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After two years of my life my Aunty Brenda came back into our life now that her husband was dead. We had her for a while. She was a great person, beautiful and funny. She had what she thought to be acid reflux disease. My mom took her to the hospital and we found out it was cancer. By the time they had found it. The cancer was already spread through out her body. Most of it was caused from her smoking and the stress of an abusive husband only made it worse. At the begining when she was in the hospital it wasnt that bad. She was in so much though. That whole summer i spent in the hospital watching her slowly die. My mom spent everyday and almost there nights there too. It was extremely painful for everyone in the family. In the last week when we knew that there was no hope and she just wanted to go to our home and die we had to give that to her. After all she was the one dying. She needed us to be there for cause she needed it most at that time. She was withering away. Dying, all i could hear at night was that breathing machine she was on. Every night i would wish that she would just die. I had been wishing such things for a while. I thought i was evil and that it was wrong. I thought i was just doing it out of vainity. At the end of that week when she finally died i realized it wasnt wrong. My mom had felt the same way. Watching someone die for a year is an unexplainable thing. I realized that i only wished those things so she would stop suffering. At the funeral my Grandfather sat there with this look on his face. It almost look distorted. My Grandmother sat there and cried so much. Now my Grandparents are there physically and they love us but they are not there in mind. They are gone and dead, burried with Brenda. There is so much pain in my life right now. I dont really know how to deal with it at times. It hurts so much. I realized now that life is not to be taken forgranted. I never thought it would hurt this much to watch someone die. Then a year later my nana died of cancer. Not from smoking. Now till this day i live with the haunting memories and i have flash backs. This is why i strongly believe in Euthanasia. Not for us who watch the death and suffer but for the ones who suffer while dying slowly and painfully. I dont get how people can say its humain to let someone suffer and die of terminal illness. It contridics our freedom... I'm not facing the pain i hate so much. My healing process may take years but i know all this is happening to make me smarter in some way. To make me a better person and be able to understand people more. Facing the pain is the hardest thing i've ever done in my entire 15 years of life but in a way its been a good thing. What happened happened and i can not change that. It helps me grow as a person. Because i know if i dont face this like the adult im becoming to be i will only grow bitter, angry and hateful. I can not let that happen i have to grieve, cry. scream, and learn.

R.I.P Nana and Brenda

- lea

Description
After two years of my life my Aunty Brenda came back into our life now that her husband was dead. We had her for a while. She was a great person, beautiful and funny. She had what she thought to be acid reflux disease. My mom took her to the hospital and we found out it was cancer. By the time they had found it. The cancer was already spread through out her body. Most of it was caused from her smoking and the stress of an abusive husband only made it worse. At the begining when she was in the hospital it wasnt that bad. She was in so much though. That whole summer i spent in the hospital watching her slowly die. My mom spent everyday and almost there nights there too. It was extremely painful for everyone in the family. In the last week when we knew that there was no hope and she just wanted to go to our home and die we had to give that to her. After all she was the one dying. She needed us to be there for cause she needed it most at that time. She was withering away. Dying, all i could hear at night was that breathing machine she was on. Every night i would wish that she would just die. I had been wishing such things for a while. I thought i was evil and that it was wrong. I thought i was just doing it out of vainity. At the end of that week when she finally died i realized it wasnt wrong. My mom had felt the same way. Watching someone die for a year is an unexplainable thing. I realized that i only wished those things so she would stop suffering. At the funeral my Grandfather sat there with this look on his face. It almost look distorted. My Grandmother sat there and cried so much. Now my Grandparents are there physically and they love us but they are not there in mind. They are gone and dead, burried with Brenda. There is so much pain in my life right now. I dont really know how to deal with it at times. It hurts so much. I realized now that life is not to be taken forgranted. I never thought it would hurt this much to watch someone die. Then a year later my nana died of cancer. Not from smoking. Now till this day i live with the haunting memories and i have flash backs. This is why i strongly believe in Euthanasia. Not for us who watch the death and suffer but for the ones who suffer while dying slowly and painfully. I dont get how people can say its humain to let someone suffer and die of terminal illness. It contridics our freedom... I'm not facing the pain i hate so much. My healing process may take years but i know all this is happening to make me smarter in some way. To make me a better person and be able to understand people more. Facing the pain is the hardest thing i've ever done in my entire 15 years of life but in a way its been a good thing. What happened happened and i can not change that. It helps me grow as a person. Because i know if i dont face this like the adult im becoming to be i will only grow bitter, angry and hateful. I can not let that happen i have to grieve, cry. scream, and learn.

R.I.P Nana and Brenda

- lea