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Description
It is this time again. That time where i bear everything that is dear to me. The moment that I let all the pent up colours and flavours of my pythetic exsistence run free to haunt me as I look back in a few months time to see what has changed. The sky is the same colour as is to be expected. The only things holding me together, my glue, have been gone for quite some time. When I turned into a man they decided it was time to ship off. The red was too much to handle. I do not blame them. 2 of three will be returning and the one that matters most i am about to forget and not return to no matter how much of a lack of suitable suits are avalible. I could write a book with all the bullshit and all the lies and crimes of my past. With all the uphills and all the let downs. Everything bad that has ever happened, and I know it isn't close to being over. How I wish I could forget those four letters that have consumed my entire head for two years and running. How I wish I could replace them with something a little more cheery. Maybe a trip to a place that is streaming blue and the running yellow and the streets have trees that make you smile. Where you can get lost in the streets that you do not know the name of, and sit under a tree for a few years, observing. I want to run away and I want to meet a mysterious suit that lets me in and never lets go. Someone I can call my own, until I am ready to run away again. I want that life that I never dreamed of. The one I assumed I could never have. I miss the things that I hated and I want the freedom that should be mine, I am the only one in the way of what I need. I want to let go of all the tie downs and all the sneaking smiles behind my back. I want to grab what I need and throw it out the window, then scream at all the faces that have become disgustingly familiar. Rip every shread of words that even resemble feelings toward you, including this. I want to erase your memories from my mind and forget what your hands feel like when you are trying your hardest to make me happy. I want to regret meeting you and protest your emotion, flee with the little bit of sanity I have left. How I wish you would change and how I wish you would come with me. To the place with the little bit of harmony left in this world. In some skeezy basement of some awful apartment where we are so obviously mediocre that the carpets have a slight 60's scent to them and nothing could ever matter less because I am next to you in that place that we have made our home. How I wish that was a possibility, I wish we could drop everything and run away. We could, we really really could. However you have got yourself in this rut that includes nothing but the wrong answers. As I can no longer have a hole of black inside my cheast the time has come for rash decisions. The type of decisions that your parents warn you about. That's right, I am that kid that your mom tells you not to hang out because they are trouble. I am the one to make it, I am the one to change the world. I will be the one that you want to be. I will be the one that you want to be with. I will be your biggest regret. The regret will lay in the fact that you let me slip away into the sewers of your life. The place where you could no longer grab me back from. Like when you drop your ring down the sink and consider it forever untouchable. I will be that and you will be that and we will be done forever more. You will move on to unhappy times and miss everything that you had and nothing will ever be okay again. I will move on to the best days of my life after I get through those first few months of self loathing and suicide contemplation. I will forget what has happened and move on to the most important time of my life. It will always be now so we better get a move on. We better figure our shit out before it is too late and I realize it is 5 years down the road and nothing is different, I am in the same awful place with the same look on my face, with the tears running down and my frown lines are so prominent I will have to start getting procedures done. I will be disgusted with myself and with the world. I will forget everything important and relay on you to make me happy when you have the time. I refuse to be that person. When my whole world falls to shit I do not want to come back to you to make it better. I want my own shoes to walk in and my own two feet to stand on. I want to look in the mirror and see the reflection of what I expected. I want to suceed and steer clear of this place. Take the memories with me but pack them in a closet so tightly closed that they only come out to play on nights that are especially cloudy.

Description
It is this time again. That time where i bear everything that is dear to me. The moment that I let all the pent up colours and flavours of my pythetic exsistence run free to haunt me as I look back in a few months time to see what has changed. The sky is the same colour as is to be expected. The only things holding me together, my glue, have been gone for quite some time. When I turned into a man they decided it was time to ship off. The red was too much to handle. I do not blame them. 2 of three will be returning and the one that matters most i am about to forget and not return to no matter how much of a lack of suitable suits are avalible. I could write a book with all the bullshit and all the lies and crimes of my past. With all the uphills and all the let downs. Everything bad that has ever happened, and I know it isn't close to being over. How I wish I could forget those four letters that have consumed my entire head for two years and running. How I wish I could replace them with something a little more cheery. Maybe a trip to a place that is streaming blue and the running yellow and the streets have trees that make you smile. Where you can get lost in the streets that you do not know the name of, and sit under a tree for a few years, observing. I want to run away and I want to meet a mysterious suit that lets me in and never lets go. Someone I can call my own, until I am ready to run away again. I want that life that I never dreamed of. The one I assumed I could never have. I miss the things that I hated and I want the freedom that should be mine, I am the only one in the way of what I need. I want to let go of all the tie downs and all the sneaking smiles behind my back. I want to grab what I need and throw it out the window, then scream at all the faces that have become disgustingly familiar. Rip every shread of words that even resemble feelings toward you, including this. I want to erase your memories from my mind and forget what your hands feel like when you are trying your hardest to make me happy. I want to regret meeting you and protest your emotion, flee with the little bit of sanity I have left. How I wish you would change and how I wish you would come with me. To the place with the little bit of harmony left in this world. In some skeezy basement of some awful apartment where we are so obviously mediocre that the carpets have a slight 60's scent to them and nothing could ever matter less because I am next to you in that place that we have made our home. How I wish that was a possibility, I wish we could drop everything and run away. We could, we really really could. However you have got yourself in this rut that includes nothing but the wrong answers. As I can no longer have a hole of black inside my cheast the time has come for rash decisions. The type of decisions that your parents warn you about. That's right, I am that kid that your mom tells you not to hang out because they are trouble. I am the one to make it, I am the one to change the world. I will be the one that you want to be. I will be the one that you want to be with. I will be your biggest regret. The regret will lay in the fact that you let me slip away into the sewers of your life. The place where you could no longer grab me back from. Like when you drop your ring down the sink and consider it forever untouchable. I will be that and you will be that and we will be done forever more. You will move on to unhappy times and miss everything that you had and nothing will ever be okay again. I will move on to the best days of my life after I get through those first few months of self loathing and suicide contemplation. I will forget what has happened and move on to the most important time of my life. It will always be now so we better get a move on. We better figure our shit out before it is too late and I realize it is 5 years down the road and nothing is different, I am in the same awful place with the same look on my face, with the tears running down and my frown lines are so prominent I will have to start getting procedures done. I will be disgusted with myself and with the world. I will forget everything important and relay on you to make me happy when you have the time. I refuse to be that person. When my whole world falls to shit I do not want to come back to you to make it better. I want my own shoes to walk in and my own two feet to stand on. I want to look in the mirror and see the reflection of what I expected. I want to suceed and steer clear of this place. Take the memories with me but pack them in a closet so tightly closed that they only come out to play on nights that are especially cloudy.