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Description

Scrapped because I don\'t like it that much anymore ;__;

So... I was reading old notes. Things that I wrote to you and old documents, you know, things I don't remember anymore. And I stumbled upon the notes I wrote you 3 days before I attempted suicide. And I was so stupid, to push you away like I did. To tell you that I wanted to die so badly. I didn't realize how much I truly needed you.

And I think you were right; I think I did love you. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. But either way, you made me happy. Even if I was sad, you made me feel like I had a reason. A purpose. Some nights I sit and I wonder what it would be like if I had never done that to you. If I had listened. If I hadn't cut my arms up so badly that they bled all over my bed. If I had just called you and apologized.

But I can't.

I can't go back, and I can't make you be my friend again. I know. Sometimes, when I sit down, and I see my foot... I just breakdown. I put the letter 'T' there, for you and for "Thunder". And every once in a while, I'll touch it, and try to get the nerve to call you and talk to you. But something stops me every time.

I fear that I left the one really deep friend I've ever had. And I can barely believe when I get a text from you, cause I would have never expected you to even care about me after that.

I found an old document, one that I never finished, and the way I wrote it, the way I loved you, it's like nothing in the world. Deep deep down, I still want to do all those things we planned. Live together for college, visit you in the summer, all that. But I also know it won't happen. I wish it could. I wish I could spend more time with you. I wish I didn't lose that bond with you.

Sometimes, our old inside jokes would pop into my head. And at first I'd laugh, then I'd cry. I'd remember the nights we'd talk until 5 am. The nights I'd cry and cry and cry, and you'd talk to me real soft and I'd fall asleep. Right there on the phone. I remember you'd call me in the morning in the summer and wake me up early, I might not of admitted it, but I loved that.

Do you remember New Year's? I remember I spent all night drawing that picture for you. I remember my resolution; to be happy. And I'm almost there. And inside, I'm still trying for you.

But, anyway, I love you Tessa. You're still my sister, and you're still my thunder.

Love, Erica

Description

Scrapped because I don\'t like it that much anymore ;__;

So... I was reading old notes. Things that I wrote to you and old documents, you know, things I don't remember anymore. And I stumbled upon the notes I wrote you 3 days before I attempted suicide. And I was so stupid, to push you away like I did. To tell you that I wanted to die so badly. I didn't realize how much I truly needed you.

And I think you were right; I think I did love you. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. But either way, you made me happy. Even if I was sad, you made me feel like I had a reason. A purpose. Some nights I sit and I wonder what it would be like if I had never done that to you. If I had listened. If I hadn't cut my arms up so badly that they bled all over my bed. If I had just called you and apologized.

But I can't.

I can't go back, and I can't make you be my friend again. I know. Sometimes, when I sit down, and I see my foot... I just breakdown. I put the letter 'T' there, for you and for "Thunder". And every once in a while, I'll touch it, and try to get the nerve to call you and talk to you. But something stops me every time.

I fear that I left the one really deep friend I've ever had. And I can barely believe when I get a text from you, cause I would have never expected you to even care about me after that.

I found an old document, one that I never finished, and the way I wrote it, the way I loved you, it's like nothing in the world. Deep deep down, I still want to do all those things we planned. Live together for college, visit you in the summer, all that. But I also know it won't happen. I wish it could. I wish I could spend more time with you. I wish I didn't lose that bond with you.

Sometimes, our old inside jokes would pop into my head. And at first I'd laugh, then I'd cry. I'd remember the nights we'd talk until 5 am. The nights I'd cry and cry and cry, and you'd talk to me real soft and I'd fall asleep. Right there on the phone. I remember you'd call me in the morning in the summer and wake me up early, I might not of admitted it, but I loved that.

Do you remember New Year's? I remember I spent all night drawing that picture for you. I remember my resolution; to be happy. And I'm almost there. And inside, I'm still trying for you.

But, anyway, I love you Tessa. You're still my sister, and you're still my thunder.

Love, Erica