.

- Guy Blatants - Guy is the political cartoonist, who is draws up all the satirical strips that really hit the message home. His cartoons lack subtlety and are rather obvious, with many of the characters warped out of proportion and having their name slapped on their foreheads. The message is always blatant, and though he thinks he is clever, it usually can be figured out by a five year old. His form is constantly shifting and changing, with his facial features expanding and deflating with each passing moment. He often shapes himself into other politicians and cracks some kind of the joke that really isn't a joke but just an obvious statement on the person's political record and more of indicator of his own political views, which is quite annoying since he does it all the time at the water cooler and we get it Guy, we totally get it, you have told us that joke about healthcare like twenty times, we know you think it is ruining the economy or what not but you don't have to keep telling us that for the love of God come up with something original for once in your life and don't even try telling that one about foreign policy!

- Sketchy Ceyemik- Sketchy is the regular cartoonist of -THE NEWS- and draws up all the strips that will be printed in the newspaper. He is also the only cartoonist, so he draws up multiple strips of different comics under different pen names. His jokes differ from strip to strip, with some being potty humor, to some being so complicated and subtle that it doesn't appear there is really a joke. Things get really confusing on the funny pages when he mixes the characters from his strips together, often having characters "invade" other strips, and bringing their personalities with it. The mashed together comic will still try to tell two separate jokes, but one will have a set-up with no punchline and the other will have a one-liner with zero context. His many tentacles secrete different colored fluids, causing him to leave a rainbow trail of liquid wherever he slithers. He is technically mute, as his mouth moves but no sounds come out, but this creates a word bubble to appear that people will have to read. The word bubble will hang above his head until he creates another one, which causes him to walk around with a phrase hanging around him with zero context if stays silent for long enough. He is a cheery person who loves telling jokes and always remains upbeat. Unfortunately he uses jokes from his comic strips, which may contain physical violence that he will try to replicate in the real world with horrid results.

-----------------------------------------
This started out when I saw a newspaper machine and thought it could be some kind of reporting robot thing. But as I went along, it evolved into an Awful Hospital knock off about some kind of company that oversees all the news of the zones and layers, writing ridiculous stories and nonsensical articles.

And I now have a loathing for Muck Pulst, because while I made him, I was envisioning what he would sound like and happened to create a phrase that he would constantly use. As said above, smoking cigars is the symbol of success, wealth and fame to him, and so whenever he would talk about succeeding at something or doing something with a possible lucrative end result, he would say "and smokin' big CI-GARS!" And it is stuck in my head, I can't get it out. Out of nowhere that damn voice pops in my head and can't help myself. It may sound like some stupid phrase and by all means it is, but I can't get it out of my head. Oh God make it stop.