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Chapter 3
Lapis Lazuli
Know your Stars
Yada Yada Yada
.
.
Lapis Lazuli is sitting in a chair, looking a bit goth/emo/emotionless/whatever the heck politics want us to say.
"Lapis Lazuli." The announcer said. "…. Is this her usual attitude? Huh, thought it would be more like, now what's the word losers use? Oh yeah, waifu!"
Lapis just shrugged.
"Lapis Lazuli. She lives in a cave."
"I live in a barn." Lapis said.
"Oh really? You must be a pig."
Lapis raised an eyebrow. "A pig? What are you talking about?"
"Lapis Lazuli. She can't understand people talk because she is a dirty barn animal."
Lapis's temper started to grow. "Now listen here!"
"Oh I'm sorry. I wasn't speaking your language. Ahem, oink oink oink!"
Lapis released her water wings. "Why did I even agree to come back here?"
"Because you're a pig and we have mud since you clearly admitted you live in a barn."
Lapis decided it was best to give up.
"Now you know, Lapis Lazuli. The Gem who tastes like ham."
Bismuth
You Know This By Now
.
.
.
Bismuth looked around the dark room with the spotlight shining down. "O.K., what is this?"
"Bismuth."
Bismuth looked up. "Who's there? … Wait, I know what this is all about." Bismuth stood up and turned her hand into a sword. "You're trying to get the dirt from me for Homeworld. I won't talk!"
"Bismuth, she's a liar!"
"Liar? Me, you should go talk to Rose Quartz!"
"And you said earlier that you won't talk!"
Bismuth's eyes widened a bit from the shock, but kept her temper. "Look, I don't have time to play games. I need to get back to work."
"Bismuth. She works at a stuffed animal factory."
"Stuffed animal? I make weapons."
"Bismuth. Obama wants to close her down."
"What? Who!? Obama? What kind of gem is that?"
"Bismuth. She's prejudice against humans."
This shocked Bismuth. "Heck no! Humans are the victims of Homeworld."
"Then why did you just assume Obama was a gem and not a human? You human hater! No wonder Steven locked you up with the Corrupted Gems."
"Hold on, what do you mean Corrupted Gems?"
"Bismuth, she's the reason Lapis was stuck on Earth in the first place."
"Lapis?" Bismuth asked. "Which one? I've punched hundreds of them."
"Bismuth, she hates Lapis Lazuli's too."
"Not this again." Bismuth shouted. "Look, I don't know who or where you are, but I'll pummel you the next time you say anything else against me!"
"Bismuth, look behind you."
Bismuth folded her arms, refusing to co-operate, but then Lapis came behind her and poofed her with a water spear.
"And now we're even."
"Know you know, Bismuth."
Ruby Squad
Know these people
.
.
The Ruby Squad all sat on the same chair, while some fought over who will stand on top.
"Ruby Squad."
The Squad looked around. "Who said that?"
"They're so dumb."
"Hey!" The leader of the squad named Doc shouted as she climbed on the top. "We are Yellow Diamond's best Ruby Force! That is why she had sent us to retrieve Jasper."
"Ruby Squad. They hate Jasper."
"What?!" Eyeball glared at the others. "Who hates Jasper!? Which one of you!?"
"Ruby Squad. They clean the gutters of a Pearl's home."
"Wait, Pearls own homeworld?" The Ruby with her gem on her leg named Leggy said. "But But, do we have the whole pecking order backwards the entire time?"
"Ruby Squad. Army is weak."
"Hey, I'm the toughest out of all of these Gems!" The Ruby with the gem on her arm, Army, said as she crushed a soda bottle with her bare hands. "See."
"Ruby Squad. Doc can't count."
"Ha, watch me." Doc counted her companions. "One, Two, Three, Four. See, four Rubies!"
"Ruby Squad. Navy betrayed homeworld by joining the Crystal Gems.
"What?!" Navy gasped. "That's not true, I took back the ship and-"
"You joined who!?" All the Rubies ganged up on Navy and started beating her to the ground.
"Now you know, The Ruby Squad."
"They really are dumb." Amethyst passed by, eating a bagel.
"Amethyst. She's a racist."
"I raced what now?"
Corrupt Jasper
Corrupt Jasper sat there, chewing on a chair.
"Corrupt Jasper." The announcer spoke. "Who's a good girl? You are! You are!"
Corrupt Jasper dropped the chair and started growling at nothing.
"Wanna treat? Waaaannaaa treat?"
Then a huge bone was dropped from the ceiling and Corrupt Jasper started chewing it with joy.
"Corrupt Jasper. She's a dog ….. why yes I did went there."
"Arf!" Was Jasper's only response.
"Now you know, Corrupt Jasper."
Holly Blue Agate
There's what her face
.
.
Holly Blue Agate sat properly on the chair.
"Holly Jolly Christmas." The announcer said.
"Hm?" Holly looked around. "Who said that?"
"She's let in a bunch of rebellion scum in Pink Diamond's Zoo."
Holly gasped. "Who told you!?"
"Holly Blue Clues. She dropped a picture of Pink Diamond in a toilet."
"I will never drop an image depicting the wonderful Pink Diamond who has been honored by Blue Diamond after Pink Diamond's passing! Wait, what's a toilet?"
"Hold The Gate. She let the Amethysts run a muck in the Zoo and toss humans in space."
"Why I never!" Holly shouted. "It's true that-"
"She admits it!" the announced randomly shouted.
"H-How dare you! I-"
(It's true.)
Holly gasped at hearing her own voice. "You've recorded that! You scoundrel! I'll teach you a lesson you'll never forget!"
"Now you know, Holy Glue Asparagus"
"Get back here! You're insulted my name and consider me a failure."
"I saw the episode. I'm gonna tell Blue Diamond!"
"W-Wait, come back!"
Blue Diamond and Blue Pearl
Know Your you know she's not going to be all happy seeing who Steven's mother is when she comes back to Earth.
Blue Diamond, with her hood down, looked up. "Did you hear something, Pearl?"
"Yes, My Diamond." Blue Pearl bowed. "We are being interviewed by a disembodied human."
"A disembodied human you say?" Blue Diamond said with curiosity. "How interesting. He could make a fine addition to-"
Then a screen lowered and showed Blue Diamond the clips of the Gems rescuing Greg and escaping.
"…. Oh Holy Blue Agate…."
A gulp was heard off screen after Blue Diamond's emotionless call.
"Know You Know that I just doomed the Crystal Gems."
"Why thank you very kindly." Blue Diamond said. "Now where are you so I can transport you to the Zoo?"
Peridot
Peridot played around with her metal powers. "This is amazing! That annoying clod of a voice won't make fun of me now!"
"Toph Beifong."
"Huh?" Peridot looked up. "What did you just called me?"
"Toph Beifong."
Peridot gasped as she jumped up and down in anger. "My name is-"
"A Janitor who name is Toph Beifong."
"Rrrraaaaah!"
"Toph Beifong. Her nose doesn't work."
"I am not Toph Beifong!"
"She's just saying that because she won't admit she smells like a toilet."
"Shut up!"
"Toph Beifong. She controls the element of wind."
"I am not Toph Beifong, and I control metal."
"Toph Beifong. She admitted she's not tough."
"Ha ….. wait a minute. What do you mean by that last one?"
"Toph Beifong. She hates the mud so much that she always goes to those fancy bath houses to get herself all pretty for some good mannered tea time."
"You have the wrong Gem. My name is Peridot, Peridot!"
"Toph Beifong. She's in love with Sokka but can't admit it because it's not canon and he's dead in Legend of Korra and she already hooked up with two guys."
"What are you even talking about? If this is about this Toph thing looking for a suitable companion, I can help with that."
"Toph Beifong, is not this person right here."
"Finally, you've realized your mistake."
"Yes I have. Toph is so much more likable than you will ever be."
"HEY!"
"Now you know, Peridot."
"My name is not Peridot, it's Toph! … Hey!"
"Oh now you're pretending to be Toph Beifong so you can go to all those parties and be praised for stopping the Fire Nation which you didn't do. How dare you, you despicable Gem!"
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
"Well that was worth the over year long wait, now I will HEY! Corrupt Jasper?! Easy there …. I'm not a chew toy AAAAAHHH!"
End of Chapter

Description
body div#devskin0 hr { }

Chapter 3
Lapis Lazuli
Know your Stars
Yada Yada Yada
.
.
Lapis Lazuli is sitting in a chair, looking a bit goth/emo/emotionless/whatever the heck politics want us to say.
"Lapis Lazuli." The announcer said. "…. Is this her usual attitude? Huh, thought it would be more like, now what's the word losers use? Oh yeah, waifu!"
Lapis just shrugged.
"Lapis Lazuli. She lives in a cave."
"I live in a barn." Lapis said.
"Oh really? You must be a pig."
Lapis raised an eyebrow. "A pig? What are you talking about?"
"Lapis Lazuli. She can't understand people talk because she is a dirty barn animal."
Lapis's temper started to grow. "Now listen here!"
"Oh I'm sorry. I wasn't speaking your language. Ahem, oink oink oink!"
Lapis released her water wings. "Why did I even agree to come back here?"
"Because you're a pig and we have mud since you clearly admitted you live in a barn."
Lapis decided it was best to give up.
"Now you know, Lapis Lazuli. The Gem who tastes like ham."
Bismuth
You Know This By Now
.
.
.
Bismuth looked around the dark room with the spotlight shining down. "O.K., what is this?"
"Bismuth."
Bismuth looked up. "Who's there? … Wait, I know what this is all about." Bismuth stood up and turned her hand into a sword. "You're trying to get the dirt from me for Homeworld. I won't talk!"
"Bismuth, she's a liar!"
"Liar? Me, you should go talk to Rose Quartz!"
"And you said earlier that you won't talk!"
Bismuth's eyes widened a bit from the shock, but kept her temper. "Look, I don't have time to play games. I need to get back to work."
"Bismuth. She works at a stuffed animal factory."
"Stuffed animal? I make weapons."
"Bismuth. Obama wants to close her down."
"What? Who!? Obama? What kind of gem is that?"
"Bismuth. She's prejudice against humans."
This shocked Bismuth. "Heck no! Humans are the victims of Homeworld."
"Then why did you just assume Obama was a gem and not a human? You human hater! No wonder Steven locked you up with the Corrupted Gems."
"Hold on, what do you mean Corrupted Gems?"
"Bismuth, she's the reason Lapis was stuck on Earth in the first place."
"Lapis?" Bismuth asked. "Which one? I've punched hundreds of them."
"Bismuth, she hates Lapis Lazuli's too."
"Not this again." Bismuth shouted. "Look, I don't know who or where you are, but I'll pummel you the next time you say anything else against me!"
"Bismuth, look behind you."
Bismuth folded her arms, refusing to co-operate, but then Lapis came behind her and poofed her with a water spear.
"And now we're even."
"Know you know, Bismuth."
Ruby Squad
Know these people
.
.
The Ruby Squad all sat on the same chair, while some fought over who will stand on top.
"Ruby Squad."
The Squad looked around. "Who said that?"
"They're so dumb."
"Hey!" The leader of the squad named Doc shouted as she climbed on the top. "We are Yellow Diamond's best Ruby Force! That is why she had sent us to retrieve Jasper."
"Ruby Squad. They hate Jasper."
"What?!" Eyeball glared at the others. "Who hates Jasper!? Which one of you!?"
"Ruby Squad. They clean the gutters of a Pearl's home."
"Wait, Pearls own homeworld?" The Ruby with her gem on her leg named Leggy said. "But But, do we have the whole pecking order backwards the entire time?"
"Ruby Squad. Army is weak."
"Hey, I'm the toughest out of all of these Gems!" The Ruby with the gem on her arm, Army, said as she crushed a soda bottle with her bare hands. "See."
"Ruby Squad. Doc can't count."
"Ha, watch me." Doc counted her companions. "One, Two, Three, Four. See, four Rubies!"
"Ruby Squad. Navy betrayed homeworld by joining the Crystal Gems.
"What?!" Navy gasped. "That's not true, I took back the ship and-"
"You joined who!?" All the Rubies ganged up on Navy and started beating her to the ground.
"Now you know, The Ruby Squad."
"They really are dumb." Amethyst passed by, eating a bagel.
"Amethyst. She's a racist."
"I raced what now?"
Corrupt Jasper
Corrupt Jasper sat there, chewing on a chair.
"Corrupt Jasper." The announcer spoke. "Who's a good girl? You are! You are!"
Corrupt Jasper dropped the chair and started growling at nothing.
"Wanna treat? Waaaannaaa treat?"
Then a huge bone was dropped from the ceiling and Corrupt Jasper started chewing it with joy.
"Corrupt Jasper. She's a dog ….. why yes I did went there."
"Arf!" Was Jasper's only response.
"Now you know, Corrupt Jasper."
Holly Blue Agate
There's what her face
.
.
Holly Blue Agate sat properly on the chair.
"Holly Jolly Christmas." The announcer said.
"Hm?" Holly looked around. "Who said that?"
"She's let in a bunch of rebellion scum in Pink Diamond's Zoo."
Holly gasped. "Who told you!?"
"Holly Blue Clues. She dropped a picture of Pink Diamond in a toilet."
"I will never drop an image depicting the wonderful Pink Diamond who has been honored by Blue Diamond after Pink Diamond's passing! Wait, what's a toilet?"
"Hold The Gate. She let the Amethysts run a muck in the Zoo and toss humans in space."
"Why I never!" Holly shouted. "It's true that-"
"She admits it!" the announced randomly shouted.
"H-How dare you! I-"
(It's true.)
Holly gasped at hearing her own voice. "You've recorded that! You scoundrel! I'll teach you a lesson you'll never forget!"
"Now you know, Holy Glue Asparagus"
"Get back here! You're insulted my name and consider me a failure."
"I saw the episode. I'm gonna tell Blue Diamond!"
"W-Wait, come back!"
Blue Diamond and Blue Pearl
Know Your you know she's not going to be all happy seeing who Steven's mother is when she comes back to Earth.
Blue Diamond, with her hood down, looked up. "Did you hear something, Pearl?"
"Yes, My Diamond." Blue Pearl bowed. "We are being interviewed by a disembodied human."
"A disembodied human you say?" Blue Diamond said with curiosity. "How interesting. He could make a fine addition to-"
Then a screen lowered and showed Blue Diamond the clips of the Gems rescuing Greg and escaping.
"…. Oh Holy Blue Agate…."
A gulp was heard off screen after Blue Diamond's emotionless call.
"Know You Know that I just doomed the Crystal Gems."
"Why thank you very kindly." Blue Diamond said. "Now where are you so I can transport you to the Zoo?"
Peridot
Peridot played around with her metal powers. "This is amazing! That annoying clod of a voice won't make fun of me now!"
"Toph Beifong."
"Huh?" Peridot looked up. "What did you just called me?"
"Toph Beifong."
Peridot gasped as she jumped up and down in anger. "My name is-"
"A Janitor who name is Toph Beifong."
"Rrrraaaaah!"
"Toph Beifong. Her nose doesn't work."
"I am not Toph Beifong!"
"She's just saying that because she won't admit she smells like a toilet."
"Shut up!"
"Toph Beifong. She controls the element of wind."
"I am not Toph Beifong, and I control metal."
"Toph Beifong. She admitted she's not tough."
"Ha ….. wait a minute. What do you mean by that last one?"
"Toph Beifong. She hates the mud so much that she always goes to those fancy bath houses to get herself all pretty for some good mannered tea time."
"You have the wrong Gem. My name is Peridot, Peridot!"
"Toph Beifong. She's in love with Sokka but can't admit it because it's not canon and he's dead in Legend of Korra and she already hooked up with two guys."
"What are you even talking about? If this is about this Toph thing looking for a suitable companion, I can help with that."
"Toph Beifong, is not this person right here."
"Finally, you've realized your mistake."
"Yes I have. Toph is so much more likable than you will ever be."
"HEY!"
"Now you know, Peridot."
"My name is not Peridot, it's Toph! … Hey!"
"Oh now you're pretending to be Toph Beifong so you can go to all those parties and be praised for stopping the Fire Nation which you didn't do. How dare you, you despicable Gem!"
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
"Well that was worth the over year long wait, now I will HEY! Corrupt Jasper?! Easy there …. I'm not a chew toy AAAAAHHH!"
End of Chapter