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there's a forever somewhere
and there, he and i are happy
we sleep together, we sleep next
to each other, and we smile
at the thought of each other

but that's a never here,
and it's better that way
i can't hurt him and he
can change, he can grow
he can make mistakes
and not worry over my disgust

but you, you whom i love
more than my own skin
(i said that do him, i think)
do you feel pain
over what you have lost
in your pursuit, your possession
of me?

do you think it would hurt
me to know your struggles,
or are they woven
into your spine,
the only thing that she and i
and everyone else you've known
can never touch?

the things you can't understand
all that you refuse to think
about, they define me
even more than the marks i inflict
and then discard on my body,
more than the words i share
with you, with a virtual public.

you don't wish to be understood,
though it isn't my place
to know what you want.
i am here to please
to challenge
maybe even to change
that which you hold sacred

and with that transformation
i am rendered useless,
even poisonous

i will fade into stage left
and you will carry on
stronger, surer

happier.