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imthederpyfox — 'Dissorders' - rap/poem/song
Published: 2014-08-25 23:30:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 286; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
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I cant look in a mirror without feeling strange,

I can't take any banter without feeling some pain.

And maybe its just me,

Who doesn't get what you're trying to say,

But if you could just take a moment to explain?

I'll explain for you if you don't know what I mean,

When I say that I'm alright,

But in my eyes you'll see a gleam,

Of tears welling up,

And forever I am stuck,

With the torment of what you say,

Even if you don't mean it in a bad way.

I remember what you tell me,

Even if its only small,

I remember book pages,

And count to six every time I walk.

With every step it take it takes a toll on me,

I can literally feel my own insanity,

And maybe its just me,

But there is too many noises around,

I can't sit in a room with a ticking clock, 

For too long without feel like I've drown,

Drown into the ticking,

The noises freak me out,

And this all plays against my heart,

I'm very fragile now.

I don't understand social Que's,

Or whether something is good or bad news,

People call me disrespectful when I simply don't understand, 

I fiddle with anything that comes near my hands,

And I speak my mind without thinking first,

Thinking of the consequences and how much it could hurt.

I'm awkward all the time,

And with every single line,

I can feel someone cringing because its out of time,

Out of place,

Not the right moment to say,

Say what I am thinking, or the way I say,

It doesn't really help when you give me that look,

Acting like I'm an idiot, 

Because I can't read a book.

Without getting lost, thinking of these people, how they are my equals,

I'm an author, an artist, I express my voice, 

Write down my words and use it as a vice,

I can't talk normally to anyone so, 

I write it all down and let the melody flow,

Being autistic helps me write, helps me be an artist,

Helps me see things differently, 

Like I'm departed.

I'm separated from this world 24/7 and no I'm not dreaming of peace or even heaven,

I'm dreaming of acceptance, 

Of being wanted somewhere,

Of not being stuck going down the upwards stairs.

I'm doing well for myself even with my 'disabilities',

And no it might not be very easy, 

But I try my best,

Fuck the rest,

I'm myself and I can do whatever I feel is best.

I may not be able to handle the most basic things,

But I can write novels poems, and things to sing.

All of which make me unique,

My futures not bleak,

I can be whatever I wanna be.

I teach myself things that now come like seconds nature to me,

And I'm pushing myself to always be the best that I could ever be,

And maybe if you try being a little more like me,

You will see,

That even though I'm different from society,

Its alright for me to be myself and go my own way,

Even thought it feels like I'm stuck in a cage,

But I push past the criticism and haunting looks,

And I push past the eyes of those who read my books, 

Because I know they don't understand the storylines of what I'm trying to say,

Because there minds aren't wired the same as my brainwaves,

And that is how I feel every time that they speak,

So they can now see how it feels,

To want to see,

See through the authors eyes and understand just what they mean.

My, their sentences are messed up,

I, it doesn't make much sense,

But, if they just changed the way that they see sense,

Maybe they'll see through my perspective and realise, 

The world is very different,

When you see through disabilities eyes...



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