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the names blur together,
never as clear as when you rubbed
a black crayon over colored pencil jewel
tones. it's a failed experiment
in mixing red and green and creating mud;

or did you not have that childhood?
i forget. it's been years since i thought
of your disillusionment, but your memory
is scattered along the sidewalks
of this city like your cigarette butts.

you are not the child i never got to know
or the awkward teenager who let
me woo and war with him,
though you embrace all you discover
with the ardor of a lover

or cut it out of your life with the scalpel
of your judgment.
i can tell you haven't chosen
which fate will be mine,
even though i've abandoned the path of you.