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Standing underneath the stars,
And I miss you... Yeah I wish you were here...

It's relatively cloudy outside as I walk along the long, seemingly never-ending road stretching into the rolling hills before me. Calling to be conquered. It isn't much longer to go until I reach my destination.

I miss the years that were erased...

A large headstone stood by the roadside. Short and round. I could see it from yards away, that's how flat the road was. Pale grey worn pavement. Just like the stone. Weathered away by wind and the harsh exposed environment. As I drew closer the sun faded away behind the hills and the clouds dispersed. Finally coming to stand before it, I glanced up to the deepening sky where the first star peeped out through the darkness. My hands dig deep down into my coat pockets, avoiding the cold night air that approached ever so slowly.

Back to the stone. I read the inscription for what felt like the millionth time, that dull but definitive ache forming in my chest and travelling up to my throat. Michael S. Bynum. 1996-2012. Stupid Michael.

Anger welled up inside me, fueled by grief. That stupid, stupid kid. I kicked the tombstone with the tip of my sneaker, repeatedly until I meant each one. Stupid, stupid, stupid asshole! Was it worth it? All you ever did was get drunk and mess around, so was all of that worth it? Is it paying off?

Did you ever think that it wasn't just you? That other people were depending on you being there for them?

Each stupid sent another kick into that unmoving, unresponsive rock, until my foot hurt. But I kept going because thinking was worse than the pain. Each kick held less resolve. Stupid, stupid...

And then I found myself standing there in front of whatever was left of Michael S. Bynum with cool tears running down my heated face. You stupid Michael, this road hardly ever has anybody on it, and this one time, this single time that someone winds up here you had to be drunk.

"GRRRRRRR!" I kicked it one last time before plopping down in front of it to sob unashamedly. Time slowed and I felt that there was nothing else in the world that mattered but right now. I noticed the miniscule rocks crumbling into even further mush under my hand. An ant crawled up the jagged rock for some unknown purpose. The sparse brown grass shredded in my fingertips.

I'll never forget his square jaw or that black hair that was always getting in his pure green eyes.

I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face...

Or how cold those pale hands were.

Yeah I miss you...

I sniffled and looked up at the sky. All the light had disappeared so that the stars prominently glittered throughout the black. My favourite quote flew to mind. The Eskimo Proverb.

Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.

How relevant. I stared at one star in particular, seemingly straight above my head.

Dammit Michael, I don't give a fuck about if you're happy. When you drove home drunk did you think about anyone else's happiness?

But my anger subsided and I was left with the bitter sadness and suddenly a sense of peace. I didn't want to admit it, but as long as Michael was ok, I was ok. And looking at that star I knew that Michael or God or somebody was telling me that he was ok. My eyes wandered back to the grave, and I did my best to smile.

"...stupid Michael."