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Description
Does anybody like seagulls? No! Do seagulls live anywhere near the sea? No! Well, maybe, but usually they just live in parking lots and eat garbage. Also, they crap on things. The sound they make is horrible. It's like a squeaky door mixed with a screaming baby. They're pretty stupid, too. Once I fed them earplugs dipped in ranch dressing just because I was bored. You may think this is animal cruelty, but I'm way ahead of you. I called the humane society and I asked them if eating earplugs was bad for seagulls, and they assured me it was okay. I was really bored that day. Once a seagull tried to attack my dad. My dad barely survived.

2015

Description
Does anybody like seagulls? No! Do seagulls live anywhere near the sea? No! Well, maybe, but usually they just live in parking lots and eat garbage. Also, they crap on things. The sound they make is horrible. It's like a squeaky door mixed with a screaming baby. They're pretty stupid, too. Once I fed them earplugs dipped in ranch dressing just because I was bored. You may think this is animal cruelty, but I'm way ahead of you. I called the humane society and I asked them if eating earplugs was bad for seagulls, and they assured me it was okay. I was really bored that day. Once a seagull tried to attack my dad. My dad barely survived.

2015