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Description
Tragic Beauty by HorrorRuby7

Disclaimer: TMNT is owned by Nickelodeon

*°°°°°°°°°°*

It was October night and the wind was fast and restless. Mikey turned around with a red frostbitten face. His long mask tails flew violently in the wind. He saw Leo with his scarf on. He remembered sensei had knitted it for Leo when they were younger; sensei made one for all of his brothers in their respective favorite colors.

Mikey turned back around to watch the horizon of glistening lights from buildings and fast, urgent cars.

"I really love it up here. It's quiet." Mikey closed his eyes and sighed, not even concerning himself about how he might definitely catch a cold. He might have hypothermia; where did the feeling in his toes go? It didn't matter right now, though.

"Mikey..." Leo whispered quietly. He turned his head to his brothers gaze. He watched the cars zoom by like shooting stars.

"Life's truest beauty is everything you learn to appreciate," Mikey said hesitantly. He stopped for a while and continued his gaze. Leo hadn't seen Mikey so... collected in such a long time. But then again, life wasn't going so well. Especially after sensei passed away.

"And," Mikey continued "If you let someone you love go away on good terms... It shouldn't hurt so bad."

Mikey looked Leo in the eyes with sorrowful passion. "So why does it hurt so bad Leo?"

Leo stared at Mikey, shoulders slump and defeated. How could he answer something he has been asking himself about? Leo took off his scarf and walked towards Mikey. He quietly wrapped it around him, making sure to cover his face. Leo gave Mikey an apologetic smile and lead him by the shoulders back to street level. Leo had never explored this part of the city so he made a mental map of all the landmarks and checkpoints. What if he had to comeback?

Finally they made it to a manhole. Both brothers carefully climbed down and shut the cover back. They walked through the sewers slowly. Mikey looked at Leo and noticed how old he had gotten. He wasn't a toddler anymore. He wasn't a teen anymore. He was Leonardo; he was cold yet kind, smart yet senseless, and brave yet fearful. Leonardo was a paradox itself by merely existing (animalistic yet existential) and who knew how worse off his thoughts and feelings were?

Mikey had always thought Leo was wise. He still did. Of all of them, even Raph, Leo had endured the most. He was always the forefront so he took the most damage. He was always the scapegoat for the clans disobedience. And in turn he was mocked by them. Leo sucked it up and held everything in to protect them. And thinking on it, did Leo even cry when sensei died?

Leo looked at Mikey. He saw the confusion in his eyes. He wanted to ask him, but his voice refused to rise. Leo was so nonplussed by Mikey at the moment; he couldn't even think straight. Images of sensei popped into his head but he kept pushing them away. He couldn't think of sensei NOW. Sensei made him confused about his grief and Leo didn't want to be unsure. Leo liked to be certain.

Mikey averted his gaze as they happened upon the lair. They saw Donnie at the kitchen table eating soup with Raphael. The two looked up at their newcomers.

Nothing was said.

Donnie stayed completely stoic. He had always been since sensei passed. And Raph wasn't even a fireball anymore; he was a candle flame. Sensei was the amplifier to everyone but now everything was dimmed down. Mikey couldn't bring himself to make a joke since sensei died a year ago. And he has kept up the record. A year without a laugh would make even the most optimistic man in the world become depressed.

Silently, all four sat at the table and ate. One by one, each left, leaving Donnie at the table by himself. Out of the four, Donnie was the most at peace with sensei being gone. He was an old rat prior to mutation. They all knew sensei was old; It was always a countdown.

Besides all the technicality, Donnie knew that sensei was at peace himself; with his own passing. Sensei knew that their family would suffice without him.

'But sensei, don't you know we're all are dead inside?'

Donnie wanted to scream but the sound got caught in his throat. It sounded like a pathetic gurgle. Donnie wanted to smile again but there was no reason to. His brothers made him smile... But they were ghosts now. Donnie got up and put his dish away. As he walked out, he caught a glimpse of Raph but paid no attention to.

Raph was watching the news. They were in October and already expecting a snow storm. He sat back in the couch. He remembered when sensei used to let them go up and play in the snow and afterwards they would come back down and drink hot chocolate. Together... As a family.

Raph sighed and slumped over. Sensei dying hurt worse than getting hit by a truck. He would know . The difference was that one was physical and the other is psychological. Psychological wounds were harder to heal. Raph couldn't feel angry anymore. He was too lost to himself. Sensei taught him that anger is only a blinding factor; it causes fatal distractions and unforgiving consequences. Raph shrugged him off as being nagging but as sensei was dying, he reiterated his words and it struck Raph that time. And ever since, Raph wasn't angry. He couldn't afford to be.

///

Mikey sat atop the roof he had been the previous night. This time he was alone. He liked it that way. There was no one to stop him. He looked at the kunai in his hands and he thought how great it would look stained red... He thought about how he wanted sensei back; how he wanted to be with sensei. He couldn't think straight. His stuck words were suffocating him making it hard to breathe.

He looked at his exposed wrist and back to the kunai. Mikey had one thought, one goal and one plan in his mind. He cut his wrist so deep he could swear he see bone. It hurt, blindingly so, and he had to clench his teeth together tightly to stop himself from screaming.

///

Leo couldn't sleep tonight. He tossed and turned until he was on his back, staring to the ceiling. He kicked his blanket off his body and let a breath loose when the cool air hugged his sweaty body. He was probably panicking... But why?

Leo's phone rung, startling the poor turtle. Who could be calling him? After a few more rings, Leo picked up.

"Hello?"

"L-leo?"

It was Mikey. He sounded so frail and soft spoken. He sounded so defeated... And maybe even scared.

"Are you okay, Mikey?"

"Leo, do you think... When you die... it's heaven... Like on TV?"

Leo was taken completely aback. Where did that come from?

"I- I just like to think somewhere nice and beautiful. Does it really matter? As long as you are happy then who cares where you are."

Mikey could be heard coughing over the phone.

"I don't think I want to go to heaven... Yet..." Mikey was breathing heavily. "I think... I want to stay with you guys... Forever." He spoke with pain lacing his words.

"Michelangelo, where are you?" It got quiet for a second.

"I remember when... you said that little brothers... Are supposed to die last... But what if I died first?"

Leo's eyes widened in realisation. Had Mikey really done THAT? Leo couldn't believe it. Mikey couldn't die; not like this. Not after they just lost sensei.

"I'm coming to get you Michelangelo."

Mikey hesitated. "... I'm really sleepy... I can't stay up for long... You know..."

Leo chuckled sadly. "Yeah I know Mikey. Here I come. I love you."

"Yeah I love you too."

Leo gathered Raph and Donnie and they all ran to retrieve Mikey.

///

Mikey was feeling a LOT better now. Two weeks ago, he was on the tipping edge of death. When Leo, Raph, and Donnie happened upon his body, he was unconscious. Donnie said he lost a lot of blood and also had a severe case of hypothermia. Mikey coughed. Now he was just fighting a nasty cold.

Mikey remembered telling his brothers how much he loved them. And in turn both Raph and Donnie cried with him. They told Mikey how much he meant to them and that they were ecstatic that he decided to stay. Mikey realised how much pain he would've cause his brothers. He missed sensei, but so did they. They needed to lean on each other... So it doesn't hurt so bad.

Leo stayed quiet the entire time. He was brooding and didn't even stay to hear Mikey's heartfelt proclamation. Maybe it was shock? Or hate?

Mikey tried to shake it from his thoughts but just then, Leo walked slowly into Mikey's room. He looked Mikey in his eyes.

Mikey thought Leo was seeming with rage... But behind his eyes were relief. Leo smiled and hugged Mikey tightly, Mikey matching the passion. When they parted, Leo had tears running, like a sad waterfall of grief, down his face. He couldn't keep his composure and started sobbing. At a start, Mikey jumped up and hugged Leo tightly. Raph had been walking in with a tray of food when he found Leo breaking down. Quickly setting the food to the side, Raph joined Mikey in embracing his oldest brother. Donnie heard the commotion and too joined in their hug. They didn't let go until Leo stopped crying.

Sniffling, Leo looked deeply into Mikey's eyes with so much fire that Mikey was sure his head was going to explode.

"Don't ever do that again." It wasn't a plea, it was a demand. Mikey's eyes widened and he smiled.

"I love you gu-" Mikey sputtered into a wet coughing fit and everyone covered on disgust.

"Eww! Too much love you're sharing right now, Mikey!" Raph exclaimed and all the boys bursted into true genuine laughter.

The most beautiful things in life are all the things one appreciates.

It took a death and an attempt to figure that out. But beauty never dies. And beauty is timeless.

"Life without endeavor is like entering a jewel-mine and coming out with empty hands." ~Japanese Proverb

Description
Tragic Beauty by HorrorRuby7

Disclaimer: TMNT is owned by Nickelodeon

*°°°°°°°°°°*

It was October night and the wind was fast and restless. Mikey turned around with a red frostbitten face. His long mask tails flew violently in the wind. He saw Leo with his scarf on. He remembered sensei had knitted it for Leo when they were younger; sensei made one for all of his brothers in their respective favorite colors.

Mikey turned back around to watch the horizon of glistening lights from buildings and fast, urgent cars.

"I really love it up here. It's quiet." Mikey closed his eyes and sighed, not even concerning himself about how he might definitely catch a cold. He might have hypothermia; where did the feeling in his toes go? It didn't matter right now, though.

"Mikey..." Leo whispered quietly. He turned his head to his brothers gaze. He watched the cars zoom by like shooting stars.

"Life's truest beauty is everything you learn to appreciate," Mikey said hesitantly. He stopped for a while and continued his gaze. Leo hadn't seen Mikey so... collected in such a long time. But then again, life wasn't going so well. Especially after sensei passed away.

"And," Mikey continued "If you let someone you love go away on good terms... It shouldn't hurt so bad."

Mikey looked Leo in the eyes with sorrowful passion. "So why does it hurt so bad Leo?"

Leo stared at Mikey, shoulders slump and defeated. How could he answer something he has been asking himself about? Leo took off his scarf and walked towards Mikey. He quietly wrapped it around him, making sure to cover his face. Leo gave Mikey an apologetic smile and lead him by the shoulders back to street level. Leo had never explored this part of the city so he made a mental map of all the landmarks and checkpoints. What if he had to comeback?

Finally they made it to a manhole. Both brothers carefully climbed down and shut the cover back. They walked through the sewers slowly. Mikey looked at Leo and noticed how old he had gotten. He wasn't a toddler anymore. He wasn't a teen anymore. He was Leonardo; he was cold yet kind, smart yet senseless, and brave yet fearful. Leonardo was a paradox itself by merely existing (animalistic yet existential) and who knew how worse off his thoughts and feelings were?

Mikey had always thought Leo was wise. He still did. Of all of them, even Raph, Leo had endured the most. He was always the forefront so he took the most damage. He was always the scapegoat for the clans disobedience. And in turn he was mocked by them. Leo sucked it up and held everything in to protect them. And thinking on it, did Leo even cry when sensei died?

Leo looked at Mikey. He saw the confusion in his eyes. He wanted to ask him, but his voice refused to rise. Leo was so nonplussed by Mikey at the moment; he couldn't even think straight. Images of sensei popped into his head but he kept pushing them away. He couldn't think of sensei NOW. Sensei made him confused about his grief and Leo didn't want to be unsure. Leo liked to be certain.

Mikey averted his gaze as they happened upon the lair. They saw Donnie at the kitchen table eating soup with Raphael. The two looked up at their newcomers.

Nothing was said.

Donnie stayed completely stoic. He had always been since sensei passed. And Raph wasn't even a fireball anymore; he was a candle flame. Sensei was the amplifier to everyone but now everything was dimmed down. Mikey couldn't bring himself to make a joke since sensei died a year ago. And he has kept up the record. A year without a laugh would make even the most optimistic man in the world become depressed.

Silently, all four sat at the table and ate. One by one, each left, leaving Donnie at the table by himself. Out of the four, Donnie was the most at peace with sensei being gone. He was an old rat prior to mutation. They all knew sensei was old; It was always a countdown.

Besides all the technicality, Donnie knew that sensei was at peace himself; with his own passing. Sensei knew that their family would suffice without him.

'But sensei, don't you know we're all are dead inside?'

Donnie wanted to scream but the sound got caught in his throat. It sounded like a pathetic gurgle. Donnie wanted to smile again but there was no reason to. His brothers made him smile... But they were ghosts now. Donnie got up and put his dish away. As he walked out, he caught a glimpse of Raph but paid no attention to.

Raph was watching the news. They were in October and already expecting a snow storm. He sat back in the couch. He remembered when sensei used to let them go up and play in the snow and afterwards they would come back down and drink hot chocolate. Together... As a family.

Raph sighed and slumped over. Sensei dying hurt worse than getting hit by a truck. He would know . The difference was that one was physical and the other is psychological. Psychological wounds were harder to heal. Raph couldn't feel angry anymore. He was too lost to himself. Sensei taught him that anger is only a blinding factor; it causes fatal distractions and unforgiving consequences. Raph shrugged him off as being nagging but as sensei was dying, he reiterated his words and it struck Raph that time. And ever since, Raph wasn't angry. He couldn't afford to be.

///

Mikey sat atop the roof he had been the previous night. This time he was alone. He liked it that way. There was no one to stop him. He looked at the kunai in his hands and he thought how great it would look stained red... He thought about how he wanted sensei back; how he wanted to be with sensei. He couldn't think straight. His stuck words were suffocating him making it hard to breathe.

He looked at his exposed wrist and back to the kunai. Mikey had one thought, one goal and one plan in his mind. He cut his wrist so deep he could swear he see bone. It hurt, blindingly so, and he had to clench his teeth together tightly to stop himself from screaming.

///

Leo couldn't sleep tonight. He tossed and turned until he was on his back, staring to the ceiling. He kicked his blanket off his body and let a breath loose when the cool air hugged his sweaty body. He was probably panicking... But why?

Leo's phone rung, startling the poor turtle. Who could be calling him? After a few more rings, Leo picked up.

"Hello?"

"L-leo?"

It was Mikey. He sounded so frail and soft spoken. He sounded so defeated... And maybe even scared.

"Are you okay, Mikey?"

"Leo, do you think... When you die... it's heaven... Like on TV?"

Leo was taken completely aback. Where did that come from?

"I- I just like to think somewhere nice and beautiful. Does it really matter? As long as you are happy then who cares where you are."

Mikey could be heard coughing over the phone.

"I don't think I want to go to heaven... Yet..." Mikey was breathing heavily. "I think... I want to stay with you guys... Forever." He spoke with pain lacing his words.

"Michelangelo, where are you?" It got quiet for a second.

"I remember when... you said that little brothers... Are supposed to die last... But what if I died first?"

Leo's eyes widened in realisation. Had Mikey really done THAT? Leo couldn't believe it. Mikey couldn't die; not like this. Not after they just lost sensei.

"I'm coming to get you Michelangelo."

Mikey hesitated. "... I'm really sleepy... I can't stay up for long... You know..."

Leo chuckled sadly. "Yeah I know Mikey. Here I come. I love you."

"Yeah I love you too."

Leo gathered Raph and Donnie and they all ran to retrieve Mikey.

///

Mikey was feeling a LOT better now. Two weeks ago, he was on the tipping edge of death. When Leo, Raph, and Donnie happened upon his body, he was unconscious. Donnie said he lost a lot of blood and also had a severe case of hypothermia. Mikey coughed. Now he was just fighting a nasty cold.

Mikey remembered telling his brothers how much he loved them. And in turn both Raph and Donnie cried with him. They told Mikey how much he meant to them and that they were ecstatic that he decided to stay. Mikey realised how much pain he would've cause his brothers. He missed sensei, but so did they. They needed to lean on each other... So it doesn't hurt so bad.

Leo stayed quiet the entire time. He was brooding and didn't even stay to hear Mikey's heartfelt proclamation. Maybe it was shock? Or hate?

Mikey tried to shake it from his thoughts but just then, Leo walked slowly into Mikey's room. He looked Mikey in his eyes.

Mikey thought Leo was seeming with rage... But behind his eyes were relief. Leo smiled and hugged Mikey tightly, Mikey matching the passion. When they parted, Leo had tears running, like a sad waterfall of grief, down his face. He couldn't keep his composure and started sobbing. At a start, Mikey jumped up and hugged Leo tightly. Raph had been walking in with a tray of food when he found Leo breaking down. Quickly setting the food to the side, Raph joined Mikey in embracing his oldest brother. Donnie heard the commotion and too joined in their hug. They didn't let go until Leo stopped crying.

Sniffling, Leo looked deeply into Mikey's eyes with so much fire that Mikey was sure his head was going to explode.

"Don't ever do that again." It wasn't a plea, it was a demand. Mikey's eyes widened and he smiled.

"I love you gu-" Mikey sputtered into a wet coughing fit and everyone covered on disgust.

"Eww! Too much love you're sharing right now, Mikey!" Raph exclaimed and all the boys bursted into true genuine laughter.

The most beautiful things in life are all the things one appreciates.

It took a death and an attempt to figure that out. But beauty never dies. And beauty is timeless.

"Life without endeavor is like entering a jewel-mine and coming out with empty hands." ~Japanese Proverb