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#animal #depression #despair #fox #fury #hair #rage #redfox #sadness
Published: 2016-02-29 00:03:29 +0000 UTC; Views: 2831; Favourites: 73; Downloads: 0
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---EDIT--Hey guys, just wanted to let you all know in this REALLY not overly important or life-haulting incident, my hair did get taken care of and is far healthier now.
The barber even found some extra mistakes that last girl made, but that will just...have to grow back X''D
*sigh* It's still pretty short but it should grow almost all the way back by the end of Summer, they said.
I still miss it but am finding ways to enjoy it like this while it lasts, and i'm getting used to it.
Maybe i made a big ass deal out of this partially because i'm Aspergian and can't stand change, idk~.
I'm capable of it though and can cope with things.
If i can handle my friends moving away then i can handle a haircut i guess
Anyway thanks for being supportive and not making me feel like an idiot over this, i love all you guys.
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--WARNING--
There will be profanity and potential raging.
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I'm just going to dive right in.
As a person, i identify with long red hair that comes down to almost my waist -- at least the middle of my back, but a little more.
At least i did up until yesterday...
A while back, i had a dream that i was forced to go to a parlor and get my hair chopped off to my shoulders against my will.
I screamed and cried and begged, but it still had to happen and once it was gone, i was in a state of devastation and sadness.
I woke up from that nightmare pawing at my hair and making sure i still had it, and was relieved when i realized it was all still there.
Little did i know that just a month or so later my fears would be realized.
Yesterday my mom spontaneously decided to take me to Fantastic Sam's, a hair parlor to get my hair cut.
Of course, my mom and sister go get their hair played with and colored and shit every two weeks, with an appointment with our family hair dresser who doesn't suck shark balls.
But do i ever get to come along?
Almost never.
Like once every six months honestly...
Figures.
So i protest and say i don't want strangers touching my head and hair, and that i would prefer being with someone i know who will take care of my hair.
But no, apparently we just have to take chances with the one and only person in the family who never wants her hair dyed or totally messed with.
All i EVER want is to have two inches off, my hair a little thinned out (because it is ridiculously thick), and to be styled so it will frame my face.
I don't straighten my hair all the time, no.
Just when i go out on occasions like out to eat or shopping.
That irritated my mom and sister a lot, but i don't give a shit.
I don't straighten it when i go to Target or the grocery store, or to go to McDonald's.
Everyone can suck my metaphorical double-decker alien robot donkey dick.
But just because i don't always dress it up doesn't mean i love it any less, and the feeling of my hair brushing against my back and arms feels good no matter what condition it's in.
I will even post a picture later of my hair color -- it's completely natural, dark red and shines gold in the light.
I'm very proud of it.
So mom takes me anyway, and after 21 years she still doesn'tΒ understand why my hair means so much to me.
Everyone in there's hair looked like shit, both before and after it was treated by the dressers.
So then i go up and to my surprise, i actually really liked the girl doing my hair.
She was fun to talk to and really nice, but did not do what we asked.
We asked for a cut to about my shoulder blades (which was too much for me anyway and was making me nervous), to be thinned, and styled.
The girl cut in fucking chunks and cut WAY to much.
The front is uneven by at least two inches (which is super bad), the back is chopped and lopsided from left to right, and there are long weird stringy bits that just hang freely and NOTHING reaches my shoulder blades.
I didn't realize it was THAT BAD until i got in the car, and on the way i home i literally sobbed non stop.
It was a 20 minute ride home.
My throat actually hurts today from the force of holding back GROSS sobs.
On the way home, my mom actually seemed to show remorse, which is rare because even when she's wrong she's never sorry for ANYTHING.
While bawling my eyes out i told her everything else could go; my complexion, my weight, but not my hair.
NOT my hair.
My hair is my pride, it's the best part of my physique.
I can cover an ugly face with make up (if it were ugly and idk, i think i look all right but you know what i mean).
You can wear clothes to compliment you if you gain weight.
I'm 40 lbs heavier than i should be and love my body.
I still know how to exercise style, too.
But get your hair fucked up?
The only way to fix that is to cut more of it off when it gets fixed, and that's what's going to happen Wednesday.
I'm going back to MY barber to get it "repaired," which will mean more trimming to even it out and she had BETTER do a good job because i'm still really livid.
My mom actually hugged me and apologized.
Did you know that people with the animal guide of the fox use their hair to represent their tails from their past life?
That's what mine was for me; big, long and very thick, and very admired.
Now it's gone...
You know what else sucks?
I actually tried to cheer up!
I tried to tell myself it would be fine.
It's not.
It's a fucking disaster, my hair is MUTILATED.
I'm so EMBARRASSED and fed up and just tired.
Yesterday drained me, my eyes still hurt from crying, YESTERDAY.
As a woman, and a very spiritual person, i just prefer having long hair.
I love seeing women who have long hair, i think it's just the epitome of femininity and beauty.
There are short hair cuts that i like too, but on certain women, and most of them have to be thin to pull it off or else they just look bigger or like dudes (unless that's what they wanted).
It sounds mean, but it's how i see things and everyone is entitled to do what they want and if it makes them happy, then good for them.
But I'm not happy.
I literally feel violated, and now we have to pay MORE money to go fix something that shouldn't have been wrecked to shit in the first place.
I pray to GOD my mom takes me back before Wednesday to get a refund.
She even tipped the girl!
I don't know why she would tip her, that sort of just stings me more.
My mom has always wanted my hair a certain length.
My hair.
I'm so fucking sick of not getting that damned fucking decision.
I don't care if she thinks it looks messy.
I don't care if ANYONE does.
It's my fucking hair.
It's on MY body.
Even she admitted this was too short and done AWFULLY, and now it's hideous.
Maybe this was important and needed to happen, so she would finally understand how much my hair means to me.
She was shocked at how much i cried yesterday and honestly?
I still FEEL like crying.
It's just not fair.
As a woman, especially, i shouldn't have had to lose what gave me my confidence and sense of visual appeal to others.
I know that looks aren't everything, but i really don't give two shits what anyone thinks.
What matters is what i think, and how i feel.
And right now i feel horrible.
I can't even look at it.
It's in a ponytail all the time now because i can't stand it...
So yeah, i'm pretty scorned.
I'm just full-on depressed and unhappy.
I'll get over it, and i know it will grow back, but i just want the time i need to be upset.
I'm literally grieving.
And you know what really hurts?
I was debating doing a face reveal and finally removing the mystery as to what i look like.
But nope, fuck it.
Forget it.
I'm sorry, guys...
And i'm sorry to vent but if there's something everyone should know about me, it's that my hair is my pride.
End of story.
That, and my ability to draw.
My hopes are that once it's cleaned up maybe i can find ways to enjoy or make fun of it until it grows back and i've been making jokes about it around the house, but it still stings.
And my mom and i are getting along, i'm not like openly mad at her lol.
I just hope she remains regretful because i've spent my entire life living under the scorn of everyone's else wants for me.
She can handle a month or so.
And yes, i am still laughing and smiling and being as happy as possible and being in a crappy mood only when it fits, like while typing this.
Anyway...
Here's some art depicting my deep feelings, though my mom and i both actually laughed when i showed it to her
Like can i just go a fucking week without some sort of emotional disaster bashing me???
AUGH!
And the color of the fox's fur is based off my hair's color in the light.
The glass represents both the blades that cut my hair and pride, and the mirrors we look into to judge our own looks.
I realize i have a certain level of vanity, but i never strutted around yelling "EVERYONE LOOK AT MY UNIQUE AND UNOBTAINABLE ULTRA RARE RED HAIR!!! AREN'T I FUCKING MAGNIFICENT?!"
No.
I tried to be humble, and to make it look nice when i went out.
Now i've just disconnected from my sense of physical confidence...
Anyway, enjoy.
I know i'm being a little nuts but hopefully someone out there understands.
Enjoy......
---DO NOT STEAL MY FUCKING CONCEPTS, ART OR IDEAS! IF I SEE MY SHIT BEING CLAIMED OR RE-POSTED BY OTHERS I AND MY LEGION OF FIRE-EATING NAIL-SHITTING HELL HOUNDS WILL FIND YOU AND DEVOUR YOUR GENITALS AND NIPPLES AND THEN I WILL SHOVE A PINEAPPLE UP YOUR ASS!!!---
P.S.
Don't ever go to Fantastic Sam's.
They ought to change their name to "Fantastic Shits."
I hope they lose business, and God save everyone who goes there and thinks their haircuts actually look ok.
t(=__=t) bastards....
P.S.S.
If you laughed at the cussing and creative insult bits in this description, that would actually be flattering to me.
Thank you~.
Related content
Comments: 141
dratini12 In reply to Fae-CaptainofDreams [2016-03-01 22:44:53 +0000 UTC]
its a disease when u pull ur own hair off when ur anxious :'^)
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Fae-CaptainofDreams In reply to dratini12 [2016-03-02 04:43:58 +0000 UTC]
OH NO >O<
Anything you can do to help it???
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dratini12 In reply to Fae-CaptainofDreams [2016-03-02 21:13:15 +0000 UTC]
ahh im taking pill for it, but i also need a way to get anxiety out :I
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Fae-CaptainofDreams In reply to dratini12 [2016-03-03 03:23:36 +0000 UTC]
maybe try intense scribbling if you can?
Just something less self destructive? ;o;
Not trying to make you feel bad or anything just so you know lol, just trying to help with the little i know XD
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dratini12 In reply to Fae-CaptainofDreams [2016-03-03 22:07:14 +0000 UTC]
hmm, that sounds interesting...
welp, thanks for trying to help ^^
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Octoboo [2016-02-29 19:03:14 +0000 UTC]
Oh my god..Β Β *hugs*
That dream must have been so horrifying!
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Fae-CaptainofDreams In reply to Octoboo [2016-03-01 03:44:41 +0000 UTC]
Yeah, worst of all is it came true! ;A;
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Octoboo In reply to Fae-CaptainofDreams [2016-03-02 16:15:59 +0000 UTC]
Oh god Β i am so sorry for you ;A;Β
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Fae-CaptainofDreams In reply to Octoboo [2016-03-03 03:21:06 +0000 UTC]
eh it got fixed so there's that XD
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Nikkisartlife [2016-02-29 18:37:41 +0000 UTC]
This drawings looks nice. And man your drawing skills. Just wow
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Fae-CaptainofDreams In reply to Nikkisartlife [2016-03-01 03:44:57 +0000 UTC]
Hahah, i appreciate that
Thank you so much!
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Nikkisartlife In reply to Fae-CaptainofDreams [2016-03-01 07:38:10 +0000 UTC]
your welcome
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Mairwynn [2016-02-29 15:06:07 +0000 UTC]
Aww, I'm sorry you had to endure that, love...
I am the same about my hair, although I'm not as devoted (even though I should be) to it...but I love having my hair a specific length. I remember deciding a few years before to have my hair literally hacked off, it looked nice at first...and then the realization hit. I hated my short hair, and I was insanely insecure about it. It's just now grown to the small of my back.Β
Just give it some time, your magnificent hair will grow back quickly! Thick hair tends to grow a little more rapidly, if only mine was that way...TT-TT
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Fae-CaptainofDreams In reply to Mairwynn [2016-03-01 03:45:43 +0000 UTC]
UGHHHHHH I'm so sorry!! DDD:
I hope it comes back to and i know yours will!!
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Mairwynn In reply to Fae-CaptainofDreams [2016-03-02 23:15:46 +0000 UTC]
Yours too!
I hope those people lose their business!Β
I wonder if their cosmetology certificates are even authentic... Β
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MadDiscordia410 In reply to ??? [2016-02-29 10:18:08 +0000 UTC]
The best thing about hair is that they grow again after being cut *hugs* Like the branches of a tree; Β they grow again in spring when in winter people cut them. I feel really sorry about your hair and I really hope that they can gain the double of the beautifulness Β (it's not a word? I don't really care XD) that they had before being mutilated :"
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Fae-CaptainofDreams In reply to MadDiscordia410 [2016-03-01 03:46:15 +0000 UTC]
Awwww that's true
Thank you!
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MadDiscordia410 In reply to Fae-CaptainofDreams [2016-03-01 04:59:23 +0000 UTC]
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flamingbeast999 In reply to Fae-CaptainofDreams [2016-03-01 20:24:37 +0000 UTC]
My mom screws my hair up a lot...... I like mine thick!
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Fae-CaptainofDreams In reply to flamingbeast999 [2016-03-02 04:44:10 +0000 UTC]
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flamingbeast999 In reply to Fae-CaptainofDreams [2016-03-02 19:53:10 +0000 UTC]
NO WAY! *glomps*
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Colorfulmoongato In reply to ??? [2016-02-29 03:53:10 +0000 UTC]
I'm so gonna use that emoji at the bottom from now on,it's perfect l3
I'm so sorry about your hair Fox, thats horrible!!
I know the frustrations of people CONSTANTLY NAGGING you every time they see you're hair and all they do is critisize andtry to make you feel bad for not "doing anything" with it.
My whole life from childhood to adulthood, my mom my sisters my female cousins ALWAYS ALWAYS "Why don't you cut your hair? Why don't you style it? Why don't you put product in it?"
GOD! 10 year old me, thats 10 YEAR OLD and still till now was always thinking, "JESUS!! Just leave me alone and worry about your own damn hair and self image!!!"
It's not a bad thing to be a little vain and teeny bit narcissistic, as long as you don't shove it in other people's faces obviously, but when you find something about yourself that you absolutely 110% love and are proud of and gives you confidence NO ONE has the right to tell you what to do or force you to do with it!!! >B[
The only thing I've ever put in my hair was Moose and frizz conditioner, but it at least doesn't change it, it keeps it smooth,shiny,and bouncy and wavy which I Love about it cause it reminds me of Disney's Belle and Sailor Jupiter's hair <3
I do cut it evrey summer though cause it also gets super thick and dry/dead at the ends.My hair is a very dark brown/blackish.
But again the fact that you as an artist who identifies with every bit of your being as a true representational part of yourself, was forced to not only allow someone who didn't know what they were doing to touch and CUT your hair but your mom and sister I assume pressured and nagged you to change something that wasn't annoying or hurting or affecting in any way other people's lives and took it away from you, and just assumed for it to be all ok cause of their "Family Positions and seniority" that you wouldn't think anything of it or react to it in any way negative.
Your hair sounds so pretty Fox and I hope it grows back very quick and stronger and better than ever, and when it does I want you to give a powerful strong Hair Flip in your mom and sisters face for me.
You are Awesome!!! Hang in there gurl!! Your hair may be shorter but it is still YOUR HAIR and represents your confidence and beauty and strength!!!
Gorgeous art as always too.
Do this when it grows back :<Β Β Β right in front of em, and be all "BEHOLD! That beauty which can not be tamed or caged!!"
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Fae-CaptainofDreams In reply to Colorfulmoongato [2016-03-01 03:52:10 +0000 UTC]
God bless you, this comment is getting fucking FEATURED!!!
AHHHHHHHHHH WE HAVE LIVED THE SAME LIFE HAIR WISE, EVERYONE JUST GET OFF OUR BACKS!!!
I will SO flip my hair in everyone's faces when it returns!!!
Luckily it got fixed tonight but is still short, but it will return and i appreciate your being so nice and telling me all this!
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Colorfulmoongato In reply to Fae-CaptainofDreams [2016-03-01 04:54:17 +0000 UTC]
It's my ABSOLUTE pleasure Fox, you are a very passionate and understanding and relateable artist and person.
And yes I am a hair kindred spirit lol
And YEAH!! Whip lash Em!!
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Fae-CaptainofDreams In reply to Colorfulmoongato [2016-03-02 04:47:58 +0000 UTC]
I WILL!!!
and omfg thank you thank you thank you
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EpsiloNaturion [2016-02-29 03:04:10 +0000 UTC]
I know that feel. Not as bad though, I've never been forced to get a haircut, at least since I've been old enough to pay for my own
Everybody (recently) teases me for my hair being too long. It was shaved on the sides a few weeks ago, so it's only really long on top. Even then, it's not even that long, if my bangs are hanging down they barely reach my eyes (which is why most of the time it's faux hawked or something)
At first it was all in good fun but IT'S ANNOYING AMIRITE? "Get a haircut, it's way too long."
"Nah son, it's not long enough."
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Fae-CaptainofDreams In reply to EpsiloNaturion [2016-03-01 03:47:57 +0000 UTC]
Yeah i don't have a job X''D
LOL ugh!
Yeah everyone just needs to mind their own business
Your hair sounds kool.
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EpsiloNaturion In reply to Fae-CaptainofDreams [2016-03-02 06:09:02 +0000 UTC]
It's ok I guess!
The weird thing is, when I style it, it usually never comes out the same way as the day before. Similar but not the same. It's kind of a hit or miss and even when I miss people are like, "ooh I like your hair!" and I'm just kind of like "Really?"
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Fae-CaptainofDreams In reply to EpsiloNaturion [2016-03-03 22:48:54 +0000 UTC]
HAHA awww yeah hair is kinda fickle XD
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zhidkovv In reply to ??? [2016-02-29 02:28:48 +0000 UTC]
I already gave my condolences, and it is still painful to read this... I am so sorry for your loss.
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Fae-CaptainofDreams In reply to zhidkovv [2016-03-01 03:46:44 +0000 UTC]
Sounds like we're mourning a death, haha!
I'm feeling better now and just got it fixed actually!
It's much better.
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zhidkovv In reply to Fae-CaptainofDreams [2016-03-01 03:53:22 +0000 UTC]
It is a death, in a way.
Yay! Fixie stuffs!
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Fae-CaptainofDreams In reply to zhidkovv [2016-03-02 04:49:37 +0000 UTC]
It sort of is! XD
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zhidkovv In reply to Fae-CaptainofDreams [2016-03-02 05:58:22 +0000 UTC]
I love the exclamation mark at the end, to symbolize your getting over it.
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imtherealjenna [2016-02-29 02:17:18 +0000 UTC]
Man I'm so sorry hon. I had a similar experience a few years ago where I asked the hair dresser to cut it a little shorter to give it a chance to grow more and get rid of the dead ends. My hair was to my shoulder blades, and the freaking woman gave me a bob! 0o Not just a bob, but like a 50's styled bob that made me feel like a freaking granny... she was like 70, so maybe that was my fault for trusting her to cut my hair. I cried to
This pic made me gasp! It's well done for the emotions you were feeling
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Fae-CaptainofDreams In reply to imtherealjenna [2016-03-01 03:48:34 +0000 UTC]
OH GOD!
That's dreadful!
Hahaha!
I'm sorry but i would NEVER let an old person cut my hair XD
That's terrible
And thank you very much!
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TitanShockFury In reply to ??? [2016-02-29 01:30:33 +0000 UTC]
You don't have to apologize for the vent. As fellow girl I know that having your hair the way you want (tomboy, girly-girl, both, or neither) can make a BIG difference. I'm not really one to "dress-up" but, I do take pride in my hair. So, I can't imagine having it cut the way you already don't want, and then having it get mess upped on top of that. I'm really sorry you had to go through all that, and my heart truly goes out to you. What I really can't believe is that, at the age of 21 you should be allowed to make decisions on how you want YOUR OWN HAIR CUT, and even cut at that. Again, I'm really sorry you had to go through all the stress and drama of getting your hair screwed up. *hugs*
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Fae-CaptainofDreams In reply to TitanShockFury [2016-02-29 17:11:47 +0000 UTC]
Yeah it was a painful blow :/
And AGREED XP thank you T^T
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TitanShockFury In reply to Fae-CaptainofDreams [2016-02-29 22:00:32 +0000 UTC]
Of course ^^
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MusicalBloodDrop In reply to ??? [2016-02-29 01:27:41 +0000 UTC]
Oh gosh. I relate to this so hard to be completely honest.
When I was seven, my dad had my hair cut right up to my ears, a boy cut basically although he still insists it wasn't (it absolutely was) and I vowed even as a little seven year old that my hair was never going to be cut again on anyone's terms but my own. And for the next twelve years I was dragged for not keeping it in tip top shape. My stepmom was the worst about it, always complaining that it was too long and I never wore it back and looked scraggly and gross. But I never let anyone even touch it if I didn't trust them. I grew it all the way down to my hips and it was very warm and comfy and shaped my self image for a while.
Some stuff happened and I decided it was finally time for a change. I donated my hair for the fourth time, so now I hope someone else is able to have long red hair. My mom did the same, we both cut our hair to let go of our previous life and move forward and give some red hair to someone who didn't.
I dunno if this is any help but I felt compelled to say it. I was happy to have my hair cut, but only because it was time for me. It obviously wasn't for you, and I'm so sorry that you had that taken from you. Nobody should have something that they make and own and is even a part of themselves ever taken from them. I really hope that it grows back just as strong and beautiful as before. All the best to you
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Fae-CaptainofDreams In reply to MusicalBloodDrop [2016-02-29 17:11:15 +0000 UTC]
Awwww, i liked that story though.
Congrats for making donations, that's very selfless and kind
And thank you
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MusicalBloodDrop In reply to Fae-CaptainofDreams [2016-02-29 19:11:10 +0000 UTC]
I'm glad you liked it at least /u\
And thank you~ I figure it's a nice thing to do if I'm not gonna be using it anymore
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RensMeerkat In reply to ??? [2016-02-29 01:17:55 +0000 UTC]
Reminds me of this book I had as a kid called "One Fine Day" where a fox drinks some lady's milk, she has a hissy fit and cuts off his tail and she says she will only give it back if he can return the milk. The fox asks a cow for some milk and she says she will only give him some if he gives her some grass from a meadow. The meadow will only give the cow some grass if he gives it some water from a certain pitcher and so on down the line until a nice person feels sorry for the fox and gives him what he asks for without asking for anything in return.Β www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRiGn-β¦
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Fae-CaptainofDreams In reply to RensMeerkat [2016-02-29 17:10:44 +0000 UTC]
Oh my gosh that sounds terrible!
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RensMeerkat In reply to Fae-CaptainofDreams [2016-02-29 17:26:27 +0000 UTC]
Yeah, I didn't like it even as a kid. On every page, I drew a tail on the fox and scratched out the face of the lady who cut it off.
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