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Description
My dad is dying and I've already grieved.
He's still here, still functioning but he is still dying.
15%, thats what the doctors said his chance of suriving his battle with the stage 4 Oral Squamous Cell Carcinomia was less than 13 months ago.
It wasn't just called cancer, no this monster had name and it lost it's battle while my dad won his.
But he is still dying.
And I've already grieved.
"Dont' be so negative, he'll be fine. Pray and you'll see." Is what I was told when I spoke the truth that my dad is still dying even with the monster gone.
I was told that I was wishing ill, that I was a horrible daughter even though I was the one who he chose to tell first that he is still dying.
"But he beat the cancer..." They say in disbelief, shaking their heads in denial.
I laugh, I laugh because they're so blind and naive to the truth that beating the monster is only half the battle, it's merely the tip of the iceberg.
Recovery is a war, it's more of the battle than the actual fight.
The tube feeding.
The wound care.
The medications.
Scheduling doctors appointments.
Taking care of the PICC line.
The anxiety of "Is the cancer coming back?"
It's all part of the battle against time and against death.
"But he's in remission, why do you need to keep the healthcare team from Pittsburgh on speed dial?"
Infection.
Complications.
developments.
Just because the Carcinomia is gone doesn't mean he isn't still dying.
"How can his jaw be infected? He's on antibiotics,shouldn't that take care of it?"
They don't understand how smart bacteria and viruses can be. THey don't see how brutial the recovery is because once the cancer is gone so are they.
They haven;t grieved becasue they refuse,
refuse to believe.
Refuse to see
Refuse to understand.
But mom, dad and I have already grieved.
We've grieved for the loss of all of us. The people we use to be, the life we used to be.
My parents have grieved for their marriage and each other.
and me...
I've already grieved for them and the ones that refuse to grieve.
Bcause I've learned to grieve before they're gone, so I can live with them now and after they're gone.
So yes I've already grieved.

Description
My dad is dying and I've already grieved.
He's still here, still functioning but he is still dying.
15%, thats what the doctors said his chance of suriving his battle with the stage 4 Oral Squamous Cell Carcinomia was less than 13 months ago.
It wasn't just called cancer, no this monster had name and it lost it's battle while my dad won his.
But he is still dying.
And I've already grieved.
"Dont' be so negative, he'll be fine. Pray and you'll see." Is what I was told when I spoke the truth that my dad is still dying even with the monster gone.
I was told that I was wishing ill, that I was a horrible daughter even though I was the one who he chose to tell first that he is still dying.
"But he beat the cancer..." They say in disbelief, shaking their heads in denial.
I laugh, I laugh because they're so blind and naive to the truth that beating the monster is only half the battle, it's merely the tip of the iceberg.
Recovery is a war, it's more of the battle than the actual fight.
The tube feeding.
The wound care.
The medications.
Scheduling doctors appointments.
Taking care of the PICC line.
The anxiety of "Is the cancer coming back?"
It's all part of the battle against time and against death.
"But he's in remission, why do you need to keep the healthcare team from Pittsburgh on speed dial?"
Infection.
Complications.
developments.
Just because the Carcinomia is gone doesn't mean he isn't still dying.
"How can his jaw be infected? He's on antibiotics,shouldn't that take care of it?"
They don't understand how smart bacteria and viruses can be. THey don't see how brutial the recovery is because once the cancer is gone so are they.
They haven;t grieved becasue they refuse,
refuse to believe.
Refuse to see
Refuse to understand.
But mom, dad and I have already grieved.
We've grieved for the loss of all of us. The people we use to be, the life we used to be.
My parents have grieved for their marriage and each other.
and me...
I've already grieved for them and the ones that refuse to grieve.
Bcause I've learned to grieve before they're gone, so I can live with them now and after they're gone.
So yes I've already grieved.