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A/N: This story was inspired by this: www.wattpad.com/155263758-levi…

You were eating lunch with your fellow cadets, when all of the sudden, you hear the angry yelling of the one and only Captain Levi from across the Mess Hall.

"I swear to god, Shitty-glasses! If you don't leave me the hell alone, I will beat the shit out of you until you're not even recognizable anymore!"

There was awkward silence for a few seconds until Hanji got up from the table, and walked over to your table and sat down.

"Jeez...Humanity's Strongest Soldier? More like Humanity's Biggest Asshole," Hanji grumbled.

"Okay, all I heard was 'Humanity's Biggest Asshole,'" Connie said, leaning over the table to look at Hanji, who was sitting a few seats down from him. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"She didn't mean a literal asshole, Connie," Mikasa explained. "She just called him one, because he is one."

"Oh," Connie said awkwardly.

"I think I know who has humanity's biggest asshole," Eren said cheekily, looking at Jean.

"Why the hell are you looking at me?" Jean asked.

"Two words: Marco Bott," Eren said.

"W-What?! I'm not gay!" Jean said.

"Riiiiiight," the whole table said.

"I don't believe you!" Sasha added, with a mouth full of potato. (A/N: whoever got that reference is awesome)

"I-I kind of want to know who actually has humanity's biggest asshole, now," Armin muttered.

"Forget that! I want to know who has humanity's best ass!" Jean said.

"Yes!! Today, we shall vote on who deserves the title of having Humanity's Best Ass!" Hanji exclaimed.

"For real?" Jean asked.

"Of course for real, Jean! Who do you think I am? I'm Hanji motherfucking Zoe!" Hanji exclaimed. "Look at that booty, show me the booty. Give me the booty, I want the booty," she started singing, pointing at a random person with each phrase.

•••

"Alright! I have gathered you all here today to vote on who deserves the coveted title of having Humanity's Best Ass!" Hanji exclaimed, being way too into this. There was chattering among the crowd, and a couple "what the fuck?"s could be heard.

"Settle down everyone, I know you're excited. Let me explain how this is gonna go," Hanji said. "I will pass out slips of paper and pencils, and you will write down who here you think has humanity's best ass. Then you will put your slip of paper into this hat, and when everyone has cast their vote, I will read off each vote, and record the results on my trusty whiteboard."

Hanji then started passing out the paper and pencils. "Oh! Everyone stand up! In case you're having trouble deciding who to vote for, feel free to walk around and take a good look at everyone's ass," Hanji said. A few people shuffled in their seats, but nobody stood up. "Come on, people! Don't be shy! Let the world know how great your posterior is!" Hanji exclaimed, motioning for everyone to stand up. One by one, people reluctantly started to stand. "There you go, guys!"

Once Hanji gave you your supplies, you immediately wrote down your vote; undoubtedly to you, Levi had the finest ass you had ever seen. You walked over to place your paper in the hat, but as soon as you started making your way over there, a bunch of people started heading for the hat as well, trapping you inside a crowd. You hated crowds, so you tried to make your way to the hat as quick as possible, but you froze when you felt someone squeeze your ass. You whipped your head around, and saw a tomato-faced Armin.

"D-Did you see who did that?" you asked, knowing that Armin the innocent cinnamon roll wouldn't be the culprit.

"U-Uh, I-I, um uh, er," Armin stuttered.

"Was it Jean?" you asked. Armin shook his head. "Who was it?"

"Eeeeeeep," Armin squeaked quietly.

You weren't going to stand here and play 20 Questions with Armin, so you decided to ignore the mystery of the ass grabber for now, and just cast your vote.

Once everyone casted their vote, Hanji started reading off the results. "One vote for Shorty!" Hanji called out, marking it down on the whiteboard. "One vote for Sasha!...One vote for--...Marco?"

Everyone's heads snapped towards Jean's direction. "I-I swear, I didn't write that!" Jean said.

"Riiiiiight," the whole room said.

"I don't believe you!" Sasha added, once again with a mouth full of potato.

"No, really! I put Mikasa!" Jean said, earning a death glare from said girl.

"Just keep telling yourself that," Hanji said. "...Okay, moving on. One vote for [Y/N]!"

•••

"So as you can see, the title of Humanity's Best Ass goes to [Y/N] [L/N]!" Hanji exclaimed.

Everyone was staring at you; more specifically, your ass. You honestly weren't expecting to win though, so you were really surprised.

"Get your fine ass up here, [Y/N]!" Hanji said enthusiastically. You made your way to the front of the room with a blush on your face, and Hanji put a sash that said 'Humanity's Best Ass' on it, on you.

"And for an honorable mention, Humanity's Best Ass for the guys would go to Captain Levi!" Everyone looked at Levi, who stood there with his arms crossed and glared at whoever made eye contact with him.

"Can we go now?" Levi asked in a bored tone.

"Yeah, yeah, you can go now," Hanji said, before slapping you on the ass hard.

"What the fuck, Hanji?!" you said.

Hanji just shrugged her shoulders with a smile, and nonchalantly walked away. You shook your head, and started to make your way back to your dorm. You were just about to leave the room when someone called out to you.

"Oi, Humanity's Best Ass!" you heard Reiner call out. You sighed and turned around to see the blond sauntering over to you.

"Oi, Braun, leave her the hell alone unless you want stable duty!" you heard Levi yell. You looked over and saw Levi approaching you two with an annoyed expression on his face.

"Y-Yes sir," Reiner said, and briskly walked away.

"Did he do anything to you?" Levi asked.

"No," you said. "And thanks for making him fuck off."

"No problem," Levi replied.

You then started walking towards your dorm, but Levi started walking with you for some reason. You didn't question it though, since you had feelings for the man and would like to spend more time with him anyway. The walk was awkwardly quiet however.

Suddenly, you felt your ass being squeezed again; the hand was in the exact same position as before, and the same amount of force was used.

You turned around quickly, and saw that the culprit was Levi. You stared at him with a red face for a few seconds, and he stared back, his hand still on your ass.

"This is getting awkward, isn't it?" Levi said, retracting his hand and looking off to the side.

Suddenly, you went into autopilot and stepped forward and kissed Levi on the lips. He didn't kiss back though, so you quickly stepped back and looked at the ground, blushing.

WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO?! you internally yelled at yourself.

A second later however, Levi took your face in his hands and kissed you, and you kissed back, relieved. His hands made their way down to your ass, and he started massaging it, and you moaned and grabbed Levi's ass, doing the same. You were lost in a world of bliss, but you were suddenly rudely interrupted.

"HUMANITY'S BEST ASS POWER COUPLE!!!" you heard Hanji yell at the top of her lungs, scaring you and Levi. "GET TO MAKING THOSE BABIES!!!" Oh god, why?