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The nervous chills have started. Nobody's come here. Ever. Nobody knows about this.

That's about to change.

"Hey, it's ok," Kaoru reassured, rubbing a cold hand up and down my back. He was walking beside me along the treeline, where the forest melts into grass field. The sun was shining down relentlessly, and it just felt so disgustingly warm. "Thanks for deciding to share stuff with me."

I sighed anxiously. Yeah, well, I trust you, and as my friend I guess you should know. My OCD wasn't helping my nerves any: my fingers ran through my hair, then down my sides, then picked at my nails, and repeat.

"It's cool. I respect that." I glanced up at him for a second and was kinda surprised at how serious his expression was. None of the playful shimmering usually inhabiting his yellow cat eyes was there, only a prepared, almost determined sort of look. Stoic. Serious. To be honest, I was both in awe and a little bit scared. At that moment it dawned on me what he actually was, what he could really do. What he probably has done. His power was so... evident, with just that one look.

"You never ever have to be afraid of me, ok?" Kaoru had stopped and turned me to face him completely. I nodded, and suddenly he wasn't a threat. I had a hunch I'd never feel that way again.

So, I'm going to tell you about my family, I thought as we continued walking. You have to keep in mind that... nobody in this story is a bad guy, ok? Everything happened as it would normally. There isn't any blame, no matter how much it looks like there is. Ok?

"...ok."

I didn't look at him as we shuffled through years of dead leaves. We're getting close to my... house. I'm apologizing in advance, it's kinda small and in the middle of nowhere.

"It's fine, don't worry about it."

Also a bit messy.

"That's normal for me."

I'm procrastinating.

"I know." Hearing the smile in his voice had me doing the same for a second. Whew. Calm down. Ok. So my mom was a rebel, going to clubs late at night instead of preparing for school, she drank a lot, smoked pot, ran through a long list of boyfriends. She was just finding her way in life, having fun like everyone thinks they want to. And she's made a lot of stupid mistakes, but she's learned from them. She finished college and is an interior designer millionaire who donates to help families in Africa and homeless orphans in China and abused animals and all that stuff. She's generous towards me with money...

By now my heartbeat was racing again, the nervous energy refilling my body. I refused to look at him as the next thoughts flew into my head, but his eyes bore deep into my skull. I could feel them.

Like I said... she learned from mistakes. One of her boyfriends while she was in her party stage was a marine, and he was going to Iraq soon. So the week before he left, they did... "it". But they were drunk and high and sad about separating and angry with the world and hated and loved so many things, and they didn't use protection. Whether they forgot or did it on purpose... it doesn't matter. But then he left and three months later my mom found out she was expecting.

So many emotions were welling up inside me, I didn't know how to identify them. All I knew is they were happy to escape. Relieved they were being let go.

"...and she was 20 and pregnant and alone..." Speaking it made things more real. My voice was raw and cracked and filled with pain I didn't know I held, but it was begging to get out.

"Hey..."

"-and confused," I continued, gulping back metallic tears as I saw my little trailer home not far away, in the center of the field. "And the only money she was making was from selling drugs, and her boyfriend is forever away and unaware that she's carrying his kid-" Sniffles erupted from me, and I realized I had stopped in front of my lonely, isolated trailer with Kaoru behind me,silent and out of sight. I didn't even know if I was talking to him anymore or to myself. "And her mom is dead and her dad's in a nursing home half crazy and unable to walk, and she doesn't know what to do so she sends her boyfriend an email asking for help and because of the long filtering process it takes him four months to get it and reply... and it doesn't matter because she decided to abort..."

A long, shuddery breath.

"...but it failed." The image of the long, pale scar on my back hit me like a bullet to the brain. I wiped my face, taking deep, quiet breaths. "And so she had to raise a kid by herself, a kid she didn't even want, and go to school and get a safer job. She struggled, and sent the baby to many different sitters while she finished school, so that the kid was almost living anywhere but home. After college, while looking for a job, she was told her boyfriend was MIA overseas."

Neither of us said anything. A burden I hadn't known I was carrying- buried under music and running and school and art and struggle of living- was gone. I felt so peaceful, the calmest I'd felt in... forever. So when I finally turned around to face my audience of one, I could smile.

Thanks for listening. I'm sorry it was long and watery and stuff. And-

"You don't have to 'deal' with it, just because there are people worse off," he interrupted, with the same expression as before, only tinted with pain, I think. "Everybody has their burdens. The same one may be harder for one person than for the other. No one should call someone else's life easy. Yours isn't."

Before I know it Kaoru is hugging the life from my body. And the only thing I can do is hug back and laugh at the fact that his death grip feels so good.