explorexplodexplain — im scared
Published: 2007-07-03 02:51:26 +0000 UTC; Views: 115; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0 Redirect to originalDescription
As paint peels off the walls and the carpet starts to curl you start to lose the colour in your face. You start to lose your mind and the room doesnt seem as stable as it did ten minutes ago. Everything has turned dark and you can no longer remember your name or where you are. The world is not right anymore. That person beside you no longer resembles who you thought it did and you start to fall apart. He reaches for your hand and reassures you that he is sorry and everything will be ok. It always works out. As you rush for a door you turn around to say something but nothing comes out but silent tears. You knew it was comming but no matter how much you prepared for it you just were not ready. He holds onto your shoulders and looks in your eyes. You watch him start to lose it and now there are two people falling into a pit of insanity and nothing can be done. Whimper a few words along the lines of we were supposed to be together and I need you don't leave. The shaking has started and you can no longer hold back. As you sit down on the ground you feel the air leaving your lungs and its hard to get it back. Thoughts rush through your head. Something along the lines of what the fuck am I going to do. You love this boy. He is your everything and now he is leaving you, against his own will. Nothing will ever hurt as much as this. Make it all go away. THe sun has started to rise and you can no longer feel any part of your body, nothing but the pit of hurt in your stomach and the ache of your throat from trying to speak but only being able to couugh and gasp. Make this stop you say aloud, make this stop and let me be ok. He helps you up and holds you close as he starts to tell you his sorrys and it will be okays. You dont want to hear it you just want to run away and never ever look back. Never again do you want to hear his voice or smell his cologne or see his eyes look back at you. You want to disappear. But all you do is cling onto him and try and make him stay. You are not ready for this. You can't do this yet. You need more time. Silently you try to convice yourself you hate him and that he isnt worth the bother. But this is where the battle begins. You know more then half of you loves him beyond comprehension and no amount of tears or begging will do any good. He is leaving and he wants you to come with him but where is the point in that. He belongs to someone else and that is more then you can handle. He was supposed to stay forever. He was supposed to love you and keep you and take care of you. But this is the part where he leaves you and this is the part where you don't know what to do with yourself anymore. You think 'I will replace you and you will hate it' but the thought of even talking to another person is unbearable. Please just go and don't try and keep me around please just leave me alone and let me fall apart. Where I can do whatever I want and not do anything in peace. I need my quiet I need my time to dwell on the fact that you ruined me and that you werent there when I needed you. You were ready to give up anything for him and he couldnt do one thing for you. You need him and you want him. You have never felt so intensly for a person and you will not let him go without a fight. Stand up and make him want you. He won't leave you if you don't let him. But as the realization sets in that this is not true he is kissing you goodbye and asking you to leave because his real love is comming and he doesn't want her to see you. Never have you felt so utterly used. There is nothing to be said that will make a difference, so you look him in the eyes and let him see what he has done. You turn around and exit his life. How long will it be until he figures out how much he misses you?
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