HOME | DD
Published: 2008-04-09 04:44:01 +0000 UTC; Views: 213811; Favourites: 870; Downloads: 150
Redirect to original
Description
The “Mary Sue” GuideThis guide is meant to introduce and/or inform you of this threat that is currently attacking storywritting, drawing, Original Character creation (OCs) and fandom/fanfiction in general, not to say Originality itself!
During the course of this guide, you will learn what a Mary Sue is, you’ll identify one when sighted and, most importantly, you will not create one and hopefully you will help others in the subject, so they don’t create Mary Sues too.
I) Mary Sue 101:
-What is a “Mary Sue”?
“Mary Sue” is a title given to characters in fanfiction (and sometimes original, professional work) who are simply perfect: They are beautiful, smart, friendly, always willing to help for nothing in exchange even if they can die, powerful, important in one way or other...you get the point (I will explain on emphasis later). These characters are often created in Roleplaying forums/chatrooms or simply as OCs with a storyline. They usually are related to every canon character of the fanfic they are inserted into, and have major relevancy with every success that happens.
-Why not make a “Mary Sue”?
Although this is totally based on personal opinion, It is not recommendable to create one simply because “Mary Sues” are empty, boring characters with little to no space for development. Think of it: They are just perfect, and people just don’t enjoy reading that, in fact, it gets very boring reading about a perfect character everybody likes with no flaws or enemies whatsoever, I’ll make an example later.
-But why is it wrong if I want to create a good looking (natured) character?
Nothing, in fact, it is excellent that you want to create a nice character and storywrite/comic about it, however, making your character a Mary Sue is totally different: Making your character perfect in every sense of the word is simply stupid: There is no place for development, no place for events, no place for something interesting to happen, and no place for interesting relationships (as every character likes him/her and all the opposing sex cast has a crush on her/him), no place for anything that has not been written so far.
-Does it only apply to female characters?
No, “Mary Sue” is simply a title given to both male and female characters, but it should be noted that most Mary Sues are Females. People often make variations such as “Gary Stu”, but for the sake of understanding this guide, we will refer to both female and male as “Mary Sue”, AND also remember that all the examples will be refering to the Mary Sue to as female unless noted otherwise.
Does the author of the Mary Sue recieve a special title as well?
Yes, they are often called “Suethors” or “9-year olds with no originality”
Now that you got a basic concept of what Mary Sue is, we will advance to the next area:
II) Factors/Features:
Now I will explain a little in depth the factors and features that make a character a Mary Sue, as they are often seen in fanfiction: (For examples, We’ll refer to the Mary Sue as “Diana”)
Beautiful:
The character in question is much more beautiful than any existing canon character. Not only that, but every male in the series in question is also in love with this character, no exceptions. (I personally hate when Suethors do this)
I.E: Diana is put in the Dragon Ball Trilogy universe. Goku, Vegeta, Trunks, Goten, Cell, Piccolo, Krillin, Broly, Frieza, Buu and Shenron are all in love with Diana and her goddess-quality beauty.
Saint:
Mary Sues are often the best person in the universe they are inserted into: they always forgive (given the case that someone actually did something to her), help even if it means a great risk, always give, never ask anything in return, is very understanding and thoughtful, you get the picture.
I.E: A kid in the village is ill, he is suffering from a lethal disease that can only be cured by the mythical herb that resides atop the mountain, guarded by a dragon, it’s familly, a guild of bandits and the U.S. Army. Going there is certain death, but Diana will go nonetheless and, naturally, she befriended all the guardians of the herb, and saved the kid. (and think of it, she probably could have cured the boy with her sweat, after all, that’s what a Mary Sue does)
Problem-solver:
Mary Sues arrive and solve any problem that might be taking place, even if it’s something really private and delicate. This is better explained in the example:
I.E: Two clans have fought with each other for 3500 years in bloody wars. Diana HAPPENS to arrive to that precise place and, after getting to know the royalty of both clans, befriending and getting their eternal trust in less than 15 mins, she starts an exaggerated, clichéd emotional speech that touches everyone’s hearts and solves the 3500-year problem in less than 1 day, then Diana leaves, waving her hand good-bye to the now pacific clans. Also, the whole royal familly fell in love with Diana.
Smart/Talent:
Mary Sues often have an IQ of 350, whooping everyone on everything. On High-school stories and fanfics, the Mary Sue will get the best grades on everything, will be better than everyone and won’t break a sweat while doing so
I.E: Diana is in High-School, her schedule for tomorrow is:
7 Exams, a Triathlon, rehersals on the play and is the drummer/guitarrist/Bassist on a concert. How did Diana do? 7 A+++, She ended on first place 6 minutes ahead of the 2nd place, knows the entire script backwards and gave an encore to the audience.
Potential:
Pretty self-explanatory, Mary Sues always learn a new thing with relative ease, and then master it completely in an hour, owning people that have dedicated their entire lives to the activity.
I.E: Diana has to go against Richard, 4-times national champion on ping-pong, while Diana has never played before. Diana has 7 days to train for the event with a master betrayed and defeated by Richard, in which everyone is impressed of her god-like potential to play the game and accept that she is better than them, when the day arrives, she wins 72 – 0 with relative ease.
Loved by everyone:
In any series the Mary Sue is put, every female character wants to be her friend and every male character is in love with her, this is usually linked with “Beautiful”, “Saint” and “Problem-Solver” as a combination of the three, but is still very lame, as even villians love the Mary Sue sometimes.
I.E: Does it really need one? Okay: She is put in Kingdom Hearts universe, Sora, Donald and Goofy simply fall in love with her, she befriends the Heartless and the Nobodies, Organization XIII have an internal struggle because they all fell in love with Diana, every planet she visits eagerlly awaits for her return...I think I explained myself (Mary Sues break the series apart...)
Unnatural Powers:
This one actually depends on the series in question; Sure, is perfectly fine if your character has superpowers in fanfics like DBZ, but...BLEH I’ll just give you the example.
I.E. Diana is put in Lucky Star universe, and past the part where she becomes everyone’s best friend, she goes off flying, transforms going through a rather unconforting scene, battles the cities’ bullies all by herself, and defeats them with freakin’ magic spells and finally summons fantastic animals and gifts them to each of the girls. (Can you break this awesome serie anymore? A Mary Sue can!)
Connection to a canon character:
This is one of the most common atributes of a Mary Sue: when the author is too lazy to explain where it’s character came from, they just come up with “She’s [Insert canon character] [insert relationship]”
Multi-I.E:
Uzumaki Diana is Naruto’s long lost sister, separated at birth.
Diana is Goku’s twin sister that got accidentally sent to [Generic planet] at birth.
Diana is Sonic the Hedg.... You get the point.
Insanelly Powerful:
Heh...I.E: Diana, fighting at her 50%, is an equal match for SSJ4 Gogeta...Do I need to say more?
Although there are even more factors, I will consider this ones as the most important components of a Mary Sue (Note that they all work toghether at the same time...making it more irritating)
III) Emphasis on the why/why not on “Factors/Features”:
This can be considered by as an “Attack” on the Mary Sue components listed above, I’m better just getting directly to the point, so here I go:
Beautiful:
It’s totally acceptable that you want to make your character beautiful, no one has a problem with that, sure, but there is people that just go too far by making stuff like “Diana is way sexier than any of the pre-existing characters in the whole series”... You can moderate yourself and make her as beautiful, or a bit more beautiful than the most beautiful character, but never go as far as saying that no other character can compare to half you character’s beauty.
Saint:
No one is so damn sainty as to do anything they get asked for, getting nothing in return and never seeming to have a flaw...FLAWS ARE NECESSARY IN CHARACTERS...THEY MAKE THEM INTERESTING!!! People don’t seem to understand that flaws are natural, and that naturallity is necessary for an interesting characters to be developed! Why would you want to read about a character that simply has no development at all? To see it solve everything with ease and no interesting stuff happening? Meh!.
Problem-Solver:
It’s perfectly fine if your character is understanding and thoughtful, but never exaggerate to freakin’ proportions such as the set example...this is usually seen in fanfic AS WELL as original works, which is pretty pathetic. And if you are going to do it, at least explain every detail and come up with something good, instead of saying that “Diana can see things from a “Big Picture” Point of view, so is easy for her to solve things”, don’t give up that stupid excuse for a character and a plot, and use your head to think something original.
Smart/Talent:
Nobody can be beter than everyone at everything, nobody can be good at everything at such a high degree. It’s natural that your character falls in some areas, maybe he is good at maths, but sucks at chemistry, or she is good at History but sucks at P.E.... COME UP WITH SOMETHING!!! It isn’t that hard.
Potential:
Please, this one is obvious, no one can master so many things in such a short period of time...It even sounds like a frustrated attempt at making something from the author. Learning something in a short period of time is already something, and is quite acceptable, but freakin’ mastering it? As in, being able to compete with professionals? Your originality sucks if you can’t come up with something better than this... at least say that your character has a huge stockpile of steroids or something.
Loved by Everyone:
Stupid, simply stupid... “everyone” means EVERYONE! Enemies, those generic emotionless characters...NO! SIMPLY NO! It’s humanly impossible!
Unnatural Powers:
Again, this depends on the series in question.
This one has many faces, one being Roleplaying: Lets say you are RPing in a nice forum, the RP consists on normal people on their lives, something really simple like that. Ok so you are enjoying yourself and suddenlly you see this new user that posted in your page, answering with crap such as “Elizabeth arrives from the skies, gently descending with her angellic wings and her dragon pet. Once she is on the floor, she waves her wings and shakes her tail, waving and saying “Hello!” while some flowers appear at her feet” and other nonsense that really screws the flow of the RP...I get an urge to slap these out-of-bounds people.
Connection to Canon Character:
This one relies entirelly on the author’s level to explain or create a scenario: I’ve seen incredibly nice fanfics describing every detail on how they are involved with a character in the series, but sadly, this is a minority, as most of the people that go with this format just say “[Sue] is [main character]’s long lost sibling” not even explaining what the hell happened...EVEN A 9 YEAR OLD CAN DO THAT!!! Before making a character, make sure you know what you are doing.
Insanelly Powerful:
Stupid, Unoriginal, Boring, Cheap, Fail. I don’t need to explain this, the title says it all, Insanelly powerful = insanelly unoriginal; You can’t develop your character in any way as she is beautiful, smart, talented, the best person in the world, so the best thing you think is making her unmesureably powerful? Something is wrong with you, my friend.
SUMMARY
For those who still don’t get it, Mary Sues are Beautiful, Smart, Understanding, Athletic, Talented and Powerful...or like some others like to sum it all toghether: Perfect.
Making a Perfect character is really stupid, you have nothing to develop, nothing to worry about, nothing to entertain the masses with, nothing to refine and polish until you get a nice outcome and enjoy it as you inspire people to create their own great characters, you have Nothing but a character that can do anything better than anyone... in other words, your character SUCKS.
Mary Sues are an offense to us creators and authors that actually put effort in creating a character that can get attention out of artistic skill.
That’s why Mary Sues are often shot in sight when caught by an author.
And if you still need a final example, covering everything like the difference between a nice OC and an ugly, enemy Mary Sue, I accept the challenge:
IV) Final Comparation/Example
Now, to finalize this, I’ll compare my OC to a Mary Sue in a very brief, basic, and simple way
Name: Nishiki Yurishizu (Not real name)
Nickname: The Red Rattlesnake
Age: 27
Hair: Red
Eyes: Purple
Species: Human (connection to Reptile Cycle)
Personallity: Yurishizu is an unpredictable individual belonging to the Reptile Cycle, Yurishizu is very cunning, sarcastic and mean, having few friends. He supports teamwork in activities if needed, but nonetheless, he will happily backstab someone (like he has done in the past) if he can reach a higher goal with less dificulty by doing so. Yurishizu loves listening to music a lot, but he dislikes and even hates most styles of art in general, such as drawings and stories. Yurishizu’s code of honor is rather unique: He will never betray his few friends or people he shares mutual respect with, but will readily backstab others that don’t fall into the mentioned status if he sees a gain in doing so. Yurishizu is also very protective of his ideology, and attacks other ideologies that confront his own. His fighting style include using weapons such as pipes and utilizing dirty moves. Regardless of this, if the opposition asks Yurishizu to fight fairly, Yurishizu will often do, complete with bowing, respect for opponent and sportsmanship, but even if he displays this kind of respect, this doesn’t mean he won’t use brutal or lethal moves.
He is a total fan of spicy food and sour food, and loves being lazy on Sundays (considering he can at the given time) and enjoys activities such as basketball, spending time with his pet Iguana or with some members of his family and doing rather mad things for his own pleasure. Yurishizu acts like a madman or a lunatic person sometimes when a “Mindsnap” occurs, showing a more brutal but less selfworrying version of himself, and often attacking nearby people he deems hostile (pretty much everyone) and generally shouting off his true intentions or plans. Has a rivalry with Majima Zabieru.
Special Abilities: Being part of the Reptile Cycle, Yurishizu can choose to exhibit reptilic physical features such as scales, a tail, reptile eyes, fangs, etc... He can also secrete neurotoxic poisons of varying levels, the stronger the poison, the harded it is to create it, creating poison tires Yurishizu quickly, although he has learned to create specific poisons for each body part, allowing him to disable opponents easilly, this tires him greatly too.
Weakness: Using Unexpected moves on him; Although he loves mixing his moves and doing improvised, unexpected moves to be sure to hit, Yurishizu’s not used to fight this kind of opponent (Ironic, he is weak against his own style), Yurishizu is also sucky against opponents that attack in quick succesion; He is not that much of an experienced fighter and needs some time to think his next move.
Okay...there’s one of the characters I use for a story I currently write: He has flaws, he has possitive things, he some weaknesses, he’s got that “past experience” thing (A rival, fake name) and has room for development (Or so I have been told). I didn’t go all detail mode because I said it was going to be as simple as possible, now I will proceed with the Mary Sue:
Name: Faery Diana Goldshine
Age: 16, but she is so mature she looks older and has better curves.
Hair: All colors known by humans and some undiscovered (Ultra Rainbow)
Eyes: Her eye color changes to match her mood.
Species: ½ Saiyajin ½ Tsufurujin ½ God ½ Catgirl ½ Angel ½ Desk ½ Mudkip ½ Dragon ½ Demon ½ Alien ½ Pure Essence 1/100000 Human (Mary Sues are Inmune to Maths if you didn’t notice)
“Personallity”: Faery is good at everything, everyone loves her Supermodel champion body and Saint personallity. She can learn new things in 30 seconds and master them to World-Champion level in 1 hour of procrastination. She is the best person in the world, and will always help even if it means scrweing up other’s dreams...as long as she can help that little kid, it’s all justified, right??? She is also very smart! Seriouslly! She had an IQ of 678 when she was born, and instead of being recieved by a doctor to this world, she got out of her mom by herself! When her true love (Mary Sue crap) is in danger, she can’t control herself until he is safe to confort her and stop destroying everything in her path.
Special Abilities: Faery can turn into Legendary Super Saiyajin 9, she has 4 oversized wings on her back; 2 angel and 2 demon, Faery can destroy galaxies and recreate Big Bangs if she sneezes, has extreme psychic powers, she can turn into any animal discovered and undiscovered by human and alien alike, she has all 800000000 Pokemons (all at level 100, naturally), Faery’s hair also provides WI-FI! Her sweat cures Cancer and her saliva heals AIDS... She can do any Jutsu, Spell, Tech, Overdrive, Hack and Guitar Solo known in existance...and she can also play goddess with our lives at will.
Weakness: Excuse me?
That is a Mary Sue, are you sure you want a character that poorly made? I’m sure you don’t.
WATCH OUT: The "Low-Profile!Sue"
As you might have thought, I'm explaining the majority of the cases in extremes...Because in reality THEY ARE that extreme... but there are some case in which the Suethor isn't that (enphasis on "that") dumb and actually make them more sneaky... They aren't that smart, but still smarter than everyone, and can do anything. They don't have that mad potential, but still can learn things to World-Champion level in a day... See? That kind of things. These are harder to detect (albeit slightly) as they require you to read more than the character description (and that is already painful). If you need an example...well, I already said them. Just look at the above sections, and water them down...Voila!
Of course, there's always the "smarter" Suethor (stretching the definition of "smart" a lot) that will have their Mary Sue not explicitly be better than everyone and their homeboys at everything, but still be undefeated at any particular event and dismiss it as "She's a quick learner" or "She got lucky". This obviously still paves the way to a perfect, undefeatable character that will make us good authors want to blow our brains out A.S.A.P..
V) Final Thoughts/Conclussion
All in all, we can say Mary Sue = EPIC FAIL and all it’s synonyms, it’s an excuse for character, and hopefully you understand and know what a Mary Sue is now, or know a little more about them, whatever, just make sure to pass on these Honorable Teachings to generations to come, so they don’t create Mary Sues. Now for some final tips before closing:
-PREVENT USING SELF-INSERT! Using Self-Inserts in fanfic/Original works might mean EPIC FAIL; There are few people that can actually insert themselves and not be Mary Sues/Story ruiners (Akira Toriyama!), and if you are decided to use a Self-insert, don’t make it based COMPLETELLY off you: Just have it have some of your qualities or simply create character based off you, but don’t use it on stories. Now, I was a little extreme over there, you CAN use a Self-Insert, but handle with care , only do so if you know what you are doing.
-Giving your character flaws is good, but there is some people that just try TOO hard and overdo it, creating the Anti-Sue, which is just as annoying as the Mary Sue...Balance is the answer.
-Again, Watch out for the Low-Profile!Sue. These are "low profile" Sues that usually have the above mentioned qualities, albeit in a most sneaky way... Like, for example, they won't be destroying the whole galaxy with their attacks, only 1/4, if you know what I mean.
If you read it all, thank you a lot and I hope it helped you.
Related content
Comments: 875
jelly-berry In reply to ??? [2012-01-10 19:35:12 +0000 UTC]
i think now...
my OC, Jelly (Sequoia) is...
so horribly mean, deadly, hates everyone, is over nervous, has to deal with a spirit, and...
is a killer.
mean and horrible.
just like me.
LOL! XDDD
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
ohholycow In reply to ??? [2012-01-05 06:17:31 +0000 UTC]
This is so true! I have read so many Fullmetal Alchemist MarySue stories where theyare so PERFECT! and have unmatchable alchemical abilities. It's SO annoying! This was really fun to read!
~OhHolyCow
P.S. Hopefully, the name "Amelia Monroe" isn't too flamboyant, because that's one of my OCs!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
ThePancakeCat In reply to ??? [2012-01-02 22:49:47 +0000 UTC]
I had a mary sue once but then I turned 10 XD
and now some years later I find out that it was ok to have one like that then lol
But srsly tnx I could not begin to write anything not knowing if my OC is or isnt a mary sue otherwise i would understand only when trolls begin to eat me alive XD
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
GhostsNStuffx In reply to ??? [2011-12-31 03:52:09 +0000 UTC]
Oh thank god, my character only has one of those but I still explain how they have the relationship. I am SO FUCKIN RELIEVED.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
PrincessOfMeat In reply to ??? [2011-12-22 22:49:52 +0000 UTC]
hey, i was wondering if u would review my OC for me? im not gonna write loads if your not gonna read it........if u will just reply or something...................ide love it if you could..............
thank you
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
GreySidewinder In reply to PrincessOfMeat [2011-12-22 23:32:41 +0000 UTC]
Sure, just remember to properly separate it in paragraphs and point out important details. Don't make it too expansive though.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Manah-Angel-Eyes In reply to ??? [2011-12-19 00:02:14 +0000 UTC]
Very interesting! I'm currently developing my characters and need stuff like this XD
I am currently developing a few characters who happen to have to have a strong power....
Well all my characters either have an ability or power with added weaknesses, so no one is god-like, but these particular individuals give me problems
I was hoping if you could tell me if I balanced them enough with certain weaknesses, or that they need to be powered down more, I'll explain now...
Two characters are twins with psychic powers
Strengths:
- They can move objects with their minds, one at a time (more is possible, but causes strain, see weaknesses)
- Can read people's thoughts
- Can crush foes when focusing long and hard enough
Weaknesses:
- They rely completely on this power, even for speaking and moving their bodies, making them physically weak
- The twins can disable each other's powers for a short while, since they rely on the power they cannot move a muscle without it
- They aren't very emotionally stable: the good twin brother constantly daydreams and appears aloof, the bad twin is confused, frustrated and desperate to stop the endless stream of voices
- Following the previous point, they can't handle the power well, the good brother puts too much force whenever he moves objects, the bad brother doesn't know how to "shut off" the mindreading
- They cannot multitask, aka both mind reading and moving objects
Performing drastic actions like crushing foes and attempts at multitasking cause strain and can eventually lead to brain damage, the warning signs are headaches, ear- and nosebleeds, so it's a last option kind of thing
Do you think it's well balanced?
There's a 3rd character I have a problem with, but I don't want to make this comment too long so I'll leave it at these two XD
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Cascadeur911 In reply to ??? [2011-12-16 01:52:11 +0000 UTC]
OMIGOD, I THINK I LOVE YOU. 83 You put into words (text?) what I have been trying to come to terms with for YEARS.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
cas20 In reply to ??? [2011-12-15 08:45:26 +0000 UTC]
Awesome guide, Mary Sue's are lame. But what about Jack-Of-All-Trades?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
GreySidewinder In reply to cas20 [2011-12-15 23:36:48 +0000 UTC]
Jack-Of-All-Trades are okay because that's what they are: Jacks. Master of none.
Of course, it is easy for a supposed Jack to be/become a Mary Sue if they are particularly skilled at doing, well, everything.
It all comes down to the writing ability of each author and how much they can keep their urges in check.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
cas20 In reply to GreySidewinder [2011-12-16 00:05:48 +0000 UTC]
Okay, what if Amy and Sonic got married and my chara was their daughter?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
GreySidewinder In reply to cas20 [2011-12-16 00:27:50 +0000 UTC]
That, in itself and only by itself, wouldn't make said OC instantly an OC. It would make me, and any attentive reader, be on guard, however, and expect more than a few other Sue factors. Bottomline, I don't instantly think that makes it a Sue, but it won't surprise me if said OC turned out to be a Sue.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
twg91 In reply to ??? [2011-12-12 01:00:37 +0000 UTC]
Here's a character from an original story I'm working on.
Name: Ian Itheria Age: 16 Sex: Male Height: 5' 7" Weight: 147 lbs. Hair: Charcoal Black Eyes: Green Build: Lean
Bio: The son of a renowned sword master, Ian has had extenisive sword training, but no real battle experience. He hopes to make a name for himself by joining the Royal Army and fighting against the rising threat of the worshippers of the dark god Caedes.
Personality: Being the son of a great swordsman, Ian's rather cocky and overconfident about his abilities with a blade. When he first joined the army, Ian would often berate his fellow new recruits about their skills, earning him more than a few enemies. He readily taunts his opponents in training bouts, however he'll, grudgingly, show respect for those beat him or put up a good fight.
Strengths: Having been trained by his father for as long as he can remember, Ian is very profecient with a hand and a half or 'Bastard' Sword.
Weaknesses: As mentioned before Ian has no real battle experience and has no idea what a real life or death battle is like. Also his overconfidence often clouds his better judgement.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
RyuzakiChild In reply to ??? [2011-12-09 09:19:47 +0000 UTC]
Hm, I have this tf2 oc, Dominic Sergei Aleksandrov. He's basically a russian sniper, and in his late 30's/ early 40's. He's fairly attractive, and a few men and women like him. But, he has a snarky, rough, and somewhat uncaring personality. He's not a total dick, but he's a smartmouth. The only thing really remarkable about him are his eyes- They're pale, icy-blue (not peircing, but pretty) and look a little strange compared to his hair (dark brown, almost black, curly.) He's not interested in women, but they are usually the most attracted to him.
He's good at what he does, but isn't 'absolutely perfect' as his eyesight is deteriorating, so sometimes he can't see straight enough to hit his target or focus. Gary-stu, or alright?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
SailorStarMiracle In reply to ??? [2011-12-03 06:19:04 +0000 UTC]
Okay, my Naruto OC Tamako is a little Mary-Sueish. She's Kakashi's daughter, in her fanfiction it will be explained about maybe half way into it, but I don't say it in her profile because I want people to try and figure it out then see if they were at least somewhat right. I'm an evil girl, mind you. She's also an A-Rank Jounin at 11, but that being said she's Kakashi's kid and Jiraiya's god-daughter.....I'm working on renovating her since I made her nearly 2 years ago, and I feel that I can do better. (Like, one thing that's total Mary-Sue, her current design is that her eyes are permanently Mangekyo Sharingan and look exactly like Kakashi's Mangekyo does. But, in her new design, she'll have blue Sharingan, which is more original, since the only Sharingan for OC's I've seen are the traditional red.) She can also be cold and a bit bratty, but I like to make my characters like that. Bratty, cold, rebelish, trouble-maker, things like that, but actually good people who just don't want to get hurt or don't want be seen as weak, and also to hide the fact that they're in pain. Especially Tamako. She gets extra cold when she's physically in pain. She's also sort of like that on the outside to make people think that she doesn't care about the fact that she doesn't know her other parent, just Kakashi, and will hide that fact that she's his daughter to either save them, or so people won't give her extra special treatment because of him. She only likes to be pampered by the guys she dates, but only to a certain degree. She draws the line at being treated like a princess. A ton of gifts, always being waited on, never having to pay for anything for a date, etc. A gift every now and then, doing things for him, and getting to pay for at least a few dates is fine with her. Would that be counted as a Mary-Sue, or no? (Don't count her having Kakashi's Mangekyo since that's first on my list of things to change)
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
GreySidewinder In reply to SailorStarMiracle [2011-12-03 21:37:11 +0000 UTC]
First of all, try not to write everything into a wall of text, or you'll put off a lot of people from even starting to read what you write. Not trying to riff on you with that, just a practical tip : )
Now, onto your OC: Definitely Mary Sue. But don't worry, it's a good start because you admit it, so from here on, we can improve. Let's see how, shall we?
Now, on the personality side, Tamako is fine. The whole "Jerk with a heart of gold" thing. That's not Sue-ish, so we won't tamper her personality. If anything, just add more to the jerk side of it to level it with her good intentions, but that's just optional. Moving on...
The rest of the things have to change. My first tip is DO NOT GO for the blue Sharingan. That will make her VERY Mary Sue-ish on account of having her own unique super special sharingan. It's like I said that my OC is a Saiyan, but instead of turning blonde with the transformation, he goes, idk, redheaded. HOWEVER, if you're intent on giving her some sort of blue Sharingan, have it be her unique upgrade to it.
What do I mean: You know how Sasuke has his own "path" to his Sharingan upgrades? (been years since I last saw Naruto, so I may be a little rusty on it) And how Kakashi has his own, different form of Mangekyo Sharingan from Sasuke's? Well, it would be okay if her "own" path of Sharingans lead to a blue one. No problem then. Just don't make her initial Sharingan unique at the get go.
Now, the whole Kakashi's daughter thing, you're treading a mighty dangerous path there. Sure, you can explain it, but will the explanation suffice or justify it? Ask yourself "do I have what it takes to make this different from ALL the other fanfics that have a character be a daughter of one of the main cast?" If you wanna go for it, go, but just keep in mind that it might backfire spectacularly.
Now, onto the most dangerous part: A-Rank Jounin at 11. That's just too much. As a third-party, I would strongly suggest you change that. I know the feeling, the whole "I want my character to be strong" and that's good and all, but you've gotta build on it and not just establish it, since A-Rank Jounin at 11 is basically screaming "SHE'S A GENIUS" nonchalantly. And her having permament Mangekyo Sharingan in crazier, but you said you'd change it, so I won't go into that.
Remember, this is constructive criticism, not a riff on you. Might not sound nice, but it was made with the intent of helping you out, not riffing on you. Those are the changes I think you should make to her. Good luck!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
SailorStarMiracle In reply to GreySidewinder [2011-12-03 22:41:47 +0000 UTC]
The thing is I WANT her like how she is. I really want her Sharingan to be blue, and I'm working on a explanation for that. The explanation for the Sharingan itself is that I think after a few years, the Sharingan Kakashi had would've become part of his DNA, so there's a chance any children he has would have Sharingan. It's possible. As for the Jounin, like I said, I was 12 when I made her and had just gotten into Naruto. I can lower her rank, but I still want her a Jounin level. I can change it so, when she appears, she has just gotten her Jounin rank.In her Shippuden form, she's an ANBU member, but not a captain until she's 18 or so. I'm still deciding on whether to make her one when she's older or not. If Itachi was an ANBU captain, he would've had to be a Jounin first, right? So he was a Jounin at a young age. And, honestly, none of my friends have called her a Mary-Sue. They've seen her and heard about her and loved her. I know my friend's OC Neko is a Mary-Sue, though. She's Orochimaru's daughter, Gaara's oldest sister, an Uchiha, the Jinchurikii for Nibi, a human puppet, an Akatsuki member, Kakashi's niece, and Sasori's human puppet at that. THAT is 100% Mary-Sue. Thank you, though, for the, ahem, advice. Truth be told. it made me feel stupid about making her and want to cry, but that's just how I am, and I get overly emotional a lot. Especially when I'm sick or PMSing. I'll try and make her better, but in your eyes and some other's, she'll still be Mary-Sueish after I change her most likely. There's not much I feel I can change about her without completely ruining her and having a worthless OC that shouldn't even exist.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
GreySidewinder In reply to SailorStarMiracle [2011-12-03 23:05:56 +0000 UTC]
If that is the way you WANT her to be, why even bother asking for my opinion? I'm sorry, but if you just wanted to hear a bland "go for it! She's ok!" from me, well, I don't do that. The guide and my replies are for constructive criticism, not to brush people's egos. I even gave you a feasible option for the blue Sharingan thing, "option" meaning you're free to take it or ignore it. Also, you wrote a wall of text again.
And if constructive criticism makes you "feel stupid" and makes you want to cry, then you're going to end up killing yourself the day someone makes a single negative comment on your fanfic. I didn't riff on you, I didn't call you stupid and I tried to keep a friendly atmosphere, but if you can't even tolerate that, well, good luck writing anything.
If "there's not much I feel I can change about her without completely ruining her", why even bother asking the guy with the guide about prevention and change for his opinion?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
SailorStarMiracle In reply to SailorStarMiracle [2011-12-03 06:22:37 +0000 UTC]
And, I am saying now, she does have flaws, such as using her Sharingan will make her blind for up to 6 hours, depending on how much she uses it in a battle, Using it long enough to copy a jutsu doesn't do that though, just makes her a bit dizzy. And sometimes, she doesn't know when to shut her mouth.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
1000yearseternalmaze In reply to ??? [2011-11-23 12:37:12 +0000 UTC]
I want to ask you-I have a character, who is actually devoting his life helping others and that is what he mostly does.Is he by all means Gary-sue?He is handsome and attractive and has been a general in the army.And, yes, he really wants to help others, but not that he is shoving down his helps.Do I have to fix him or he is just fine?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
GreySidewinder In reply to 1000yearseternalmaze [2011-11-23 14:52:09 +0000 UTC]
That sounds like the path to a Gary Stu, sadly. If I were you, I'd fix him. Give him some flaws, and by flaws I don't mean "a dark and troubled past". I mean actual personality flaws. Put him in situations where he is clearly in the wrong, and have him learn from them. Stuff like that.
Make him look human. It's cool that he wants to help everybody, but that doesn't make him right all of the time, right? I'm glad you asked, thanks for reading!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
1000yearseternalmaze In reply to GreySidewinder [2011-11-23 16:19:02 +0000 UTC]
O, I am so sorry!I forgot to mention some things about him. Actually, the reason to help people that badly is he has commited a terrible crime, although not intentonally. He is a vampire and as a new born, he killed very important people to him. Since then, he wanted to do something useful. And its not that he is constantly whining how he doesnt want to be a monster. He is drinking a human blood actually.He realises at some point he cant help being a vampire, but he makes his pain and quilt easier by helping other to cure theirs.Also he fails to help someone else very important to him.He actually takes money, because even if as a vampire he doesnt needs human food, he still needs clothes and a house and other things.I know he seems perfect maybe, but he isnt. The crime he has committed hunts him down constantly.I suppose, since I dont describe him as the best than everyone in the story, everything is fine.
I hope with that added he is at least a little far away from the Sueness.But in my mind he is just fine the way he is.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Mystique5672 In reply to ??? [2011-11-10 03:18:18 +0000 UTC]
Frankly, in response to the whole "Elizabeth floats from the sky" thing I'd just ask what drugs Elizabeth was on and if I could have some. XD Might knock a bit of sense into them.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
GreySidewinder In reply to Mystique5672 [2011-11-10 13:43:12 +0000 UTC]
Pffaahahahaha. "Yeah, that's pretty cool, Elizabeth, but you GOTTA give me your dealer's phone. That's some pretty strong shit you got there."
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Carge In reply to ??? [2011-10-24 19:52:33 +0000 UTC]
I only use the term mary sue when referring to a fan character.
If the character exibits the same sue traits but in an original universe I call it a bad character.
I agree on all your points however. Good article!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
TheDevilsBlush In reply to ??? [2011-10-24 19:32:22 +0000 UTC]
I seriously laughed at the whole "1/2 Desk" thing LOL!
I've been reading that OCs that have had a hard past(like as a child) or has been captured in some way and needs help from someone who loves them is also a Mary Sue...Yet this one states that if the charcter is ms/mr.Perfect than they are a MarySue because they have no flaws.
The meaning of Mary Sue has been dragged around too many ways. Than if this is the case with people who think flaws and perfection is Mary-Sueish than the whole damn world is a bundle of Mary Sue.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
coolcat9728 In reply to ??? [2011-10-22 02:26:44 +0000 UTC]
Is it bad that along time ago before this was out I wrote a FF for Dragonball Z... and the oc's nam was Diana
XD lol I've improved quite a bit since then.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
iceprincess94 In reply to ??? [2011-10-21 00:33:04 +0000 UTC]
It great, I am confused on mary sue. I did that as a kid but now I've gotten better.
Is it different why the problem is plausable. For instance my idea came form South Park's Possesion where Kyle and Ken are angel of death. I kinda mophaed that into this.
Name Baincca Visser
Age: 14 when sent from satan for soul catcher) from the Holcost period. A german Jew
Powers: Speed better than an athlete, a bit of stregthn, most are releved over time. Is an artist form expiance not immendant, writer though emotions. Taken into Hell to have changes done.
Yeah chasing the dead does fuck you up.
Look: Simple BLond hair curly, Blue eyes. Very small in wais and hieght 4'9 might grow a bit more. fit from the early morning excrise aka running 5 miles a day.
Specise-: Half human half demon.
Job: SOul catcher, you go around to defunk the system Satan has. It does pay comission.
Flaw: Angst of WW2 lover, German general, hot headed and blunt. Drink blood from old bood bags and does occsional feed on a unsupecting person. She does pay for it. SHe curses alot but then who doesn't In South Park
Relationship: another OC Character NAdeya Frerich, gentic expriment for the perfect human weapon or army. Eascaped and lives with a weathly doctor who lost his wife in the eascape.
Clyde donven, she is dumped form it.
Future Eric Cartman. YEah WW2 plays into that.
PErsonality: On the surface, has it all. Underneather comes home alone to her apartment, a ritzy one but it cold. Shew hot temper and does fly off the handle. Cold on the outside and take a while to crack open.
THat it so far but it nothing much so any comment.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
BloodWolfGirl99 In reply to ??? [2011-10-20 01:40:40 +0000 UTC]
I finally understand!!! thank you!! *sigh of relief* and im happy to say that none of my characters are Mary Sues or Gary Stus
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
MidnightTC In reply to ??? [2011-10-19 21:53:06 +0000 UTC]
Maybe this'll help people make better characters. I always give my characters a major weakness of some sort. Like Midnight may be strong, but is easy to hate and cant stand darkness or light. And Zone may be smart, but extremely socially awkward and wouldnt last out in the streets.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Soma245 In reply to ??? [2011-10-18 07:32:51 +0000 UTC]
Connection to a canon character is what pisses me off the most a lot in rps nowadays since I'm not running into the all powerful type anymore. I'm done with bleach rps because of the no regard for skill, just god mod the power. So now I'm thinking of starting a naruto rpc. I've been looking at forums and sites and I see these ppl rpc's having "related to ___, son of ___ sister of ___" and it's just WTF with these guys. Then it's the Uchiha ones that's next. No explaining-wait, no VALID or BELIEVABLE explanation why they're a surviving Uchiha. Which is what I thought about making my oc because I wanted to show them how, by rare chance, a uchiha from the clan could have made it and it's such a good way to make it legit and believable. But, it worries me if "they" will start using it with every uchiha oc they make.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Samantha-Deathwish In reply to ??? [2011-10-15 09:03:06 +0000 UTC]
This is why we love flaws... we can totally relate to the character
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
RealityMisfit In reply to ??? [2011-10-02 05:06:55 +0000 UTC]
I think I might have a problem, I made a character related to Lightning and Setah(Final Fantasy)
And falls in love with a character, but hear me out before you stop reading this.
One noticeable flaw is that she bullies people, Hope especially, has a bad temper and is not very helpful. But then she falls in love with Hope Estheim and well...... I guess I should get rid of her.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
talkativeVantas In reply to ??? [2011-09-27 03:42:48 +0000 UTC]
looks at my oc
looks at this
looks at my oc again
DAMMIT!! nice job!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
AlaskaTheWolf In reply to ??? [2011-09-25 17:46:48 +0000 UTC]
Can you review my characters claudia,jichi and lullaby?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
awsomeo7 In reply to ??? [2011-09-25 16:15:55 +0000 UTC]
Idk if I have one cuz I never done anything with my oc's just draw them T.T and a lil bit rping but that's it
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
MadameMorrison In reply to ??? [2011-09-24 20:05:06 +0000 UTC]
Elena Gilbert from TVD is suuuch a mary-sue...
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
MoonlightXdensetsu In reply to ??? [2011-09-10 22:46:57 +0000 UTC]
Hello, my oc's name is a "trap" name, making you think it will be a mary sue, but turns out not to be. is this okay? O.o Plus the character only has main lead in one book. the rest is dedicated to others.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
H8nLof In reply to ??? [2011-09-10 22:42:59 +0000 UTC]
I am happy to say- I don't have a Mary Sue OC
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
dadona777 In reply to ??? [2011-09-07 07:26:26 +0000 UTC]
-is guilty of self-insert-
however, I really like using myself. is there a way to do so without creating a sue??
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
pika247 In reply to dadona777 [2011-10-11 04:53:56 +0000 UTC]
I would think so. Just use your own flaws. For example, my Yu-Gi-Oh! self insert has nearly all of my flaws: hot-headed, impulsive, overconfident, easily distracted, etc. And all of my fears are there too. Just give your incarnation flaws you find in yourself.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
dadona777 In reply to pika247 [2011-10-11 05:29:21 +0000 UTC]
I've intended to do that ^^ thanks
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
ciela101 In reply to ??? [2011-09-06 21:37:12 +0000 UTC]
please pleae PLEASE review this guy and please tell me if she's a sue or not!! PLEASE I DONT WANT A MONSTER TO DEAL WITH!! [link] sorry for sounding like im desperate. BUT I DONT WANT TAMERA TO BE SUE T.T
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
WeaWapachan In reply to ciela101 [2011-09-29 23:30:52 +0000 UTC]
I am sorry, but she sounds very sue-ish to me.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
ciela101 In reply to WeaWapachan [2011-09-30 02:56:27 +0000 UTC]
aww, thats such a shame. can i un-sue her at least?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
<= Prev | | Next =>