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Description
dad: "son where have you been all day"
me: "ok so i was at the zoo with my friend and his girlfriend and her mom and long story short an iguana managed to frame me for a hate crime and then i got kicked out but the gorilla felt bad and broke out to throw me head-first into the girls' bathroom at the mcdonald's and now everyone thinks i'm some kind of stuntman pervert and the manager was so confused he just bought me a meal before he called the cops about it and then bruce willis and tom hanks were sitting where i was now sitting and they were making out but i was making bruce uncomfortable so he suplexed me so hard i hit my head on the side of some random bathtub and fell unconscious for two hours until i met this cute girl and then we got to know each other n all and then we started going out and on our third date she asked if i wanted to uhhh yknow d o i t and i was like 'yeh' and then she asked if i wanted her to put it in and i said yes but then i felt a mildly damp and warm stick hit my asscheek and then next thing i knew i was in the hospital from blood loss and she had brought me flowers and apologized for the loads of internal bleeding and i said its ok i mean i guess i shouldve seen it coming and she said if only you couldve seen it coming wink wink and then we hear a voice from the ceiling say just like youre about to see me coming and then a bunch of sticky white fluid came from the ceiling and it was spiderman shooting a web at her and then he knocked her out and stuck her to the wall and then said wanna know a secret the webs are actually just jizz i simply eat a fuckton of caramel and syrups and then he gave me a blowjob"
dad:

Description
dad: "son where have you been all day"
me: "ok so i was at the zoo with my friend and his girlfriend and her mom and long story short an iguana managed to frame me for a hate crime and then i got kicked out but the gorilla felt bad and broke out to throw me head-first into the girls' bathroom at the mcdonald's and now everyone thinks i'm some kind of stuntman pervert and the manager was so confused he just bought me a meal before he called the cops about it and then bruce willis and tom hanks were sitting where i was now sitting and they were making out but i was making bruce uncomfortable so he suplexed me so hard i hit my head on the side of some random bathtub and fell unconscious for two hours until i met this cute girl and then we got to know each other n all and then we started going out and on our third date she asked if i wanted to uhhh yknow d o i t and i was like 'yeh' and then she asked if i wanted her to put it in and i said yes but then i felt a mildly damp and warm stick hit my asscheek and then next thing i knew i was in the hospital from blood loss and she had brought me flowers and apologized for the loads of internal bleeding and i said its ok i mean i guess i shouldve seen it coming and she said if only you couldve seen it coming wink wink and then we hear a voice from the ceiling say just like youre about to see me coming and then a bunch of sticky white fluid came from the ceiling and it was spiderman shooting a web at her and then he knocked her out and stuck her to the wall and then said wanna know a secret the webs are actually just jizz i simply eat a fuckton of caramel and syrups and then he gave me a blowjob"
dad: